Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 2 hours ago, chillii said: Yeah l dunno , like l said a lot of people seem to have their pattern go through the motions until they figure out whether the person interests them or not., see it between the lines on LS all the time. l was only on one briefly so def' no expert and people were pretty good here. But for me l preferred talking to her a bit first myself but l suppose a lot of people just wanna meet and be done with it so l found while we were talking they were pushing to meet and a couple of times l thought ok to hell with it we'll just meet. Meanwhile you've talked a bit more meantime or seen more pics or whatever and decided nah , she just wasn't for me so there was no point. Bolded agree! yeah i think that happens, especially if there is a lot of messaging going on beforehand. One person might be building a whole relationship and fantasy up in their head and the other person is just trying perhaps to find enough commonality to propel them to the next step and go on a date. I think meeting a person online and all the factors that surround that (multiple dating, generally dismissive environment, on to the next thing and less than ideal communication venues UNTIL they actually go out) stacks the deck against a lot of success with OLD--well not as much as there could be if the OP was meeting hundreds of guys in her target range all at once or over short period of time, all of who were single and looking and met those guys in person--let's say hypothetically at a big party or subsequent parties. I'd bet if she met 25-30 guys who had some initial physical attraction to her in person vs online, more of those would result in a first date--and a higher percentage of those would be a successful first date vs the guys that come from online. I think the authenticity of meeting in way like that, the power of "choice" and some feeling like it was meant to be or magic helps the potential relationship along. That said, even if OLD & apps are a less successful way to meet people you can't discard it altogether because it's such a high percentage of people who are approaching dating that way & have changed up their in person asking out etc because of it. So OP would probably increase her numbers of potential guys and success if she used both methods. (hard to impossible during covid but something to keep in mind as it lifts or things return to normal). People who are "talking" after having matched are essentially still filtering these matches. Some people really do this and by matching doesn't necessarily mean there will be a date even though they might not indicate that. They will play their cards like they will be and are progressing until they no longer are. I wouldn't see it as a sh*tty thing to do; it's just a reality that this is how some people do it. I think if OP kept that in mind perhaps it would be a little less disappointing and ALSO she could manage these first interactions as if a date is not guaranteed but that she has to secure it and vice versa. A little less serious, more fun, especially if a guy hasn't specifically said he is looking for serious or is not from a known serious type site. Anyway to try to inject as much fun into these interactions, like an extension of her profile.
chillii Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Giovane said: Why does that make them "poor quality"? l laughed at that too , there's always something wrong with him because he didn't like her. Edited July 9, 2020 by chillii 2
chillii Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, Versacehottie said: Bolded agree! yeah i think that happens, especially if there is a lot of messaging going on beforehand. One person might be building a whole relationship and fantasy up in their head and the other person is just trying perhaps to find enough commonality to propel them to the next step and go on a date. I think meeting a person online and all the factors that surround that (multiple dating, generally dismissive environment, on to the next thing and less than ideal communication venues UNTIL they actually go out) stacks the deck against a lot of success with OLD--well not as much as there could be if the OP was meeting hundreds of guys in her target range all at once or over short period of time, all of who were single and looking and met those guys in person--let's say hypothetically at a big party or subsequent parties. I'd bet if she met 25-30 guys who had some initial physical attraction to her in person vs online, more of those would result in a first date--and a higher percentage of those would be a successful first date vs the guys that come from online. I think the authenticity of meeting in way like that, the power of "choice" and some feeling like it was meant to be or magic helps the potential relationship along. That said, even if OLD & apps are a less successful way to meet people you can't discard it altogether because it's such a high percentage of people who are approaching dating that way & have changed up their in person asking out etc because of it. So OP would probably increase her numbers of potential guys and success if she used both methods. (hard to impossible during covid but something to keep in mind as it lifts or things return to normal). People who are "talking" after having matched are essentially still filtering these matches. Some people really do this and by matching doesn't necessarily mean there will be a date even though they might not indicate that. They will play their cards like they will be and are progressing until they no longer are. I wouldn't see it as a sh*tty thing to do; it's just a reality that this is how some people do it. I think if OP kept that in mind perhaps it would be a little less disappointing and ALSO she could manage these first interactions as if a date is not guaranteed but that she has to secure it and vice versa. A little less serious, more fun, especially if a guy hasn't specifically said he is looking for serious or is not from a known serious type site. Anyway to try to inject as much fun into these interactions, like an extension of her profile. Yeah online in my short experience is a strange thing fore sure and things would be way different in person on many accounts . Oh God no l didn't even look at matches they sent me most of them were ridiculous , no thanks. l found what l was looking for searching through profiles myself . Edited July 9, 2020 by chillii 1
JolliX Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Online/app dating is tough overall. The issue is that with so many potential options many people will keep looking even if they find someone that is a promising date, because they have a fantasy idea of what they want. I admit that I have had this issue before, talking to girls and then never meeting them (though I just never schedule a date in that case). This happens because I see something that is not part of the ideal fantasy date that I have in my head (sometimes a legitimate red flag and sometimes I'm nitpicking), so I just move onto another pick. Some of these guys might be like that. Others might just be in it for a game or way to pass time, and still some might experiencing the same problem you are and think that a date just wouldn't work out because you have many more picks (as a guy I feel like ladies have many more options than I do; I could be wrong). This type of dating is tough though because of the massive amount of potential options, etc. Now you say that you are the common denominator in all these interactions, and that is true, but you can't use that as your only means of judging if something is wrong with you. You will always be the common denominator in your interactions with others, but that doesn't mean something is wrong with you. The reality is that online/app dating is tough, stressful, and not fair. Keep at it but don't let it get you down. 1
Giovane Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 2 hours ago, JolliX said: Others might just be in it for a game or way to pass time I'm observing this in myself. After three days of toying around (that's a conscious choice of word) with OLD, it does kind of feel like a game. Reminds me of my Playstation, in my college days. It's hard to take it as seriously as a date with a woman I've already interacted with face to face, and if I did invest as much emotionally, I would be a complete wreck by now.
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