TylerMc Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 Hey guys bit if a long one but I’m new here. My relationship recently broke down as my anxiety got abit much for my partner when it comes too night's out and guys messaging her and her responding etc etc We genuinely never argued it was only ever about one thing which was her responding or being close to other guys on snapchat insta etc etc. She called it quits during lockdown about 3 weeks ago to the day i did the typical not knowing any better approach i begged an pleaded for a few days an then stopped then text again an stopped then sent her a letter and a video of all our best/funny moments but obviously nothing was going to work which i now know. We met up about 2 weeks post break up an spoke an i realised i had under lying mental health issues which i am now getting help for as i realised it had a big part to play in what broke us apart but all she could say was i cant give u anymore chances as we had argued over the guy topic about 3/4x in our 18 months together. We had been through alot as a couple when we started seeing each other she was pregnant an didnt know if the kid was mine or her exs she asked for space from both of us an terminated it as her own decision and it really took a toll on her an she still thought of it daily she has her own mental health issues but is now over them but still has bad days every now an again. When we got together she was on anti Ds but she said i made her so happy she didnt need them anymore. she was in a abusive relationship before me and we worked together an i told her she deserved better not knowing the better would of been me but it was. We had out first holiday an experienced so many new things together. She was extremely besotted with me for so long. But now its like i never existed. In the space of a week after the break up she has 50+ new guys Following her on instagram, she’s made a tinder and has basically forgotten about me. I think its a grass is always greener type of thing because she’s recently moved in with a friend who isn't the best influence (sleeps around) And is leaving her full time job to go to university and i feel She just wants a clean start. Today I'm starting Indefinite no contact as i cant keep reaching out as it says it only pushes them further away And it isn't helping me i sent a text today hoping shes well and I obviously still miss her but i thanked her for the good times and hoped she gets everything she wants from life and i hope she stays safe an stays herself. I got no reply ofcourse but ive exhausted all my options now and i know i cant do anymore to try win her back i have to give it time An see. Any advice is obviously greatly appreciated as its going to be a long hard road to get over this girl as it felt so special.
preraph Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 Your best option right now is to work on whatever those mental issues you realized you had are and not try to do relationships until you're more ready. Anxiety is a relationship killer. She has her own issues as well she needs to work on. Thing is she is finished. You are smart to realize (too late) than the more you go begging, the happier she'll be she broke it off with you. Now you have a therapist, it sounds like and so you can process all this there as well. Its' all down to accepting reality. She no longer wants to be with you. Doesn't mean she never cared about you. Obviously she did. But it didn't work out because you had incompatibilities, one of which is your anxiety and whatever her own problems are. There are lots of people we can love but not remain with, not live with, not marry, not continue to be with. You have to leave those behind and if you really want to couple up once you've got yourself more stable, then you look for someone you can both love and are compatible with. A relationship should enhance your life, not make it into a struggle. Always remember that. If it's too much strife, it's not compatible. Good luck.
Author TylerMc Posted June 27, 2020 Author Posted June 27, 2020 32 minutes ago, preraph said: Your best option right now is to work on whatever those mental issues you realized you had are and not try to do relationships until you're more ready. Anxiety is a relationship killer. She has her own issues as well she needs to work on. Thing is she is finished. You are smart to realize (too late) than the more you go begging, the happier she'll be she broke it off with you. Now you have a therapist, it sounds like and so you can process all this there as well. Its' all down to accepting reality. She no longer wants to be with you. Doesn't mean she never cared about you. Obviously she did. But it didn't work out because you had incompatibilities, one of which is your anxiety and whatever her own problems are. There are lots of people we can love but not remain with, not live with, not marry, not continue to be with. You have to leave those behind and if you really want to couple up once you've got yourself more stable, then you look for someone you can both love and are compatible with. A relationship should enhance your life, not make it into a struggle. Always remember that. If it's too much strife, it's not compatible. Good luck. Thank you so much 1
preraph Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 You will feel better as time goes on. No contact is usually best because it's hard enough not to obsess, so stay off her social media and all that and give yourself a chance to relieve your mind at least for periods of time and find fun things to do even when you do not feel like doing them!
d0nnivain Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 I don't see where in here that you have underlying mental health issues. This woman has problems. She is very attention seeking. While I generally don't put a great deal of stock into any social media, her pathological need for male followers is not healthy. The idea that she didn't know whether the baby was yours or her EXs indicates too much overlap between you. Having an abortion in that situation but not taking time to process everything that went on in her life was a huge mistake. She was never emotionally available to be your GF. She never had time & space to process the end of her previous relationship, whatever the abusive relationship was or her mental health. You say she was on anti-depressants when you met her but that she stopped taking them because you made her so happy. Wrong! Anti-depressants aren't aspirin. You can't just take one as needed. You have to build them up in your system & get weaned off them by a doctor. Depression isn't happy / sad It's a medical condition with chemical imbalances in the brain & nervous system. She makes bad uninformed decisions. For her sake I'm glad she's going to school. She probably does need a clean slate. But so do you. From your other thread it's OK that you tried to salvage your relationship because as unhealthy & dysfunctional as it was, you enjoyed it. But now it's time for you to look at the harsh reality that it was a bad fit. She did you a favor by insisting on a break up. Leave her be. Heal. Then pick a better more stable woman as your next GF.
Author TylerMc Posted June 29, 2020 Author Posted June 29, 2020 5 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: I don't see where in here that you have underlying mental health issues. This woman has problems. She is very attention seeking. While I generally don't put a great deal of stock into any social media, her pathological need for male followers is not healthy. The idea that she didn't know whether the baby was yours or her EXs indicates too much overlap between you. Having an abortion in that situation but not taking time to process everything that went on in her life was a huge mistake. She was never emotionally available to be your GF. She never had time & space to process the end of her previous relationship, whatever the abusive relationship was or her mental health. You say she was on anti-depressants when you met her but that she stopped taking them because you made her so happy. Wrong! Anti-depressants aren't aspirin. You can't just take one as needed. You have to build them up in your system & get weaned off them by a doctor. Depression isn't happy / sad It's a medical condition with chemical imbalances in the brain & nervous system. She makes bad uninformed decisions. For her sake I'm glad she's going to school. She probably does need a clean slate. But so do you. From your other thread it's OK that you tried to salvage your relationship because as unhealthy & dysfunctional as it was, you enjoyed it. But now it's time for you to look at the harsh reality that it was a bad fit. She did you a favor by insisting on a break up. Leave her be. Heal. Then pick a better more stable woman as your next GF. Thank you its just so hard coming to terms with everything. Went through so much together and now its just gone. Time will tell
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