rjc149 Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) 19 hours ago, ryan89 said: We text probably 3-5 times a day. She had a vacation planned for a friend's wedding that she left for the following Wednesday (which was last week), and so I held back the texts for a few days once she landed so that I don't flood her vacation with messages. I then went to set up a date for when she got back and was settled in (which would have been this weekend), pick a time and location, but she said she was busy for Saturday, and so I suggested Sunday, and she said she was busy again and did not provide a date. I then said no problem, let me know a date when you are free and left it at that. Next day she apologizes for not replying earlier, and saying next weekend is a little crazy but she said we will make something work at some point (but did not offer a date). I replied (paraphrasing) no problem as I figured she had a lot going on, etc., and suggested we will be able to figure it out, perhaps on one of her off days (she doesn't have a consistent schedule so I don't know when her next off day is), and left it to her to help me out. This was early yesterday and I haven't heard anything back. Way too much communicating with a woman you've been on 1 date with. This is insecure and needy. Nothing kills sexual tension in courtship like needless over-texting. You text to set up dates and nothing more. It's not for rapport or comfort-building. You do that in person. The fact that you're concerned with 'flooding her with texts' indicates that you are also aware that you are communicating too much interest, hoping she likes you, hoping you can pin her down etc. She's just back from a vacation, and you're immediately trying to lock her down into a date. "Howabout Saturday?" She's busy Saturday. "Howabout Sunday?" Busy Sunday. "Howabout another day then?" She'll let you know. "Any other day? I'm here ready on any day you want. Please go on more dates with me!" This is what you are communicating. She's turned off by your neediness and desperation. You are communicating at she is the only thing you've got going on and you have no other prospects, and that you really want this to happen. In the initial stages of dating, this will turn a lot of women off. Your neediness and expectations put her off. No, do not text her. Ever again. Meet new women. If she's interested in seeing you again, she'll reach out. Give her some space. You've been practically breathing down her neck. Edited July 7, 2020 by rjc149 2
Roswell91 Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 6 minutes ago, rjc149 said: Way too much communicating with a woman you've been on 1 date with. This is insecure and needy. Nothing kills sexual tension in courtship like needless over-texting. You text to set up dates and nothing more. It's not for rapport or comfort-building. You do that in person. The fact that you're concerned with 'flooding her with texts' indicates that you are also aware that you are communicating too much interest, hoping she likes you, hoping you can pin her down etc. She's just back from a vacation, and you're immediately trying to lock her down into a date. "Howabout Saturday?" She's busy Saturday. "Howabout Sunday?" Busy Sunday. "Howabout another day then?" She'll let you know. "Any other day? I'm here ready on any day you want. Please go on more dates with me!" This is what you are communicating. She's turned off by your neediness and desperation. You are communicating at she is the only thing you've got going on and you have no other prospects, and that you really want this to happen. In the initial stages of dating, this will turn a lot of women off. Your neediness and expectations put her off. No, do not text her. Ever again. Meet new women. If she's interested in seeing you again, she'll reach out. Give her some space. You've been practically breathing down her neck. This is accurate. Theres a guy im speaking to right now online and he feels the need to message like ten times a day and check in. ( we havent even met). Maybe it would be different if the messages were exciting or different or fun. But its literally like what you doing now..a couple of hours later..what you up to and i answer and ask the same back and its usually boring dead responses. So its becoming more a hindrance now to keep messaging back. And it also gives me the impression he can't get any one else and is desperate for me. Last conversation he said maybe you can call me ( hes mentioned it before) i said yeah and he replied with tomorrow evening? And then when i didnt reply. He was like i'd be surprised if you ever did call me. 1 1
Ellener Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 5 hours ago, Roswell91 said: And your man is another example . he won't get far with me then!
Haerts Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 5 hours ago, rjc149 said: Way too much communicating with a woman you've been on 1 date with. This is insecure and needy. Nothing kills sexual tension in courtship like needless over-texting. You text to set up dates and nothing more. It's not for rapport or comfort-building. You do that in person. But this is not a rule. I absolutely LOVE when someone I'm interested in texts me a few times day. Yes, the "what are you up to" texts are boring as f, and of course you don't want to spend your entire day texting that person, but the OP did nothing wrong imo. He tried to schedule a date and he texted her to show interest, that was all. It was not much. There's clearly something that happened that is beyond his control and according to what he's said so far, I highly doubt she lost interest because he texted her a few times. 1
rjc149 Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, Haerts said: But this is not a rule. I absolutely LOVE when someone I'm interested in texts me a few times day. Yes, the "what are you up to" texts are boring as f, and of course you don't want to spend your entire day texting that person, but the OP did nothing wrong imo. Operative statement there. When interest is fledgling, a guy can kill it with over-pursuit. It's needy behavior. It tends to turn a lot of women off. Not all women, of course. Some women find it very validating and reassuring. For a little while.
Haerts Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, rjc149 said: Not all women, of course. Exactly. So how can you tell that his 3-5 texts were the reason why she's lost interest? It could've been the reason, yes, as it could not. I would definitely not read that as needy behaviour. 1
rjc149 Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, Haerts said: Exactly. So how can you tell that his 3-5 texts were the reason why she's lost interest? Please re-read the OP's original post where it mentions 3-5 texts per day, not 3-5 texts. Then, re-read my post below: 6 hours ago, rjc149 said: Way too much communicating with a woman you've been on 1 date with. This is insecure and needy. Nothing kills sexual tension in courtship like needless over-texting. You text to set up dates and nothing more. It's not for rapport or comfort-building. You do that in person. The fact that you're concerned with 'flooding her with texts' indicates that you are also aware that you are communicating too much interest, hoping she likes you, hoping you can pin her down etc. She's just back from a vacation, and you're immediately trying to lock her down into a date. "Howabout Saturday?" She's busy Saturday. "Howabout Sunday?" Busy Sunday. "Howabout another day then?" She'll let you know. "Any other day? I'm here ready on any day you want. Please go on more dates with me!" This is what you are communicating. She's turned off by your neediness and desperation. You are communicating at she is the only thing you've got going on and you have no other prospects, and that you really want this to happen. In the initial stages of dating, this will turn a lot of women off. Your neediness and expectations put her off. No, do not text her. Ever again. Meet new women. If she's interested in seeing you again, she'll reach out. Give her some space. You've been practically breathing down her neck. Nowhere do I suggest that sending her 3-5 texts is the sole, ultimate reason she lost interest. Rather, I suggest that the over-texting, in general, along with the pressure he placed on her to get another date in the calendar ASAP, is a symptom of an underlying insecurity he has. She picked up on this, and it turned her off. Edited July 7, 2020 by rjc149
mr_marvel Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 (edited) On 7/8/2020 at 2:04 AM, Haerts said: I absolutely LOVE when someone I'm interested in texts me a few times day. Here is the tricky part. We all LOVE it when the people we are interested in text us. BUT, the moment they over do it by bombarding us with texts a few times a day, 24/7, is when we lose interest in them. We can't help it, it just happens. Especially with women - who tend to emotionally change mood at a faster pace than men. So the RULE is applied for the majority of (healthy and normal) people: If you like someone, the last thing you wanna do is to engage in needless and meaningless chit-chat with them over the phone. Edited July 10, 2020 by mr_marvel
Juha Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 You have made it known you are interested, you tried to make a date with her more than once, she has never offered a day for the date to happen after she has rejected you and your offer. Leave the ball in her court and disappear. Don't waste your time on people like this. If she wanted to see you she would make a definite date or offer an alternative day, she has not. So time to move on from her and maybe she will be in touch at a later time, maybe not. Do not bother with flaky people like her, usually you are wasting your time 3
Haerts Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 On 7/10/2020 at 9:18 PM, mr_marvel said: So the RULE is applied for the majority of (healthy and normal) people: If you like someone, the last thing you wanna do is to engage in needless and meaningless chit-chat with them over the phone. That makes me an abnormal human being, then. There's no rule when it comes down to relationships and I've been finding that to be pretty accurate recently. "don't text this" "don't say that" "don't act this way" as if following "the rules" will guarantee you s***. It does not. I've followed these dumb rules a few times and it got me nowhere. And what is really frustrating is that even when you follow all of the "rules", and it doesn't work out, you may beat yourself wondering where the f you went wrong. What went wrong is that people have different views on how a relationship should work, on how dating should go, on how many times you want to see that person or text them or call them, or when <insert how many weeks/months are needed> to move from dating to an actual relationship. The truth is that there isn't a rule. I'm certain that the 3-5 texts a day was not what drove her away. And in case it was, guess what, she wasn't the woman for the OP anyway. I absolutely love when someone texts me a few times a day when I'm truly interested in them. I would only get annoyed if I'm not that interested to begin with.
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