latefragment Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Does this happen to anyone at all? I tried to play it cool with this guy until the first time we had sex - it was special to me, and i got emotional afterwards - hypersensitive. i know he thought the sex was good because he was raving about it, but afterwards i wanted to cuddle and be affectionate, and he wasn't quite there. and then when he took a long time to return my phone calls, (more than 1 day) i got overly emotional and upset with him. it was embarrassing. before we had sex i was kind of ok with his behavior (more than 1 day to return phone calls, kinda distant, but when we met in person, very engaged and charming and overly attentive ... you know, kinda the hot-cold thingie... ), but once we had sex, it's like i went crazy or psycho and started reading lot into things. i'm really sad right now because i think i blew it with this guy. does this happen to anyone else? next time i guess i should wait to have sex, or just realize that they're not going to be super-responsive just because you had sex with them. maybe i have too high expectations after having sex. to me i guess it is *somewhat* meaningful. By the word "somewhat" i mean that i don't have to love them or be in love with them to have sex. But i've got to at least *like* them before having sex. i've done the f*ck buddy thing before and that sucked, i developed feelings for the FWB and he ended up "breaking up" with me. anyway, people, i'm pretty busted up over this guy. i got emotional at his somewhat distant behavior (which is "normal" for him - nothing changed in his behavior before or after our first time we had sex) after sex and now he's looking for a way out. it hurts. Does anybody relate? Thanks for your help. I'm just wondering why do i never learn a lesson? i always f*ck things up with guys. What is wrong with me????? i wish i could take a "chill pill" and chill the f*ck out. g*dammit.
SuperMonk Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Woman, it seems like you want more sex. SEX SEX SEX. You want more of it, I know you do.
Lishy Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 Monk is tripping i think lol I know exactly what you mean hon i did the same thing. Told him i just wanted a casual thing and I MEANT IT .... then i had sex with him!!!!! BAM i turned pyscho and expected him to call more and be much more attentive. I even TOLD him i expected him to call every day (what a turn off) I learned from that mistake and wont do that again lol but i had a good reason - I had come out of a 14 year relationship and didnt know what to do in this 'dating game' Well i scared him away good and fast and I know he really liked me but i just overtook him emotionally. I honestly think he now thinks i am a freak hahahhaha If he really knew me i am sure he would really like me but we didnt get that far before i freaked and told him my feelings!!!! Now i obsess over him all the time but i wont call him anymore - Its so hard tho i want to call him right now just to hear his voice .... grrrrrrr I really miss his cuddles he would cuddle me all night and it was soooooo lovely! Oh well we could always be pyscho sisters lol
Lishy Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 ps ..... both of us obviously need to be sure we have a solid foundation before we take the step and have sex with someone - Like me i think u have learned that we dont do casual lol Good luck
slubberdegullion Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 I really miss his cuddles he would cuddle me all night and it was soooooo lovely!Spooning is my speciality
Lishy Posted October 10, 2005 Posted October 10, 2005 come here slubber i have a degree with honours in spooning lol
bridgett Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Pretty much this same thing has happened to me. I think it's because I'm actually a very emotional person, but I'm good at hiding it and acting very "chill" in everyday life, controlling those impulses to be emotional. So men who like very chill women are attracted to me...and then at a time like right after sex when that damn emo personality comes out...they're like, "woah, you're not who I thought you were."
RecordProducer Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Men don't necessarily develop feelings after sex. They can have great sex with a woman they have no emotions for. The term "emotional affair" refers to married people who have developed mutual feelings and a non-physical relationship with a person outside the marriage. You are not married so this is not an EA.
edbravo Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 Does this happen to anyone at all? I tried to play it cool with this guy until the first time we had sex - it was special to me, and i got emotional afterwards - hypersensitive. i know he thought the sex was good because he was raving about it, but afterwards i wanted to cuddle and be affectionate, and he wasn't quite there. and then when he took a long time to return my phone calls, (more than 1 day) i got overly emotional and upset with him. it was embarrassing. before we had sex i was kind of ok with his behavior (more than 1 day to return phone calls, kinda distant, but when we met in person, very engaged and charming and overly attentive ... you know, kinda the hot-cold thingie... ), but once we had sex, it's like i went crazy or psycho and started reading lot into things. i'm really sad right now because i think i blew it with this guy. does this happen to anyone else? next time i guess i should wait to have sex, or just realize that they're not going to be super-responsive just because you had sex with them. maybe i have too high expectations after having sex. to me i guess it is *somewhat* meaningful. By the word "somewhat" i mean that i don't have to love them or be in love with them to have sex. But i've got to at least *like* them before having sex. i've done the f*ck buddy thing before and that sucked, i developed feelings for the FWB and he ended up "breaking up" with me. anyway, people, i'm pretty busted up over this guy. i got emotional at his somewhat distant behavior (which is "normal" for him - nothing changed in his behavior before or after our first time we had sex) after sex and now he's looking for a way out. it hurts. Does anybody relate? Thanks for your help. I'm just wondering why do i never learn a lesson? i always f*ck things up with guys. What is wrong with me????? i wish i could take a "chill pill" and chill the f*ck out. g*dammit. From the way you express your problem, its seems like you are a 15 to 17 years old kid. Are you???? and i wonder why are kids allowed into this stuffs, what i mean this forum? i taught there is an age limit some where.
crazy_grl Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 maybe i have too high expectations after having sex. to me i guess it is *somewhat* meaningful. By the word "somewhat" i mean that i don't have to love them or be in love with them to have sex. But i've got to at least *like* them before having sex. i've done the f*ck buddy thing before and that sucked, i developed feelings for the FWB and he ended up "breaking up" with me. anyway, people, i'm pretty busted up over this guy. i got emotional at his somewhat distant behavior (which is "normal" for him - nothing changed in his behavior before or after our first time we had sex) after sex and now he's looking for a way out. it hurts. latefragment, are you sure you're not me?? That sounds exactly like my situation not too long ago, right down to having had feelings for a FWB too. Luckily I've found a guy who so far seems better than the guy I blew it with. Now as long as I don't blow it with him too... I think we need to force ourselves to take a step back before having sex and really look at the person to see if they're a person we trust with our feelings and take a look at ourselves and know exactly what it is we expect of a guy. If it's a relationship, not having sex until there's an established relationship. If it's just 'casual' sex, determining that the guy isn't someone you can develop feelings for yet someone who is trustworthy. We have to force ourselves to be more logical and less emotional about these things. For me, I think I'm through with sex outside of serious relationships. It causes too much drama for me. I've been toying with the idea of setting time frames on when I will have sex in a relationship (like no sex before 3 months), but I've never liked the time frame idea. It seems too mechanical. Maybe eventually I'll change my mind, and maybe something like that would work for you.
edbravo Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 latefragment, are you sure you're not me?? That sounds exactly like my situation not too long ago, right down to having had feelings for a FWB too. Luckily I've found a guy who so far seems better than the guy I blew it with. Now as long as I don't blow it with him too... I think we need to force ourselves to take a step back before having sex and really look at the person to see if they're a person we trust with our feelings and take a look at ourselves and know exactly what it is we expect of a guy. If it's a relationship, not having sex until there's an established relationship. If it's just 'casual' sex, determining that the guy isn't someone you can develop feelings for yet someone who is trustworthy. We have to force ourselves to be more logical and less emotional about these things. For me, I think I'm through with sex outside of serious relationships. It causes too much drama for me. I've been toying with the idea of setting time frames on when I will have sex in a relationship (like no sex before 3 months), but I've never liked the time frame idea. It seems too mechanical. Maybe eventually I'll change my mind, and maybe something like that would work for you. hey dont tell me you are 15 yo too????
Author latefragment Posted October 11, 2005 Author Posted October 11, 2005 Thanks for your responses. I'm glad that you relate to this. I don't know what went wrong, I just snapped ... the phone call delays really struck a chord with me - reminded me of this one guy who cheated on me and he never (hardly) returned phone calls also ... so it just sent shivers to have this bloke not call back [promptly]. but i need to realize these are my issues and ... whatever... anyway, i'm sweating bullets about this guy, i think it's pretty much over, and it sucks that i didn't have enough self-control over my emotions to be reasonable with him... next time i really have to keep a cap on my emotions. Right now I'm too tired to be sad...
MakeMeBeautiful Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 I know how you feel. Unfortunately it is extremely difficult for women to separate sex and emotions. Once we have sex with someone it can make us have very fond feelings for that person. It is so frustrating. Why can't we be like men and become detached to the person we are sleeping with? Last Saturday night I had sex for the first time with guy I have been dating for about two months. During sex I couldn't help but think that I was making a mistake. It was too soon. What is he going to think of me? Why am I doing this? Is it a rebound? Am I really over Wes? A million thoughts ran through my head. Afterwards I felt like crap. I turned around with my back to him to see what he would do. Would he just lay there and leave me feeling like an emotional wreck? He didn't. He turned around, put his arms around me and kissed my cheek. He then asked me if he could make a silicone mold of my ass because he thinks I have the most perfect ass and he wants a replica with him for the times I am not around. He was very affectionate. I was a little worried because I didn't hear from him all day Sunday. I was kinda expecting to not hear from him because he did mention he had a lot of work to catch up on. Then this morning (Monday) before he had go give a lecture he sent me an email saying that he was still smiling from our date on Saturday and to him our evening together was perfect. It made me smile. He is taking me to a fancy french restaurant on Friday night. So I guess the only advice I have to give you is to stop wasting time on guys who do not value you. If a guy doesn't see your worth, he is not worth your time. Cut your losses and move on. You will save yourself a lot of heartache in the long run. I was in FWB relationship for two years. I thought that the reason why he didn't want a serious relationship was because he was still in school. When he graduated, nothing changed. He didn't want to be with me. So one day he brought me lunch at work. He took me into an empty room and started kissing me. I decided that I couldn't do it anymore. I cut my losses. It was painful. Two f*****g years and he was still not ready!
ReluctantRomeo Posted October 11, 2005 Posted October 11, 2005 I know how you feel. Unfortunately it is extremely difficult for women to separate sex and emotions. Once we have sex with someone it can make us have very fond feelings for that person. It is so frustrating. Why can't we be like men and become detached to the person we are sleeping with? It's true that women don't separate sex and emotions, but actually I think it's sweet Anyhow, the best approach IMO is to accept it and work with it. For example, let the guy know in a nice way that you need warm contact the day after - a gentleman will want to reassure you in this way.
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