ExPo2434 Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 So I'm a female and my ex girlfriend and I were off and on for a year. There's been some stuff (red flags) from the past that caused me to pull away from her including hooking up with another girl after her and I had a fight, befriending her ex that she told me was abusive after we'd get in a fight, making rude comments, constantly pointing the finger at me if I had any issue with her, etc. To make a long story short, she broke up with me during quarantine a month ago and within a week she started dating one of her friends who is a guy. during this month she would lurk my social media, randomly like my photos, listen to all my favorite songs and just straight up stalk me. recently we started speaking again due to me getting injured, so she brought over dinner the other day. we ended up sleeping together multiple times, she was telling me how beautiful I am, how much she missed me, how no one f**ks her as good as I do, etc. I asked her about her new boyfriend and all she could say about him was "he's a nice guy" "he's been really good to me" "I think about you when I have sex with him" I told her she needs to tell him about her cheating and she said she will because he deserves to know. The day comes where she meets up with him and her and I have this nice conversation on the phone about how we can work on our relationship etc. she kept twisting my words when I told her what she was doing was selfish and she would take that as ME calling HER selfish, etc. she also mentioned that she thinks I'm trying to get her to break it off with him and then I won't want to be with her afterwards and she'll be alone. she started getting jealous over other girls I was talking to etc. A few hours later I get the text that she's going to work things out with him and she blocked me on every social media platform and told me not to contact her anymore. I'm just extremely confused. She screams co dependent and also clearly struggles with insecurity. Some advice would be nice.
Ami1uwant Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 Why did you go back with her to begin with? she seems nuts
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 because she was extremely manipulative and she knew how forgiving I am
Ami1uwant Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 1 hour ago, pinetree444 said: because she was extremely manipulative and she knew how forgiving I am People don’t chamge 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 Honey...just why...? What's the upside? She's blocked you. Good. I don't usually recommend blocking but in this case, do so in return so that she can't stalk you again. I see NO upside to even speaking to this woman. She's a nightmare. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, pinetree444 said: because she was extremely manipulative and she knew how forgiving I am If you want to forgive, then say to yourself, I forgive her. May each of us move forward from here in peace. Separately. You can forgive without proving it by putting yourself in front of the person to be abused again. Edited July 11, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
ShyViolet Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, pinetree444 said: because she was extremely manipulative and she knew how forgiving I am You're not taking enough responsibility for your part in all this. You list all her terrible qualities and ways that she treated you bad, and then you say that you went back to her. That was a bad decision, what did you expect to happen? You say she's been manipulative, selfish, rude...... and now she's blocked you and told you not to contact her again. so what exactly is your question? I'm a bit confused as to what you are confused about? You and her are no good for each other and it's over. Don't try to contact her again. Learn from your mistakes here. Edited July 11, 2020 by ShyViolet 2
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) she clearly needs therapy, she even admitted it Edited July 11, 2020 by pinetree444
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) This all just doesn't make sense why someone would go with someone who they've described as "nice" and dont even seem to be that into Edited July 11, 2020 by pinetree444
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 2 minutes ago, pinetree444 said: it just hurts when you felt like you knew someone. my anxiety tells me things that aren't true which is making me hurt. its clear she's insecure and went with the safer option but its hard for me to wrap my head around when I know she truly loves me. id never touch her again after what she did to me. You don't know she truly loves you. Nobody who truly loves her partner does such cruel things.
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 Just now, CaliforniaGirl said: You don't know she truly loves you. Nobody who truly loves her partner does such cruel things. She has extreme insecurities and my past exes have been models and really beautiful women. she's a more "basic" person and im not trying to be mean but I feel she's chosen this guy because hes the "safer option" and its still in the honeymoon phase so they havent ran into any drama yet
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 Just now, pinetree444 said: She has extreme insecurities and my past exes have been models and really beautiful women. she's a more "basic" person and im not trying to be mean but I feel she's chosen this guy because hes the "safer option" and its still in the honeymoon phase so they havent ran into any drama yet she always was jealous of any pretty girl who would talk to me. always crying about something. she just told me she's in love with me and I do believe her. she just doesn't see me as a safe option as any time she had s*** behavior I backed off
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Honey...just why...? What's the upside? She's blocked you. Good. I don't usually recommend blocking but in this case, do so in return so that she can't stalk you again. I see NO upside to even speaking to this woman. She's a nightmare. no upside, she was the on stalking me the ENTIRE month since she started dating this guy. she's very deceiving and im an idiot and fell for it every time. I have to keep telling myself its not me. I think my anxiety is over the fact she's choosing some dude she only describes as "nice" over me.
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Ami1uwant said: People don’t chamge I know, this is by far the worst thing she's ever done to me. I try to put myself in other people's shoes and I have no problem admitting my faults so I believe in second chances. I just never fathomed she would do something this cruel.
smackie9 Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 (edited) Obviously this guy was buying her things, paying for food and possibly rent. He was her gravy train. This woman is a user, possibly a psychopath. They are con artists, only out for themselves, seek out the weak because they are easily manipulated, tell you what you want to hear, have no empathy for others, fake their emotions, etc. Sound like her? It's confusing because she doesn't think like normal people. She's wack in the head. She is a dangerous being to be involved with. I recommend you cut off all contact, and avoid her like the plague because she is the plague. Edited July 11, 2020 by smackie9
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 11, 2020 Author Posted July 11, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: Obviously this guy was buying her things, paying for food and possibly rent. He was her gravy train. This woman is a user, possibly a psychopath. They are con artists, only out for themselves, seek out the weak because they are easily manipulated, tell you what you want to hear, have no empathy for others, fake their emotions, etc. Sound like her? It's confusing because she doesn't think like normal people. She's wack in the head. She is a dangerous being to be involved with. I recommend you cut off all contact, and avoid her like the plague because she is the plague. its crazy because she was so "wholesome" when I met her, manipulative as all hell. crazy when you think you knew someone and this happens. im just in shock. she wanted someone who she could feel superior to.
d0nnivain Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 Who she may have presented as when you 1st met her has zero bearing on who she actually is. Why do you want to get back together with a manipulative, insecure, cheater who is only basic in looks. Go back to dating models. Block her so she can't follow you. All in all you will be happier. 2
smackie9 Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 21 minutes ago, pinetree444 said: its crazy because she was so "wholesome" when I met her, manipulative as all hell. crazy when you think you knew someone and this happens. im just in shock. she wanted someone who she could feel superior to. You are not the first or the last to be duped by a person of this personality type. Very hard to detect, especially if you are not used to it, or you are simply a trusting person. Knowledge is power. Take what you have learned from this going forward. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 21 hours ago, pinetree444 said: She screams co dependent So do you, based on what you’ve written here. Your best bet is to accept that you two don’t have a future together, and dig deeper into yourself to figure out why you’d want someone like her back in your life. Her issues are not relevant to the bigger picture. Your own emotional well-being is, though, which is why you’ll gain more from doing some work on yourself now. 1
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 13, 2020 Author Posted July 13, 2020 On 7/11/2020 at 4:56 PM, ExpatInItaly said: So do you, based on what you’ve written here. Your best bet is to accept that you two don’t have a future together, and dig deeper into yourself to figure out why you’d want someone like her back in your life. Her issues are not relevant to the bigger picture. Your own emotional well-being is, though, which is why you’ll gain more from doing some work on yourself now. I don't want her back in my life. just trying to figure out why someone would do something like that especially someone that tells me all of this stuff saying how much they love me and im the better than anyone shes ever been with
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 13, 2020 Author Posted July 13, 2020 On 7/11/2020 at 4:06 PM, d0nnivain said: Who she may have presented as when you 1st met her has zero bearing on who she actually is. Why do you want to get back together with a manipulative, insecure, cheater who is only basic in looks. Go back to dating models. Block her so she can't follow you. All in all you will be happier. youre right. she cant love anyone until she loves herself, not even this new rebound will work out
Lotsgoingon Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 1 hour ago, pinetree444 said: I don't want her back in my life. just trying to figure out why someone would do something like that especially someone that tells me all of this stuff saying how much they love me and im the better than anyone shes ever been with You talk about her being codependent. Uh, can you stand in front of the mirror. I don't know if codependent is the exact wording, but the above simply shows your thinking is completely and wildly off target. She has been hot and cold with you ... You describe her as stalking you online ... Unpredictably, while still in a relationship she comes over and sleeps with you. BTW: why did you allow this? You're an adult. You're getting lost in words ... Manipulators and lots of charismatic people are incredibly powerful with words ... but come on now. We can't rely on words only. We rely on actions. There is nothing here--not one phrase of what you describe--that sounds stable and healthy. And you have made yourself totally passive. The question isn't why she says one thing and does another. The question is why YOU put up with her nonsense? Dump this woman and move on. You are not looking for love. You want healthy love and a healthy, reliable, trustworthy person. So I'll be blunt: whenever someone you're involved with goes back to an abusive ex ... game over. Relationship over. No discussions, no further talks, no further questions. You run. And run far. You stay away from them.
Author ExPo2434 Posted July 13, 2020 Author Posted July 13, 2020 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: You talk about her being codependent. Uh, can you stand in front of the mirror. I don't know if codependent is the exact wording, but the above simply shows your thinking is completely and wildly off target. She has been hot and cold with you ... You describe her as stalking you online ... Unpredictably, while still in a relationship she comes over and sleeps with you. BTW: why did you allow this? You're an adult. You're getting lost in words ... Manipulators and lots of charismatic people are incredibly powerful with words ... but come on now. We can't rely on words only. We rely on actions. There is nothing here--not one phrase of what you describe--that sounds stable and healthy. And you have made yourself totally passive. The question isn't why she says one thing and does another. The question is why YOU put up with her nonsense? Dump this woman and move on. You are not looking for love. You want healthy love and a healthy, reliable, trustworthy person. So I'll be blunt: whenever someone you're involved with goes back to an abusive ex ... game over. Relationship over. No discussions, no further talks, no further questions. You run. And run far. You stay away from them. I didnt mention this but I was recently a victim of assault so I was very vulnerable and just got out of the hospital so she brought me dinner.....I didnt have her over with that intention. she took advantage of my fragile mental state. trust me, I will never let that happen again.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 9 hours ago, pinetree444 said: just trying to figure out why someone would do something like that especially someone that tells me all of this stuff saying how much they love me and im the better than anyone shes ever been with Because she doesn't sincerely mean it, unfortunately. She evidently will say whatever she thinks you want to hear in the moment, to get what she wants (sex, attention, and so on) You can't take her seriously, though. Her words are meaningless at this point.
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