Roswell91 Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: He’s just not that into you. You’ll be hard pressed to find a guy who will turn down a date with a woman he’s even the least bit interested in. He could just barely be into her, but he’s not gonna burn that bridge. Guys aren’t asked out as much as we are. If he’s a coworker that’s all the more reason he’s not gonna try I thought he asked if she was single then proceeded to ask her out. On the contrary he could be really into her but be unable to show it lol. You get all sorts
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 On 6/25/2020 at 7:30 AM, rjc149 said: Maybe he was acutely aware of the fact that he's "below your league" and was nervous, hence his alcohol consumption. Guys (and gals) will often disqualify themselves and self-reject if they are intimidated by their date. If they're not confident, it's difficult for them to relax and have fun, unless they're hammered and don't care. this is my guess too. He's just a realist... yet probably still had fun hanging out with one of the untouchables.
introverted1 Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 Meh, I don't put a lot of stock in "leagues." It's a pretty superficial way to evaluate people and that in itself is a bit of a turn-off. Beyond that, we have no idea what the OP or this guy look like. And, more importantly, attraction is super subjective. Personally, I can see a guy and register that he is "hot," while at the same time he does nothing for me. And then of course there are things like personality and character (and profession and income for the more mercenary) etc., that can affect "league." Given that we're on page 3 of trying to figure this guy out and discern whether he likes the OP, I'd say he's actually playing things pretty well. He's got the OP tied up in knots trying to figure him out, while he's out there doing his thing. 2
HighHopes87 Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 I strongly believe that if someone is interested you wouldn't have to decode smoke signals. As a guy I think Im fairly simple and uncomplicated. If I go on a date with a girl and I like her , I make it clear and quite literally put it in black and white via message or over the phone. I think you'll be signing up for a lot of stress with this guy long term , he sounds a bit socially inept and emotionally unavailable. Constantly second guessing is exhausting. 6
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 On 6/24/2020 at 6:15 PM, Confoosedgal said: Not to toot my own horn but I'm a fairly good looking girl and I actually feel like I'm a little bit out of his league, physically. 15 hours ago, introverted1 said: Meh, I don't put a lot of stock in "leagues." It's a pretty superficial way to evaluate people and that in itself is a bit of a turn-off. Beyond that, we have no idea what the OP or this guy look like. And, more importantly, attraction is super subjective. Personally, I can see a guy and register that he is "hot," while at the same time he does nothing for me. Given that we're on page 3... You're on page 3, and you couldn't discern from the OP that she's significantly attractive? Such that it remains "no idea" (to you and only you) ?
basil67 Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 (edited) @SincereOnlineGuy we only have the OPs word for how attractive she is. And I agree with introverted1 that looks are subjective. Edited June 28, 2020 by basil67 3
introverted1 Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 6 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: You're on page 3, and you couldn't discern from the OP that she's significantly attractive? Such that it remains "no idea" (to you and only you) ? Do you know the OP? Not sure why this is a sore spot for you. Bottom line is that I can't see her so no, I don't know if she is attractive. I've known beautiful people who thought they were ordinary and ordinary people who thought they were gorgeous. Point is, the OP is gauging both her own and this guy's attractiveness and then determining their "leagues," but there is no guarantee that the rest of the world, and especially this guy, see their relative attractiveness in the same way.
Roswell91 Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, SincereOnlineGuy said: You're on page 3, and you couldn't discern from the OP that she's significantly attractive? Such that it remains "no idea" (to you and only you) ? But anyone can think they're attractive when in actual fact they're not as attractive as they think they are. Not saying the OP is delusional, but ive come across delusional people before. Also people have different tastes. For instance maybe she is attractive to a lot of people but won't necessarily be to every single man out there. Edited June 28, 2020 by Roswell91 1
Roswell91 Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 22 hours ago, introverted1 said: Meh, I don't put a lot of stock in "leagues." It's a pretty superficial way to evaluate people and that in itself is a bit of a turn-off. Beyond that, we have no idea what the OP or this guy look like. And, more importantly, attraction is super subjective. Personally, I can see a guy and register that he is "hot," while at the same time he does nothing for me. And then of course there are things like personality and character (and profession and income for the more mercenary) etc., that can affect "league." Given that we're on page 3 of trying to figure this guy out and discern whether he likes the OP, I'd say he's actually playing things pretty well. He's got the OP tied up in knots trying to figure him out, while he's out there doing his thing. Its usually the ones who confuse women ( a lot of the time) to cause them to go mad. Especially if theyre good looking.
Roswell91 Posted June 28, 2020 Posted June 28, 2020 On 6/27/2020 at 4:11 AM, SincereOnlineGuy said: this is my guess too. He's just a realist... yet probably still had fun hanging out with one of the untouchables. No one is untouchable. Shes a person like everybody else. 1
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 29, 2020 Author Posted June 29, 2020 So, good and bad news to everyone still responding to this! we went out on an OFFICIAL date last night. There were absolutely NO mixed signals last night. In fact, he actually admitted he felt really intimidated and nervous last time. And, apparently he’d been played by other girls where they immediately friend zone him or like for example he said last month he took a girl out and when he attempted to make a move, she told him she had a boyfriend. So he told me THAT is why he was careful and somewhat tense that night. So, yes, attraction entirely subjective but I can also physically feel and tell when someone finds me attractive. And my issue, at the initial start of this post, was basically “WTF, why didn’t he make a move if he was into me?!” again, no mixed signals last night, he definitely made his move and the date was awesome. BUUUUUT, ironically, I actually felt like our personalities didn’t match. He’s very intelligent but he’s pessimistic, negative, and would go into this huge philosophical rant whenever I brought up ANYTHING. He’s actually too smart and a little too serious for my taste and somewhat socially inept as MANY posters here predicted. And It was the little things that mattered. In addition to his pessimism , he didn’t open any doors for me, his conversations were slightly self centered, and he talked about exes way too much. I feel like he still has a lot to learn when it comes to dating so I’m going to cut it off. rhanks everyone!! 2 1 1
Versacehottie Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 oh yes, cut that one off! good that you found out what he was about. Is this going to affect your working situation with him or others? 1
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 29, 2020 Author Posted June 29, 2020 I just find it ironic that I obsessed over whether he was into me and what to do and now that we are on the same page, I realized we’re not even compatible. Lol. we don’t do the zoom meetings anymore & my schedules different so I actually won’t have any reason to see him anymore. So now I just have to figure out how to very very politely end things.
Versacehottie Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Confoosedgal said: I just find it ironic that I obsessed over whether he was into me and what to do and now that we are on the same page, I realized we’re not even compatible. Lol. we don’t do the zoom meetings anymore & my schedules different so I actually won’t have any reason to see him anymore. So now I just have to figure out how to very very politely end things. If he's not a bad guy, maybe stay friendly from a big distance and later on let him know as his dating style IS the reason he is having a problem. Some people don't mind the negativity and pessimism but on the whole, even if it demonstrates that you are a smart guy, it's not the way you want to be when meeting new people. But glad you found out without investing much at all. Sounds like a good part of it comes from insecurity and some bitterness, so hopefully it will be a passing thing. Though I kind of think to not be entranced in you the first date or the second without dumping a pile of his head stuff on you kind of says it's probably entrenched and he can't get away from it to save himself. I feel bad for him but yeah no reason to get tied up with him.Good luck
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Confoosedgal said: I just find it ironic that I obsessed over whether he was into me and what to do and now that we are on the same page, I realized we’re not even compatible. Lol. we don’t do the zoom meetings anymore & my schedules different so I actually won’t have any reason to see him anymore. So now I just have to figure out how to very very politely end things. But this is the lesson. Don't automatically think somebody who is negative and sullen and doesn't respond in normal ways is somehow mysterious and a catch. Instead he may just be...negative and sullen. I'm glad you guys went out and had the opportunity to find out whether you were a match. At least now you know! ETA: Ending things...it depends on what he does. He may too have felt the "we don't click" vibe and he may just never ask you again. If he does ask you out, I'd say, "I've enjoyed getting to know you but I don't feel like we're a match." I wouldn't go out anyway "as friends" because for one thing, that can be interpreted as mixed signals and "maybe I should just try harder" on his part, and for another, you really did not enjoy his company, even as friends. Edited June 29, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 2
preraph Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 Ca Girl, that reminded me of the tv series "My So-Called Life." That was so true. 2
Fox Sake Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 12 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: So, good and bad news to everyone still responding to this! we went out on an OFFICIAL date last night. There were absolutely NO mixed signals last night. In fact, he actually admitted he felt really intimidated and nervous last time. And, apparently he’d been played by other girls where they immediately friend zone him or like for example he said last month he took a girl out and when he attempted to make a move, she told him she had a boyfriend. So he told me THAT is why he was careful and somewhat tense that night. So, yes, attraction entirely subjective but I can also physically feel and tell when someone finds me attractive. And my issue, at the initial start of this post, was basically “WTF, why didn’t he make a move if he was into me?!” again, no mixed signals last night, he definitely made his move and the date was awesome. BUUUUUT, ironically, I actually felt like our personalities didn’t match. He’s very intelligent but he’s pessimistic, negative, and would go into this huge philosophical rant whenever I brought up ANYTHING. He’s actually too smart and a little too serious for my taste and somewhat socially inept as MANY posters here predicted. And It was the little things that mattered. In addition to his pessimism , he didn’t open any doors for me, his conversations were slightly self centered, and he talked about exes way too much. I feel like he still has a lot to learn when it comes to dating so I’m going to cut it off. rhanks everyone!! Thank you for sharing this!
Roswell91 Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 3 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: I just find it ironic that I obsessed over whether he was into me and what to do and now that we are on the same page, I realized we’re not even compatible. Lol. we don’t do the zoom meetings anymore & my schedules different so I actually won’t have any reason to see him anymore. So now I just have to figure out how to very very politely end things. Happens to everyone lol. Its so easy to idealise someone..And then they show certain sides of themselves which bring you back down to earth 1
Roswell91 Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 1 hour ago, preraph said: Ca Girl, that reminded me of the tv series "My So-Called Life." That was so true. Omg loved that series jared leto 1
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