Alpha11 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Hey all, So I posted about the sexuality thing but another big issue in dating is that I don't want kids. I am not constrained to someone from my culture (but do prefer this) in dating, but everyone (especially in my culture) wants kids. I don't want them for a number of reasons, some due to my childhood (not related to parents), and with my lack of dating and experiencing love and just focusing on myself, this view has intensified. What is (if there is) the best way to handle this in online dating? It isn't great to get talking to someone you like and then worry about this if the topic hasn't been raised.
Blind-Sided Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Just be blunt and say.... "I do not want kids," I know that's not exactly what you wanted to hear... but that is what needs to be done, so there isn't a break up later. 3
Emilie Jolie Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I agree with the above; there is no easy or best way to say it other than you don't want to be a parent, and state your reasons as you have done here. Do it at the earliest opportunity to dispel misunderstandings or assumptions so you don't get emotionally invested in someone who is not compatible with you long-term, because it's a pretty big deal.
Mystery4u Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 It's normally a topic that comes up on a first or second date anyway when getting to know each other. Just say you don't want them, simple.
chillii Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) lt's fair enough if you don't you don't there's nothing to justify but what if you just stated it on your profile if it's date sites . lf it's not date sites it's a very natural thing two people talk about anyway when meeting someone so l'd just be honest myself. Not sure of age but if it's younger women yep your gonna lose a few from it but , if you don't want kids then you need someone else that doesn't either. Just be honest. Edited July 9, 2020 by chillii 1
Atwood Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I agree with the above, but also I think it would be wise to explain the finality of the decision. I say this because, without a doubt, someone might hear you say that and think there might be a possibility to change your mind or that you'll come around to the idea eventually once you're settled/married. I think you need to be direct about whether or not the decision is negotiable. I.e is there ever a circumstance in which you'd consider having kids? If not, you need to make it clear that it's a permanent decision. 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 No harm in saying that. dont be surprised if you lose people after the first date because wanting or not wanting kids is a deal breaker other problem...unsure how old you are but if you are mid 20s now, this could change 10 yearsfrom now either by you or the person you are dating changes on this. 1
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) Get yourself snipped if you are serious about not having kids. I myself never wanted kids.....didn't have a problem really. I met my husband when I was 25 and he just turned twenty. He was told right away. 30 years later still together. Us and a cat. Edited July 9, 2020 by smackie9 1
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 8 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Us and a cat. A beautiful furbaby. 2
chillii Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 2 hours ago, Atwood said: I agree with the above, but also I think it would be wise to explain the finality of the decision. I say this because, without a doubt, someone might hear you say that and think there might be a possibility to change your mind or that you'll come around to the idea eventually once you're settled/married. I think you need to be direct about whether or not the decision is negotiable. I.e is there ever a circumstance in which you'd consider having kids? If not, you need to make it clear that it's a permanent decision. Absolutely .
OatsAndHall Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Just state that you don't want kids on your profile. This will head off any uncomfortable conversations during a first date. 4
ShyViolet Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Well if you're online dating, then it's easy.... put it in your profile. There's nothing wrong with not wanting kids. And I disagree with your statement that "everyone wants kids." 3
Hopeful30 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 10 hours ago, Alpha11 said: Hey all, So I posted about the sexuality thing but another big issue in dating is that I don't want kids. I am not constrained to someone from my culture (but do prefer this) in dating, but everyone (especially in my culture) wants kids. I don't want them for a number of reasons, some due to my childhood (not related to parents), and with my lack of dating and experiencing love and just focusing on myself, this view has intensified. What is (if there is) the best way to handle this in online dating? It isn't great to get talking to someone you like and then worry about this if the topic hasn't been raised. Most online dating profiles ask if you want kids or not then include this information in your profile. 1
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