poppyfields Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 (edited) Roswell, nevermind opening up, if she feels he can't be bothered, why is she dating him at all? A man "not being bothered" is an immediate next in my world. I think this comes down to need; like I said, I don't need my bf to ask me questions to know how much he cares, and vice versa. Our connection is such that we both feel so open with each other, when there is something either one of us wants to share, we share it! Again, we don't need the other to ask. This idea of testing him by withholding information to see if he asks, and then assuming if he does not ask, it must mean he doesn't care, is a recipe for failure. OP, I have no idea whether he cares or not nor does anyone else. If you are not happy with how he communicates, if you sense he can't be bothered, then dump him. It's really that simple. And please clarify your concern here. Does he in fact monopolize the conversation with talk of only himself and doesn't allow you a word in? Or is it simply that he doesn't ask you questions? There is a difference. Thanks! Edited July 8, 2020 by poppyfields
Watercolors Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 His responses don't seem very reciprocal. In fact, they come across as one-sided. Who hasn't dated someone like that before. As another poster pointed out, it could be natural social-awkwardness or he's just very self-involved and isn't really interested in committing to you long term. How far away do you two live from each other? You mentioned it was long distance, so is it an hour distance from each other or days distance? If he is 30 years old, not asking you questions when you clearly give him openings to ask questions the way that you do, then yeah, I'd interpret that as a red flag. I dated a guy like that. I called him Mr. One-Way Conversation. He always always talked about himself. He NEVER asked me questions even when I gave him conversational openings that were blatantly obvious. He just wasn't that into me, it turned out. So, I can only advise you on the context of my experience with Mr. One-Way Conversation. It really annoyed me. And I shouldn't have to work so hard to get a guy to show a genuine interest in my life. That to me, is a red flag. 2
Watercolors Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 2 hours ago, poppyfields said: OP, I have no idea whether he cares or not nor does anyone else. If you are not happy with how he communicates, if you sense he can't be bothered, then dump him. It's really that simple. ^This. Just flat out tell him you feel like the way he responds to you during your conversations makes you feel like he's not that interested in you. If you can't be honest and direct with someone you're dating, then why date that person? I would not date someone I couldn't express my feelings to honestly. 1
Author lovesfool Posted July 13, 2020 Author Posted July 13, 2020 Thanks for your replies and advice everyone. I went on a date with him over the weekend and tried to keep this "issue" at the forefront of my mind and see how he behaves. If I'm honest, I kept forgetting about it because I was just enjoying my time with him. There was no moment where I thought to myself "why didn't he ask me about BLANK". It seems to only come up when I consciously think about it. I think it's largely because I read something on another website asking what are some red flags in a relationship. One of the top answers was "your partner not asking you questions" or something along those lines. I never really considered this before I read this and I think it has stuck in my subconscious. I also have a problem of sabotaging relationships. Whenever I meet a nice guy I always seem to find something wrong with him and obsess about it until ultimately I end things. I don't know why I do this, but I'm thinking that this might be another case of self-sabotage. He's great in every other aspect so of course I had to find something to keep picking at. Maybe he's not as bad at asking questions as I think, and if he is, maybe that's his one fault in an otherwise great person. 1
elaine567 Posted July 13, 2020 Posted July 13, 2020 On 7/8/2020 at 8:44 AM, lovesfool said: I mentioned to him that I had a small pain in my back and he just said "oh really?" and went on to describe a pain he had recently. This is a bad sign I have been there. It is about minimising your pain, your problem, your worry, as something minor in favour of his pain, his problem, his worry... 2
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