randymac Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 The jist of the story goes something like this, I have been dating a girl for about 7 months. We have been living together the entire time. The problem is that I have been drinking and when she harps on me for drinking I have said some awefull thing out of retaliation. I moved out about 1 month ago but we talk and have been hangin out a couple times a week since. I am taking important steps to give up alcohol ( AA) and am going to be very commited to figuring out what makes me drink. I love this girl very much and I guess the past month without her makes me know just how much and how i've hurt her. It's just that i get mixed feelings if she still wants me or not. I am very open and honest with her ( this is the thing I love about this girl I can totally let my guard down around her) but I wonder if things are so far gone that I will never get her back? Do you think it's her wanting too see me prove that the drinking will stop? After all actions do speak louder than words. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Baz Posted October 12, 2005 Posted October 12, 2005 Without a doubt yes. It sounds like you need to work on yourself privately (and I mean work on yourself) As im sure you know it wont be easy if your drinking problem is really bad but you must address it now. Seek professional help and adhere to it. I think I read the other day that alcoholics may have a "family secret" that has pushed them into drinking. I may be completely wrong and im sorry if this is not the case... Publically I think you should begin presenting a new you. Fresh, disciplined, controlled etc. Stop drinking period if you can. If you go out drink water. Look in charge of yourself. People will begin to notice you and relate to you in far healthier way and this of course includes your gf. Take your time there is no rush. Be gentle with yourself and those around you and you will see changes. hope this helps a little...
Author randymac Posted October 12, 2005 Author Posted October 12, 2005 Thanks Baz. I guess whats bothering me the most is that I said I would stop before and "cried wolf" so to speak, wich is an all too familliar case with a lot of alcoholics. i have enrolled in AA and completely want to remove alcohol from my life. I am committed and will do whatever needs to be done to acomplish this. i just hope that when im on the road to recovery that she will still be there. I dont go out very much and she usually works (at a wine bar) until 1-3am. I mean im doing it because i need to do this. I just hope that in time she will know i am sincere about it and be there for me. I wrote her a note and mailed it to her explaining what i am doing. I also said that if she has no plans of returning in the future to me, to not contact me anymore. I just cannot be friends with her while i am so much in love with her. The road to addiction recovery will be hard enough without having to guage these mixed feelings anymore. I just cant see what would make her stay. She's amazing looking and works in a high end wine bar. Just dont understaand waht would make her take another chance when she could start over with someone else. I know im pretty insecure lately also with whats been going on but I also know that I cannot make her stay if she doesnt want to be there. I guess it could be a story of enough is enough. I know that we can never go back but i also know that we can continue from an amazing place. Oh yeah I havent spoken to her since Sunday she was at my place, usually we talk at least every 2 days, I got this gut feeling and im kinda not expecting to hear from her anymore. She wont get my letter until tommorrow. I am preparred for the worst but I shall have some faith and hope for the best. By the way I am 33 and she is 30.
Baz Posted October 13, 2005 Posted October 13, 2005 It sounds to me like your confidence is very low at the moment (join the club!) but although I know nothing about you I do know that you should not undervalue yourself. You have two important goals to achieve and from what you say you are addressing both in a mature, sensible way. It is going to be very tough for you but just remember that you must not let your insecurities get in the way of you becoming a better person. You do have enormous value and your true potential is huge but you must start to believe in who you are. Submerge yourself in the AA environment work hard at it, become dedicated. I know nothing about this subject but try to find a way to silence that voice in the back of your head that says "drink". As for your gf, try as I mentioned in my last post. Im sure the letter was loving and caring but dont alienate yourself from her completely. Take a step back from where you both were and work on the friendship aspect of your relationship with her. Do not be bitter about anything. Show her the real "you". The "you" she has never seen before but knows exists. She will be feeling very mixed up as well and unsure about things so dont assume that she doesn't care for you. Above all else be happy and friendly when you are around her but dont pressure her into anything. Let her dictate the pace of things. If you are successful you will know about it, im sure of that. This is all going to take time but as you know there is no going back. What you had before has gone now and you need to start things again and to be honest that is a very healthy thing to do. Be in this for the long run. Relationships do not just happen, they require huge commitment and investment from both parties. You know what you have to do.
Recommended Posts