ColinQueue Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 During the pandemic I've been staying with my parents who are very far away from London but a month ago I went to my London flat to pick up a few things, and I went on hinge and matched with this girl. We messaged for two weeks before switching numbers and having a video call date a fortnight ago (as I'm still at our parents). Since the call we've been sexting with videos and naughty pics (no complete nudity) and the sexual chemistry is high. We also have a lot in common, we both like a lot of niche geeky stuff which I've never found in someone else. She had a free flat in London and asked if I wanted to come over and stay the night but I was busy that weekend so she asked if I wanted to come over this weekend and stay overnight which I said yes and we've kept talking about sexual tension and flirty stuff about when I am over. A couple days have passed and now I'm having doubts about going over. I want to get to know her more but I'm not ready to sleep with someone on the second date (first date if you don't count the zoom video calls as dates). The train to London is £50 and I don't fancy paying that, especially since I've lost my job (I was furloughed and since been made redundant as the company has gone bust - yeah I'm trying to sort that out but that's another story). I'm worried to blow her off as I've blown her off once already and concerned that it will put her off me. I'm going back into London next weekend but not sure if that'll be too late... we are both 28, neither very experienced in romance from what I've heard. Any suggestions?
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 Tell her some of what you told us but focus on how into her you are & that under normal non covid conditions, you'd be thrilled but right now with everything going on the timing isn't right. Blame it on covid. At least she should not take it as personal rejection I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that she understands 1
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) Here's the deal...if you can't date someone because of Covid, out of a job, broke, etc. Then you shouldn't be trying to start something with someone. She has certain expectations, she wants to date someone she can see and sleep with. I don't think it's fair for her for you to kibosh her needs, and make her wait this out which could be months longer. You can't tell me you weren't seeing this coming. It's unavoidable. Man up and tell her this ain't gonna happen. If she moves on she moves on. If she really likes you maybe she will just be happy with what is now. Edited July 15, 2020 by smackie9 3
healing light Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) I would agree to meet up in person but let her know you've thought about it some more and you're not ready for an overnight date, as you'd like to get to know her in person and see how well you click first. There's no reason why a worthy partner can't wait a bit for you to be ready for sex if you're a match. If you cancel on her completely, she will take it as disinterest--so just be honest. Edited July 15, 2020 by healing light 2
ShyViolet Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 You've never met this girl in person, and she wants you to come spend the night at her place as your first meeting? That seems like a terrible idea. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 ShyViolet -- remember they have been sexting, & exchanging racy pics & vids. While I wouldn't behave like that, since she has, it's not far fetched that she would want to escalate to a real encounter . 2
Ami1uwant Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 Paying her train ticket for sex sounds reasonable..... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 It's very refreshing to see a man who has some discretion and won't just fall into bed with anyone. Love it! That said, this woman clearly wants to hookup ASAP. A video "date" is not a real date. She's trying to line up sex on the first date. I have a feeling if you don't deliver, she'll quickly find someone else who will. This is not a reason to give in - but you shouldn't be sexting and all this if you're not ready to make it happen in real life. So keep that in mind for the next one. 2
Author ColinQueue Posted July 15, 2020 Author Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) Hi everyone, thanks for all your replies! 21 hours ago, Mystery4u said: 22 hours ago, d0nnivain said: ShyViolet -- remember they have been sexting, & exchanging racy pics & vids. While I wouldn't behave like that, since she has, it's not far fetched that she would want to escalate to a real encounter . The lockdown and everything I think may have lead to the sexual tension and the naughty pics and stuff. I'm not normally like that at the beginning of dating at all, and I think if the naughty pics wasn't happening then I think she would not want me spending the night. Edited July 16, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to deleted post
lurker74 Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: You've never met this girl in person, and she wants you to come spend the night at her place as your first meeting? That seems like a terrible idea. Honestly, it sounds like a great idea, Covid notwithstanding. OP likes her, she likes him...yes, you don'y have to do anything with which you are not comfortable, but OP is already sexting and flirting. If you are a no-sex person, don't start dating a person who wants sex. 1
Maldives Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) I kinda get where your coming from you don't know her you don't know what to expect when you sleep over or who she is pretty wise. I had a similar thing happen wth a girl I just didn't feel comfortable wth the idea either or what to expect I kinda get it. You gotta meet first and see if you u actually click in real life. Dont let pressure from especially other guys pressure you either it's pretty wise you don't know her well enough who she is her intentions etc. Your thinking with the right head haha Edited July 15, 2020 by Goodguy05 1
Maldives Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) I should add in my scenario I agreed for her to stay at mine but then over the next cpl O days didn't feel comfortable with it like you just simply because I didn't know her and never met I was just upfront wth her and offered to meet first for a drink or coffee in the end we became good friends not romantic and still keep in touch for almost two yrs which is cool too Edited July 15, 2020 by Goodguy05
Watercolors Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) You two met online. You had one video date. You two sext each other. She proposed sex for the second date. By going along with the sexting and exchanging dirty pics, you've contributed to an creating a fantasy of the two of you having sex. Which now you are second guessing. This is why I hate online dating and texting. It's digital fantasy-creation, not reality. Reality is face to face conversations. But you can't have that because of Covid. Take some responsibility here for your part. You led her to believe that you want to ravage her in her flat in London, no? By sexting her etc. Did you do that out of boredom and loneliness? Or is that truly the type of guy you are? All she has is a composite of you based on one video date and a lot of digital evidence of your lower region and what not via photos sexted to her. Who are you to her? Who are you really? How is this even smart? It's not a good idea unless you are comfortable taking the train into London to have casual sex with a complete stranger. If you want more, tell her the truth (which you wrote in your OP). Better to tell the truth than withhold it. Disappointment always follows when we lie to ourselves, or to each other. Is real romance dead? Is this what it's come to? Sexting complete strangers then backing out of the fantasy when reality hits? Edited July 15, 2020 by Watercolors 2
Author ColinQueue Posted July 16, 2020 Author Posted July 16, 2020 2 hours ago, Watercolors said: You two met online. You had one video date. You two sext each other. She proposed sex for the second date. By going along with the sexting and exchanging dirty pics, you've contributed to an creating a fantasy of the two of you having sex. Which now you are second guessing. This is why I hate online dating and texting. It's digital fantasy-creation, not reality. Reality is face to face conversations. But you can't have that because of Covid. Take some responsibility here for your part. You led her to believe that you want to ravage her in her flat in London, no? By sexting her etc. Did you do that out of boredom and loneliness? Or is that truly the type of guy you are? All she has is a composite of you based on one video date and a lot of digital evidence of your lower region and what not via photos sexted to her. Who are you to her? Who are you really? How is this even smart? It's not a good idea unless you are comfortable taking the train into London to have casual sex with a complete stranger. If you want more, tell her the truth (which you wrote in your OP). Better to tell the truth than withhold it. Disappointment always follows when we lie to ourselves, or to each other. Is real romance dead? Is this what it's come to? Sexting complete strangers then backing out of the fantasy when reality hits? When messaging her and talking to her it felt natural what happened, nothing was forced by either of us. I think we've all been victims of curiosity at times when we are in our beds at night or had a few to drink so you send a very slight secual text. In thumis case it was her, and the conversation led itself from there. She came up with the idea to sleep over since the sexting, and did I agree to sleepover the next I see her, yes I did. Am I normally the type of guy that would do that, no not at all. Now I've realised I'm not comfortable sleeping together on the first face-to-face, which I've now texted to her, and that it's because I want to get to know her more.
chillii Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 (edited) Don't worry about it just talk to her about things you've said here and if she genuinely cares it'll be ok. You both have needs needs aren't just exclusive to women just bc they have a v , they're about ours equally as much and right now for your reasons these are yours. l can fully get it l'm probably much older than you but l've never liked sleeping with her straight off either it just complicates things before you know what it all actually is and what your feeling, Edited July 16, 2020 by chillii 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 It's perfectly fine to not want to stay the night with someone you have never met in person. I sure wouldn't, pandemic or not. Having said that, don't get caught up in sexting before the first in-person meeting next time. It creates the wrong impression and suggests you would be up for sleeping together quickly. I understand that you got a bit carried away in the moment, so let this just be a lesson moving forward. All you can do now that you have let her know is let the chips fall where they may. She might understand. If not, well, no big loss. You just know she's not the right one for you. 1
kendahke Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 Your cojones are just fine. If you have to go back and stay with your parents, then you probably shouldn't go over to her flat--because you don't know who she's been around and you can't be taking that back to your parents. If you're staying in London, then stay in London and meet her out somewhere for a cheap/free date a few times. And do tell her that while you're really keen on her, that you'd rather get to know her better before having sex with her--besides--is she STD clean? Are you? Have you two had that talk yet? 1
kendahke Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 21 hours ago, d0nnivain said: ShyViolet -- remember they have been sexting, & exchanging racy pics & vids. Is she STD free? Is he and has that come up in conversation?
dangerous Posted July 16, 2020 Posted July 16, 2020 You could still meet her, stay over it feels comfortable. You don't have to have sex if it doesn't feel right. (Sleeping together can be a pleasure). And also you are assuming alot. She may not even want to have sex... you won't know until then!
Author ColinQueue Posted July 18, 2020 Author Posted July 18, 2020 (edited) Hi everyone! So yeah she did bring up sex when it came to staying over. I told her how I wanted to get to know her better and that sleeping over/sex was something I didn't want to do yet and she actually agreed as she said she had a think too and meeting up in person for a drink would be the better option! Edited July 18, 2020 by ColinQueue 2
Hopeful30 Posted July 19, 2020 Posted July 19, 2020 On 7/15/2020 at 1:48 PM, ColinQueue said: During the pandemic I've been staying with my parents who are very far away from London but a month ago I went to my London flat to pick up a few things, and I went on hinge and matched with this girl. We messaged for two weeks before switching numbers and having a video call date a fortnight ago (as I'm still at our parents). Since the call we've been sexting with videos and naughty pics (no complete nudity) and the sexual chemistry is high. We also have a lot in common, we both like a lot of niche geeky stuff which I've never found in someone else. She had a free flat in London and asked if I wanted to come over and stay the night but I was busy that weekend so she asked if I wanted to come over this weekend and stay overnight which I said yes and we've kept talking about sexual tension and flirty stuff about when I am over. A couple days have passed and now I'm having doubts about going over. I want to get to know her more but I'm not ready to sleep with someone on the second date (first date if you don't count the zoom video calls as dates). The train to London is £50 and I don't fancy paying that, especially since I've lost my job (I was furloughed and since been made redundant as the company has gone bust - yeah I'm trying to sort that out but that's another story). I'm worried to blow her off as I've blown her off once already and concerned that it will put her off me. I'm going back into London next weekend but not sure if that'll be too late... we are both 28, neither very experienced in romance from what I've heard. Any suggestions? Wow!!! Where can I find a man like you please???
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