thishurtsabit Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 Hello everyone, thanks for reading. So its been a month since my 11 month relationship came to an abrupt end. Everything was perfect, no arguing, seeing each other all the time until lock down in the UK forced us to live apart and not be able to see each other for 2-3 months in our normal capacity. To cut a long story short, she ended up feeling something was different and fought it off for a few weeks before we spoke about it and agreed space, like anyone probably would, I panicked as I didn't want it to end, I sent her a hand written letter with my feelings and detailing how nothing in the relationship was wrong, we met up and she wasn't herself, a little bit unresponsive and reserved, we cried and then 6 days later she let me know that her decision hadn't changed and gave me my flat keys back. She had stated her reasoning was wanting to be single for a while, she never had been before. There is no one else, I believe this as she doesn't lie, she is too innocent for this due to a strict upbringing. She also isn't the kind of person to just jump into things or have one night stands and given the pandemic there is no way she would have met another person or had a chance to. Now fast forward 3 weeks, we have had one conversation, I replied to a message from her thanking me for giving her the money for a car I bought off of her before all of this and I replied a few days later, we had a brief and friendly exchange, I left her on read as the conversation died out. After this she started watching every instagram story I posted, having not watched the majority since we broke up. Then on Saturday afternoon, I noticed her sister did too, and then she unfollowed me and removed me on Facebook also, but didn't block me in anyway, I still follow her and I've not made it known that I know she has done this. My profile is public so she can still see my posts if she wanted to. Did she unfollow because now its painful for her to see i'm living my life? Without sorrow ? Is there hope that after this all blows over we will be able to talk again? I've set myself a target of waiting until the beginning of August personally before I contemplate reaching out and talking unless she does sooner. The thing is there was NOTHING wrong with our relationship at all, just the lock down stopping us from being us, before we would hang out every weekend, she would stay over, we had a healthy sex life, her family really like me. It's just a bit of a confusing situation. Thanks
d0nnivain Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 There may not have been anything wrong with the relationship on your side but that is only half the story. She broke up with you so clearly there was something wrong on her side. The hand written letter was a mistake. In quarantine where you can't spend time together more space apart was also a mistake. You fix what's wrong in a relationship by working together not separating. Separating makes things worse. They fester & the person learns that they can make it without you. Disconnecting on social media is part of the process of breaking up. As for your August plan, what is the point? If you are broken up popping up later to chase her is just you being a p.i.t.a. who doesn't respect her boundaries. On the off chance that the lockdown was part of the break up, if you want to contact her one more time after it's over & when it's possible to see each other in person that may work but from your post I get the sense that you did see each other so the break up was more then just being apart. Something changed. He desire to be alone is an excuse. She just wants to not date you but that white lie is designed to not hurt your feelings as much. Sorry but chasing after her is not the answer. 3
Author thishurtsabit Posted June 30, 2020 Author Posted June 30, 2020 Thank you for your reply, you're right about chasing, which is why I've stopped now. I don't know how I'll feel about it come August which is why at the moment its a goal to not contact before hand. I'll see where I'm at at that point in time. In terms of the lock down, the time we would spend together would be walking, so we would walk her dog together 1-2 times a week, however we couldn't hold hands, hug or kiss etc. Months of removing the intimacy definitely played a factor. I believe this gave her a way of learning that she can be by herself and be okay, only a month before she was telling me how much she missed being intimate and sex and it was playing on her mind. This changed. I know from prior conversations that her ex before me who she was with for years spent little time with her and she grew used to that and being on her own, I have thought whether lock down has made those feelings appear again and she was frightened of them. I know now the letter was too soon and it wouldn't have changed her mind, but at the time I thought I can only try and fight and try to prove I am the one for her. I hope this makes it a little clearer
ExpatInItaly Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 3 hours ago, thishurtsabit said: Did she unfollow because now its painful for her to see i'm living my life? Without sorrow ? Probably not, if I'm being honest. I know dumpees generally want that to be true but it's often not the case. As the dumper who was already detaching, she isn't as pained by this as you are. She likely just wants to move on, or stop you from eventually seeing posts about her with another guy and rubbing salt in the wound, so to speak. Try not to read into it. Also, it's rather presumptuous of you to insist to her that there was nothing wrong with the relationship. That might have been true for you, but it evidently wasn't true for her. Dismissing her feelings like that was not wise. It doesn't mean that you did something wrong, to be clear, but it does mean that something wasn't right for her. Sometimes the honeymoon wears off and one person realizes they don't feel strongly enough to continue. It's not fun, but it's part of dating. I wouldn't reach out to her in August. She knows where to find you if she has a change of heart. 2
Author thishurtsabit Posted June 30, 2020 Author Posted June 30, 2020 She said there was nothing wrong herself and she had no reason for this but she felt "Distant" She hasn't stopped me from following her though - only her seeing my posts by unfollowing me and not blocking me on instagram, which I use a lot more than Facebook. Maybe in August I'll feel like I won't want to contact her, right now I can't tell what 1 month will bring from now
TylerMc Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 Hey man my relationship recently broke down mainly due to lockdown too an some underlying issues that would normally get fixed my us spending time Together but lockdown made it not so. Normally the dumper distances themselves before hand and the lack of intimacy like u said probably didn't help but what can you do? She would of known it would of been hard to see you and not do anything but she still did. Honestly man I’m still struggling with coming to terms with mine but if someone is willing to walk out of ur life just because you couldn’t spend time together For a while which is no ones fault they really aren't worth our time. All you can do is give her what she wants Which is what im trying to do also just dont make a fool out of yourself by begging etc like i did. Indefinite No contact and start to heal like I've been advised. I seen a quote saying “if someone can walk out of our life let them go, u can not force someone to love you as much as it hurts let them go” hope this helps and I’m sorry you are going through this
schlumpy Posted July 1, 2020 Posted July 1, 2020 Open up google and type in "cheating 180." You will then a get a selection of sites that carry the 180 program. If you adopt it's suggestions you will be able to think much clearer in a few short months. At the moment your only real choice is to block her off everything and get rid of all her memorabilia. Anything that reminds you of her has to go. Don't sit the shelf and wait for her. Don't be her plan B. You've participated in one relationship you can participate in another. Think about the opportunities that she has opened up for you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 1, 2020 Posted July 1, 2020 On 6/30/2020 at 12:46 PM, thishurtsabit said: She said there was nothing wrong herself and she had no reason for this but she felt "Distant" That is what was wrong - her feelings for you are not the same as they once were. Whether it was a natural loss of interest once the initial honeymoon wound down or whether someone else has caught her eye, the problem is that she doesn't feel the same way anymore. It's hard, but it's much better not to go looking for her. She would need to come to you, so that you know she's doing it of her own volition and not just because she's responding to you if you contact her.
kendahke Posted July 1, 2020 Posted July 1, 2020 On 6/30/2020 at 6:46 AM, thishurtsabit said: She said there was nothing wrong herself and she had no reason for this but she felt "Distant" Cut off her access to your life information so that you're not living for the next time she or her sister come read your IG posts. The getting over this and moving on is going to be glacial if you insist on letting her swoop in whenever she's bored to give you a dose of psychotic hope. 1
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