Scheduled a date then immediately wanted to reschedule?

[smackie9]

4 hours ago, fred123 said:

disagree. my ex broke up with me and was committed to a new guy within a month so it does happen

Apples to oranges. They have been seeing each other for 6 weeks with her probably dating others. I'm saying he's crazy for expecting her to commit. And chances are she's not going to be interested in a future with him. You get very little return with the risk taken. I should have said he's looking like a place holder for the next guy that she will commit to. Like I always say "when you hear them say they are not looking or not ready." more than likely they are not interested in a relationship with you.

 

[lurker74]

23 hours ago, rjc149 said:

Asking a woman to be exclusive 6 weeks in is pretty needy and insecure. 

Is this accurate in most peoples' minds? I can tell you that if I am dating someone for 6 weeks, I've definitely slept with her. And I can also say if I am sleeping with someone, I am no longer pursuing others and expect the same.

Does that make me needy? Genuine question.

[FMW]

JC90, it sounds like you are not ready/willing to date without early full exclusivity (not just sexual) and even some level of commitment.  

As has been pointed out, in the early days of dating (and six weeks is still early) most people see it as getting to know each other to see if you are compatible and not taking things too seriously.  You barely know each other at this point.  She's smart to not rush another relationship, to take her time.  I think it would be smart for you as well.  

You're spending way too much energy on analyzing what she's saying, making guesses about what she's doing.  The lapse in time between her texts with you last night were not long enough for her to indicate she was with another guy, in my opinion.  She simply was busy with something else (cleaning the bathroom, deep conditioning her hair, shaving her legs, a million other non-sketchy reasons) and not glued to her phone.

If you want to give this a shot you're going to have to stop being so suspicious.  Of course you have every right to choose to not see her anymore.  You just can't control what she does so unless you want to drive yourself crazy, focus on something else.  There are other women out there if this doesn't work out, no need to get too invested too soon with this one.    

[poppyfields]

19 minutes ago, lurker74 said:

Is this accurate in most peoples' minds? I can tell you that if I am dating someone for 6 weeks, I've definitely slept with her. And I can also say if I am sleeping with someone, I am no longer pursuing others and expect the same.

Does that make me needy? Genuine question.

I am not rjc, but NO!  The opposite. It makes you smart, strong and confident.  You know what you want and not afraid to voice that. 

What rjc suggests and proposes - saying nothing, waiting for the woman to bring exclusivity up first - is FEAR based, fear of how she will "see" you, needy, insecure, or whatever.

That's not even true for many women, but in any event, anything done from a place of fear never ends well, typically.  

Edited July 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[mr_marvel]

Just now, poppyfields said:

I am not rjc, but NO!  The opposite. It makes you smart, strong and confident.  You know what you want and not afraid to voice that. 

What rjc suggests and proposes - saying nothing, waiting for the woman to bring up exclusivity up first - is FEAR based, and anything done from a place of fear never ends well, typically.  

I don't think that's fear based, but quite the contrary: If you feel like you need to verbally "force" the person you're seeing/dating/f**king into a relationship with you just so you can have some sense of validation, regardless of said person's level of readiness, that's FEAR based.

But, if you just enjoy spending quality time with them and not worry about the entire "label" thingy, that's "smart, strong and confident".

 

 

[Velvet teddy]

20 minutes ago, mr_marvel said:

I don't think that's fear based, but quite the contrary: If you feel like you need to verbally "force" the person you're seeing/dating/f**king into a relationship with you just so you can have some sense of validation, regardless of said person's level of readiness, that's FEAR based.

But, if you just enjoy spending quality time with them and not worry about the entire "label" thingy, that's "smart, strong and confident".

 

 

If he wants to be exclusive that's upto him. Nothing to do with fear. He just wants what he wants. 

He shouldn't have to hold back for fear of judgement. 

I've known people want to be exclusive a lot sooner than six weeks. 

 

Edited July 10, 2020 by Velvet teddy

[poppyfields]

Agreeing to be sexually exclusive is not "labeling" anything.

It's not a "commitment," it's simply an agreement to focus on each other to determine IF it will lead to a long term relationship and commitment.  

Caring, fearing how a woman will view that is weak.

A man's attitude should be - who the f'uvk cares how she views it, a strong confident remains true to himself.

If, after 6 weeks of being sexually involved, she views it as labeling or trying to push for a "relationship," then that's her problem.

No need for a man to do cartwheels trying to please a woman who feels that way, just leave and find a woman who shares his mindset. 

Edited July 10, 2020 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

I think OP brought up the topic of exclusivity with her and got a soft reject or at least it feels that way to him.  He may be paranoid, previously hurt & projecting it onto this one and/or just the type that utilizes exclusivity (prematurely) to manage his anxiety about an uncertain situation.  I don't know if 6 weeks in is too soon if he was genuinely feeling it but she was happy to keep things as they are--neither of which is inherently wrong.  Bound to make the near future very bumpy indeed & perhaps this one won't survive specifically due to now more added uncertainty and insecurity with the OP and the feelings he projects onto her & the relationship.

The best thing to do IMO is to back off a bit and give her a little space so you can get your investment and self calmed down a bit. 

I agree that having her period, or other beauty type concerns are totally a reason that girls schedule a date for a different day.  And why they would still hang out with a girlfriend called megan on originally planned date day but not do something with OP.  TOTALLY makes sense!  Not saying it is the reason exactly because who knows with her not reciprocating the "let's be exclusive" talk.  The one thing for OP is his insecurity and paranoia and pressing in will more likely ruin the potential relationship if he continues this.  If she is only one foot in, all these things will contribute to her wanting all the way out.  That's why OP should back off a little.  Take the good times and a step back, see what happens.  Make her miss you a bit and enjoy you when you are in contact & on a date.

[JC90]

7 hours ago, mr_marvel said:

1. Actually, it's only YOU who talked about such a topic. The purpose of dating is only to have fun and be relaxed. The fact that you needed to verbally discussed "what you were doing" indicated that you were needy and tried to "lock" her down into a relationship, which is a desperate move, thus she gave you a non-enthusiastic answer.

2. Come on man. You have been going out with this woman for 6 weeks and did not have sex? Her interest level in you would drop gradually until there's none left. And if you are non-exclusive, then ask yourself this: Why are you still wasting your time asking her out? And why should you be concerned about who she sleeps with? That's none of your business. If you like her, why didn't you TRY to sleep with her YOURSELF?

3. You're thinking way too much - which is a sign of insecurity. Let her do whatever she likes to do. You can't CONTROL another human being anyway. Instead why don't you go out and date more women? This scarcity mindset will eventually lead you to the "oneitis" syndrome and will bring you nothing but sadness and suffering.

1.) No I just wanted to know where my feelings should be because I was starting to catch them.

2.) We've had sex like a hundred times.

3.) I know. I am trying to talk to other women but have felt weird about it due to my feelings for her.

7 hours ago, mr_marvel said:

1. One of the qualities that an alphamale must have, is the ability to "control" your emotions. Being "way too invested to the point of insecurity" is just a lack of self-control and emotions. This is a weakness that needs to be addressed and fixed. So please stop making excuses about it.

2. You LIED, and you know it. You are not okay with that answer. Instead you wanted to hear sth like "Let's be an official couple". By asking that insecured question, you want to make things "official" between you and her. That's what happened. And that's the truth. 

What you should have done, is to NOT discuss relationship topics. And even if you did (like you did), if I were you, I would have bluntly told her that I am not okay with where we are right now because I'm romantically interested in her and want her to be my girlfriend and if she's not okay with that then I cannot see her again, and if she ever changes her mind, she can give me a call later. And I'd walk away and never look back from that point forward.

3. Let me "translate" this for you: You were subtly jealous so you asked her if she slept with others beside you and if she really did, how many. Bad move, my friend, bad move.

4. Of course that's the answer she would have said. That's why this is the question you should NEVER ask a woman because there's only ONE answer you'll receive from her.

5. Another way of saying is you did not believe her. Then again, why even bothered to ask her that question in the 1st place??? You were TOO insecured, my friend.

6. So now you have actually learned something. That's good for you.

7. At least you're having sex with her, that's a good thing. Who cares about being the rebound guy or not? You are getting laid, so enjoy it while you still can, and stop trying to verbally "lock" her down into a relationship. Ever. Again.

1.) Easier said than done. Much more easily done when you don't have feelings for a person.

2.) No. I was ok with it because I understand that she is very recently out of a long term relationship and doesn't want commitment so soon after.

3.) No. We are sleeping together without condoms. If she was sleeping with other people then I wanted to start using condoms for safety.

4.) Not in my experience. Either way, I asked her in good faith hoping for an honest answer, because once again, we're sleeping together without condoms.

5.) Bad reading comprehension. I believed her about not SLEEPING with other guys, but wasn't sure about talking to/going on dates with other guys. She specifically said she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but didn't say anything about talking to/going on dates. That's why I took it as a half truth.

6.) Smart ass comment, but thanks mr. marvel. It means a lot coming from someone as "marvelous" as you 

7.) I've "gotten laid" with a hundred or more different women. I've only ever had feelings for 3 or 4. As sappy as this sounds, the feelings mean more to me than getting laid at this point in my life, because chemistry is so few and far between. Most women I sleep with I don't catch feelings for or even want to date. This is rare for me.

3 hours ago, mr_marvel said:

1. You guys already had a date set this Sunday, so you should have kept the conversation light and swift instead of chit-chatting between dates.

2. Who cares what she does, whom she does it with and when she does it anywway? You are spending too much time over-analyzing her every moves and actions, even to the point of stalking her online activities, instead of leaving her be until Sunday. You're being way insecure and this mindset will make you suffer in the long run.

1.) I agree, but she hit me up first. I'm just being friendly. And if I'm being honest I was curious what she was up to since yesterday was the day she rescheduled from.

2.) I'm not stalking her online activities. If anything, she was looking at mine (because she sent me a message about my snapchat story). Otherwise I agree.

[JC90]

44 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

I think OP brought up the topic of exclusivity with her and got a soft reject or at least it feels that way to him.  He may be paranoid, previously hurt & projecting it onto this one and/or just the type that utilizes exclusivity (prematurely) to manage his anxiety about an uncertain situation.  I don't know if 6 weeks in is too soon if he was genuinely feeling it but she was happy to keep things as they are--neither of which is inherently wrong.  Bound to make the near future very bumpy indeed & perhaps this one won't survive specifically due to now more added uncertainty and insecurity with the OP and the feelings he projects onto her & the relationship.

The best thing to do IMO is to back off a bit and give her a little space so you can get your investment and self calmed down a bit. 

I agree that having her period, or other beauty type concerns are totally a reason that girls schedule a date for a different day.  And why they would still hang out with a girlfriend called megan on originally planned date day but not do something with OP.  TOTALLY makes sense!  Not saying it is the reason exactly because who knows with her not reciprocating the "let's be exclusive" talk.  The one thing for OP is his insecurity and paranoia and pressing in will more likely ruin the potential relationship if he continues this.  If she is only one foot in, all these things will contribute to her wanting all the way out.  That's why OP should back off a little.  Take the good times and a step back, see what happens.  Make her miss you a bit and enjoy you when you are in contact & on a date.

The bolded is mostly true, I'll admit. I'm definitely not the type to ask about exclusivity prematurely, though. I'm only invested like this because I feel like we have chemistry and have caught feelings. This is a rare occurrence for me.

Originally I had planned to "back off" a bit. Last sunday when we hungout I deliberately didn't schedule a future date that same night (which we had been doing). I was planning on waiting a few days, letting her miss me, and seeing if she would hit me up first. And guess what? She did. The very next day--monday, is when she texted me saying she wanted to make me dinner. I was pretty ecstatic about this because it proved to me that she is thinking about me and "wants" me enough to make a move before I do. Then, as we've gone over, the next morning she rescheduled alllll the way to Sunday, which seemed weird considering we've been seeing each other multiple times a week, and suddenly she only wants to hangout once this week (and at the very end of the week for that matter). Then wednesday she hits me up to say she's looking forward to seeing me sunday and to sext, which I was happy to play along with, and yesterday she responded to my snap story, which led into my previous post, and here we are.

[mr_marvel]

54 minutes ago, JC90 said:

2.) We've had sex like a hundred times. [/quote]

1. Awesome. So keep it going. Why the need to make it more complicated than it should be by having "the talk"?

Quote

3.) I know. I am trying to talk to other women but have felt weird about it due to my feelings for her. [/quote]

2. You guys are not official, so why limit yourself to her only? Why did you have to restrict yourself from having fun with other women? This is typical "ONEITIS" (google this) behaviour.

Quote

1.) Easier said than done. Much more easily done when you don't have feelings for a person. [/quote]

3. Self-control is never easy, doesn't mean it's not essential or not needed.

Quote

2.) No. I was ok with it because I understand that she is very recently out of a long term relationship and doesn't want commitment so soon after. [/quote]

4. If you were TRULY OKAY with it, you wouldn't have bothered to post this topic.

Quote

3.) No. We are sleeping together without condoms. If she was sleeping with other people then I wanted to start using condoms for safety. [/quote]

5. You know this is NOT the true reasons you questioned her about whether or not she slept with others. You did it out of fear and insecurity. Condoms have nothing to do with this.

Quote

4) Either way, I asked her in good faith hoping for an honest answer, because once again, we're sleeping together without condoms. [/quote]

6. If you were truly that concerned for your (AND HER) health, you would have used the condoms regardless of what she said. Stop making BS excuses! 

Quote

5.) Bad reading comprehension. I believed her about not SLEEPING with other guys, but wasn't sure about talking to/going on dates with other guys. She specifically said she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but didn't say anything about talking to/going on dates. That's why I took it as a half truth. [/quote]

7. So you DID NOT believe her. 

Quote

7.) I've "gotten laid" with a hundred or more different women. I've only ever had feelings for 3 or 4. As sappy as this sounds, the feelings mean more to me than getting laid at this point in my life, because chemistry is so few and far between. Most women I sleep with I don't catch feelings for or even want to date. This is rare for me.[/quote]

8. If you were really that popular with women, once again, you wouldn't have bothered to post this topic. Sorry.

 

Edited July 10, 2020 by mr_marvel

[mr_marvel]

55 minutes ago, JC90 said:

1.) I agree, but she hit me up first. I'm just being friendly. And if I'm being honest I was curious what she was up to since yesterday was the day she rescheduled from. [/quote]

1. That's not a valid reason. You are using this as an excuse to justify the fact that you chat with her unneccessarily between dates. You could show your "friendliness" at the real date, not via phones. And once again: Why SHOULD you be "curious" about what she's been up to? That only indicates you have spent a fairly unhealthy amount of time thinking (even obsessing) about this woman - which is a sign of insecurity, clinginess and NEEDINESS.

Quote

2.) I'm not stalking her online activities. If anything, she was looking at mine (because she sent me a message about my snapchat story). Otherwise I agree.

2. YES YOU ARE. Your actions speak louder than your words. 

Edited July 10, 2020 by mr_marvel

[Velvet teddy]

7 minutes ago, mr_marvel said:

1. Awesome. So keep it going. Why the need to make it complicated than it should be by asking the question?

2. You guys are not official, so why limit yourself to her only? Why did you have to restrict yourself from having fun with other women? This is typical "ONEITIS" (google this) behaviour.

3. Self-control is never easy, doesn't mean it's not essential or not needed.

4. If you were TRULY OKAY with it, you wouldn't have bothered to post this topic.

5. You know this is NOT the true reasons you questioned her about whether or not she slept with others. You did it out of fear and insecurity. Condoms have nothing to do with this.

6. If you were truly that concerned for your (AND HER) health, you would have used the condoms regardless of what she said. Stop making BS excuses! 

7. So you DID NOT believe her. 

8. If you were really that popular with women, once again, you wouldn't have bothered to post this topic. Sorry.

 

Not everyone  wants to continually sleep around and multiple date.

Eventually some people want to settle or at least find one person where the feelings are mutual

[Versacehottie]

Yeah, I'm not saying it was prematurely overall.  The thing to consider is that while you weren't "wrong" because you were just acting on your feelings that her response is going to cause insecurity, as it would to almost anyone who got an answer they weren't hoping for.  It might not if her answer just made you upset to the point you no longer wanted to see her or brought you back down off your affection for her.  

I think it would be hard to pinpoint that it was tied together, especially if it's your scenario and you're "in" it but I do think that you could have looked for an exclusive commitment since there was some security that where you guys were wasn't providing you.  It can be a combination of factors that caused you to do this even that you are not consciously fully aware of:

*previously being hurt (which your spoken, kinda like it's still a bit of baggage to be honest, amplifies your anxiety or need to lock down a good thing)

*feeling very strongly and that the chemistry is strong between you so that it's different and more valuable to you than average (heighten urgency because of that, higher stakes)

*her genuine reluctance and playing it cool, which summed up in a sentence with the "let's keep things as they are" but I would say were probably evident in how she interacted with you already, ie doing her own thing, a little bit of being less into you than you were into her, less committal.  She probably just summed up in a sentence what you've already been aware of or worried about. This also would create heightened urgency, anxiety to lock her down or believe that chemistry would override the other facts that showed you she might not be ready or fully "in". 

*i think most of the time when people ask these questions of exclusivity or a proposal they know the answer they will receive.  And are generally dealing with a balanced and progressing relationship.  That said, there are some times when people hope against hope, though they have an answer they "feel" they could receive, ie a bad one, but ask anyway. It's like failing to see reality or be on the same page.  If just days before you were already going to back off, not ask her out immediately etc, on some level you were aware that you weren't on the same page.  Not saying it's your fault.  If a person is hot & cold with you or just not up to the pace you are, it makes sense that your anxiety would kick in.  I think it probably is all of these factors put together.  It was "premature" basically because you two were not on the same page and sounds like one or both of you was not reading each other's cues or hoping against hope.  Maybe she is just trying to slow the pace to something she can deal with after her breakup.

Bottom line: no one person's fault and sometimes you can't just change how things are.  They just ARE. Currently though, you are becoming increasingly insecure and suspicious which is never a good thing.  We can give excuses and provide reasoning for it all we want but it won't change the fact that the status quo is fueling this.  I would advise a step back not really to manipulate her into missing you (though hopefully she will) but first and foremost, so that you can get a grip on your feelings and get them down to the level of what she is offering back.  Neutralize things a little.  Good luck

Edited July 10, 2020 by Versacehottie

[mr_marvel]

3 minutes ago, Velvet teddy said:

Not everyone  wants to continually sleep around and multiple date.

Eventually some people want to settle or at least find one person where the feelings are mutual

You may be right. But this has nothing to do with OP's needy behaviour & insecurity about this woman. 

[FMW]

1 hour ago, JC90 said:

We've had sex like a hundred times.

It's understandable that you're feeling attached to her.  Unfortunately it appears she's just not where you are as far as wanting to make any agreements or promises about the relationship right now.  You don't have any control over what she's feeling or what she's willing to do as far as the two of you go.

You only have control over yourself.  You can accept the pace and level of transparency she's apparently good with, or you can give her a pass.  

Most of us have been there, sometimes several times.  Maybe this is your first time being the one that wants more so it might be a little more of a challenge to deal with. Whatever the case, just always remember you have choices, you don't HAVE to follow someone else's lead.  That thought helps calm me down when I get into frustrating situations, maybe it will help you.  

[JC90]

2 hours ago, mr_marvel said:

8. If you were really that popular with women, once again, you wouldn't have bothered to post this topic. Sorry.

Talk about projecting... You're a troll. Here's the difference between us... You've spent all your time on PUA forums theorizing and reading other people's experience while getting none of your own, while I've been out dating and sleeping with women. I lost count at 30 back in my early/mid twenties, and I'm 30 now. Not to mention the longest I've ever dated someone was 6 months and that was only one person, so I don't have nearly the same amount of time in relationships--with only one person--that most people do. You can believe that I've "been around the block," and to the point of me wishing I could take some back because I was "young, dumb and full of cum" so to speak back in those days. I posted this topic because in over a decade of dating/sex, I've only had TRUE emotional chemistry and feelings for 3-5 women, and this is one of them. 

"JOINED

Yesterday at 02:53 AM"

Nice troll account, kid.

Back on topic... Thanks everyone else for the advice/wisdom (even if it's something I didn't want to hear). I'm going to try and chill with my "worst case scenario" thoughts and feelings, give her the benefit of the doubt on the slightly odd reschedule, and see what happens sunday. If she flakes/cancels sunday, then I'll know there's an actual problem and this is going downhill.

Edited July 10, 2020 by JC90

[rjc149]

5 hours ago, lurker74 said:

Is this accurate in most peoples' minds? I can tell you that if I am dating someone for 6 weeks, I've definitely slept with her. And I can also say if I am sleeping with someone, I am no longer pursuing others and expect the same.

Does that make me needy? Genuine question.

No, not necessarily. This is a bit like asking "if I need a piece of string, how long would it need to be?"

How many times have you slept with her? Once? Twice? Routinely, each weekend? 

What's the nature of the relationship? Just because it's sexual, doesn't necessarily make it a romance. Is it overtly romantic? 

Do both parties feel that sleeping with someone else would be violating a boundary?

This day in age, generally speaking, a month and a half is pretty early. You know each other, but not well. Only the good side, the 'honeymoon' side. Not the real side. So, asking for an exclusive, committed relationship 6 weeks in is coming from insecurity. You want to lock this person down before you really know them. You want to take them off the market so no one else can get them, or so they can't leave. It's a fear-based mindset. 

Now, it can also depend on the woman. Some women who are more anxious want things to move and escalate quickly. Some women are going to wonder, 6 weeks in of regular sexual contact, "is this going anywhere?" and the reassurance would be welcome. do more t

My parents dated for 3 months before getting engaged and just celebrated their 37th anniversary. So it's not a one-size fits all. 

But if you're a guy, it's always better to wait for her signals before asking her to be exclusive. That's usually 3-6 months, as conventional wisdom suggests that this is the length of time it takes for a woman to fall in love. Because if you blindside her, and she's not ready for labels and commitment, it will usually do more harm than good. 

 

[rjc149]

OP, I've spent much of my mid 20's - early 30's doing the "alpha dog" persona, reading up on PUA literature etc. because in college I was cruelly dumped by my first real girlfriend for a loud dickhead frat boy who had already banged all of her friends.

So I adopted that persona. It worked in attracting women, but not keeping them. Eventually, after years of this, when it came time to be the best I could be for a woman I really cared about, I got my heart broken. I was so scared of being needy and 'beta' that I willfully neglected her emotionally, you know, because I had to "maintain frame" and "not be a little pussy" etc. It was a fear-based mindset. You attract what you fear. I was so afraid of being beta, that she ended up leaving me for a beta. 

I think you're asking her for exclusivity because you fear losing this woman. What will end up happening is it will self-fulfill. It's better to simply understand that it's okay if she doesn't want to be exclusive, or loses interest, or leaves you. Even the most intimate relationships run their course. Just be the man who will graciously accept women into his life, and graciously let them go. 

 

 

[JC90]

Update.

She hit me up an hour ago on snap saying "hey I'm actually free tonight if you wanna hang. If not I'll see you sunday =)"

So the period theory is out. It's obvious she had other plans for tonight (and probably tomorrow) and they fell through. That's why she went directly to Sunday from Thursday. If they were with a friend of hers I'm not that bothered. I understand putting friends first. But if it was a date/some dude who she put "ahead" of me that would be a different story.

I should've probably told her I was busy and I'd see her sunday, but I told her I'd be down to hangout after work tonight.

I'm honestly tempted to walk in and jokingly say "that was spontaneous! Tinder date cancel?" just to see her response.

[rjc149]

3 minutes ago, JC90 said:

I should've probably told her I was busy and I'd see her sunday, but I told her I'd be down to hangout after work tonight.

I agree, you should have. 

4 minutes ago, JC90 said:

I'm honestly tempted to walk in and jokingly say "that was spontaneous! Tinder date cancel?" just to see her response.

If you can say this without the slightest tinge of butthurt, and truly deliver it in a cocky James Bond "you'll be mine in the end, you'll see" sort of way, then do it. 

Something tells me this will be veiled resentment, so I don't recommend it. Just be cool and unattached to any result or outcome with her. Have a good time. Nothing less. 

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, JC90 said:

Update.

She hit me up an hour ago on snap saying "hey I'm actually free tonight if you wanna hang. If not I'll see you sunday =)"

So the period theory is out. It's obvious she had other plans for tonight (and probably tomorrow) and they fell through. That's why she went directly to Sunday from Thursday. If they were with a friend of hers I'm not that bothered. I understand putting friends first. But if it was a date/some dude who she put "ahead" of me that would be a different story.

I should've probably told her I was busy and I'd see her sunday, but I told her I'd be down to hangout after work tonight.

I'm honestly tempted to walk in and jokingly say "that was spontaneous! Tinder date cancel?" just to see her response.

lol well maybe you've never had a period or it could have been a zit.  I'm not saying you're wrong that it's some bad reason but it won't help you to think like that cause it will mess with your confidence.  It could equally be a "good" reason.  Perhaps even that backing off causes her to want to see you--she'd be hot/cold type then which is another problem but the core problem wouldn't be that she is dating other guys.

If you really believe some of the negative theories, yeah you probably should have done the bolded above.  If only to get a hold of your own emotions and thoughts about it---as well as plant a seed of doubt in her mind that if she doesn't snap you up, as she didn't perhaps you are dating others as well.

I think it's hard to date someone when you ask for exclusivity and they basically tell you no.  The reasons could be various but ultimately they are within their rights to date others.  If you met her through a dating app, and Tinder at that, it's safe to say she is probably talking to and dating other guys.  If you are truly NOT ok with that, maybe you should say so and/or stop dating her.  You have your own boundary but aren't truly honoring it really.

I'm 50/50 on asking her if a tinder date cancelled.  TBH, it would probably turn me off.  I'd see right through it as a passive aggressive dig (though true if that is what I was doing).  Trust me she is will have a justification for her position.  Though if you are looking for more fuel to get clarity on what you are going to do, it's not the worst idea to call her out.  I usually think an actually curious, rather than faux-disguised one--especially a poorly designed experiment where perhaps you won't get honesty but are gonna make a judgment call off her expression---is better.  I would bet if all you have to go on is her expression--even if it's guilty AF--you will hang in there. I think you are kinda butt hurt (sorry!) but not going to do something about it like walk away. Instead the insecure feelings are actually sabotaging what could be.  I might revise my ratio to 70 against/30 for.  Sometimes there's nothing wrong with calling a person out but you're not in a "relationship" with her officially; you accepted it when she wanted the status quo; and you aren't yet that type of priority. Not an easy position to be in but it seems like you are backed into a corner. Girls have to deal with this all the time, just saying  Idk, if you are gonna act like a guy who's fine with going with the flow, you should do that, like for real.  

She's obviously still into you on some level but not all the way in.  She's calling the shots because you would actually rather be with her much more & more defined than it is. Sucks that you can't just roll with the momentum or right the balance.  I don't envy you but your best tactic is to somehow get your insecure feelings out of the mix.  Good luck

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, rjc149 said:

I agree, you should have. 

If you can say this without the slightest tinge of butthurt, and truly deliver it in a cocky James Bond "you'll be mine in the end, you'll see" sort of way, then do it. 

Something tells me this will be veiled resentment, so I don't recommend it. Just be cool and unattached to any result or outcome with her. Have a good time. Nothing less. 

Sorry rjc, I used butthurt too before I read yours lol--on the same page with that.  

Agree to the bolded.

Edited July 10, 2020 by Versacehottie

[CaliforniaGirl]

2 hours ago, JC90 said:

Update.

She hit me up an hour ago on snap saying "hey I'm actually free tonight if you wanna hang. If not I'll see you sunday =)"

So the period theory is out. It's obvious she had other plans for tonight (and probably tomorrow) and they fell through. That's why she went directly to Sunday from Thursday. If they were with a friend of hers I'm not that bothered. I understand putting friends first. But if it was a date/some dude who she put "ahead" of me that would be a different story.

I should've probably told her I was busy and I'd see her sunday, but I told her I'd be down to hangout after work tonight.

I'm honestly tempted to walk in and jokingly say "that was spontaneous! Tinder date cancel?" just to see her response.

Ugh no...you're sure you're just backup...but you're down for it anyway...OMG, man. That's not a turnoff???

Edited July 10, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

FWIW, I'd take the Tinder "joke" as PA too. Especially recently after the guy obviously telling me he wanted to be exclusive.