HighHopes87 Posted July 3, 2020 Posted July 3, 2020 Quote Hi All, So as you’ve seen by my previous threads I’ve really struggled getting over an ex girlfriend but am making every effort to move on with my life. I recently went on a date with a girl at work and I fear that I may have been a bit cool with her. She’s great in every way but this weird ‘relapse’ I’ve had over my ex girlfriend stopped me from persuing her further. I decided to drop her a text to see if she fancied doing something next week when the pubs/restaurants open. To my surprise she said yes. I really want to give this girl a chance and take her out properly. When I asked her what she wanted to do she said that she doesn’t like any of the ‘forced cheesy stuff’ so I’m guessing a table for two at an Italian restaurant is out of the question. If anyone has any ideas about what I could possibly do I’d be really grateful. im also a little worried about how I approach the subject of my ex girlfriend if she asks. I really don’t want to put my foot in it this time and have her running a mile thinking that I’m not over my ex. im just really trying to ‘take stock’ of my behaviour because I know that I’ve behaved badly in the past. I also don’t want to think that I’m ‘using’ this girl! I’m just trying to move on with my life but I don’t want to hurt anyone in the process.
Giovane Posted July 3, 2020 Posted July 3, 2020 (edited) 55 minutes ago, HighHopes87 said: When I asked her what she wanted to do she said that she doesn’t like any of the ‘forced cheesy stuff’ so I’m guessing a table for two at an Italian restaurant is out of the question. If anyone has any ideas about what I could possibly do I’d be really grateful. Go to a cool bar, a nice place where you can have a drink and chat. Then go to another place, preferably a place she doesn't know yet that you can make her discover. Ideally, you can take a walk from the first place to the second place instead of driving. 55 minutes ago, HighHopes87 said: im also a little worried about how I approach the subject of my ex girlfriend if she asks. I really don’t want to put my foot in it this time and have her running a mile thinking that I’m not over my ex. Ultimately, you will have to be truthful. Maybe you need not cover every single aspect of your story - don't let it become the topic of the night! But you shouldn't try to twist or hide or lie about the essential parts. Women sense that more easily than most men believe (is what I believe), and understandably, it tends to put them off. Oh, and rule number 1: try to have fun, try to just enjoy the night, and make it enjoyable for her, too. Any other strategies can go right out of the window! Edited July 3, 2020 by Giovane 2
smackie9 Posted July 3, 2020 Posted July 3, 2020 Find a nice patio for a drink and some appies, then work on a plan B,C or D ready if the night continues. Go by what you can get out of the conversation ie: places she had enjoyed hanging out at, things she likes to do, etc. Feel her out, learn about her. Women are like snow flakes, none are the same. More than once guys took me to those boring Italian restaurants, trying order me a glass of white wine. I'm so far from that kind of girl. Order me a pitcher of beer and chicken wings at a sports bar and I'm a happy girl lol. 1
Phallacy Posted July 6, 2020 Posted July 6, 2020 I avoid discussing exes or the past for that matter. Asking how long since my last relationship is fair but wanting explanations why the relationship or marriage failed are not. I would tell her that you would prefer not to live in the past if she mentions ex. To be honest, she sounds a bit entitled judging by her cheesy comment. I remember asking a gal out for a drink and she commented that she gets drink offers all the time. I replied that she must be popular on the site and declined to meet her.
d0nnivain Posted July 6, 2020 Posted July 6, 2020 Since when does dinner for 2 constitute "forced cheesy stuff"? However, since she said that I do think you need something less structured / conventional. As for interacting, be warm & gracious. Be a good listener. Be interested in what she has to say. Talking about EXs on a date is always bad. If you badmouth an EX that is a red flag but if you speak too highly of them it's a sign you are still hung up on them. I use some version of this: He's a good guy but me, him & happily ever after weren't in the cards. Then I change the subject. Come up with your own one sentence answer that ends further inquiry. 1 1
Author HighHopes87 Posted July 6, 2020 Author Posted July 6, 2020 Thank you all for your input! I’m really glad that she doesn’t want the whole ‘table for two thing’ as I find it a bit full on for a first date! Fair enough for a second or third one. We’ve agreed to just go for a drink on Wednesday. I’ll update how it goes 2
scooby-philly Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 If you can - especially as it sounds like you're British and COVID is still raging there as it is here in the USA, I would avoid a packed place - maybe swing by an empty place have one drink, set the mood, and then if the weather's nice enough - go have picnic. You don't have to make anything special or buy anything expensive. Just find out ahead of time some of the stuff she likes and then bring some stuff to show off (in a good way) who you are. 1
lurker74 Posted July 7, 2020 Posted July 7, 2020 The number one piece of advice I give men getting into (or back into) the dating game is: be decisive. Find out when she is available but stop asking her questions. Tell her that you'll pick her up at ___ o'clock or that you'll meet her at ___ o'clock at ______ location. Typically, I would do drinks if they are open at a place you KNOW you can get a seat. So, "Jill, that's great. I'll pick you up at 7 and we'll grab a drink or five." Confidence is the number one distinguishing factor between you and other dates she's been on. As for the ex, don't sweat it. Tell her that it was a long time ago and that you explored being single for the last four years. If she asks more about your ex, tell her that while she was a great person, things just don't always work out. DO NOT TELL HER THAT YOU SCREWED UP. Less is more. 1 1
Maldives Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 Totally agree with Lurker74 don't tell you screwed up the last relationship I've made that mistake and they will always bring that up especially in an argument and see everything as your fault as you were the reason for the breakup the last time
CaliforniaGirl Posted July 8, 2020 Posted July 8, 2020 On 7/6/2020 at 9:00 AM, HighHopes87 said: Thank you all for your input! I’m really glad that she doesn’t want the whole ‘table for two thing’ as I find it a bit full on for a first date! Fair enough for a second or third one. We’ve agreed to just go for a drink on Wednesday. I’ll update how it goes Good luck and have fun!
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