Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 It’s this guy at my workplace who I have a crush on and I think it may be mutual. It’s been 2 1/2 years and it’s been very awkward. Starting from the beginning because of the career we are in. It’s a lot of travel on his end, so it’s I see you when I see you type of work. From the beginning when I first met him at a event at work just starting my job. We converse and he mention he saw me at work before. I told him I never seen him. Then some months later I actually saw him at work from him spotting me in the hall and it always been a heyyy, how it’s going type of convo or is work busy in passing but in a cheerful way. Then another time he stood really close to me in front of another female coworker which I played it off. He even invited me over to his office when I was during a work assignment with my trainer but he mumbled it. He also looked away from talking to someone and looked directly at me when I was walking out our building one day. This all happen 2018 going into last year. It’s gaps in between because of the demand at work on his end so it’s rare that you see him a lot as in a normal work environment. So moving onto this year. I recently just start seeing him again in passing. The recent behavior from him has been very weird. Seen him in passing I spoke and said hello and he said it back but he was fidgety that day for some reason so I just continue to walk pass. I do believe one day when I wasn’t looking, he came into a room I was in because I heard voices and as I turn. Another co worker was like this guy came in here looking directly your way and try to walk it off. He was like you got a secret admirer. Then I saw him again some weeks later in a colleague office as I was walking pass. I waved and he just look at me for like 3 seconds before he broke eye contact and look down, ask me how it’s going. By time he asked, I was almost out my building. Then some weeks after that, he was walking pass my office door as I was talking to my boss and he looked me directly in my face for again 3 seconds before he turn away. He then kept coming into another room I was in to speak with a big boss and to ask for help with something. It was like he was finding reasons to come around if that make sense. So last month, when I was coming in my building. He was right there by the door but in the hall talking out loud in between offices. As I turn to walk down the narrow hall, he did to. We were side by side. So he was looking down so I start to turn and look down at him. He was still talking. So I just said hello because it was weird. He apologize and spoke because he was talking but he couldn’t look up at me. He was looking down the whole time. So that same day, I was talking to another male at work and he walked pass like 6 times and every time he will turn to look at me. So I kept my attention to the guy because we was having general conversation and I didn’t want to be rude. So a week later, I was back talking to the same guy at work and as I turn around. He was standing from afar looking at us but once I looked at him he quickly turn away and walked it off. I then saw him on a monitor trying to peep through another door to look to see if I was still talking to the same guy. So at this point, I am completely over the weird behavior. I’m a social person and I can talk with any other guy in my workplace without it being anything however with him. He is making it kind of awkward and nervous to even have general conversation. So I took it upon myself to send a work related email to him and tell him I have to come to his office to do this duty. Just to break the ice will then he responded but I didn’t see the email until the next day because I sent it just before I left work and the next day I was busy doing online training so I didn’t get to my personal work email until later on the next day. I did apologize. I was unable to make it the 2 days I told him I was there because 1 day I was super busy at work then the next day he had his door close but I assume he was there because of his email response and plus I kept hearing a door shut. It was just weird. So I sent follow up emails basically explaining why I didn’t make it over and I got no response. So now I’m at standstill. I do still have to do this work related duty but not sure if he going to ignore or avoid me. I do believe he is on travel again because he did mention it in the only email I got back. I just don’t want it to be any awkwardness between us. Even though I do have a crush. I knew I was going to keep it work appropriate and not engage in anything more then that. That’s all I’m trying to do is break the ice, loosen us both us by just getting back to how it was in the beginning. I need advice and opinions?
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Your crush is making you see things that aren't there. I think things are awkward because he knows you are crushing on him, he doesn't return your interest & is worried that things will be weird at work. If there was something there, he would have found a way to get you alone outside of work in 2 1/2 years. He hasn't. That is telling. Coincidental walks down halls in the small space of your shared employment; responding to work related emails; looking at you; saying hello; and/or standing near you are not evidence of romantic interest Do your job. Forget about him. 4
Mystery4u Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Jheeze have you never heard of paragraphs? That block of text is just... Off putting. And to be honest this guy sounds like a complete loser, why do you even want anything from him? Can't even look at you for more than 3 seconds, can't even hold a conversation with you, it's been 2.5 years and hasn't asked you out, surely you can do better?
Author Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 11 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Your crush is making you see things that aren't there. I think things are awkward because he knows you are crushing on him, he doesn't return your interest & is worried that things will be weird at work. If there was something there, he would have found a way to get you alone outside of work in 2 1/2 years. He hasn't. That is telling. Coincidental walks down halls in the small space of your shared employment; responding to work related emails; looking at you; saying hello; and/or standing near you are not evidence of romantic interest Do your job. Forget about him. Hmmm I get what you are saying but it’s not me at all. Trust me. My behavior is totally normal with everybody in the workplace. I haven’t hinted or gave him no reactions. I have been professional with everyone. I have been in work relationships before so this is not new to me. It’s the encounters and his behavior he have portrayed. My co worker even notice when he was looking at me and I wasn’t looking at him. I’m focus on my job and has always been but all I’m trying to do is break the ice and make the environment comfortable.
Author Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 13 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: Jheeze have you never heard of paragraphs? That block of text is just... Off putting. And to be honest this guy sounds like a complete loser, why do you even want anything from him? Can't even look at you for more than 3 seconds, can't even hold a conversation with you, it's been 2.5 years and hasn't asked you out, surely you can do better? Thanks. Lol at loser. I never experience anyone pretty much eyeing me all the time especially from afar. It became really awkward when I was engaging in conversation with another male colleague and he walked pass us so many times looking at me, then to look at us again the next week from afar. Just trying to break the ice and treat everybody the same as I been. He just a different one if that makes sense. So now I’m just act like nothing happen and be the bubbly social person I have been there with my colleagues and maintain professionalism.
stillafool Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) I agree that looking at you means absolutely nothing if he's had 2-1/2 years to ask you out but hasn't. Any interested man would have said something (anything) by now if he wanted you. No guys are that shy. 3 second eye contact is just looking at someone. If it were a 10 second stare I would have another opinion. Edited July 12, 2020 by stillafool 1
Author Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: I agree that looking at you means absolutely nothing if he's had 2-1/2 years to ask you out but hasn't. Any interested man would have said something (anything) by now if he wanted you. No guys are that shy. 3 second eye contact is just looking at someone. If it were a 10 second stare I would have another opinion. Thanks. At first i figure maybe it’s a intimidation thing because we are different races. He can continue to stare, act nervous and eye me when I’m not looking when others notice. I’m moving forward from it though. All the signs are high school behavior. I just wanted some insight on making it comfortable at work. Thanks. 1
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 I know you are making excuses for him , he is really shy, he is soooo besotted with you that he is all of a tizzy, or that you talking to other men sends him into jealous mode... BUT frankly he sounds weird and not someone you should get involved with. Best look for straight forward guys who act "normal", not awkward guys who have apparently no social skills. 3
stillafool Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 7 minutes ago, Lovelymimi said: Thanks. At first i figure maybe it’s a intimidation thing because we are different races. Why would he want to intimidate you because you are a different race? What race are you and him?
mortensorchid Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 I have said this before, I will say it again. And again and again and again - Do NOT get involved with people that you work with, platonic or otherwise. Coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you will spend more time with them than you will with anyone else, so it's natural to think that they are your friends. They are not, not by any means. It's very complicated, to be sure. However, there are people out there who can and will take things about you and use them against you, even trivial information like your favorite color is blue. You are being watched at all times and people are telling on one another all the time. Don't believe me? Then you've had better experiences than I have. With this situation, just let it be and don't pursue anything. Mind your own business and be nice, but not too nice to others, including him. 3
Author Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why would he want to intimidate you because you are a different race? What race are you and him? I’m just saying intimidation as far as approach. I’m a black woman, he is white. I don’t know his personal dating/relationship background. It’s all an assumption, not sure. Some of my friends, male/female both said look at you. He probably intimidated and he scared. I have no clue what it could be but my behavior have been strictly normal and not odd. Trust me. A lot of men I work with have approach me general conversation and they all have been white on the other hand, he a little different. I figure I make the effort to just say hey, hello, hi, just to have some normalcy but now with him not follow up with me in email. He is about to make it 10 times awkward on his end once we cross paths again.
Author Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 4 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: I have said this before, I will say it again. And again and again and again - Do NOT get involved with people that you work with, platonic or otherwise. Coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you will spend more time with them than you will with anyone else, so it's natural to think that they are your friends. They are not, not by any means. It's very complicated, to be sure. However, there are people out there who can and will take things about you and use them against you, even trivial information like your favorite color is blue. You are being watched at all times and people are telling on one another all the time. Don't believe me? Then you've had better experiences than I have. With this situation, just let it be and don't pursue anything. Mind your own business and be nice, but not too nice to others, including him. Agreed! I wasn’t even looking for the intent to date. I know crushes are crushes. His odd behavior just make it weird to even say hi like everybody else. I just got out a relationship a year ago from someone I use to work with before transferring jobs. We dated for 2 years and trustttt me. His feelings was all over the place at work and we been through it but when I moved on to another agency. He couldn’t take the fact he couldn’t watch over me anymore so we dismantled. So I have learn several lessons from past experiences and I already knew I wasn’t going to be put in no more work situations and to be honest. I have avoided his office/hallway since working there because of maybe crush. I played my part. He just all of a sudden popping up where I may be. Thanks.
Ami1uwant Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 17 minutes ago, Lovelymimi said: Agreed! I wasn’t even looking for the intent to date. I know crushes are crushes. His odd behavior just make it weird to even say hi like everybody else. I just got out a relationship a year ago from someone I use to work with before transferring jobs. We dated for 2 years and trustttt me. His feelings was all over the place at work and we been through it but when I moved on to another agency. He couldn’t take the fact he couldn’t watch over me anymore so we dismantled. So I have learn several lessons from past experiences and I already knew I wasn’t going to be put in no more work situations and to be honest. I have avoided his office/hallway since working there because of maybe crush. I played my part. He just all of a sudden popping up where I may be. Thanks. What are the policies in dating in the company? my feeling on workplace dating.....I wouldn’t date someone I regularly work with. I don’t have a problem dating someone who I might have gotten to know due to a small one time project we worked on together or we worked on the same floor where I got yo know her from the shared break room but our officer don’t cross any paths. OP— if you are interested in him you probably are showing this. If he is a higher rank to you he likely isn’t going to date you.
Author Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 3 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said: What are the policies in dating in the company? my feeling on workplace dating.....I wouldn’t date someone I regularly work with. I don’t have a problem dating someone who I might have gotten to know due to a small one time project we worked on together or we worked on the same floor where I got yo know her from the shared break room but our officer don’t cross any paths. OP— if you are interested in him you probably are showing this. If he is a higher rank to you he likely isn’t going to date you. Actually we don’t work directly together. We just work in the same building. It’s people in the agency that are married. He is a higher rank. My intentions are only positive by just being friendly and work approachable. Regardless if it’s a mutual attraction toward each other. I have kept it professional. It’s like some of the signs are obvious even by a small amount of people who may have notice and bought it to me. My story is way longer than what I already typed. All others who I work with, no issues. It’s him. I don’t know if I can have a work relationship with him if he make it uncomfortable. I’m just breaking the ice. So the glances, stares, and unable to get a word out can get to some normalcy. I figure I had to be the bigger one on this initiative.
smackie9 Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 I used to have all sorts of guys crushing on me at my job, ..... salesmen, delivery guys, coworkers, temp workers, and even a customer...I ignore it and go about my business. If they are awkward around me, that's on them and not me to fix. You can make this complicated or you can make this simple...I would go with simple and brush it off, go forward. At work, you don't need anyone taking up head space. 1
Author Lovelymimi Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 Just now, smackie9 said: I used to have all sorts of guys crushing on me at my job, ..... salesmen, delivery guys, coworkers, temp workers, and even a customer...I ignore it and go about my business. If they are awkward around me, that's on them and not me to fix. You can make this complicated or you can make this simple...I would go with simple and brush it off, go forward. At work, you don't need anyone taking up head space. Love this! Thanks for the advice! 1
mortensorchid Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 I had a crush on a coworker years ago and it destroyed me when I was rejected. It was a major turning point moment in life, a black cloud has been over me ever since. I am not saying this would happen to you as well, but be cautious with others. NEVER have your needs for friendship or sex met with a coworker, find it elsewhere. 1 1
5x5 Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 @Lovelymimi it all sounds pretty awkward. He may be uncomfortable with it all, and not want to be involved at all. Or he may even be Autistic and is socially awkward as a consequence. Etc... Given what you have written, I like @d0nnivain and @smackie9's take on it.
5x5 Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 14 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I have said this before, I will say it again. And again and again and again - Do NOT get involved with people that you work with, platonic or otherwise. Coworkers are not friends. It's easy for you to think that coworkers are friends because you will spend more time with them than you will with anyone else, so it's natural to think that they are your friends. They are not, not by any means. It's very complicated, to be sure. However, there are people out there who can and will take things about you and use them against you, even trivial information like your favorite color is blue. You are being watched at all times and people are telling on one another all the time. Don't believe me? Then you've had better experiences than I have. With this situation, just let it be and don't pursue anything. Mind your own business and be nice, but not too nice to others, including him. Except platonic friendships and sexual relationships with people in the workplace can often be perfectly fine and are very common as well. That said I certainly don't share your Do NOT idea. Since I am happily into the 24th year of my ongoing sexual relationship (with 21+ years of being married), to one of my former co-workers who asked me out on a date while we were at work. Likewise many of my closest friends, who I have known for decades now are men and women who I served with as coworkers when I was in the Army. While many of my wife's friends are men and women who she has worked with as well. And of those friends my wife and I have found that many of them who we met at work, have been there for us and have had our backs, as we have been there for them and had their backs as well. As to romantic relationships in the workplace, that's how many people meet one another and get together. Of which there have been so many marriages and children generated within the same national+ circulation editorial news media service where my wife and I used to worked together, that there was even a news article published about it. At the end of the day if you're not open to such things, you are certainly limiting your opportunities to find that special person who wants to be with you and really groks you as well.
mortensorchid Posted July 14, 2020 Posted July 14, 2020 Then you, OP, have had much nicer experiences on the job than I have. When I was at my first job I was the youngest in the office and they all hated me because I was younger and thinner and hadn't screwed my life up so badly, and they all were abusive. Second job? Well the second job a coworker told me I am stupid and ugly and an old maid. She hurt me. Ever since I just kept to myself. I had a crush on a coworker who rejected me and it shattered my self esteem as the death blow. Not that I believe you didn't have a good experience but maybe I am the exception.
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