Backinthesaddleagain Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 19 hours ago, yesilikebread said: I was on a date once with a man I've been seeing a few times. We were sitting in a bar and sitting at the table next to us were a few (unknown to us) adults. All of a sudden, one of the men (a quite large man, tall that is) from the table next to us started initiating contact with us, which I don't necessarily mind, but it was obvious he knew he was bothering us, I mean we were practically sitting pressed against each other and engaged in conversation. Well, I excused myself to the restroom, and this man apparently had the nerve to ask my date how long we had been seeing each other, and if we had slept together!! (My date told me this afterward). Now, I don't find the first question that intrusive, if the three of us would have had a nice chat, and it would naturally come up in conversation. When I came back from the restroom this man was still sitting at our table, and he started talking about women, and what they need in a relationship. He started talking about how women want a taller guy, he actually asked us if my date was taller than me, Then continued to babble on about how women want strong and confident men who protect them from people who comes in and intrudes. This was so weird, and I of course understood what he was getting at. He was almost aggressive in his tone of voice. I could tell he made my date quite uncomfortable. We decided to leave, and when we did he tried to shake my date's hand.. As we left I told my date 'hey, what an a**h***', and how I believed he tried to trigger him, and my guy said that he hadn't realized until I said it. I don't know if he was actually honest, or if he just didn't know what to do in that situation. This was a very strange situation to be in, I don't know if the guy wanted to argue with my date? Establishing control? It also made me wonder what I would have wanted my date to say/or react. I do wonder if the situation wold have gotten worse, would my date have done anything? Obviously I would have said something, but I also like feeling protected by the guy I like. Curious to know your thoughts. What would you have done? Would you expect the man to protect and take charge? And as a man, would you have done so? I spent a lot of time drinking and working in bars in my younger days. I have seen this numerous times. The guy is always drunk, and these guys like to intimidate and chest-pound. It never really bothered me too much in my younger days, but as I have gotten older my tolerance for this stuff is almost zero. My initial reply would be something like this: Step 1- "well bud, why don't you take your tall, strong, confident self away from our table and go practice your charms on a single lady, this one is taken" this keeps it somewhat light and funny- while being somewhat passive aggressive and condescending, and should diffuse the situation while letting him know that you will have none of his antics. (if the person is too drunk this will sometimes backfire and he will want to fight almost immediately so judge his behavior beforehand) Step 2- would get restaurant management involved and have him thrown out if he won't leave you alone or is too drunk to realize what is going on. Step 3- involves police and the restaurant will handle this part if he refuses to leave or becomes violent. Step 4- always watch your back when leaving the bar. this is the time when a drunk a**h*** or his friends will try to seek retribution. But just because your guy didn't "take charge" of the situation doesn't mean much. He was probably thrown off by this man's obnoxious behavior and didn't know what to do. There are a lot of things to consider before you start interacting with a drunken alpha male frat-boy a**h***. 1
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