How do you feel about approaching a women IRL?

[felixmo755]

So i am very curious what you all think about meeting women IRL, especially regarding approaching them when you are out and about. One thing I had noticed before this whole Covid situation is that I see beautiful women everyday, crossing the street, getting coffee, at the grocery store. Every-time I want to say something, hello, introduce myself but I dont know there is something inside of me preventing me to do so. Call it being shy or whatever, that stuff is hard  anyway I wanted to know how you guys feel about it, do you approach women or men? is it weird or creepy? and if you do it without being creepy, how did you get to that point? or do you just feel that we are in the dating app era now and thats it... 

Thank you very much in advance

[d0nnivain]

The cold approach in a random place takes finesse.  It's not that easy to do. 

If you see the other person repeatedly, start by smiling.  After a few days work up to saying hello or good morning.  After a few more days of that move on to the weather.   At each level assess receptiveness.  If the other person doesn't seem happy to see you, stop engaging.  

If this is really so random that right them & there come up with a reason to talk to them. . . something about what they are carrying or the weather.  Banal is fine.  Your point is to break the ice.   This will be much harder to do wearing a mask.  

[Fox Sake]

Confidence is sexy. Be confident. 
Also- aim to fail! You should make yourself a starter point by approaching one new person every day. This brings you in line with doing one thing every day scares you.  Even if it’s just you saying a passing “hey how’re you?” Then you can start moving on to well placed compliments And humour. It’s down to who you are tho, I have a cheeky smile and can get away with a lot of what I say just by smiling and laughing at myself after.  
Don’t aim to get a response. You’ll notice the more time’s you do this, the more confident you will become. 
90% of the population (I pulled that number out of my ass) feel the same way you do, and find it intimidating to approach someone random. It’s the fear of loss/rejection that keeps that cycle going. @d0nnivain is right tho, masks make that a lot harder but it’s still not impossible. Most people in Scotland take their masks off after they exit the store. 
 

[Emilie Jolie]

You can follow @Fox Sake's excellent advice.

When travel allows and if you get the chance, go to Italy or France and observe how they do it (or watch youtube videos, there's bound to be a few) - the guys there have it in their blood.

A lot of this is cultural, I think, though I must warn you that even there it's being phased out as women are more and more vocal about not appreciating it so much (I didn't like it at all in my younger days).

Whatever you decide to do, do not attempt anything too obvious - subtle and classy, that's what you're aiming for, and retreat quickly if you see she's not interested.

Good luck!

[felixmo755]

traveling seems a bit complicated right now but thanks for the thoughts :) I will try my best and report back :) 

[Foxhall]

Yes the cold approach is always worth a go,

as a shy enough guy I never found it easy but crucially would always feel better for trying,

met current girlfriend randomly in real life (queuing at a coffee stall), 

have had plenty of knockbacks too over the years, it gets to the stage where you dont care and then you perhaps do better

dont have any great expectations- just aim to hold a conversation and it could easily take off from there.

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

6 hours ago, felixmo755 said:

So i am very curious what you all think about meeting women IRL, especially regarding approaching them when you are out and about. One thing I had noticed before this whole Covid situation is that I see beautiful women everyday, crossing the street, getting coffee, at the grocery store. Every-time I want to say something, hello, introduce myself but I dont know there is something inside of me preventing me to do so. Call it being shy or whatever, that stuff is hard  anyway I wanted to know how you guys feel about it, do you approach women or men? is it weird or creepy? and if you do it without being creepy, how did you get to that point? or do you just feel that we are in the dating app era now and thats it... 

Thank you very much in advance

 

Ive never been good approaching women cold. I’m not good at one liners or pick up lines.  I’ve needed something to break the ice.

i have no problem saying something to a woman if there is a reason behind it.  Like hey you dropped this.

some women have a pattern of say going to the store st the same time each week you might see her at the store regularly then conversation might build up.

 

dont forget to examine the cart..kids cereal means kids..12 pack bet probably means guy.

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

5 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

You can follow @Fox Sake's excellent advice.

When travel allows and if you get the chance, go to Italy or France and observe how they do it (or watch youtube videos, there's bound to be a few) - the guys there have it in their blood.

A lot of this is cultural, I think, though I must warn you that even there it's being phased out as women are more and more vocal about not appreciating it so much (I didn't like it at all in my younger days).

Whatever you decide to do, do not attempt anything too obvious - subtle and classy, that's what you're aiming for, and retreat quickly if you see she's not interested.

Good luck!

Guys have it in their blood

 

ive seen it first hand from a friend of mine. He has that charmer magic.

[snowboy91]

There are of course cultural effects to consider (even between English speaking countries), but my working assumption is that women don't want to be approached by guys in most situations (walking on the street gym, groceries,  etc). There may be some luck in dedicated social spaces like a bar, pub or even a cafe but even so your strike rate will be very low. Keep in mind you know nothing about whoever it is you're approaching - they may already have a partner, they may be a lesbian, they may be fresh out of a breakup and not want to date, or just too busy to want to talk to you.

If, despite all that, you still want to try the cold approach, then as Fox Sake said, you need to be confident. And not take yourself seriously. You probably will fail and fail badly, and it's probably going to be quite funny, so have a laugh about it and don't let it knock you down!

[chillii]

 

Funny really , it sounds like the most natural and typical thing, the way men and women husbands and wives would meet and it might be l dunno. But , so this is probably just how thing's have rolled for me but for me , never did l ever meet anyone worthwhile in that way and never did anything even come of meeting someone in that way . Not even in younger days before l was married l'd always met someone through things or friends or something , no date sites back then.   Buttt, as l say that's probably just how things rolled for me personally.

[alphamale]

don't approach unless she makes extended eye contact and smiles

[Andy_K]

12 minutes ago, alphamale said:

don't approach unless she makes extended eye contact and smiles

This. Cold approaching doesn't work like in the movies. If you just start hitting on random strangers you're going to get a lot of rejections and make many women feel very uncomfortable. You need a green light.

[not_today]

@felixmo755, I'm so pleased you asked this question because I struggle with this as well, although I know I don't practice enough.  Often I just don't have the nerve and a few minutes later when the moment has gone I'm thinking about what I should have done differently.

Making small talk about the weather, although it's probably a nice thing to do, seems so cliche and cheesy to me, and I really struggle with it.

Oh well.

[d0nnivain]

Just be a friendly person.  Say hi to all sorts of people.  As you grown more comfortable talking to everybody it will be easier to gage body language 

[felixmo755]

2 hours ago, not_today said:

@felixmo755, I'm so pleased you asked this question because I struggle with this as well, although I know I don't practice enough.  Often I just don't have the nerve and a few minutes later when the moment has gone I'm thinking about what I should have done differently.

Making small talk about the weather, although it's probably a nice thing to do, seems so cliche and cheesy to me, and I really struggle with it.

Oh well.

we ll get through this

[rjc149]

Reading signals and acting on them is always more fruitful, but you'll seldom get those signals in public unless you're very good looking. 

If you're going to do cold approach, just go and talk to her. With or without her signals. That kind of confidence and self-assurance wins you major sexiness points. 

If you're in a bar, don't be drunk. Not only will your game be bad, but women see this as weakness. It's very beta to only approach women when you're drunk. You need chemical assistance to have balls, and you need something to numb the sting of rejection. Weak. 

Of course, have your look together. Be well-dressed, well-groomed, and in good shape, if possible. All of these convey high status. 

One pointer -- it's better to not make a woman take her ear pods out in order to hear you. Having ear pods in is a universal "do not disturb' sign. If you have to physically touch her to get her attention, you've got 2 strikes already. 

Best pickup line of all time: "Hey, I'm [name]." 

[Envy123]

Cold approach - No, just no. Always backfires on me and my relationship with the girl becomes forever ruined. Nope.

Warm approach - If I talk to her with the intention of getting to know her as a person, a deep friendship or romance normally materialises, though obviously it's not a quick thing which happens.

[Happy Lemming]

I've been "cold approaching" women in real life for 39 years, never failed me.

I did try "on-line" dating many years ago for a brief period of time and hated it, went back to meeting women in real life.

I just talk to people, the more you do it... the more relaxed it feels.  It shows confidence to women.  I've never been worried or upset if I get shot down, just move on to the next.

I met my present long-term girlfriend in a swimming pool at an apartment complex, swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night.  This was way before Covid-19, I don't know how cold approaching would work during this pandemic, though.  If I wasn't in a long term relationship, I might wait for a vaccine before heading back out into the dating world.

Just my two cents.

[felixmo755]

2 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I've been "cold approaching" women in real life for 39 years, never failed me.

I did try "on-line" dating many years ago for a brief period of time and hated it, went back to meeting women in real life.

I just talk to people, the more you do it... the more relaxed it feels.  It shows confidence to women.  I've never been worried or upset if I get shot down, just move on to the next.

I met my present long-term girlfriend in a swimming pool at an apartment complex, swam up to her, chit-chatted a bit and asked her out for drinks later that night.  This was way before Covid-19, I don't know how cold approaching would work during this pandemic, though.  If I wasn't in a long term relationship, I might wait for a vaccine before heading back out into the dating world.

Just my two cents.

nice, thank you I am def, convinced. What bothers me the most is just feeling paralyzed, while at the end of the day I just want to talk to another human being... anyway, I will do my best and report back in a few days  thank you for the support

[dangerous]

9 hours ago, felixmo755 said:

nice, thank you I am def, convinced. What bothers me the most is just feeling paralyzed, while at the end of the day I just want to talk to another human being... anyway, I will do my best and report back in a few days  thank you for the support

Small steps, OP, just start off by saying hi/ good morning etc with a smile to strangers, male or female just to get comfortable being social. Then focus on women, and then in time gauge the responses and engage in conversations when you feel some warmth. It's not really complicated, it will develop naturally. Good luck and have fun.

[Happy Lemming]

10 hours ago, felixmo755 said:

What bothers me the most is just feeling paralyzed, while at the end of the day I just want to talk to another human being...

Practice... Practice... Practice.

The more you do it, the more you take the power away from this unjustified fear.  And yes, just talk to anyone about anything to get practice talking to people (you don't know).  And eventually, you'll strike up a conversation with a woman that peaks your interest and she'll reciprocate. 

Things are going to be a little different right now (with the pandemic).

[Ami1uwant]

11 hours ago, felixmo755 said:

nice, thank you I am def, convinced. What bothers me the most is just feeling paralyzed, while at the end of the day I just want to talk to another human being... anyway, I will do my best and report back in a few days  thank you for the support

 

 

Remone datng and relationships from it.....how are you in talking to women st work irelsewhere?  Those you don’t know.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Practice... Practice... Practice.

The more you do it, the more you take the power away from this unjustified fear.  And yes, just talk to anyone about anything to get practice talking to people (you don't know).  And eventually, you'll strike up a conversation with a woman that peaks your interest and she'll reciprocate. 

Things are going to be a little different right now (with the pandemic).

 

Pfff it’s  not that simple.  You need something to talk about.  

 

You walk all up to her and just ask her out you better be very good looking.

[chillii]

 

l've never really had any problems talking to strangers in an casual sense although going up to women in that way was different but more about she'd most likely have a bf anyway, which she did nearly every time. Often waiting just outside or over sitting in the car or somewhere l'd discover later and at the same time realizing married ,partnered or not, most women will still give you the eye and smile away if they like the look of you or feel like a bit of a flirt and ego boost. Hell they'll even do it with him standing beside her. So back in very early days l soon become very turned off by the idea anyway myself.

[alphamale]

54 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

You walk all up to her and just ask her out you better be very good looking.

yep