Colorful Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) Got matches with quite some men in online dating. Most of them are not starting any conversation. I am not going to. Aren't men supposed to take initiative? what's going on with this world now? I am old schooled. Is it me not attractive enough for them to take action, or generally it's how the world goes nowadays? I am living in N.A, if that helps with the diagnosis. Edited July 7, 2020 by Colorful 1
JTSW Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 Its ok to initiate a conversation with a guy you match with. Guys shouldn't have to do all the chasing. It works both ways in my opinion. 4
Author Colorful Posted July 7, 2020 Author Posted July 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, JTSW said: Its ok to initiate a conversation with a guy you match with. Guys shouldn't have to do all the chasing. It works both ways in my opinion. I am not comfortable with that.
JTSW Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, Colorful said: I am not comfortable with that. Then whats the point of being on a dating site if you no intention of ever making any effort yourself? 7 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 Hopeful, I think you already know what the answer is going to be. It's 2020, the rules are archaic, and people feel all different ways about this. And yes, people have their preferences. If you're already matched then it's not like you're aggressively jumping on some random guy, though. And you know what's coming next, too. Yes, refusing to approach will mean you will probably meet fewer guys. And OTOH, guys who don't women like to approach are out there. So this will take while. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 1 hour ago, JTSW said: Then whats the point of being on a dating site if you no intention of ever making any effort yourself? This. If you're on a dating site it's no secret that you're looking for a man. There's no logic in being coy now. 3
central Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 I found that I didn't get a response 99% of the time if I initiated contact. I had far better results if I let the women initiate contact - at least they had some interest. Most women are inundated with contacts, but seldom the right contacts. It's better to be proactive and seek what you actually want. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 I've never once sent a first message on a dating site, always let the man initiate. The key to getting more messages is to have a really good photo as your main one. I had the best results with a clear closeup of my face in natural daylight as the main photo. 2 1
Ami1uwant Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Colorful said: I am not comfortable with that. How old are you? you get back what effort you put in. If you aren’t the sexiest thing you likrly get passed over. the other problem in OLD..many profiles seen are either bots or dead profiles of people who aren’t using the site currently. Singles in your area likely rotate among the different dating sites every few months.
Author Colorful Posted July 8, 2020 Author Posted July 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Ruby Slippers said: I've never once sent a first message on a dating site, always let the man initiate. The key to getting more messages is to have a really good photo as your main one. I had the best results with a clear closeup of my face in natural daylight as the main photo. OK. Thanks for the tip. I just got rid of my skiing pic as main pic. still not comfortable to put my closeup face as my main pic. I put a full body pic with big sun glass as main instead.
Maldives Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) As a guy I would say it's the man that takes the lead...if they're not they are either really shy or not that interested. I should add ive done that where I have matched with a girl and then on closer inspection decided wasn't really my type and not reached out. Edited July 8, 2020 by Goodguy05 1
Author Colorful Posted July 8, 2020 Author Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, Goodguy05 said: As a guy I would say it's the man that takes the lead...if they're not they are either really shy or not that interested. I should add ive done that where I have matched with a girl and then on closer inspection decided wasn't really my type and not reached out. OK. Thanks for the answer. now I know. It has nothing to do with modern culture. It is just me. I don't want a man who is shy or not that interested. Edited July 8, 2020 by Colorful 2
thefooloftheyear Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 Some guys are getting many options thrown at them, so why then would they need to start fishing for others.. It's perfectly fine if you want to let the men make the first move, but realize that you are probably losing out to women that aren't waiting around-and you probably will never get a chance with some of the others for the reasons mentioned... TFY 4
basil67 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 21 minutes ago, Colorful said: OK. Thanks for the tip. I just got rid of my skiing pic as main pic. still not comfortable to put my closeup face as my main pic. I put a full body pic with big sun glass as main instead. I don't think it's you, so much as the photos you choose. When you are more comfortable showing yourself, you will get more responses. 1
Author Colorful Posted July 8, 2020 Author Posted July 8, 2020 13 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said: Some guys are getting many options thrown at them, so why then would they need to start fishing for others.. It's perfectly fine if you want to let the men make the first move, but realize that you are probably losing out to women that aren't waiting around-and you probably will never get a chance with some of the others for the reasons mentioned... TFY I am not someone who throw myself at anyone. It's fine those men just get the women who throw themselves at them. I don't want to be with hard to deal with and difficult men. Life is short. No point for me to be with anyone who doesn't value and cherish me. 1
snowboy91 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 It's not so much that women are "supposed" to take initiative as it is that women "can" take initiative. So the so-called "rules" that the man must make the move aren't hard and fast rules any more. If you put any two people together to build a relationship (even if it's just a friendship), by definition one person has to make the first move. Keeping in mind you can only control your own actions and not those of others, would it not make sense for you to make the first move since that's entirely within your control? 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 38 minutes ago, Colorful said: OK. Thanks for the tip. I just got rid of my skiing pic as main pic. still not comfortable to put my closeup face as my main pic. I put a full body pic with big sun glass as main instead. I think it's good to show your eyes. The eyes are the windows to the soul. I was always unimpressed if I couldn't see his eyes in the main photo. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Colorful said: I am not someone who throw myself at anyone. It's fine those men just get the women who throw themselves at them. I don't want to be with hard to deal with and difficult men. Life is short. No point for me to be with anyone who doesn't value and cherish me. I'm with you 100%. I'd rather be alone than have to make the first move on a man. It would defy every feminine cell in my body and completely kill the romance for me. Edited July 8, 2020 by Ruby Slippers 2
basil67 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 1 minute ago, Ruby Slippers said: The eyes are the windows to the soul. I was going to say exactly this but thought I'd sound sappy. Thanks for saying it for me. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 13 minutes ago, Colorful said: I am not someone who throw myself at anyone. It's fine those men just get the women who throw themselves at them. I don't want to be with hard to deal with and difficult men. Life is short. No point for me to be with anyone who doesn't value and cherish me. No laugh emoji anymore, so here you go.... Those women are just "showing interest"...in the same way that you are expecting it to be shown at you...you realize that sounds kinda silly, no?? and forgive me for saying this, but they are probably smarter at this than you are...Like others said, its not like you went to the local park and people are expecting you to come on to random men...You are on a dating site...that hurdle has already been cleared... Some men are just not wired to pursue, because they never really had to, or maybe they just lack courting skills.....how does that immediately make them " difficult and hard to deal with"?? TFY 8
rjc149 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 No, women are not supposed to take the initiative. Men are. The fact that it's 2020 didn't suddenly undo 350,000 years of human evolution. However, it doesn't mean that a woman can't take the initiative if she wants to. If you have your eyes on a guy who is a little shy or awkward, go for it. Then the same advice for guys applies. Just casually ask him if he'd like to join you for a drink. Easy peasy. Just be aware that pursuing a man and essentially making yourself available to him places you in a position where you can be used. A lot of guys will see it as an opportunity for easy sex and will take advantage of it. So, you kind of have to go for the right guy. Which, is typically a guy who won't make the first move anyways. They're also usually the ones who are more sexually timid and are less likely to pump 'n dump. 2
basil67 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 1 hour ago, Colorful said: I don't want to be with hard to deal with and difficult men. Life is short. No point for me to be with anyone who doesn't value and cherish me. You're expecting a guy who doesn't know you from a bar of soap to value and cherish you. It's not going to happen. How can they value you if they don't know you? The best you're going to get from a man you've never spoken to on a dating site is contact saying that he'd be interested in meeting you. And even then, this isn't going to happen while you're hiding your face on the site. If you expect more than this, I would suggest that it's not the guys who are being difficult. 4
Roswell91 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) 10 hours ago, Colorful said: Got matches with quite some men in online dating. Most of them are not starting any conversation. I am not going to. Aren't men supposed to take initiative? what's going on with this world now? I am old schooled. Is it me not attractive enough for them to take action, or generally it's how the world goes nowadays? I am living in N.A, if that helps with the Usually yeah the man should take initiative. But im guessing since they're not, you're going to have to, if you want to meet someone that is. I don't think saying a casual "hey, how are you?" Will do you any harm. One initiating message isn't you chasing them. So just do that and see what happens. Also show your face clearly, its not clear if you're wearing sunglasses. Don't take this personally but i do think overall, most men will pick the woman they're most attracted to at first glance. But at the end of the day you still matched one another so they still somewhat must have liked your profile. Edited July 8, 2020 by Roswell91
Erik30 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 7 hours ago, Colorful said: OK. Thanks for the tip. I just got rid of my skiing pic as main pic. still not comfortable to put my closeup face as my main pic. I put a full body pic with big sun glass as main instead. I would say it's because of the pictures that guys aren't sending you messages, especially if it looks like you've got something to hide. I like to see a clear shot of someone's face 3
Roswell91 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 4 minutes ago, Erik30 said: I would say it's because of the pictures that guys aren't sending you messages, especially if it looks like you've got something to hide. I like to see a clear shot of someone's face Especially since people repeatedly say men are "visual". 1
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