Guy I'm dating doesn't ask me questions

[Roswell91]

21 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

I think there is also the very real thing that women (as girls) are generally conditioned to "wait until asked about themselves" and look for this reciprocal give and take in conversations and guys are more conditioned to just say what they've been up to etc.  Where it's a problem is that since he may have been conditioned like this, he's literally waiting for you to speak up about what's going on with you, specifically, in general all that.  Fight for your place in the conversational space if you will, which it remains to be seen if that will be unfulfilling because of how you've been conditioned.  My best advice is to speak up and distinctly tell stories about yourself.  Make them detailed (since he doesn't ask questions well).  

It's good practice anyway since as was said, many people are like your guy is and it creates a dynamic in all sorts of relationships if you "allow" this with people that are that way.  Makes you feel unheard, dismissed, overlooked, that the relationship is unbalanced. I think if he cares about you it will change in some ways--probably not fully or in the ways you expected but a way you may be fine with. Good luck

The OP mentioned she talks about herself, but he doesn't show interest or engage more in the topic. For instance when she mentioned her family. A man who genuinely cares would have asked more or at the very least feigned interest in her family because he likes her 

Personally i think its a lack of interest. As from my experience a man who is interested in something genuine and long term will be forever asking questions and curious to know more and more. Even to the point im like ok no more asking about every little detail.

Edited July 6, 2020 by Roswell91

[Roswell91]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Maybe he just doesn't want to talk about the things you bring up.  Try talking about sex and I bet he'll ask you questions.

yeah which means he only cares about the physical stuff not her

[Giovane]

6 hours ago, lovesfool said:

I've been kind of seeing a guy for a few months between virtual dating and a few in person dates. He's very nice, appears keen and is good looking to boot!

I've noticed recently though that he doesn't ask very many, if any, questions about me and my life. For example, if we were having a conversation about his job, I would be asking him about what hours he worked or what kind of projects he was working on. I would expect that he would follow up about my own career, but he never does. Any information he knows about me I seem to have to volunteer.

Another instance is when I went home to see my family for the first time in months. I asked him what he did for the day and followed up with more questions (he went to the gym so I asked what exercises he was doing etc.). While he did ask me how my day was, when I said I went to visit my family he just replied with "oh that's nice!". The conversation then moved on, but would have thought that he'd be interested to know how my family were, or what it was like to be away from them for so long.

Don't get me wrong, he's nice and he always asks me how my day was, but there doesn't seem to be any substance behind it. It almost seems like it's just a greeting and is not that interested in the details. I hope I don't have rose tinted glasses on and he turns out to be a narcissist! 

Is this something to be worried about or are some guys just like this?

This is the guy you're getting. If this is how he has been so far, a few months in, there's no reason to assume he is going to change in that regard.

So you ought to ask yourself: are you willing to live with someone like that for... I don't know... years? What is your endgame here? Have this become an exclusive relationship? You're getting a preview right now of what that is going to feel like.

[Phallacy]

Ya know, when I first started dating, I had a few dates where I couldn’t figure out if they were interested. I mean, we laughed and had good conversation, right?

Then I figured it out. Could I think of 5 questions this person asked me? Anything. 5 questions. 

If not? I don’t ask for a 2nd date. 
 

Good dating really means being present and over time you’ll be able to figure out the dialogue or lack of.

 

Edited July 6, 2020 by Phallacy
Typo

[Versacehottie]

39 minutes ago, Roswell91 said:

The OP mentioned she talks about herself, but he doesn't show interest or engage more in the topic. For instance when she mentioned her family. A man who genuinely cares would have asked more or at the very least feigned interest in her family because he likes her 

Personally i think its a lack of interest. As from my experience a man who is interested in something genuine and long term will be forever asking questions and curious to know more and more. Even to the point im like ok no more asking about every little detail.

it certainly can be. ^^^ most everyone pointed that out--which is also a possibility that I agree with--so I wanted to give another valid perspective of how to address her problem.  If she is to believe that is the only correct plausibility, then the only correct solution really is to dump him.  

Maybe she doesn't know him well enough to understand where this comes from & why he does it & if she could ever be fine with the way it is.  IMO, sometimes this happens because of the me culture going on, not specific to this guy and the OP and you will see it a lot in lots of relationships of all sorts.  There is certainly no harm in learning to speak up in a more detailed way about herself rather than wait for someone to ask you questions. People show their interest in various ways though it can often be unfulfilling even if she finds a better way to deal with him, it may not meet her standards for what she wants for a relationship.  I think they have found that if all your siblings are girls, this conversational style (questions/answers) is kind of hoped for. Whereas if her guy had only siblings that were boys or no siblings, he's probably waiting for her to speak up and shows his attention in other ways (meaning he will probably never turn into 20 questions guy! lol).

I guess if she is ready to dump him she can assume it's lack of interest.  But I would say she's at least getting dual messages & is here wondering how to resolve it so she is probably not ready to dump him so she could assume they have different communication techniques and work to resolve that.  Middle ground thinking.

[Ami1uwant]

8 hours ago, lovesfool said:

I've been kind of seeing a guy for a few months between virtual dating and a few in person dates. He's very nice, appears keen and is good looking to boot!

I've noticed recently though that he doesn't ask very many, if any, questions about me and my life. For example, if we were having a conversation about his job, I would be asking him about what hours he worked or what kind of projects he was working on. I would expect that he would follow up about my own career, but he never does. Any information he knows about me I seem to have to volunteer.

Another instance is when I went home to see my family for the first time in months. I asked him what he did for the day and followed up with more questions (he went to the gym so I asked what exercises he was doing etc.). While he did ask me how my day was, when I said I went to visit my family he just replied with "oh that's nice!". The conversation then moved on, but would have thought that he'd be interested to know how my family were, or what it was like to be away from them for so long.

Don't get me wrong, he's nice and he always asks me how my day was, but there doesn't seem to be any substance behind it. It almost seems like it's just a greeting and is not that interested in the details. I hope I don't have rose tinted glasses on and he turns out to be a narcissist! 

Is this something to be worried about or are some guys just like this?

 

Prior to evrn meeting, I look for this in the conversation.  If I feel I have to ask all the questions , she may respond but does not give conversation flow by asking me questions.  

This kills conversations.

try to avoid asking biased questions or simple  yes no responses.  Biased questions are coming from a certain point of you likrly how you feel on an issue so you are looking for agreement on this.

[lovesfool]

It's strange because I am really enjoying myself and enjoy his company. I'm always interested in what he has to say, and he talks about shared interests like music and movies so I never get bored. It's only the afterthought when I ask myself is he really getting to know me.

I've no doubt that he likes me, but he might not be used to asking questions. He told me he has never been in a real relationship before (despite being 30) and maybe he needs an education in dating etiquette!

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, lovesfool said:

It's strange because I am really enjoying myself and enjoy his company. I'm always interested in what he has to say, and he talks about shared interests like music and movies so I never get bored. It's only the afterthought when I ask myself is he really getting to know me.

I've no doubt that he likes me, but he might not be used to asking questions. He told me he has never been in a real relationship before (despite being 30) and maybe he needs an education in dating etiquette!

yeah actually lots of people are truly sh*t conversationalists.  The real question is (over time) if he will turn it around to where you are satisfied/happy with this type of sharing with your guy?  Sometimes people don't truly fulfill us in ways we imagined but surprise us in the best possible ways in other ways.  

I think you could test him in a way where you ask him to do little favors for you and see if he does.  I think lots of times these type of less conversational guys will show they care in those ways more often.  Also you could express (without criticizing him) how much you enjoy a good conversation you have had, point out other couples that have great talks (show him your desire/expectation for that in a relationship in general).  And when his behavior is getting better, give positive reinforcement so he's encouraged to keep doing it. 

Edited July 6, 2020 by Versacehottie

[Roswell91]

3 hours ago, lovesfool said:

It's strange because I am really enjoying myself and enjoy his company. I'm always interested in what he has to say, and he talks about shared interests like music and movies so I never get bored. It's only the afterthought when I ask myself is he really getting to know me.

I've no doubt that he likes me, but he might not be used to asking questions. He told me he has never been in a real relationship before (despite being 30) and maybe he needs an education in dating etiquette!

He hasn't had a relationship and hes 30? 

Thats a red flag

[poppyfields]

13 hours ago, lovesfool said:

I've been kind of seeing a guy for a few months between virtual dating and a few in person dates. He's very nice, appears keen and is good looking to boot!

I've noticed recently though that he doesn't ask very many, if any, questions about me and my life. For example, if we were having a conversation about his job, I would be asking him about what hours he worked or what kind of projects he was working on. I would expect that he would follow up about my own career, but he never does. Any information he knows about me I seem to have to volunteer.

Another instance is when I went home to see my family for the first time in months. I asked him what he did for the day and followed up with more questions (he went to the gym so I asked what exercises he was doing etc.). While he did ask me how my day was, when I said I went to visit my family he just replied with "oh that's nice!". The conversation then moved on, but would have thought that he'd be interested to know how my family were, or what it was like to be away from them for so long.

Don't get me wrong, he's nice and he always asks me how my day was, but there doesn't seem to be any substance behind it. It almost seems like it's just a greeting and is not that interested in the details. I hope I don't have rose tinted glasses on and he turns out to be a narcissist! 

Is this something to be worried about or are some guys just like this?

This is your original post.  I did not read where he monopolizes the conversation talking only about himself, nor did I read that in your subsequent posts.  

Can you clarify?  Does he in fact talk only about himself to the exclusion of allowing you to talk about yourself?  

Maybe he is waiting for you to offer the information on your own.  The way he does if that's what he's doing.  

Personally, I hate being asked a bunch of questions over text, especially about such mundane things as what type of exercises I do?  Yawn.  

I am not averse to talking about it, but for me, the best conversations are where the conversation flows freely and easily back and forth between us, and we both offer info about ourselves spontaneously without being asked.  

The occasional question is fine, but you seem a bit obsessed about it.

You said things are going great, your in person dates are awesome, don't make something a problem where there isn't one. 

Edit:  If he monopolizes the entire conversation only talking about himself, and doesn't allow you to chime talking about yourself, that's different, but that's not what I took from your post.  

 

 

Edited July 6, 2020 by poppyfields

[Ami1uwant]

4 hours ago, lovesfool said:

It's strange because I am really enjoying myself and enjoy his company. I'm always interested in what he has to say, and he talks about shared interests like music and movies so I never get bored. It's only the afterthought when I ask myself is he really getting to know me.

I've no doubt that he likes me, but he might not be used to asking questions. He told me he has never been in a real relationship before (despite being 30) and maybe he needs an education in dating etiquette!

 

 

There are are two sides to this....

 

1 he could have some form of aspergers or ASD where he gets talkative about things he is interested in but doesn’t talk about other thingsas passionatly.  He could be holding back in asking you questions because his questions coukd be very pointed or dig deep into your abyss that you aren’t ready to talk about.

 

2 he is just self centered always talking about himself.

[Mystery4u]

4 hours ago, lovesfool said:

He told me he has never been in a real relationship before (despite being 30) and maybe he needs an education in dating etiquette!

Just from reading the OP before I even read this post I was going to say it sounds like he is very inexperienced when it comes to women and does not know how to hold a meaningful conversation with them.

Hey we were all like that once, even myself, but that was a while ago. You need to decide if you want to be with a 30 year old that has the dating experience of a 16 year old.

[CaliforniaGirl]

He sounds selfish.

[basil67]

The older I get, the more I notice people not asking questions.   I thought that perhaps it was young people who don't get how to do conversations, but one of the worst offenders I know is a woman in her 60's.   She's lots of fun and has great stories to tell, but after a while you realise that all conversation is about her. 

@rjc149 and @Fox Sake both made good points about having been told they do this.  I was never actually told, but did pull myself up for doing the same thing.   If you really like him, it could be worth your while mentioning it to him.   He may have an epiphany and change.   Or if it doesn't, then you can make a decision about his suitability.

[lovesfool]

I had a short conversation with him yesterday by messages. Some of the ways he responded reinforced my concerns (or I may be overthinking!).

I mentioned to him that I had a small pain in my back and he just said "oh really?" and went on to describe a pain he had recently. Maybe he was trying to relate, but I thought he might say I hope you are okay or something similar.

I also asked him if he had any plans for the week. He said what they were, but never asked me.

He also has started responding to some of my messages with emojis and nothing else. I don't know about anyone here, but I feel this just kills the flow of the conversation. Most of the time I don't respond to them because it feels like he's not that invested in what we're talking about (which may be something silly if I'm honest!).

Maybe I should talk to him about it like some of you advised. In the past I've just let issues with guys just lie and assume that's just who they were until it got too much for me and then broke it off. I think this guy could turn into something serious and don't want to throw it away because I didn't want to bring up an issue for fear of scaring him off.

[Roswell91]

2 hours ago, lovesfool said:

I had a short conversation with him yesterday by messages. Some of the ways he responded reinforced my concerns (or I may be overthinking!).

I mentioned to him that I had a small pain in my back and he just said "oh really?" and went on to describe a pain he had recently. Maybe he was trying to relate, but I thought he might say I hope you are okay or something similar.

I also asked him if he had any plans for the week. He said what they were, but never asked me.

He also has started responding to some of my messages with emojis and nothing else. I don't know about anyone here, but I feel this just kills the flow of the conversation. Most of the time I don't respond to them because it feels like he's not that invested in what we're talking about (which may be something silly if I'm honest!).

Maybe I should talk to him about it like some of you advised. In the past I've just let issues with guys just lie and assume that's just who they were until it got too much for me and then broke it off. I think this guy could turn into something serious and don't want to throw it away because I didn't want to bring up an issue for fear of scaring him off.

I have friends who do this at times, and while it is annoying, it doesn't bother me enough to not want to be friends with them any more.

However, my standards for a partner would be much higher. I would expect them to show concern or at the very least some interest in whats going on with me and my life. 

This looks like a regular occurence, so as i said a few posts ago, do you want someone for the long haul who is quite clearly very into himself?

Either highlight what you're feeling to him now and give him a chance to step up, or put up with it. 

[Roswell91]

2 hours ago, lovesfool said:

I had a short conversation with him yesterday by messages. Some of the ways he responded reinforced my concerns (or I may be overthinking!).

I mentioned to him that I had a small pain in my back and he just said "oh really?" and went on to describe a pain he had recently. Maybe he was trying to relate, but I thought he might say I hope you are okay or something similar.

I also asked him if he had any plans for the week. He said what they were, but never asked me.

He also has started responding to some of my messages with emojis and nothing else. I don't know about anyone here, but I feel this just kills the flow of the conversation. Most of the time I don't respond to them because it feels like he's not that invested in what we're talking about (which may be something silly if I'm honest!).

Maybe I should talk to him about it like some of you advised. In the past I've just let issues with guys just lie and assume that's just who they were until it got too much for me and then broke it off. I think this guy could turn into something serious and don't want to throw it away because I didn't want to bring up an issue for fear of scaring him off.

How could you want something  serious with someone like that in the first place?

Being so unaware as to ask or uncaring of whats happening with your life, is just  a no for me. 

Anyway  each to their own.

[lovesfool]

28 minutes ago, Roswell91 said:

I have friends who do this at times, and while it is annoying, it doesn't bother me enough to not want to be friends with them any more.

However, my standards for a partner would be much higher. I would expect them to show concern or at the very least some interest in whats going on with me and my life. 

This looks like a regular occurence, so as i said a few posts ago, do you want someone for the long haul who is quite clearly very into himself?

Either highlight what you're feeling to him now and give him a chance to step up, or put up with it. 

I think I will meet up with him in person and see if his behaviour is any different. It might be just his messages and it's clouding my judgement. I can't recall if he's like that face to face because I'm not thinking about him asking me questions in the moment.

Maybe he is a little bit self-involved just right now. He told me he used to be overweight and only recently is very fit. He posts a lot on social media (selfies and gym/body progress) which normally would put me off but it might be because all this attention is boosting his self esteem after being overweight for so long. 

If it is a problem in person, how would you raise it with him? I want it to come across naturally and not overly critical.

[Roswell91]

8 minutes ago, lovesfool said:

I think I will meet up with him in person and see if his behaviour is any different. It might be just his messages and it's clouding my judgement. I can't recall if he's like that face to face because I'm not thinking about him asking me questions in the moment.

Maybe he is a little bit self-involved just right now. He told me he used to be overweight and only recently is very fit. He posts a lot on social media (selfies and gym/body progress) which normally would put me off but it might be because all this attention is boosting his self esteem after being overweight for so long. 

If it is a problem in person, how would you raise it with him? I want it to come across naturally and not overly critical.

Test him when you meet. Bring up a topic about yourself, you can talk about your family again or something....see what he responds..or if he brings it back to himself again .

selfies of body is a turn off. Im guessing he does like to get attention then. 

If you don't  want to come across critical, you have to simply, very casually mention it and make it brief. Tell him "i've noticed you don't ask many questions about me". See what he says and go from there. Don't put any negative assumptions in there i.e you don't  care about me. 

[Versacehottie]

If you were going to test this theory (last night), over text was the worst way to do it.  

Like you said, you don't want to throw away a good person, yet that test was kind of designed to fail.  If he's a bad conversationalist in general, it's probably 10 fold over text. He is probably one of those guys that doesn't see a point in having a conversation over text.  Not in a bad way, it's just different than you.  Neither of you is wrong for being the way you are--you just might be compatible.  If you don't work with slightly different expectations and let him and help him get up to a speed that you can be happy with.  

I think this problem is part him, part you and it will take effort on both sides to resolve it.  I guess you need to decide if doing so with an uncertain outcome (ie like maybe his level of depth in conversation regarding your stuff and how he "extracts" answers about your life and thoughts will be a risk in that you put in an effort but it never reaches a level you are happy with). While he most likely is inexperienced and could be self-involved, I also think you are kind of only seeing communication in one way as valuable to you question/answer way and it hurts you when you don't get it like that & then you deduce he's not caring or it's not a worthwhile investment.  I think you could expand your expectations for what you see as good communication and realize he probably won't do it in the way that would be perfect for you but you could do some things on your end that would benefit you for expressing yourself. (ie you said this has happened to you before).  Trust me, I understand what you go through with this---I literally was involved in some conversation like this just yesterday, ie people who don't ask questions--it's a problem that doesn't really go away because some people are just like that.  With friends and acquaintances you can just distance yourself if it doesn't benefit you much, right?  But with a guy you are dating or close friendships, all of which you don't want to throw away because you also realize there is something good there, a part of it is learning how to make yourself matter and take your time and presence in a relationship.  You will be bummed if you just wait in like a pregnant pause with a lot of people for them to give it to you.  It's often not that they do it from a bad place--it's human nature and pretty common.  It's a little uncomfortable if that is not how you are calibrated but it's also part of setting boundaries with people.  

What is his sibling situation?  It usually has total bearing on this.  What is yours? 

I put some good solutions up in my other post.  Another way to deal with it is also tease him, like "are you going to let me finish what I was saying", give him sh*t a bit.  Part of why I've asked if he has only brothers or closest with brothers around his age or only child is that guys often are conditioned to respond to that but miss the clues that you want him to ask you questions and it hurts you when he doesn't.  There are lots of studies on this: boys play fight and play tough and girls speech patterns, expect this give and take that you are wanting otherwise it's a diss. If you know/knew that was a "real" thing, would it affect how you approached things with him?  Understanding why people are different, sometimes allows you to come up with solutions rather than wishing something was a way that will take effort to get it that way & then take it personally when it doesn't magically change & having to keep throwing away people that meet your needs in some ways but not all.  Both of you would need to change some in all honesty in this case.  And it's a risk because even if you do the work and put in the effort you might still find it's not enough what you are getting from his end and each of you will feel misunderstood in spite of the effort.  I still think, for now, it's worth the effort because a) it's a good skill for YOU to have that you can take to other relationships of all sorts b) you still feel enough for him at this point to want to try c) you recognize there are good things about him.

Edited July 8, 2020 by Versacehottie

[Roswell91]

14 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

If you were going to test this theory (last night), over text was the worst way to do it.  

Like you said, you don't want to throw away a good person, yet that test was kind of designed to fail.  If he's a bad conversationalist in general, it's probably 10 fold over text. He is probably one of those guys that doesn't see a point in having a conversation over text.  Not in a bad way, it's just different than you.  Neither of you is wrong for being the way you are--you just might be compatible.  If you don't work with slightly different expectations and let him and help him get up to a speed that you can be happy with.  

I think this problem is part him, part you and it will take effort on both sides to resolve it.  I guess you need to decide if doing so with an uncertain outcome (ie like maybe his level of depth in conversation regarding your stuff and how he "extracts" answers about your life and thoughts will be a risk in that you put in an effort but it never reaches a level you are happy with). While he most likely is inexperienced and could be self-involved, I also think you are kind of only seeing communication in one way as valuable to you question/answer way and it hurts you when you don't get it like that & then you deduce he's not caring or it's not a worthwhile investment.  I think you could expand your expectations for what you see as good communication and realize he probably won't do it in the way that would be perfect for you but you could do some things on your end that would benefit you for expressing yourself. (ie you said this has happened to you before).  Trust me, I understand what you go through with this---I literally was involved in some conversation like this just yesterday, ie people who don't ask questions--it's a problem that doesn't really go away because some people are just like that.  With friends and acquaintances you can just distance yourself if it doesn't benefit you much, right?  But with a guy you are dating or close friendships, all of which you don't want to throw away because you also realize there is something good there, a part of it is learning how to make yourself matter and take your time and presence in a relationship.  You will be bummed if you just wait in like a pregnant pause with a lot of people for them to give it to you.  It's often not that they do it from a bad place--it's human nature and pretty common.  It's a little uncomfortable if that is not how you are calibrated but it's also part of setting boundaries with people.  

What is his sibling situation?  It usually has total bearing on this.  What is yours? 

I put some good solutions up in my other post.  Another way to deal with it is also tease him, like "are you going to let me finish what I was saying", give him sh*t a bit.  Part of why I've asked if he has only brothers or closest with brothers around his age or only child is that guys often are conditioned to respond to that but miss the clues that you want him to ask you questions and it hurts you when he doesn't.  There are lots of studies on this: boys play fight and play tough and girls speech patterns, expect this give and take that you are wanting otherwise it's a diss. If you know/knew that was a "real" thing, would it affect how you approached things with him.  Understanding why people are different, sometimes allows you to come up with solutions rather than wishing something was a way that will take effort to get it that way & then take it personally when it doesn't magically change & having to keep throwing away people that meet your needs in some ways but not all.  Both of you would need to change some in all honesty in this case.  And it's a risk because even if you do the work and put in the effort you might still find it's not enough what you are getting from his end and each of you will feel misunderstood in spite of the effort.  I still think, for now, it's worth the effort because a) it's a good skill for YOU to have that you can take to other relationships of all sorts b) you still feel enough for him at this point to want to try c) you recognize there are good things about him.

All of that sounds like too much effort.

If someone needs to be schooled on how to talk to women at age 30. Its not worth it.

But obviously the OP likes the man so i suggested she talk to him about it.

But bottom line is communication should be easy and free flowing, not leaving one feeling like the way OP feels. Plus its  been a few months! What if she goes through some crisis or something which she needs help with and tells him about it..and his response is "really ok" moving back to me now. 

Her needs are not being met. 

Edited July 8, 2020 by Roswell91

[Versacehottie]

Just now, Roswell91 said:

All of that sounds like too much effort.

If someone needs to be schooled on how to talk to women at age 30. Its not worth it.

But obviously the OP likes the man so i suggested she talk to him about it.

But bottom line is communication should be easy and free flowing, not needing one feeling like the way OP feels. 

True it's a lot of effort.  If she is ready to walk away, she should do that.  If she wants to "try", I'm going to be real with her and let her know it's not just him.  Talking with him is fine of course but doubt one talk will do the trick.  So we can say talk to him Wednesday night and if he doesn't change his ways by Thursday, dump him.  I'm going to guess that will be hard as well if she doesn't have more clarity on the situation.

In all honesty if I had a crystal ball, they are probably incompatible because of communication expectations and conditioning from BOTH but she likes the guy.  Regardless, she herself will need to get better at this skill or will keep being disappointed by people (and only want to put the blame on them, perhaps veering into victim territory).  Would it be better if the world was the way filled with good back and forth conversations? Sure! I'd also say OP could assert herself a bit more to alleviate some of these type of feelings with ANYONE.  And, it will keep coming up for her in her life if she doesn't deal with it.

[Roswell91]

1 minute ago, Versacehottie said:

True it's a lot of effort.  If she is ready to walk away, she should do that.  If she wants to "try", I'm going to be real with her and let her know it's not just him.  Talking with him is fine of course but doubt one talk will do the trick.  So we can say talk to him Wednesday night and if he doesn't change his ways by Thursday, dump him.  I'm going to guess that will be hard as well if she doesn't have more clarity on the situation.

In all honesty if I had a crystal ball, they are probably incompatible because of communication expectations and conditioning from BOTH but she likes the guy.  Regardless, she herself will need to get better at this skill or will keep being disappointed by people (and only want to put the blame on them, perhaps veering into victim territory).  Would it be better if the world was the way filled with good back and forth conversations? Sure! I'd also say OP could assert herself a bit more to alleviate some of these type of feelings with ANYONE.  And, it will keep coming up for her in her life if she doesn't deal with it.

Would you clarify that.

How is she playing victim.

She simply said he doesn't ask her anything and carries on talking about himself, which really isnt her fault. 

I think at this point they're  incompatible

 May be if he found someone like himself i.e who talks about themselves just as much he will feel something

[poppyfields]

23 minutes ago, Roswell91 said:

But bottom line is communication should be easy and free flowing, not leaving one feeling like the way OP feels.

I agree Roswell, it's what I posted earlier too.  Those are the best conversations, easy and free flowing!

But that does not necessarily mean a serious of questions and answers. 

It's funny, in thinking about my conversations with my bf, friends and family, I can't recall specifically asking each other questions. 

But yet, we end up discovering a whole bunch about each other through easy free flow communication. Back and forth.

As an example, after a yoga class, I might tell my bf a new yoga pose I tried, I DON'T need him to ask first.  We just talk, back and forth and then he might tell me what new exercise he did at the gym.

Again, we do not need each other to ask.

This doesn't mean we are "bad" conversationists, to the contrary, and we have great conversations!

Same with friends and family and we can talk for hours this way.

No offense to OP,  but imo if she needs to be fed a bunch of questions in order to open up and converse , then perhaps she is actually a poor conversationalist.

That said, if HE is monopolizing the entire conversation with only talk of himself, and not allowing her to chime in about herself, that is totally different.

I asked that before but she did not answer; the only issue I read is that she's bugged because he doesn't ask her questions and she is interpreting that to mean he does not care, which I don't agree with. 

Just a different perspective to consider.  

[Roswell91]

6 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I agree Roswell, it's what I posted earlier too.  Those are the best conversations, easy and free flowing!

But that does not necessarily mean a serious of questions and answers. 

It's funny, in thinking about my conversations with my bf, friends and family, I can't recall specifically asking each other questions. 

But yet, we end up discovering a whole bunch about each other through easy free flow communication. Back and forth.

As an example, after a yoga class, I might tell my bf a new yoga pose I tried, I DON'T need him to ask first.  We just talk, back and forth and then he might tell me what new exercise he did at the gym.

Again, we do not need each other to ask.

This doesn't mean we are "bad" conversationists, to the contrary, and we have great conversations!

Same with friends and family and we can talk for hours this way.

No offense to OP,  but imo if she needs to be fed a bunch of questions in order to open up and converse , then perhaps she is actually a poor conversationalist.

That said, if HE is monopolizing the entire conversation with only talk of himself, and not allowing her to chime in about herself, that is totally different.

I asked that before but she did not answer; the only issue I read is that she's bugged because he doesn't ask her questions and she is interpreting that to mean he does not care, which I don't agree with. 

Just a different perspective to consider.  

I think it is the latter though. I.e he monopolises the entire conversation. 

Actually a man asking  the woman questions is a sign he is interested/likes/cares for her. 

I think she feels like whatever she says, he then changes the topic back to himself, therefore she doesnt think theres any point in saying anything more. That's the impression im getting. And to be honest i know  how it is as I've been in that position myself with people.

And i certainly would not want to hold back all the time simply because i think the other person doesn't  give a damn. Which i think could potentially be the case here. 

I mean would anyone  really want to open up to someone who isn't bothered?

Edited July 8, 2020 by Roswell91