Versacehottie Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 20 minutes ago, Caguy1983 said: I think I might just ask her if she still has feelings for him. i don't see anything wrong with that. You sound like your emotions aren't crazy irrational. Just keep it that way when you ask her. If I was building a relationship with a new guy & you had already mentioned seeing the text and some initial questions about my ex, I wouldn't mind that the discussion went further. As long as it didn't become accusatory, demanding (ie with ultimatums) or show a side of you that would turn me off (irrational jealousy). You can ask the question to provide more context of where you stand with each other. Same as before though, she can't help what he did & perhaps just isn't a person to block someone. It still goes back to you conducting yourself in an ideal way to have the best chance of what you want with her. Healthy communication should be a positive in that regard. Jealousy, suspicion not so much and will hurt your cause. Good luck
kendahke Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) 19 hours ago, Caguy1983 said: So here’s my worry, is this guy trying to work his way back in? Yes he is. He's having regrets over it, being that it was only 3 months ago. Also, he wasn't blocked on her phone or on any of her social media, so on some level, she left that door wide open for him to return, despite what she's saying. The truth always pops up when it's most inconvenient. IMO, you should not be investing so heavily in someone whose boyfriend dumped her 12 weeks ago. Despite what she's saying, it's too soon and she hasn't processed him out of her system, hence the change in her attitude when the text came through. Indifference should be in play, not being sullen. Take some emotional steps back from this. She's still got work to do on ending that relationship that she hasn't begun to do. Edited July 15, 2020 by kendahke 2
kendahke Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 17 hours ago, Caguy1983 said: Honestly I have some of my exes in my contacts and I have not blocked them, I don’t think that’s necessarily an indication of not being over someone. It just never occurred to me to do so. So extend to her the same consideration you give yourself. Why are you questioning things if you don't block your exes? 1
Author Caguy1983 Posted July 15, 2020 Author Posted July 15, 2020 2 minutes ago, kendahke said: So extend to her the same consideration you give yourself. Why are you questioning things if you don't block your exes? It just never occurred to me to block my exes, I never felt the need to. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever deleted anyone out of my contacts. My issue is not that she didn’t block him, my worry is that he’s trying to work his way back and he’s got 9 months on me. I think I wouldn’t be so concerned if she was the one who broke it off with him, but give that he ended the relationship she may still have feelings for him.
Realitysux Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, Caguy1983 said: It just never occurred to me to block my exes, I never felt the need to. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever deleted anyone out of my contacts. My issue is not that she didn’t block him, my worry is that he’s trying to work his way back and he’s got 9 months on me. I think I wouldn’t be so concerned if she was the one who broke it off with him, but give that he ended the relationship she may still have feelings for him. Then she shouldn't be dating you. If she has feelings for her ex then she has no place dating you if you are looking for her to emotionally invest in yourself. You can't be afraid to loose someone, she may not be yours in the first place. I gotta be honest, I wouldn't want to date you knowing you are feeling like this. When you go out with someone you like, it should feel good. You should be feeling pleasure and not pain! Edited July 15, 2020 by Realitysux 1
Versacehottie Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 6 minutes ago, Caguy1983 said: It just never occurred to me to block my exes, I never felt the need to. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever deleted anyone out of my contacts. My issue is not that she didn’t block him, my worry is that he’s trying to work his way back and he’s got 9 months on me. I think I wouldn’t be so concerned if she was the one who broke it off with him, but give that he ended the relationship she may still have feelings for him. Me either. But it doesn't mean they don't pop back up--they almost always do. It could be at 3 months or 3 years. So as was said above, you should trust her as you don't delete your exes either. Sure he has 9 months on you. And? Typically everyone has an ex. So someone is always ahead of you. You won't know if it's significant or not until more time passes. I'd deemed you rational but you are hedging into the irrational with some of this. It literally will be the downfall
Realitysux Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) 4 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: Me either. But it doesn't mean they don't pop back up--they almost always do. It could be at 3 months or 3 years. So as was said above, you should trust her as you don't delete your exes either. Sure he has 9 months on you. And? Typically everyone has an ex. So someone is always ahead of you. You won't know if it's significant or not until more time passes. I'd deemed you rational but you are hedging into the irrational with some of this. It literally will be the downfall I don't get blocking. If a guy dumps you then move on. If you dump an ex move on. If the ex comes back and you have feelings for the ex then spend time with them. Dating isn't complicated. You have to accept something about people and that's is that everyone wants the same things. Every man and women want the same thing but they settle when they can't find it. You have to ask yourself if you want to be the one they settle for because when it's right, you know it. Edited July 15, 2020 by Realitysux 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 30 minutes ago, Caguy1983 said: It just never occurred to me to block my exes, I never felt the need to. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever deleted anyone out of my contacts. It could be argued that this is a good sign - indicating that you don't worry that contact from them would trigger you in any way. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 36 minutes ago, Caguy1983 said: It just never occurred to me to block my exes, I never felt the need to. Honestly I don’t think I’ve ever deleted anyone out of my contacts. My issue is not that she didn’t block him, my worry is that he’s trying to work his way back and he’s got 9 months on me. I think I wouldn’t be so concerned if she was the one who broke it off with him, but give that he ended the relationship she may still have feelings for him. Your mind is working on overdrive because of something that is out of your control. There is nothing you can do but relax and judge her by her actions. You've seen her 5 times, it's all fresh and new, you should be excited about getting to know her more. I'll be totally honest, if a guy I've been dating a month asks me whether I still have feeling for my ex because said ex sent me text out of the blue, I would be on guard. Let this play out, show her you are an easy going, secure guy who is not afraid of the potential 'competition', make your next date a fun, relaxed, intimate one and let the chips fall where they may.
deepthinking Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 7 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Your mind is working on overdrive because of something that is out of your control. There is nothing you can do but relax and judge her by her actions. You've seen her 5 times, it's all fresh and new, you should be excited about getting to know her more. I'll be totally honest, if a guy I've been dating a month asks me whether I still have feeling for my ex because said ex sent me text out of the blue, I would be on guard. Let this play out, show her you are an easy going, secure guy who is not afraid of the potential 'competition', make your next date a fun, relaxed, intimate one and let the chips fall where they may. on guard against what?
Emilie Jolie Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 5 minutes ago, deepthinking said: on guard against what? A conversation about this has already taken place. Another one would be showing signs of jealousy / insecurities. 20 hours ago, Caguy1983 said: She said she doesn’t, and then went on to say she hasn’t spoken to him since the breakup but that he indeed texted her an apology the other night when she was showing me the pics. She said she did not reply to him and nor will she. A conversation about this has already taken place. Another one would be showing signs of jealousy / insecurities, imo.
kendahke Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Caguy1983 said: My issue is not that she didn’t block him, my worry is that he’s trying to work his way back and he’s got 9 months on me. Yes, he probably is. Being that you're the rebound relationship and she's got avenues of communication still open to him (so yeah, she didn't block him, but there is also a way to not be notified if someone you don't want to hear from contacts you--and she didn't employ that), I'd tread very carefully IIWY. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 Whether the ex is or he isn't trying to worm his way back is completely out of your hands, Caguy1983. You either carry on with this relationship as you would any other and give it your best shot, or you bail out if you can't trust her or are not comfortable with the setup. You only have control over your own choices, reactions and decisions - not hers, and his. Both options are perfectly fine, and imo, better than hyper-vigilanting about the ex, which is not a good start to a healthy relationship. 1 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 4 hours ago, smackie9 said: Apples to oranges. This breakup wasn't from years ago, it was 3 months ago. She said it was a difficult breakup. I'm sure if anyone had a difficult breakup they sure as hell wouldn't have there ex on their social media unless there was strong emotional attachment. Ever hear of rebounds? You simply aren't going to know and you're just driving yourself crazy. And if you try to pry it out of her she'll be very put off...she will probably feel like you're controlling, or excessively insecure. It's VERY early in the relationship. You shouldn't be very invested yet anyway because you don't actually know this person yet. If you're that unsure about all this then this may not be the person for you. She is only three months out of the relationship so you're just going to keep driving yourself crazy with "but what if?"s. 1 1
Author Caguy1983 Posted July 15, 2020 Author Posted July 15, 2020 12 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: You simply aren't going to know and you're just driving yourself crazy. And if you try to pry it out of her she'll be very put off...she will probably feel like you're controlling, or excessively insecure. It's VERY early in the relationship. You shouldn't be very invested yet anyway because you don't actually know this person yet. If you're that unsure about all this then this may not be the person for you. She is only three months out of the relationship so you're just going to keep driving yourself crazy with "but what if?"s. Agreed, I’m not really invested at this point so it would be easy to walk away. I do like her an enjoy spending time with her so I think I’ll just continue to see her, and see if she still remains consistently interested then I guess I’m just making a big deal out of nothing, but if She starts acting different and less interested I’ll know something is up. 1
Author Caguy1983 Posted July 15, 2020 Author Posted July 15, 2020 2 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: It could be argued that this is a good sign - indicating that you don't worry that contact from them would trigger you in any way. Yea but my last relationship was over a year ago, and I’m totally over it. If her relationship ended over a year ago I wouldn’t be worried. So on my end yea it’s good for her lol. 1
Recommended Posts