Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Obviously, I ended things... or going to end things. I haven't really texted or called him because I'm just weirded out by it. I've had plenty of experience dating and have been in a few long-term relationships and I have NEVER had this happen before. The guy is cute but he's not the best looking guy I've dated. He's 5'6, kind of small, with a little bit of a chubby body but overall he does have a cute face. Personally, I try not to date super hot guys because I find them to sometimes be a little bit cocky and arrogant. So, I was totally surprised by this guy's arrogance. We've technically been on 3 dates, he's invited me out for a 4th this Saturday but not sure I'm going. On our date last Friday, it seemed like he took every opportunity to talk about the women he's dated/slept with. He made EVERYTHING about this. I've never met anyone, EVEN GUY FRIENDS, who had talked about it as much as he did. In my opinion, it actually made me think that he was insecure about himself and this is the way he seeks validation? Because I've dated hella good looking guys who have never even MENTIONED exes. My question is, why would someone feel the need to constantly bring this up? Because I tried, several times, to steer the conversation away to other things and he always managed to insert stories about himself and other women in almost every topic. By the way, this guy told me he was interested in something a little more serious and was tired of dating "younger girls." I'm a little older than him and waaaaaay more mature. So, I was stunned by his boldness in talking about emotionally damaging these women. It was kind of disgusting and disrespectful to myself and the girls he spoke about. I could be wrong but, I feel like maybe I accidentally set him off. I actually write little funny, raunchy pieces about online dating. A week before our date, I wrote this funny piece about a BAD DATE incident that occurred about a month ago and posted it about a week before our date for my friends to read. It was sexual but it was more so to be funny. So, I thought maaaaaaybe this story set him off to try to prove something. I'm dropping him regardless. I'm just more interested in opinions as to WHY he would feel the need to do this?
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 First of all, eeew. My panties dried up just reading this. I'm with you. I'd be gone...but I mean...I don't think I've ever encountered this. It's about the most insecure thing I've heard in my life. He was doing the arrogance thing and trying to prove how wanted he was because he's heard that's what girls like... Only certain guys can pull that off. A small percentage of guys. The over-arrogance thing, I mean. NOT the part about sleeping with a lot of women. Are you serious? Oh my God...that poor guy. I actually do feel for him. But...maybe he'll meet someone who can calm down his insecurities. Meanwhile, you can move on too (and you have). 6
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 And, to add to this real quick. When I mean my short piece was sexual, I didn't have sex with anyone, i just made funny sexual jokes. I'd post them here because I find it hysterical but I don't want to be flagged lol.
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 1 minute ago, Confoosedgal said: And, to add to this real quick. When I mean my short piece was sexual, I didn't have sex with anyone, i just made funny sexual jokes. I'd post them here because I find it hysterical but I don't want to be flagged lol. I mean...yeah. He might have taken the sexual jokes as a challenge and just not realized how one banters back. It depends upon the jokes, probably. But even if they were the most bawdy jokes ever, the expected response is NOT "Well, I've slept with like a zillion women." At the most boldfaced extreme it would more likely be "Oh yeah? I'd like to show you a thing or two about that" or whatever. Or if offense was taken at the fast switching of gears to sexual jokes...either you'd expect pullback, or a half-joking offended stance or a change of conversation or whatever...even walking out if the joker were gross about it... Responding by just rattling off how much sex one has had with how many people is really an odd response.
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 12 minutes ago, Confoosedgal said: So, I was stunned by his boldness in talking about emotionally damaging these women. It was kind of disgusting and disrespectful to myself and the girls he spoke about. If he emotionally damaged them, then guess who is next on his list? 2
Ruby Slippers Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Gross. But yeah, I agree with you it's a sign of insecurity, him trying to prove he's somehow a catch because he nailed a lot of women. I'd move on as well. 2
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 This guy is a misogynists. Talking about other women was intended to make you feel inadequate and him superior. total jerk. 1 2
BaileyB Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Confoosedgal said: In my opinion, it actually made me think that he was insecure about himself and this is the way he seeks validation? Maybe he thought news of his sexual prowess would impress you? In much the same way that some men think intimate pictures will somehow create attraction/spur a woman into action. Or, perhaps it stems from low self esteem. Whatever the reason, it Is very inappropriate and shows extremely poor social awareness. Next. Edited July 9, 2020 by BaileyB 4
poppyfields Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I think he may have intentionally been trying to turn you off or elicit some sort of a reaction. 4
ShyViolet Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 OMG. Either he's really immature, socially inept, or not very smart. Because anyone with any sense would know that doing this would put someone off immediately. Or maybe he actually wasn't interested in you and he was doing on purpose as some kind of passive-aggressive thing. 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: I think he may have intentionally been trying to turn you off or elicit some sort of a reaction. That's interesting. I wonder. But why?
Hopeful30 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 3 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: Obviously, I ended things... or going to end things. I haven't really texted or called him because I'm just weirded out by it. I've had plenty of experience dating and have been in a few long-term relationships and I have NEVER had this happen before. The guy is cute but he's not the best looking guy I've dated. He's 5'6, kind of small, with a little bit of a chubby body but overall he does have a cute face. Personally, I try not to date super hot guys because I find them to sometimes be a little bit cocky and arrogant. So, I was totally surprised by this guy's arrogance. We've technically been on 3 dates, he's invited me out for a 4th this Saturday but not sure I'm going. On our date last Friday, it seemed like he took every opportunity to talk about the women he's dated/slept with. He made EVERYTHING about this. I've never met anyone, EVEN GUY FRIENDS, who had talked about it as much as he did. In my opinion, it actually made me think that he was insecure about himself and this is the way he seeks validation? Because I've dated hella good looking guys who have never even MENTIONED exes. My question is, why would someone feel the need to constantly bring this up? Because I tried, several times, to steer the conversation away to other things and he always managed to insert stories about himself and other women in almost every topic. By the way, this guy told me he was interested in something a little more serious and was tired of dating "younger girls." I'm a little older than him and waaaaaay more mature. So, I was stunned by his boldness in talking about emotionally damaging these women. It was kind of disgusting and disrespectful to myself and the girls he spoke about. I could be wrong but, I feel like maybe I accidentally set him off. I actually write little funny, raunchy pieces about online dating. A week before our date, I wrote this funny piece about a BAD DATE incident that occurred about a month ago and posted it about a week before our date for my friends to read. It was sexual but it was more so to be funny. So, I thought maaaaaaybe this story set him off to try to prove something. I'm dropping him regardless. I'm just more interested in opinions as to WHY he would feel the need to do this? Classic overcompensation. 4
rjc149 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) "So you go on bad dates to write funny articles about them, huh. Hold my beer." May have been a defense mechanism. There is absolutely no way I'm going to act normal on a date with a chick who writes potentially humiliating kiss-and-tell articles about dates she goes on. At least I can tell people I was purposely acting out. Then again, if I knew you wrote kiss-and-tell articles about your dates for public amusement, there's no way I'd go on a date with you. So it also could be a Napolean thing going on, trying to expound upon his seductive prowess. Edited July 9, 2020 by rjc149 4
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: OMG. Either he's really immature, socially inept, or not very smart. Because anyone with any sense would know that doing this would put someone off immediately. Or maybe he actually wasn't interested in you and he was doing on purpose as some kind of passive-aggressive thing. You know... it's kind of weird but it DID feel slightly passive aggressive. Which is why I thought maybe he was reacting to my story that I had posted a week ago? In that story, I sort of talked about another date I had like 2 months ago where the guy had completely disrespected me. So, I had wrote out this long dialogue between me and this OTHER guy where we had started fighting and attacking each other. I made it funny so it wasn't too serious or anything. Like one of the lines was me asking this OTHER GUY, "What did you leave your balls in your mother's purse?" That was my LEAST OFFENSIVE line. My girlfriends and my siblings thought this little story was hilarious. And this CURRENT GUY read it and said he thought it was funny too. But, I think maybe.... just maybe... it made him out to prove something.
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, rjc149 said: "So you go on bad dates to write funny articles about them, huh. Hold my beer." May have been a defense mechanism. There is absolutely no way I'm going to act normal on a date with a chick who writes potentially humiliating kiss-and-tell articles about dates she goes on. At least I can tell people I was purposely acting out. Then again, if I knew you wrote kiss-and-tell articles about your dates for public amusement, there's no way I'd go on a date with you. So it also could be a Napolean thing going on, trying to expound upon his seductive prowess. Right! I honestly don't ever post stories about my dates because I do have potential dates that follow me on social media. This was the FIRST TIME I did it because of how DISRESPECTFUL this other guy was to me. But, I do think it might've caused him to act differently. But, it was a story on Instagram so it was only up for 24 hours. The first and last time I ever posted something like that. Edited July 9, 2020 by Confoosedgal
chillii Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 33 minutes ago, rjc149 said: "So you go on bad dates to write funny articles about them, huh. Hold my beer." May have been a defense mechanism. There is absolutely no way I'm going to act normal on a date with a chick who writes potentially humiliating kiss-and-tell articles about dates she goes on. At least I can tell people I was purposely acting out. Then again, if I knew you wrote kiss-and-tell articles about your dates for public amusement, there's no way I'd go on a date with you. So it also could be a Napolean thing going on, trying to expound upon his seductive prowess. Yeah , surprised anyone's even going near you if l read you saying stuff like that the delete button would have a dent in it , class act alright especially showing your kids and friends, nice touch. As for this guy who knows but you reap what you sew.
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 16 minutes ago, chillii said: Yeah , surprised anyone's even going near you if l read you saying stuff like that the delete button would have a dent in it , class act alright especially showing your kids and friends, nice touch. As for this guy who knows but you reap what you sew. I'm going to guess you are a male. And, the guy on the other date tried to put his hands inside of my underwear without my permission while we were AT THE PARK, when I pushed him away and asked him to stop he called me a whore and then said it was my fault people were dying from COVID just because I was online dating. So, I turned that into a story about the kind of guys I'm finding online on a personal story. So, forgive me for venting about creeps. I didn't think that automatically meant I have now earned the right to be disrespected on all future dates? I didn't think that meant it is okay for someone to tell me on a date that he ghosts women all of the time after they put out the 3rd time. But, I guess you are right... I must have truly deserved it. 1 1
basil67 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 @Confoosedgal how about give the whole story upfront instead of getting mad at people who interpret your story incorrectly? They are doing the best they can with what you gave. 1
stillafool Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 5 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: So, I was stunned by his boldness in talking about emotionally damaging these women. It was kind of disgusting and disrespectful to myself and the girls he spoke about. How did he emotionally damage them?
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 @basil67 because it wasn't supposed to be about the story. I didn't want to talk about that in this post. And @chilli took it to a passive aggressive level. Class act, showing my kids? I have no kids. And, regardless, this new guy and I have been talking for a while and despite what was said inside of that story, like @rjc149if it bothered the new guy, he should have stayed away from me or been upfront. Instead, he laughed at my story, we talked about it, and i thought we moved on from it. Instead he bragged about sleeping with women and ghosting them.... And, that's what I had wanted to discuss.... 1
basil67 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 @Confoosedgal you mentioned upfront that the story could have connected to his behaviour. They were running with that idea. But given the further information, it sounds like the story had nothing to do with it and you dodged a bullet. Glad you moved on from him. 1
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 2 minutes ago, stillafool said: How did he emotionally damage them? Okay so I'm gonna just call him Allen to avoid any confusion. Because he told me he did! LOL! That is how freaken cocky and arrogant this guy was! He said, he didn't know "WHY these women would become so emotionally attached after sex" but he would talk to them about it and if he felt they were too attached or needy, he would ghost them and in some cases block them. He said, "I guess I just leave a trail of broken hearts and women." I think he kind of meant it as a joke. I'm very raunchy in my jokes and pretty light-hearted most of the time but it was a little hard to fake laugh at this. And, then he said at his old job, he was sleeping with 3 of his co-workers thinking they wouldn't find out. They did and they fought it out and all of them were fired because of it. And, then he said, "It's not my fault if the women are emotional to begin with." So, I was actually going to wait to dump him but as I'm writing this... i'm getting pretty grossed out lol. I think I'm just gonna do it now. 2
Author Confoosedgal Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: @Confoosedgal you mentioned upfront that the story could have connected to his behaviour. They were running with that idea. But given the further information, it sounds like the story had nothing to do with it and you dodged a bullet. Glad you moved on from him. Sorry, I'm just pissed off at men right now! LOL.
Versacehottie Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 He's overcompensating and trying to make himself look "attractive" by telling you other girls liked the merchandise He may have felt that it was ok to do that if he knew about your article because in a way saw it as "permission" and a sign of your openness. Some guys do this subtly but this is really over the top and blatant. Pit of insecurity on that one. Good luck 1
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