Mrin Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 (edited) Hi folks. I'm writing this more just to memorialize the moment and get my thoughts out. Not looking for anything in particular but feel free to chime in if you have something to contribute! As some of you may recall, my on again/off again 5 year relationship ended at the start of the year. We had been engaged the final four or so months but it just wasn't working despite out best efforts. We ended it and after a month or two of NC have rekindled our friendship (only). In the meantime I jumped back in the dating pool and well, dated. A lot. I came down with COVID-19 (mild case) and now have the antibodies - which allowed me to pick right back where I left off. I enjoy dating. I love meeting women and honestly, have almost universally been impressed in some way by every woman I've dated. I've kept it casual and yes, I multi-dated. It isn't a sex thing - it is more just enjoying the company of a woman even if it is for just a few dates. But, as I have been merrily dating my way through a Tinder stack of women, I've run across two that are distinctly different from the rest. Neither are women you just casually date. I can't tell you why exactly, but you just don't. You either dive in head first or you move along. NOTE: I was about to go into this whole Woman A vs. Woman B thing but that isn't the point. What is the point is that this is all coming to a head very soon. Both women are amazing. Both are drop dead gorgeous. Like stop the presses gorgeous. One is a blonde Barbie and the other is redheaded Barbie. One i've known for a number of years where the connection has been building and building and building like a slow burn. The other I just met where the connection went BOOM! Both are wicked smart, well educated and accomplished. Both are amazing mothers (which is a YUGE thing for me). One is desirable geographically, the other not so much right now (but that may change in the future). One checks all the boxes, the other checks most and could check the rest in the future. Both have their s*** together - they've each done a ton of personal development work and are rock solid. And yes, both are very much game to go "all in" with me. If I met either one without meeting the other, I wouldn't think twice before going on all in. They're that sort of woman. So, I guess this brings me to my point. Obviously I have to make a choice here. To do otherwise is unfair to them and to me. And it is a choice I don't take lightly. I'm on the precipice. At a crossroads. One woman for sure would most likely result in a committed multi-year relationship if not marriage. The other - the one I just met - is less certain but my guess is that it is the same. As I talk myself through this, I realize I have to back up a step - am I even ready or wanting a committed relationship? To that I answer yes. I'm probably still a little singed by my last relationship but we did have quite a bit of practice breaking up over the years. I think if I hadn't gone on my dating binge and worked a few kinks out of my back then I certainly wouldn't want to go all in with one. I do enjoy dating but I enjoy focusing on a single woman even more. So yeah. I'm ready and willing. I'm just going to listen to my gut on this and trust my intuition. Mrin Edited June 26, 2020 by Mrin 1
Fox Sake Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 You might not want to go telling everyone that you’re one of the people that flaunted lockdown and caught Covid. Its that attitude that’s making the world unable to recover faster and stopping people from travelling to see people they love. just sayin’ 2 1
Author Mrin Posted June 26, 2020 Author Posted June 26, 2020 (edited) 11 minutes ago, Fox Sake said: You might not want to go telling everyone that you’re one of the people that flaunted lockdown and caught Covid. Its that attitude that’s making the world unable to recover faster and stopping people from travelling to see people they love. just sayin’ Oh no sorry if it came across that way. No I ended up contracting COVID-19 in early March. It went through my town like a wildfire. I actually ended up catching it from my daughters. So the quarantine was actually a really big deal for me because I was still contagious. Complete lockdown for us. I just meant that once the quarantine lifted I was able to resume dating without the fear of contracting it or passing it along. So dating life went pretty much back to normal. I always joke that a positive long-term antibodies test is more appealing than 850 credit score when it comes to dating these days. Edited June 26, 2020 by Mrin 1
chillii Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 How old are ya op? Anyway you did what so many round here do diving straight in again after a 5 yr emotional roller coaster is insanity, although honestly that must've been pretty shallow stuff tbh anyway or you wouldn't be able to even be with someone else yet. But again like so many others here do the same then they come here scratching their head. These two , well your obviously not even ready fro something anyway so l dunno , maybe a rain check in 6 or 12mths 2
ShyViolet Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 I know this isn't the main point of your post, but your whole Covid antibody thing sticks out. Don't go around with this false sense of security that you are safe from Covid now. I have read quite a bit from reputable sources that the scientists DO NOT know for sure just how much immunity you have if you've already had Covid and have the antibodies. It gives you some immunity but that might be a short-lived immunity, and they don't know if it's possible to get Covid again. 3
Versacehottie Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 I'm just going to say the cheesy answer: quick, which girl do you think about first thing in the morning or as you are going to sleep? I actually think you are ready to date. I don't think you would be this into either of them if you weren't. Also by the way you describe them--though with the girl you've just met it's hard to tell if slightly more lust or infatuation-based.
smackie9 Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 I say keep multi dating unless you are really ready to settle down.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 I think it's really early after ending an engagement. You could easily be in rebound. In fact, your enthusiasm here suggests rebound. Question: how many times have you met each woman?
Author Mrin Posted July 7, 2020 Author Posted July 7, 2020 (edited) On 6/27/2020 at 4:04 PM, Lotsgoingon said: I think it's really early after ending an engagement. You could easily be in rebound. In fact, your enthusiasm here suggests rebound. Question: how many times have you met each woman? I definitely could see that. It could be too early. I have to accept that's a possibility. With the one I've known for years this is sort of like our chance - our moment. When we are both single and open to the possibility of us. The other? Well that was just chance. Pure chance. I've only known her a short while. Edited July 7, 2020 by Mrin
strawberryshortstack Posted July 10, 2020 Posted July 10, 2020 On 6/26/2020 at 7:10 PM, ShyViolet said: I know this isn't the main point of your post, but your whole Covid antibody thing sticks out. Don't go around with this false sense of security that you are safe from Covid now. I have read quite a bit from reputable sources that the scientists DO NOT know for sure just how much immunity you have if you've already had Covid and have the antibodies. It gives you some immunity but that might be a short-lived immunity, and they don't know if it's possible to get Covid again. I'm also reading that mild cases may give you less immunity than severe cases.
kendahke Posted July 11, 2020 Posted July 11, 2020 which one is closer, logistically? All other things being equal between them, that's who will be easier on your time and energy.
Author Mrin Posted July 15, 2020 Author Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) Hi all! A couple of updates. I realize this is turning more into a journal entry or something... 1. I've decided to focus on just one of the two women I described - the geographically undesirable one who I recently met and with whom I have a really strong connection. Despite living 2,000 miles away, we've managed to see each other three times in four weeks. It was a good way to get to know her quickly. Things just come naturally with her. They're easy. I doubt we'll be able to keep up that pace going forward in the foreseeable future but that might not be a bad thing. See #2. I still really like the other woman but I think things might be premature given her recent exit of a multi-year relationship and, in some ways, her geographic closeness was actually a hinderance as it meant there would be insta-relationship. 2. And, as some suggested, it might be too early for me too. I am still wrestling emotionally with my ex. We've backed off on the friendship for a while as she's struggling with our emotional ties. And I guess I am too. Not sure backing off helped me but hopefully it will help her. I'd like to think I am over her and what remains is just a love that transcends the romantic bond we shared. She's casually seeing someone else and I am genuinely happy for her. I really am. I want her to be happy. But ya, my head says one thing, and my heart says another. It is kinda crazy. Memories of her keep popping up unbidden. Often at really inappropriate times. Last weekend I was kayaking with the woman from #1 and Boom! there was my ex filling my thoughts. And here's the crazy thing - it wasn't a memory. I never went kayaking with my ex. Hell, I had never kayaked until 4 weeks ago. But there I was, floating down a beautiful river with a fantastic woman who is way into me... and all I could think about for a few minutes is how I wanted to be floating the river with my ex. Ugh! I've found trying to fight these moments off is like trying to stuff a cat into a sack. It just doesn't work. One time the woman from #1 noticed the change in me and asked what was up. I actually told her - I believe in being as transparent as possible. She was really cool about it and said it was understandable. That she didn't feel threatened. But ya, these "ex moments" are pretty frequent and don't seem to be dissipating. So... I think this is all for the best. The woman i'm seeing lives 2,000 miles away. We've agreed to take it slow and just see what happens. No labels. Which is what I need right now as I think I still have a lot of work to do regarding my ex. That's my update. Who knows what next week holds. Ha! Mrin Edited July 15, 2020 by Mrin
Andy_K Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 1 hour ago, Mrin said: So... I think this is all for the best. The woman i'm seeing lives 2,000 miles away. And to think I set my search field to 25 miles Good luck!
Calmandfocused Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) Mrin. I have some concerns about your update. i think you’re in conflict... with yourself. You are trying to tell your brain that you are over your ex. However, you are in denial. I am 100% certain that you are not over your ex. You can make all the justification and excuses you like but the point is you cannot let your ex go ... yet. That much is evident. Why are you trying to move on so quickly? What is the rush? Why are you trying to force yourself to feel things that you do not? Mrin, I seriously advise you to slow down and give yourself time to process, recover and move on from your 5 year relationship. There is honestly no need to push yourself into dating like you are doing. Spend some time for yourself and let yourself recover naturally. Edited July 15, 2020 by Calmandfocused 3
Weezy1973 Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 Sounds like dating is your attempt to cope with the end of your relationship. Not uncommon. The fact that you chose the woman you barely know and who lives 2000 miles away, suggests you’re not ready as do the random intrusions of thoughts of your ex. Those thoughts will dissipate with time. Be patient. 1
dangerous Posted July 15, 2020 Posted July 15, 2020 (edited) My quick take on this, is that the OP is not over the ex. very rarely does friendship, and so less love, follow a break-up. You probably need space, no contact for a while. Sounds too quick, too intense with the new ladies. Rebound, infatuation, neediness, all come to mind. Chill OP, some self love is needed first. Edited July 15, 2020 by dangerous spelling
Author Mrin Posted July 17, 2020 Author Posted July 17, 2020 Hey there. I don't disagree with anything that was said above. yeah I do think I am still struggling with my ex. Or maybe I should say my old relationship with my ex. I guess it is to be expected. Ah well. Good thing the woman I am casually seeing lives so far away right now. Gives me some room to work things out. No real updates except that I was supposed to be married tomorrow. What an odd sensation.
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 2 hours ago, Mrin said: Hey there. I don't disagree with anything that was said above. yeah I do think I am still struggling with my ex. Or maybe I should say my old relationship with my ex. I guess it is to be expected. Ah well. Good thing the woman I am casually seeing lives so far away right now. Gives me some room to work things out. No real updates except that I was supposed to be married tomorrow. What an odd sensation. awww wow, sorry to hear it. I hope better things are ahead of you. Chances are they will be Good luck
schlumpy Posted July 17, 2020 Posted July 17, 2020 If they are both marriage material then I would expect that one of them would cause you to lose interest in the other. If not, then they may be marriage material but you are not. 1
Author Mrin Posted July 17, 2020 Author Posted July 17, 2020 14 minutes ago, schlumpy said: If they are both marriage material then I would expect that one of them would cause you to lose interest in the other. If not, then they may be marriage material but you are not. Yeah. I am focusing on just one now as I get my head right. I don't mind multidating but not with these sorts of ladies.
Author Mrin Posted July 19, 2020 Author Posted July 19, 2020 Well I made it through my non-wedding day. One of my best friends and her boyfriend came up to visit me. It was kinda funny - we we're sitting on the back patio of this rum distillery having dinner last night. All of a sudden the PA system comes on at the restaurant next door that also has a back patio. And not much of a fence. Yep - sure nuff it was a wedding reception. Cute couple but for f***s sake did the universe really need to rub it in like that? Ha!
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