JC90 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) Been dating someone for about 6 weeks who's very recently out of a long-term relationship. We had a talk about "what we were doing" and all she said was that she "likes where we are". I get not wanting to jump back into something serious too soon, but I do have feelings for her at this point. So, we're non-exclusive so I don't know if there are other guys in the picture, but (last week) she did tell me she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, which I believed. Talking to/seeing though? I don't know. Anyways, we hungout Sunday, then Monday night SHE texted ME saying she'd love to make me dinner sometime this week (a pretty high interest thing to do). I agreed and suggested Thursday, which she agreed to. The next morning (literally 12 hours later), she asked if we could do Sunday instead--without any explanation (a pretty low interest thing to do). Needless to say, this confused me. I'm free Sunday so I told her that was fine, but I can't help but feel like I might be being played with... I mean, why agree to the date then flake the very next morning? It just makes me think she got another "offer". And why skip to Sunday? Why not ask me for Friday or Saturday? Once again, it makes me think she's keeping the "fun" nights open for other "offers". The last several weeks she's been very easy to schedule dates with and (knock on wood) never flaked, but this seems really weird to me. Am I crazy? Edited July 8, 2020 by JC90 1
lurker74 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 Stop. Don't over think. Plenty of people have scheduled something only to forget later that they already had an appointment or commitment that night. At six weeks, I'd probably bring it up on Sunday, saying, "Hey...what happened Thursday?" but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. 2
fred123 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 id make it clear what u want from her as you like her. otherwise you will get hurt. You might be on different wavelengths
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 I wouldn't worry about it. It could literally be anything. She did immediately want to reschedule. However, if you suspect it's another guy and that's not okay with you...well, you have a choice to make. You can either put up with it, or speak to her and explain that if you can't be exclusive you can't be with her anymore. 1
ShyViolet Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 I think you are overthinking things. You have been dating her for 6 weeks. You are not exclusive. You don't have a monopoly over her schedule. She does have other things going on. If you push the issue of being exclusive too soon, you will scare her off. 1
Watercolors Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) I think it's fair to say that at the 6 week point, you need to be clear with her about what you want from her and the relationship. Do you want to be just another dating option, or do you want to be a priority and be exclusive with her? My vote is to have the exclusivity talk with her. See what she says. Because if she plans/cancels/plans on you to the point where it become a noticeable pattern, then you can consider yourself just an option for her. Everyone has their own timeline for transitioning to exclusivity. If 6 weeks is what you feel is right for exclusivity, then you need to communicate this to her. Edited July 8, 2020 by Watercolors
Author JC90 Posted July 8, 2020 Author Posted July 8, 2020 3 hours ago, lurker74 said: Stop. Don't over think. Plenty of people have scheduled something only to forget later that they already had an appointment or commitment that night. At six weeks, I'd probably bring it up on Sunday, saying, "Hey...what happened Thursday?" but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. 1 hour ago, fred123 said: id make it clear what u want from her as you like her. otherwise you will get hurt. You might be on different wavelengths 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: I wouldn't worry about it. It could literally be anything. She did immediately want to reschedule. However, if you suspect it's another guy and that's not okay with you...well, you have a choice to make. You can either put up with it, or speak to her and explain that if you can't be exclusive you can't be with her anymore. 55 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: I think you are overthinking things. You have been dating her for 6 weeks. You are not exclusive. You don't have a monopoly over her schedule. She does have other things going on. If you push the issue of being exclusive too soon, you will scare her off. 54 minutes ago, Watercolors said: I think it's fair to say that at the 6 week point, you need to be clear with her about what you want from her and the relationship. Do you want to be just another dating option, or do you want to be a priority and be exclusive with her? My vote is to have the exclusivity talk with her. See what she says. Because if she plans/cancels/plans on you to the point where it become a noticeable pattern, then you can consider yourself just an option for her. Everyone has their own timeline for transitioning to exclusivity. If 6 weeks is what you feel is right for exclusivity, then you need to communicate this to her. Thanks for the advice/words of wisdom thus far. I know I'm overthinking. Thing is, there's no in between when I date someone.. I either don't really care about them or I'm WAY to invested to the point of insecurity (like here). In terms of the exclusivity conversation... We kinda had it. I didn't go into detail in my post, but last week we were laying in her bed cuddled up, and I said to her "we should probably talk about what we're doing. Are we friends with benefits, dating, or is this a rebound?" Her answer was simply "I like where we are right now. Is that ok?" I told her it was, then also asked her about other people considering we've been sleeping together without condoms (she IS on birth control though). She then said she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, and I told her the same. I did believe her, but I also took it as a half-truth. Meaning she's specifically not sleeping with anyone else, but is probably talking to other and enjoys attention from other people, and wants to keep her options open. Overall the conversation didn't go exactly how I would've liked it, and I'm not willing to bring it up again--ever--lest I scare her away. I now figure that if she wants exclusivity with me she will ask for it (and she obviously doesn't right now). I think part of me is worried about being the "rebound guy" again. The last girl I had feelings for threw herself at me hard, treated me like her boyfriend, then suddenly said she didn't want to see me anymore. That girl was also recently out of a long term relationship. Admittedly we weren't seeing each other long, but I managed to catch some feelings and being thrown away like that wasn't fun. 1
Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 18 hours ago, lurker74 said: Stop. Don't over think. Plenty of people have scheduled something only to forget later that they already had an appointment or commitment that night. At six weeks, I'd probably bring it up on Sunday, saying, "Hey...what happened Thursday?" but I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. Totally agree. I also think since she would be the one cooking maybe it works better for her schedule and what she plans to make for you to do it on the weekend. It also could be because she wants to relax into spending time with you rather than a "bad" reason. You should look at it like that. Sunday may be farther away than Thursday but it doesn't exactly make it a blowoff--in fact it could be the opposite. To a lot of people, the Sunday slot would be the prime slot. I think OP, you are overthinking it and your anxious and/or negative thinking is coloring this instance. I think she is a little poor-mannered not to give a reason but perhaps she is just delaying when she explains or doesn't think it's a big deal where you would get bent out of shape about it. Here's an idea: for sake of interest in someone you are dating's life, just ask her why Sunday is better. It's not confrontational or angry, it's just interest and curiosity. Depends on what is going on in your mindset when you ask that, but I probably would have ask right away. It's not a big deal unless you make it one which is why a question like that would be just as harmless as her changing the day.
rjc149 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 19 hours ago, JC90 said: It just makes me think she got another "offer". And why skip to Sunday? Why not ask me for Friday or Saturday? Once again, it makes me think she's keeping the "fun" nights open for other "offers". I think this is somewhat valid, actually, although 6 weeks in, you shouldn't be getting anxious about it. Except -- you seem to have an anxious attachment style. Asking a woman to be exclusive 6 weeks in is pretty needy and insecure. Generally speaking, you should wait for the woman to broach that subject. She usually won't ask you "will you be my boyfriend?" -- that's your job to ask -- but she should be the one asking "what is this?" or "what are we?" or expressing doubt like "I just feel like I don't know where this is going." Then, that's your cue to ask her "what do you mean?" or "what are you trying to say?" She usually won't be open to the idea of exclusivity until she's in love with you. If she's rescheduled for Sunday, a non "fun" day, simply tell her it doesn't work for you. You've got other plans. "Let me know what next weekend looks like," and leave it off. Don't pester or smother her. Just leave it there. If she's seeing another guy, then be the less needy one. She'll eventually gravitate to you. 1
smackie9 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I think you are crazy expecting any kind of commitment with someone that is recently out of a LTR. Just stop and look at what you are doing and feeling...it this right? no you are wasting your time. You are making yourself crazy with assumptions she could be dating others, which is OK for her in her own right. You are way too invested for this, time to get out. She's not going to give you what you want. 1
poppyfields Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 53 minutes ago, rjc149 said: Asking a woman to be exclusive 6 weeks in is pretty needy and insecure. Generally speaking, you should wait for the woman to broach that subject. She usually won't ask you "will you be my boyfriend?" -- that's your job to ask -- but she should be the one asking "what is this?" or "what are we?" or expressing doubt like "I just feel like I don't know where this is going." Then, that's your cue to ask her "what do you mean?" or "what are you trying to say?" Oh dear, @rjc149, if I'm reading your post correctly, what you are suggesting is that instead of a man appearing needy and insecure by stating what he needs and desires, he should say nothing, remain a bit elusive, and wait for the woman to become so needy and insecure that she's forced to bring it up saying things such as "what are we?" "where is this going?" etc expressing doubt and insecurity? In other words, flip your own neediness and insecurity on to her making her the needy and insecurity one? If I read that incorrectly, my apologies. I didn't want to bring up PUA strategies but I have read that advice on many PUA forums. As a woman, for me anyway and women I associate with, it takes a very strong and confident man to state what he wants and needs, including exclusivity. I have had boyfriend's do this and it actually increased my attraction! Again, it takes confidence to do this and I admire men willing to take that risk. JMO but a man withholding what he needs and desires including exclusivity out of FEAR of being considered needy and insecure, may be the neediest and most insecure of all. Again, apologies if I misinterpreted. Edited July 9, 2020 by poppyfields 4
rjc149 Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 9 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Oh dear, @rjc149, if I'm reading your post correctly, what you are suggesting is that instead of a man appearing needy and insecure, he should say nothing, remain a bit elusive, and wait for the woman to become so needy and insecure that she's forced to bring it up saying things such as "what are we?" "where is this going?" etc expressing doubt and insecurity? In other words, flip your own neediness and insecurity on to her making her the needy and insecurity one? If I read that incorrectly, my apologies. I didn't want to bring up PUA strategies but I have read that advice on many PUA forums. As a woman, for me anyway and women I associate with, it takes a very strong and confident man to state what he wants and needs, including exclusivity. I have had boyfriend's do this and it actually increased my attraction! Again, it takes confidence to do this and I admire men willing to take that risk. JMO but a man withholding what he needs and desires including exclusivity out of FEAR of being considered needy and insecure, may be the neediest and most insecure of all. Again, apologies if I misinterpreted. It's not about flipping the script onto women. It's about the woman being ready to have that conversation, before it's had. A man will risk driving a woman away and making her feel pressured if he asks for exclusivity before she's ready for it. I don't think it's the same confident 'leap of faith' like asking a girl out. This communicates "I need to have you locked down and my own, right away, lest someone else comes and takes you." Which is an insecure mindset. You're 100% correct that the fear of being needy and insecure is actually a fear-based mindset, which is insecure. This causes a lot of guys on those PUA forums to say things like "never do this with a woman" and "never let a woman do this" and "never cede your power and dominance to a woman" etc. This rigid "alpha" mentality will also get a man dumped. There's a saying I like: if you cannot put your power down for a moment and pick it back up, you never had it. It's okay for a man to be vulnerable and express his emotions to his woman. But it shouldn't come with an expectation for her to reciprocate. It shouldn't be done for the purpose of validation. I think the OP is asking for exclusivity, prematurely, for his own emotional security and validation. That's going to turn a lot of women off. 2
FMW Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 I think you absolutely should (and you have) establish that you are sexually exclusive, especially since you aren't using condoms. Other than that though I think six weeks is too soon to be having the "what are we" discussion. There are no hard and fast rules or timelines, but personally I think you should probably wait at least 3 months, and that's 3 months of seeing each other several times a week. She should have given you the reason for rescheduling, but I don't think the rescheduling is a problem per se. She clearly wants to have you over because she immediately established another day and time. Maybe Sundays are more convenient for her but she had plans with a friend or family which later were cancelled. She then rescheduled to that more convenient (for her) time when it became available. Maybe she felt embarrassed telling you the reason if it was something like that, she didn't want you to feel like a default position. Or maybe something came up like a work obligation early on Friday and she didn't want to be out late the night before and feel rushed. Maybe her Friday and Saturday nights were filled with friends/family already for the week. Or maybe she wasn't sure you would be available on a traditional "date night" and was unsure about asking. There are a ton of different reasons. For now, don't sweat it. Enjoy the time together. If she makes a habit of switching up things without giving you a reason, then you can be concerned. And if she does cancel and reschedule again ask her why right then. 4 1
poppyfields Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 37 minutes ago, FMW said: I think you absolutely should (and you have) establish that you are sexually exclusive, especially since you aren't using condoms. Other than that though I think six weeks is too soon to be having the "what are we" discussion. There are no hard and fast rules or timelines, but personally I think you should probably wait at least 3 months, and that's 3 months of seeing each other several times a week. I absolutely agree. You want something, be confident and ask for it, which in this case asking for exclusivity since you are sexual and not using condoms is reasonable and necessary! I also agree that six weeks in is too soon to have the "what are we" or "where is this going talk." 3 months sounds about right for that type of discussion. Don't play games or presume to know how she will react. Like I said, when my boyfriends brought up being exclusive, I considered that a strength and reflected confidence. I admired him for it and it increased my attraction. Exclusivity is not the same as commitment to the future, and I think this where the disconnect among posters lies. Two totally different things. Edited July 9, 2020 by poppyfields 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: Oh dear, @rjc149, if I'm reading your post correctly, what you are suggesting is that instead of a man appearing needy and insecure by stating what he needs and desires, he should say nothing, remain a bit elusive, and wait for the woman to become so needy and insecure that she's forced to bring it up saying things such as "what are we?" "where is this going?" etc expressing doubt and insecurity? In other words, flip your own neediness and insecurity on to her making her the needy and insecurity one? If I read that incorrectly, my apologies. I didn't want to bring up PUA strategies but I have read that advice on many PUA forums. As a woman, for me anyway and women I associate with, it takes a very strong and confident man to state what he wants and needs, including exclusivity. I have had boyfriend's do this and it actually increased my attraction! Again, it takes confidence to do this and I admire men willing to take that risk. JMO but a man withholding what he needs and desires including exclusivity out of FEAR of being considered needy and insecure, may be the neediest and most insecure of all. Again, apologies if I misinterpreted. With both my first husband and my second husband it was the man who brought up exclusivity first. So something worked! I always felt that little jolt of "he really likes me" (or in the case of the husbands, loves, not likes) with "so are we boyfriend/girlfriend now? I don't want to see other people." It never turned me off, that's for sure. If we were far enough along that either of us could even be thinking that then it's for sure the interest was already there. No trickery needed, I was into it. I never saw it as needy, I saw it as: we're coming together now, we're taking the next step. As adults. It was exciting. And wonderful. I can say I have NEVER fallen for a guy because although I wasn't wild about him, he pulled back so I suddenly wanted him. Or maybe not never, in middle school this guy was always chasing me and I was afraid of him and then one day he stopped chasing and I sort of missed the way he had always singled me out. I did sort of seek him out after that for about a month. But I'm not 12 now, so... 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 41 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I absolutely agree. You want something, be confident and ask for it, which in this case asking for exclusivity since you are sexual and not using condoms is reasonable and necessary! I also agree that six weeks in is too soon to have the "what are we" or "where is this going talk." 3 months sounds about right for that type of discussion. Don't play games or presume to know how she will react. Like I said, when my boyfriends brought up being exclusive, I considered that a strength and reflected confidence. I admired him for it and it increased my attraction. Exclusivity is not the same as commitment to the future, and I think this where the disconnect among posters lies. Two totally different things. This! I didn't know how to put my finger on it but it's that one word. Confidence. When a guy is brave enough to go ahead and ask for what he wants and is feeling - like exclusivity - that's bold and cool...and confident. That's sexy. Now...begging after two dates or something...that would be different...but just coming out with what he wants...even if I didn't like the guy that way he still rose a notch in my eyes because of the confidence. Just my experience. ETA: Re: the condom thing...well...I'll leave that part alone because, yikes. I'll also say I never slept with more than a guy at a time...just...eew...but anyway...I don't know whether this woman is sleeping with more than the OP, I'm just putting my own experiences in there. Edited July 9, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Maybe she got her period and knows she'd still have it by today but it will over by Sunday and wants it be a romantic dinner/sleepover kind of thing..... 1 1
Author JC90 Posted July 10, 2020 Author Posted July 10, 2020 She hit me up again today on snapchat making a joking/teasing comment about one of my snap story pics, which led to some small talk where I eventually asked her what she was up to today (because today is the day she rescheduled to sunday). She told me she had just gotten back from a bike ride at a some nearby park with her friend Megan--that was around 7pm. We exchange a couple more messages, one where she asks me a question about my meal prep, I respond around 8, then she goes dark till about 10:30. She responds and I say I'm surprised she's still up, then she says "I can't sleep idk what's wrong!" I just ended it after that saying I was heading to bed and told her goodnight. I could be totally off-base here, but for some reason this is all just so damn sketchy to me. I mean she rescheduled our dinner from today to sunday, then says she was hanging out with this Megan girl who she's never mentioned before, and now she's up crazy late (for her schedule) saying she "can't sleep"--all on this same day. And if her plans were with her girlfriend, why not mention that as the reason for rescheduling. "Hey can we do Sunday instead? My friend Megan wants to hangout and can only do Thursday." Boom. Perfect. 4 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: Maybe she got her period and knows she'd still have it by today but it will over by Sunday and wants it be a romantic dinner/sleepover kind of thing..... Good point, but she's on birth control so it's doubtful. Also I feel like at 6 weeks she should be comfortable enough to tell me that. But who knows. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 Well...that's only 2.5 hours without a text. Is that really going dark? She can't be checking in with you every minute. I think you're really over thinking this. She told you she's not sleeping with anyone else. She also more or less said she doesn't want to date exclusively right now. Wondering if she's with other guys is just torturing yourself. You know how she feels...if you can't bear it this way then you need to tell her you two need a break for a bit. 2
Mystery4u Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 3 hours ago, JC90 said: She hit me up again today on snapchat making a joking/teasing comment about one of my snap story pics, which led to some small talk where I eventually asked her what she was up to today (because today is the day she rescheduled to sunday). She told me she had just gotten back from a bike ride at a some nearby park with her friend Megan--that was around 7pm. We exchange a couple more messages, one where she asks me a question about my meal prep, I respond around 8, then she goes dark till about 10:30. She responds and I say I'm surprised she's still up, then she says "I can't sleep idk what's wrong!" I just ended it after that saying I was heading to bed and told her goodnight. I could be totally off-base here, but for some reason this is all just so damn sketchy to me. I mean she rescheduled our dinner from today to sunday, then says she was hanging out with this Megan girl who she's never mentioned before, and now she's up crazy late (for her schedule) saying she "can't sleep"--all on this same day. And if her plans were with her girlfriend, why not mention that as the reason for rescheduling. "Hey can we do Sunday instead? My friend Megan wants to hangout and can only do Thursday." Boom. Perfect. Good point, but she's on birth control so it's doubtful. Also I feel like at 6 weeks she should be comfortable enough to tell me that. But who knows. You sound very insecure. 1
mr_marvel Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) On 7/9/2020 at 2:38 AM, JC90 said: Been dating someone for about 6 weeks who's very recently out of a long-term relationship. We had a talk about "what we were doing" and all she said was that she "likes where we are". [/quote] 1. Actually, it's only YOU who talked about such a topic. The purpose of dating is only to have fun and be relaxed. The fact that you needed to verbally discussed "what you were doing" indicated that you were needy and tried to "lock" her down into a relationship, which is a desperate move, thus she gave you a non-enthusiastic answer. Quote I get not wanting to jump back into something serious too soon, but I do have feelings for her at this point. So, we're non-exclusive so I don't know if there are other guys in the picture, but (last week) she did tell me she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, which I believed. Talking to/seeing though? I don't know. [/quote] 2. Come on man. You have been going out with this woman for 6 weeks and did not have sex? Her interest level in you would drop gradually until there's none left. And if you are non-exclusive, then ask yourself this: Why are you still wasting your time asking her out? And why should you be concerned about who she sleeps with? That's none of your business. If you like her, why didn't you TRY to sleep with her YOURSELF? Quote Anyways, we hungout Sunday, then Monday night SHE texted ME saying she'd love to make me dinner sometime this week (a pretty high interest thing to do). I agreed and suggested Thursday, which she agreed to. The next morning (literally 12 hours later), she asked if we could do Sunday instead--without any explanation (a pretty low interest thing to do). Needless to say, this confused me. I'm free Sunday so I told her that was fine, but I can't help but feel like I might be being played with... I mean, why agree to the date then flake the very next morning? It just makes me think she got another "offer". And why skip to Sunday? Why not ask me for Friday or Saturday? Once again, it makes me think she's keeping the "fun" nights open for other "offers". The last several weeks she's been very easy to schedule dates with and (knock on wood) never flaked, but this seems really weird to me. Am I crazy? 3. You're thinking way too much - which is a sign of insecurity. Let her do whatever she likes to do. You can't CONTROL another human being anyway. Instead why don't you go out and date more women? This scarcity mindset will eventually lead you to the "oneitis" syndrome and will bring you nothing but sadness and suffering. Edited July 10, 2020 by mr_marvel
mr_marvel Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) On 7/9/2020 at 6:12 AM, JC90 said: Thanks for the advice/words of wisdom thus far. I know I'm overthinking. Thing is, there's no in between when I date someone.. I either don't really care about them or I'm WAY to invested to the point of insecurity (like here). [/quote] 1. One of the qualities that an alphamale must have, is the ability to "control" your emotions. Being "way too invested to the point of insecurity" is just a lack of self-control and emotions. This is a weakness that needs to be addressed and fixed. So please stop making excuses about it. Quote In terms of the exclusivity conversation... We kinda had it. I didn't go into detail in my post, but last week we were laying in her bed cuddled up, and I said to her "we should probably talk about what we're doing. Are we friends with benefits, dating, or is this a rebound?" Her answer was simply "I like where we are right now. Is that ok?" I told her it was, [/quote] 2. You LIED, and you know it. You are not okay with that answer. Instead you wanted to hear sth like "Let's be an official couple". By asking that insecured question, you want to make things "official" between you and her. That's what happened. And that's the truth. What you should have done, is to NOT discuss relationship topics. And even if you did (like you did), if I were you, I would have bluntly told her that I am not okay with where we are right now because I'm romantically interested in her and want her to be my girlfriend and if she's not okay with that then I cannot see her again, and if she ever changes her mind, she can give me a call later. And I'd walk away and never look back from that point forward. Quote then also asked her about other people considering we've been sleeping together without condoms (she IS on birth control though). [/quote] 3. Let me "translate" this for you: You were subtly jealous so you asked her if she slept with others beside you and if she really did, how many. Bad move, my friend, bad move. Quote She then said she wasn't sleeping with anyone else, and I told her the same. [/quote] 4. Of course that's the answer she would have said. That's why this is the question you should NEVER ask a woman because there's only ONE answer you'll receive from her. Quote I did believe her, but I also took it as a half-truth. [/quote] 5. Another way of saying is you did not believe her. Then again, why even bothered to ask her that question in the 1st place??? You were TOO insecured, my friend. Quote Meaning she's specifically not sleeping with anyone else, but is probably talking to other and enjoys attention from other people, and wants to keep her options open. Overall the conversation didn't go exactly how I would've liked it, and I'm not willing to bring it up again--ever--lest I scare her away. I now figure that if she wants exclusivity with me she will ask for it (and she obviously doesn't right now). [/quote] 6. So now you have actually learned something. That's good for you. Quote I think part of me is worried about being the "rebound guy" again. The last girl I had feelings for threw herself at me hard, treated me like her boyfriend, then suddenly said she didn't want to see me anymore. That girl was also recently out of a long term relationship. Admittedly we weren't seeing each other long, but I managed to catch some feelings and being thrown away like that wasn't fun. 7. At least you're having sex with her, that's a good thing. Who cares about being the rebound guy or not? You are getting laid, so enjoy it while you still can, and stop trying to verbally "lock" her down into a relationship. Ever. Again. Edited July 10, 2020 by mr_marvel
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 On 7/9/2020 at 12:12 AM, JC90 said: I think part of me is worried about being the "rebound guy" again. The last girl I had feelings for threw herself at me hard, treated me like her boyfriend, then suddenly said she didn't want to see me anymore. That girl was also recently out of a long term relationship. What did you learn? On 7/8/2020 at 8:38 PM, JC90 said: Been dating someone for about 6 weeks who's very recently out of a long-term relationship. Nothing apparently... People recently out of long term relationships are bad news, being the rebound, as you already found out, is no fun. It all feels so right, you are instantly slotted into the bf role, but then they wake up, realise they don't love you, they just grabbed onto someone, anyone, to make them feel better and less lonely,, once they feel better and start looking around, they dispense with your services... 3
fred123 Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 18 hours ago, smackie9 said: I think you are crazy expecting any kind of commitment with someone that is recently out of a LTR. Just stop and look at what you are doing and feeling...it this right? no you are wasting your time. You are making yourself crazy with assumptions she could be dating others, which is OK for her in her own right. You are way too invested for this, time to get out. She's not going to give you what you want. disagree. my ex broke up with me and was committed to a new guy within a month so it does happen
mr_marvel Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 7 hours ago, JC90 said: She hit me up again today on snapchat making a joking/teasing comment about one of my snap story pics, which led to some small talk where I eventually asked her what she was up to today (because today is the day she rescheduled to sunday). [/quote] 1. You guys already had a date set this Sunday, so you should have kept the conversation light and swift instead of chit-chatting between dates. 7 hours ago, JC90 said: She told me she had just gotten back from a bike ride at a some nearby park with her friend Megan--that was around 7pm. We exchange a couple more messages, one where she asks me a question about my meal prep, I respond around 8, then she goes dark till about 10:30. She responds and I say I'm surprised she's still up, then she says "I can't sleep idk what's wrong!" I just ended it after that saying I was heading to bed and told her goodnight. I could be totally off-base here, but for some reason this is all just so damn sketchy to me. I mean she rescheduled our dinner from today to sunday, then says she was hanging out with this Megan girl who she's never mentioned before, and now she's up crazy late (for her schedule) saying she "can't sleep"--all on this same day. And if her plans were with her girlfriend, why not mention that as the reason for rescheduling. "Hey can we do Sunday instead? My friend Megan wants to hangout and can only do Thursday." Boom. Perfect. Good point, but she's on birth control so it's doubtful. Also I feel like at 6 weeks she should be comfortable enough to tell me that. But who knows. 2. Who cares what she does, whom she does it with and when she does it anywway? You are spending too much time over-analyzing her every moves and actions, even to the point of stalking her online activities, instead of leaving her be until Sunday. You're being way insecure and this mindset will make you suffer in the long run.
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