Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said: You're not going to find a prince charming via OLD. Its simply not going to happen. Whereby everything is going to go your way and how you want it I think you simply have to pick and choose who you are willing to compromise for. Obviously these are strangers initially. But i think you should have perhaps given at least one of the coffee dates a shot. And then take it from there. I disagree. Every single time I went on a date with someone with whom I saw something I didn't like even before the first date, the date just proven to be disastrous and proof of what I was already feeling. So now I trust my intuition and do not go meet anyone with whom I feel something is off. Waste of time. I'm not looking for a Prince Charming, I'm looking for a real man. Edited July 12, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 1 1
emprosnet7 Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 10 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I disagree. Every single time I went on a date with someone with whom I saw something I didn't like even before the first date, the date just proven to be disastrous and proof of what I was already feeling. So now I trust my intuition and do not go meet anyone with whom I feel something is off. Waste of time. I'm not looking for a Prince Charming, I'm looking for a real man. Said that texted with guys. Did you do any video chat before meeting them?
Velvet teddy Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 14 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I disagree. Every single time I went on a date with someone with whom I saw something I didn't like even before the first date, the date just proven to be disastrous and proof of what I was already feeling. So now I trust my intuition and do not go meet anyone with whom I feel something is off. Waste of time. I'm not looking for a Prince Charming, I'm looking for a real man. Ok define disastrous.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 3 minutes ago, emprosnet7 said: Said that texted with guys. Did you do any video chat before meeting them? Nope, did not.
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 Just now, Velvet teddy said: Ok define disastrous. The person I felt they were before meeting, it showed me I was right. 1
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I disagree. Every single time I went on a date with someone with whom I saw something I didn't like even before the first date, the date just proven to be disastrous and proof of what I was already feeling. So now I trust my intuition and do not go meet anyone with whom I feel something is off. Waste of time. I'm not looking for a Prince Charming, I'm looking for a real man. I agree with you. Whenever I felt something was off, I didn't bother meeting either. Needless to say, I didn't end up meeting many men doing OLD, my bf was only the second man I met in person. He and I chated on line for about two weeks then made a plan to meet. Back to my previous post, I recall feeling so anxious that day, I was a wreck! Couldn't eat all day, and could barely work, mind was in overdrive big time. I almost cancelled but my friends talked me out of it. But that urge to cancel was there, whereas if we had met spontaneously (which he did propose a couple of times but I could not get off work in time) it would have avoided all the overthinking and anxiety I felt. Anyway, it worked out, we met, we clicked, that was almost three years ago! Goid luck moving forward! Edited July 12, 2020 by poppyfields 1
emprosnet7 Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: Nope, did not. If the arrangement of the meeting is difficult, is it more logical to have a video chat before ? 1
Velvet teddy Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 4 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: The person I felt they were before meeting, it showed me I was right. Ok can't argue with that. What you going to do now? Carry on looking?
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 10 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I agree with you. Whenever I felt something was off, I didn't bother meeting either. Needless to say, I didn't end up meeting many men doing OLD, my bf was only the second man I met in person. He and I chated on line for about two weeks then made a plan to meet. Back to my previous post, I recall feeling so anxious that day, I was a wreck! Couldn't eat all day, and could barely work, mind was in overdrive big time. I almost cancelled but my friends talked me out of it. But that urge to cancel was there, whereas if we had met spontaneously (which he did propose a couple of times but I could not get off work in time) it would have avoided all the overthinking and anxiety I felt. Anyway, it worked out, we met, we clicked, that was almost three years ago! Goid luck moving forward! So you weren't put off by him asking to meet spontaneously, that was fine to you?
Author girlnextdoor2020 Posted July 12, 2020 Author Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said: Ok can't argue with that. What you going to do now? Carry on looking? I don't know to be honest. I divorced my daughter's dad nearly 6 years ago. Had a thing with a guy during a few months last year that ended badly, and went on many dates since and haven't met anyone I clicked with. I don't even feel excited to date or meet anyone anymore. I feel drained and cynical now. Edited July 12, 2020 by girlnextdoor2020 1 1
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: So you weren't put off by him asking to meet spontaneously, that was fine to you? I had no issue with it whatsoever, in fact I wished I had been free! I didn't attach any malicious or underlying negative motives to it, we we were chatting, having fun and he asked. However, I couldn't get off work. I think the reason why is I basically trust men to behave decently unless and until they give me reason not to. I don't assume negative qualities without at least some evidence. I am not bitter and burned out by dating. I try to see the glass half full versus half empty as they say. Even once we started regularly dating, some of our dates were last minute. Initiated by either him or me. Some of our best dates were spontaneous! Still are! That said, there was a time I felt like you, burned out. So I took a break for a few months. Did me a world of good, I highly recommend! Edited July 12, 2020 by poppyfields 1
poppyfields Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) To add, I recall once chatting with my bf on e-mail, we were having so much fun, teasing, being playful, and he said "hey, what're you doing, let's me now"!! Lol It was playful and all in good fun, and again had I been free, I would have! I was at work so hair was clean, styled nice, I liked what I was wearing, so yeah would have met. No wrong or right really. You are not wrong for preferring a man ask to meet in advance, especially given the fact you have a child. I do think it's wrong to assume something negative, it's not always a negative. Could be the opposite, he's interested, feeling good and upbeat, and hoping you were free. If not, plan for something later like we did. No biggee. Edited July 12, 2020 by poppyfields 1
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 GirlNextDoor You know yourself. Your experience has taught you that meeting a man who gave you a bad vibe before meeting doesn't work for you. By figuring that out you are ahead of the game. So continue with that strategy. The fact that you have a kid & need notice to go on a date is valid scheduling issue. You said in the original post that you preferred a morning meet. In a later post you mention your child. Is there any chance that you only thought you told them about your child but only said morning? Look, you are not required to disclose your whole life to some random person on OLD but knowing you have a kid & understanding that you need to make arrangements for the child's care is different from just knowing you have a preference for mornings. You can draw the lines wherever you need, I'm just looking at all sides. Mornings are a hard time to arrange a 1st meet. Very unromantic. Also a 1st meet off OLD is vastly different then a real date. That 1st meet needs to be short, well lit & cheap. It's function is to solely assess whether the person you are meeting is worth the 4 hour commitment plus preparation to have dinner with. But seriously getting this miffed over some jerk who doesn't listen who you never met is a waste of your time. Thank your lucky stars that these guys showed you who they were before you wasted time, energy & money for a babysitter to go meet them. You should not be so invested to have a reaction that lasts more then a few minutes. Being this upset at such a slight & ultimately meaningless provocation will turn you bitter. Let it go. If your way of letting it go was to post here, fine, but beyond that keep trusting your instincts. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) 6 hours ago, elaine567 said: ^^^ in a nutshell. It is function of the multi option, "I don't care a damn about you", "I'll fit you in when I am not busy", conveyor belt, style of dating. Totally agree that it's not the best date... though it appears (and maybe I'm wrong) that a coffee date suited both the OP and these guys. And then she just didn't like the scheduling & timing part of it and took the resentment to a high level about it. OP's approach is nitpicky IMO if she wants to get to first base. I actually agree with the OP too that a lot of time spontaneous especially for a first date is just not what you want to do. Maybe you want to wear a certain outfit, hair, makeup or don't want to feel rushed yourself...or are a mom (just read that sorry). She should play the game a little more--it's simple to say she's not available and not get bent out of shape and not write the guys off. And if she writes the guy off, no point in seething about it. they are for her. Good to know quickly. I think it's a bad thing to judge on cause perhaps it's a miscommunication but she could just write off and not even respond to them vs. getting all upset. Edited July 12, 2020 by Versacehottie
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: he's asking you out last minute, that's an entirely different thing. Totally agree with this ^^^. Being rude and selfish and all those things would have been to let you set up the babysitter and then cancel or try to change the date/time. The guys are taking a chance that maybe there's a chance and you are free. If you are not, you're not. It could be precisely because they are are parents too that they are trying to squeeze it in cause none of you has much extra time. It's not necessarily for a bad reason, though you've obviously chosen to see it like that. You think you dodge a bullet with these two and if you were going to get this hysterical and worked up over minor changes when you all have kids and those levels of responsibilities, I'll bet the guys think the same thing. Not a match, move on. Easy peasy.
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I disagree. Every single time I went on a date with someone with whom I saw something I didn't like even before the first date, the date just proven to be disastrous and proof of what I was already feeling. So now I trust my intuition and do not go meet anyone with whom I feel something is off. Waste of time. I'm not looking for a Prince Charming, I'm looking for a real man. now you are just sounding bitter to be honest. Do you really think this is the best time for you to try to date? Why not put it on ice for a bit? There's a pandemic, you have young kids and not willing to be flexible at all; and using OLD which leans to disappointing in general which is only bound to make you more pissed off--perhaps you should just wait until you're in a better headspace. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I disagree. Every single time I went on a date with someone with whom I saw something I didn't like even before the first date, the date just proven to be disastrous and proof of what I was already feeling. So now I trust my intuition and do not go meet anyone with whom I feel something is off. Waste of time. I'm not looking for a Prince Charming, I'm looking for a real man. And on this logic, bolded, you did exactly the right thing for you so why exactly are you over here complaining? Plus you can still handle it graciously with those guys. It's like you are also pissed they are not who you had them on the hook to be. If you purport to have high standards, well there will be a lot of sifting through frogs and you should handle it like a princess of the fairy tale sort not the entitled sort. Edited July 12, 2020 by Versacehottie
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: The person I felt they were before meeting, it showed me I was right. um, this is just dating. You might have limited time and all that but it's not disastrous if someone isn't Prince Charming. Not everyone is going to be for you or you for them, even if they are not bad people in general and meet your scheduling needs.
Versacehottie Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I don't know to be honest. I divorced my daughter's dad nearly 6 years ago. Had a thing with a guy during a few months last year that ended badly, and went on many dates since and haven't met anyone I clicked with. I don't even feel excited to date or meet anyone anymore. I feel drained and cynical now. Bingo.
ShyViolet Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 OP, to be honest you sound very negative and cynical and you are tending to assume the worst of people. That along with your rude responses to these guys which were kind of uncalled for, it almost sounds like maybe you're not in a place in your life to date right now. You're not going to have much luck in dating if. you go into things with a chip on your shoulder and zero patience. 2
Phallacy Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 OP needs to lighten up. How to treat a woman? Puhleeze. I’ve met several women for spontaneous dates and they didn’t act all constipated. 2 1
Velvet teddy Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 1 hour ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I don't know to be honest. I divorced my daughter's dad nearly 6 years ago. Had a thing with a guy during a few months last year that ended badly, and went on many dates since and haven't met anyone I clicked with. I don't even feel excited to date or meet anyone anymore. I feel drained and cynical now. There is a 100% chance you will be disappointed and pissed off all over again if you continue with OLD. Therefore i do agree you should take a time out. Try to change your mindset a little bit and come back with a fresh new attitude. 2
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 3 minutes ago, Phallacy said: OP needs to lighten up. How to treat a woman? Puhleeze. I’ve met several women for spontaneous dates and they didn’t act all constipated. Were they mothers of small children like the OP is? These guys knew she was as single mother yet they assumed she could drop everything for them... 1
Phallacy Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 She needs a thicker skin. These guys barely know her. Perhaps put her expectations in her profiles and watch how fast men click NEXT! 1 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 12, 2020 Posted July 12, 2020 2 hours ago, girlnextdoor2020 said: I don't even feel excited to date or meet anyone anymore. I feel drained and cynical now. You're unlikely to have good dates as long as you're in this mindset. Like attracts like. Times I tried to date when I was feeling down and out never went anywhere. I've only ever attracted promising dates when I was in a positive mindset. You've got to get happy on your own, and that's when you attract people in a more positive mindset. 3
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