smackie9 Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 It's off and on for a reason.....it's just like beating a dead horse....you think things are great and something makes you take 3 steps back. How many setbacks will it take till you realize this isn't going to work? 3
kendahke Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 14 hours ago, D11 said: They are very close so everytime we have a problem he asks him for advise. He can invite anyone but me. There's your answer. His brother has heard enough to where they don't want their wedding day ruined; and given the choice between blood and not-blood, not-blood isn't going to be invited. Like I mentioned earlier--this is the first in many years of this if you choose to remain with this guy... and he will not decline all invites that exclude you as time goes on. If you remain with him, you'd be well advised to grow a thick skin and let it slide off your back. 1 1
kendahke Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 16 hours ago, D11 said: We where thinking of moving in together and now he cancelled that because of how I reacted when he told me. I bursted into tears and said I felt humilliated Why? Did he say this in front of other people and embarrass you publicly? You have your own place, right? so it's not like you're on the street if you don't move in with him. The way you reacted confirmed to him that the decision by his brother was the right one and that you two would probably deal better in the long run having separate legal residences. 1 1
Acacia98 Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) 19 hours ago, D11 said: The reason he gave was that his brother did not feel comfortable with me at his wedding but later I found out that the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with years ago is invited to the wedding. This bit and the bit where you say he cancelled his plans to move in with you because of your emotional reaction leads me to think you don't really belong with this guy and his family. I mean, it's true people have the right to invite whoever they want to to their weddings. But there's no way I would invite a former affair partner of my brother's to my wedding even if I hated my brother's girlfriend. That would just be too cruel. Don't ignore the fact that you feel humiliated. And don't dismiss your feelings. They matter. (I can't help thinking that this relationship is on again and off again for a reason. You probably need to walk out of it and just keep walking. Don't look back.) Edited July 15, 2020 by Acacia98 1 1
Timshel Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 I am thinking ls has yet another poster who is putting up with far too much in order to maintain a relationship that the other half is, at best, only half-hearted. D11, my take on your post is that your on/off again boyfriend is not invested in his relationship with you. I think Donnivain made a very perceptive post that you are not invited because your bf simply does not want you there. You need not look further than this deduction, if he valued you as his partner, you would be by his side at his brother's wedding, this is a simple truth. Why are you hanging onto a relationship that is disrespectful and painful? I want you to know that there are so many relationships and marriages of which two people respect and value each other. Maybe you have some idea from your parents or are feeling lonely that you should grab onto a person and force/try to make something work that in honesty should never have been in the first place. It's ok to let go, this guy is not the only guy in the world, don't try to make something work that doesn't because you are afraid to be alone. Whether you stay with this guy or not, you are not invited to this wedding and your bf is using your hurt to further withdraw from you. Time to believe in and trust yourself. 1 1
contel3 Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 If your boyfriend breaks off moving in together because you start crying I'm pretty sure you can find a better boyfriend. He sounds insensitive as ****. 1 1
Author D11 Posted July 15, 2020 Author Posted July 15, 2020 4 hours ago, kendahke said: Why? Did he say this in front of other people and embarrass you publicly? You have your own place, right? so it's not like you're on the street if you don't move in with him. The way you reacted confirmed to him that the decision by his brother was the right one and that you two would probably deal better in the long run having separate legal residences. No, this was talked about at my place so not in public. I do have my place now but I had already sent my termination notice since since we had agreed on it. He suggested we go month to month on our places and see if the anxiety of moving in goes away.
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 Just now, D11 said: I do have my place now but I had already sent my termination notice since since we had agreed on it. He suggested we go month to month on our places and see if the anxiety of moving in goes away. Your landlord is not obligated to let you lease month to month. Reach out to the landlord ASAP & retract the termination notice. Do not move in with this guy. Even if he has anxiety about moving in with you, you need to be really skeptical about moving in with a guy who won't fight for your relationship with his family. No way would I commit to a legal document that binds both of you under those circumstances. This guy will screw you over. He's never gonna be all in. 3 1
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