scooby-philly Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 On 6/29/2020 at 9:57 AM, d0nnivain said: Because it's a sensitive issue for you it's bothering you more then it would if you had not been married to an alcoholic. Sometime this week, calmly tell him what you told us -- that his behavior brought up bad memories of your alcoholic EX. Politely ask him to be more sensitive & conscientious. Go from there. If he stops behaving like a drunk, let this weekend go but if the pattern continues yep, you've picked another one. This is the only piece of advice I've seen on here that isn't titled for/against him and it summarizes the next step(s) for you succinctly. He's not your ex and he maybe a heavy drinker. He could be only getting worse as people are own "their best behavior" in the beginning of a relationship, he could be immature or not understand priorities, he could simply have had a good time that was sorely needed, blah blah blah. You don't judge a person from one incident (unless it's catastrophic). Sometime this week, IN PERSON OR ON VIDEO CAMERA, tell him how you feel, remind him of your ex and that you're not comparing him but that you are sensitive to the issue, and ask him to see things from your perspective - that you had set your schedule around him and he, for no valid reason, had to cancel plans and (unless he did and you haven't told us.....) he didn't offer any alternative, including a simple "can I come over and crash" or something that would make it clear he's sorry for ruining the "date" and still cares about you. Then see how he reacts and how he behaves in the future.
Author kenziejane Posted June 30, 2020 Author Posted June 30, 2020 20 hours ago, Snow_Queen said: Well said. She also had to send him a text to ask if their plans were still on. I have a feeling if she didn’t ask, he probably wouldn’t have let her know. These two actions alone would be a huge turnoff for many people. I also feel that's the case...if I hadn't said anything, I highly doubt he would have either. Last night he texted me saying he wished he would have just come over on Sunday because he missed me and it's going to be a bit before we can see each other again. Well, that's on you lol The drinking so much that he cancelled our plans bothers me, but the fact that he didn't let me know and waited for me to reach out almost bothers me more. Like I value my time. I need you to do the same.
OatsAndHall Posted June 30, 2020 Posted June 30, 2020 Honestly, I don't think you even need to bring your ex into the conversation; that just gives him an easy excuse to turn it around on you if he chooses to. His behavior wasn't kosher, regardless of how your ex behaved. Social drinking is one thing, getting so sh-t faced you have to cancel plans the next day is a whole different ball game. IMO, you've got one route; explain to him that you don't care for how you were treated and see if he shapes up. Keep it going if he makes a conscious effort to change, walk away if the bottle is more important than you. Unfortunately, this is a pitfall of dating a heavy drinker. I don't drink so I try to cut people slack when it comes to boozing but there's only so much latitude I can give before it's time to walk away.
Recommended Posts