fred123 Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 nothing to add here. title says it all. my ex who was jewish who always avoided flaunting me in public did break up with me citing she wants to be someone from her religion. that now explains why i was hidden esp because of my colour. before anyone says it has nothing to do with ny colour, her previous exes who were all white were in public in some form ( online or offline)
smackie9 Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 Shrugs...she's not the one that is racist or she wouldn't have ever associated with you in any way. But it is her prerogative to settle for someone of her faith. That is not being racist. 2
Author fred123 Posted July 7, 2020 Author Posted July 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, smackie9 said: Shrugs...she's not the one that is racist or she wouldn't have ever associated with you in any way. But it is her prerogative to settle for someone of her faith. That is not being racist. I dont know. iv heard from horses mouths that girls will sleep with black guys but never take them home or flaunt them in public etc. to me that seems a bit racist no 2
Ruby Slippers Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, fred123 said: I dont know. iv heard from horses mouths that girls will sleep with black guys but never take them home or flaunt them in public etc. to me that seems a bit racist no I think what holds a lot of women back from dating black men or other ethnicities is not their own interest or attraction, but how they're judged negatively for it by people including the public in general. I live in the South. A few years ago when I was still self-employed as a consultant, I (white woman) met an older black man for a business lunch in his fairly small town. It totally blew my mind and kinda broke my heart how so many people were giving us dirty looks for having lunch together. I can only imagine how they'd have reacted if we'd been behaving in a romantic, affectionate way. Afterward we were chatting outside in the parking lot, and this redneck guy in a big truck drove by and stared menacingly at us. It was pretty scary. I got the feeling he might take some violent action. Not a romantic feeling. A woman would have to have a pretty strong constitution and really like the guy to endure this kind of thing. 2 1
FMW Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 I agree with Ruby Slippers. It often involves a lot of "baggage" that some women, and men I'm sure, don't want to deal with. Relationships are tough enough without having additional outside pressure. However, I do have four mixed race couples in my closer group of friends. In three of them the woman is white, the man black. In the other, it's the reverse. They are clearly up to the challenge, but I do hear stories on a regular basis from them. I think it actually helps bond them closer in a way, but again, it's not something everyone is up to dealing with.
alphamale Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 3 hours ago, fred123 said: nothing to add here. title says it all. my ex who was jewish who always avoided flaunting me in public did break up with me citing she wants to be someone from her religion. that now explains why i was hidden esp because of my colour. before anyone says it has nothing to do with ny colour, her previous exes who were all white were in public in some form ( online or offline) i've never dated a Jewish woman
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 Racism is seen evwrywhere, but you have said that you were just a FB and that so were her exes. Not really a position that commands respect. By the way, if you thought she was a racist and that angered you then why were you sleeping with her? As far as religion, it can be important to some people to marry and raise children with someone from their own religion. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 3 hours ago, fred123 said: I dont know. iv heard from horses mouths that girls will sleep with black guys but never take them home or flaunt them in public etc. to me that seems a bit racist no Some, probably. Stat time: 15% of marriages in the U.S. were interracial in 2010. it's got to be higher by now but that was all I could find so let's go with that. Obviously there are also non-married couples so...I don't know. At least 20% of relationships in the U.S. are interracial, I'm guessing? Conservatively. That's no small amount. Opposition can be from a lot of things. I'm sure region/geography is a huge one. There can also be family pressures. Etc. But a lot of couples, it seems, have no issue with their SO's heritage/race/whatever. So do women in general feel the way you describe...well, it sounds a little archaic and if it's a thing then obviously it's dwindling.
Ami1uwant Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 4 hours ago, fred123 said: nothing to add here. title says it all. my ex who was jewish who always avoided flaunting me in public did break up with me citing she wants to be someone from her religion. that now explains why i was hidden esp because of my colour. before anyone says it has nothing to do with ny colour, her previous exes who were all white were in public in some form ( online or offline) A factor in looking at a srious rrlatiinship and martiage is having commin values..one of these is an agreement on religion and how children are raised. Years ago I had a date with someone eho was Jewish. She said she wasn’t religious. I’m not religious. But she said I eoukd raise ant kids I have as Jewish because of some idea that Jewish mother drives religion. I ended it after that date. the color of your skin could have mattered if older relatives said something about disowning her if they weren’t white or of the same religion. my ex gf told me about her dad.....they came from Peru. He told her he’d disown her if she married a Mexican.
smackie9 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 It really grinds my gears that people will use the term "racist" to things they don't like or understand. These women fear backlash from their racist family, friends, or neighbors. That isn't being racist. Racism is denying equal rights because of color, creed, race or religion. How people date one another doesn't fall under that category. So if a Jewish man tells his Catholic GF that he can't marry her because she isn't Jewish, isn't being a racist. It's a preference. 2
thefooloftheyear Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 People often date/marry exclusively their own, down to not only color/race, but religion and ethnicity....That doesn't make them racist, in many cases its just done because a lot of the same life principles seem to be consistent within those groups of people...It's hard enough to find compatibility with just random people, its logical that one picks someone where there is at least usually a lot of common ground before you even meet them... TFY 4
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 2 hours ago, thefooloftheyear said: People often date/marry exclusively their own, down to not only color/race, but religion and ethnicity....That doesn't make them racist, in many cases its just done because a lot of the same life principles seem to be consistent within those groups of people...It's hard enough to find compatibility with just random people, its logical that one picks someone where there is at least usually a lot of common ground before you even meet them... TFY I agree that there's a disctinction here. For example (just throwing this out there, it could be any nationality, background, etc.) if an Italian Catholic man wants to marry an Italian Catholic woman that doesn't mean he's anti-Irish. It just means that's his preference, for probably a few reasons. Perhaps it's because it's familiar; perhaps it's because something about her reminds him of the great women in his family and he wants to repeat that with his own nuclear family; perhaps it's the religion thing; perhaps it's looks. It could be any of these or anything else, but it's not anti-Irish, anti-black, anti-Croation, anti-Lutheran, anti-anything and/or wanting to hold these other nationalities, ethnicities and so on down, in any way from social to financial to physical. 2
Author fred123 Posted July 8, 2020 Author Posted July 8, 2020 7 hours ago, smackie9 said: It really grinds my gears that people will use the term "racist" to things they don't like or understand. These women fear backlash from their racist family, friends, or neighbors. That isn't being racist. Racism is denying equal rights because of color, creed, race or religion. How people date one another doesn't fall under that category. So if a Jewish man tells his Catholic GF that he can't marry her because she isn't Jewish, isn't being a racist. It's a preference. then my question is. is it ok if i say to a black guy " i dont want to be your friend because you are black". thats not racist according to your logic then. its my preference 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) 28 minutes ago, fred123 said: then my question is. is it ok if i say to a black guy " i dont want to be your friend because you are black". thats not racist according to your logic then. its my preference Of course that isn't my logic by a mile. But again. If you are this opposed to the apparent racism (even though she was sleeping with you) of your engaged ex then why even think about her? She has blocked your request to friend her. You were with her four years ago. It's been over for four years. AND you think she's a racist. Why then are you trying to prove she's a racist...if you already believe you know? What would that do? If she is a racist, how does that change anything in this situation? She's gone. She's getting married. And she does not want to be your friend. Let go. Edited July 8, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
smackie9 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 39 minutes ago, fred123 said: then my question is. is it ok if i say to a black guy " i dont want to be your friend because you are black". thats not racist according to your logic then. its my preference no it's not. Being not attracted is different than disliking someone. 2
basil67 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 Likewise, having incompatible religious beliefs (as suggested earlier in the thread) is different to not wanting to be a friend to someone because of their colour.
Emilie Jolie Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 55 minutes ago, fred123 said: then my question is. is it ok if i say to a black guy " i dont want to be your friend because you are black". thats not racist according to your logic then. its my preference Wtf? It's not ok at all; of course it's majorly prejudiced not to want to have Black friends just because they are Black. That's not the sign of a preference at all. No clue as to whether your ex was racist or not, though; she obviously wasn't too proud of your arrangement and preferred to marry within her faith, neither of which are a marker for racism. 1
Author fred123 Posted July 8, 2020 Author Posted July 8, 2020 7 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Wtf? It's not ok at all; of course it's majorly prejudiced not to want to have Black friends just because they are Black. That's not the sign of a preference at all. No clue as to whether your ex was racist or not, though; she obviously wasn't too proud of your arrangement and preferred to marry within her faith, neither of which are a marker for racism. i dont know. i feel like my parents are racist. they dont mind me having black friends but would hate it if i ever dated one
basil67 Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 1 minute ago, fred123 said: i dont know. i feel like my parents are racist. they dont mind me having black friends but would hate it if i ever dated one Yes, this IS racist. Their feelings aren't about attraction or compatibility as felt by you, but about their own prejudices 1
Emilie Jolie Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) I feel like you are right, Fred. In any event, it's not their job to decide who you can and can't date. 4 minutes ago, fred123 said: i dont know. i feel like my parents are racist. they dont mind me having black friends but would hate it if i ever dated one Edited July 8, 2020 by Emilie Jolie
Colorful Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: Yes, this IS racist. Their feelings aren't about attraction or compatibility as felt by you, but about their own prejudices NO. It's preference, according to one poster. preference or preferential treatment based on color of one's skin, is called racism, isn't it? 1
Author fred123 Posted July 9, 2020 Author Posted July 9, 2020 44 minutes ago, basil67 said: Yes, this IS racist. Their feelings aren't about attraction or compatibility as felt by you, but about their own prejudices is it fair to say im incompatible dating black people as im of indian culture? thats a preference right? is it fair to say im incompatible being friends with black people as im more compatible with indian people (my lot)?
alphamale Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 Just now, fred123 said: is it fair to say im incompatible dating black people as im of indian culture? thats a preference right? is it fair to say im incompatible being friends with black people as im more compatible with indian people (my lot)? you talkin' about east indian or american indian?
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 9, 2020 Posted July 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Colorful said: NO. It's preference, according to one poster. preference or preferential treatment based on color of one's skin, is called racism, isn't it? Preferential treatment and preference are two completely different things. 1
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