SumGuy Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 (edited) 22 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: Well we met on Zoom for our meetings, meaning he saw my face on LIVE Camera, not photos once we started talking. No, he wasn't mad at all. He was pretty interesting, our conversation flowed very well, and it was a very fun night, overall. Like if we were out JUST AS FRIENDS, it would have been great. But, because i thought it could have been something more, it felt really off. And, he ws kind of brushing passed my flirtatious remarks with his serious, boring points of conversation. He sounds clueless...and not able to make what I suspect he calls "small talk" Quote I remember at one point, after we BOTH had quite a few drinks and were buzzed, he said his voice was too horrible to get on American Idol and I playfully shoved his shoulder and said, "Despite your horrible singing voice, you are handsome enough to get both of us on there anyway." Correction, he is an experimental android infiltrating human society. At that point I'd seriously be considering if to go for a kiss in the bar Quote Instead of flirting back, he responded with "Well, I think they just want singers on there." He didn't seem to be getting my flirty tones and was kind of taking everything literally. We kept talking about singing and then he said, "Well if you want we can hit the karaoke bar sometime so you can hear it." Again, just really hard to read whether he was just being friendly or flirty or wtf. He sounds clueless about social interaction...if he was taking things literally is there a possibility he is on the spectrum? Edited June 25, 2020 by SumGuy
Fox Sake Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 (edited) On 6/25/2020 at 2:15 AM, Confoosedgal said: Hello all, I actually did a previous post about this particular guy before. Met him through Zoom, we connected on our "shared love for music," and after a while I gained the confidence to ask him out for drinks. At least, I thought I had asked him out. We went out for drinks and I could not read this guy's vibe AT ALL. I don't think he thought this was a date? OR anything romantic? OR maybe he was scared of me? Most guys on dates wait for me at the front of the bar but this guy was already inside the bar AND almost done with his 2nd drink before I got there. I was NOT expecting him to pay for my drinks because I have been advised, several times, to pay for myself on the first outing in case I'm not interested in the guy (so I don't waste his time or money). So, I opened up my own tab but, what I found weird was he didn't follow me up to the bar when I went to order and he left many, many, times to order his own drink. So, it was like we were taking turns getting our own drinks for ourselves, by ourselves. He seemed incredibly tense throughout our "whatever it was" and didn't really reciprocate my flirtatiousness or make any sort of move. In fact, he was physically and emotionally distant throughout the entire hangout. It was the strangest thing and i literally could not get a read out of him. Not to toot my own horn but I'm a fairly good looking girl and I actually feel like I'm a little bit out of his league, physically. Even when he was drunk a few compliments did slip out like "hot, cute, funny, interesting, etc." So, I was just very surprised that he was acting so careful and cautious and distant, he didn't make any sort of move, NO flirtatiousness whatsoever really, and by the end, he walked me to my car, gave me a friendly pat on the back, and jetted out. It seemed like he was trying to run away from me! Since then, we've texted each other a few times. And, he's actually initiated a few of the messages too. But, it hasn't gone anywhere. So, what the hell is going on? Is he not interested? Does he have some sort of secret girlfriend/wife? Or, is he waiting for me to do something about it? Any input is totally appreciated! Maybe he’s just shy , or sometimes no matter how good looking one might think they are, there’s always another person that just doesn’t think so. Not saying that’s the case , just something to be aware of. Doesn’t have to be physical either , sometimes it’s just personality and character differences A few other thoughts tho , cos really anything could be plausible at this point. If you’re out of his league , then why does it bother you that he didn’t make any advances and gave you a pat on the back as he said bye? Im genuinely interested. You connected through your love of music. .. you asked him to meet up (I assume you didn’t flat out ask him for a date) opened your own tab and your flirtatious advances, that sound like they have only been at the bar, could have come across as drink flirting. Even then , for him to not reciprocate At all doesn’t seem normal. Really tho , I don’t have a clue, there’s so little to go on it’s almost impossible to read into the situation, because it doesn’t sound like you asked him much about himself? Which begs the question why don’t you ask him if he wants a date? communication is really the only key to know exactly what’s going on. You never know what he will say. But you’ll get your answer either way. Edited June 26, 2020 by Fox Sake 1
smackie9 Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 OK here's the deal...he was in the bar before you getting liquid courage and even then that didn't work. To me at that point if he can't really react enough to a woman when she is flirting and trying to show her interest, you are going to be doing all the work for sure. If you are up for the challenge then go for it. Be prepared to have disappointments along the way. 6
Roswell91 Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 16 hours ago, SumGuy said: He sounds clueless...and not able to make what I suspect he calls "small talk" Correction, he is an experimental android infiltrating human society. At that point I'd seriously be considering if to go for a kiss in the bar He sounds clueless about social interaction...if he was taking things literally is there a possibility he is on the spectrum? Or maybe he just doesn't see her that way so was showing her hes taking it literally .
Fox Sake Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, smackie9 said: OK here's the deal...he was in the bar before you getting liquid courage and even then that didn't work. To me at that point if he can't really react enough to a woman when she is flirting and trying to show her interest, you are going to be doing all the work for sure. If you are up for the challenge then go for it. Be prepared to have disappointments along the way. I agree with what you say, 99% of the time you’re spot on, but how do we know it was him getting liquid courage and not just him not giving a s***, or thinking he was meeting a pal to talk about music, or not attracted to her? Or gay?! I honestly think we need more information and to find out what kind of questions she asked him Edited June 26, 2020 by Fox Sake If my grammar was any worse it would be living proof that cavemen f**ked dinosaurs
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 26, 2020 Author Posted June 26, 2020 Thank you guys for your responses! So I know he was attracted to me cuz he literally told me he thought I was hot when he was a little more buzzed at the end. so he was for sure clueless. After texting for a day or two, he asked me if I had a boyfriend! I told him I wouldn’t have gone out with him if I did. Super weird and clueless!!!! But after I confirmed I was single he asked if I’d like to go out on a real date this Saturday (tomorrow). And he’s been pretty flirtatious through text. So I know he’s interested now... HOWEVER, he does seem a little clueless and dumb. After we confirmed our date, he pretty much stopped texting me completely. No hey how are you? What’s your favorite food? Whatever. so I don’t know. He’s also younger than me by 3 years so maybe that’s the problem? 1 1
Fox Sake Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, Confoosedgal said: Thank you guys for your responses! So I know he was attracted to me cuz he literally told me he thought I was hot when he was a little more buzzed at the end. so he was for sure clueless. After texting for a day or two, he asked me if I had a boyfriend! I told him I wouldn’t have gone out with him if I did. Super weird and clueless!!!! But after I confirmed I was single he asked if I’d like to go out on a real date this Saturday (tomorrow). And he’s been pretty flirtatious through text. So I know he’s interested now... HOWEVER, he does seem a little clueless and dumb. After we confirmed our date, he pretty much stopped texting me completely. No hey how are you? What’s your favorite food? Whatever. so I don’t know. He’s also younger than me by 3 years so maybe that’s the problem? You’re a legend ! Thanks for those details he’s definitely intimidated by you by the sounds of things. So you were right in thinking you were out of his league , and he probably knows that too. I don’t think he’s going to be strong enough mentally for this and will Probably end up putting you on a pedestal and you’ll end up losing interest. I did similar things when I was a teenager. So maybe he just has some growing to do and some self to find Edited June 26, 2020 by Fox Sake 1
FMW Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 I don't think his not texting after you agreed to the date - for tomorrow - is a problem at all. Save your conversations for your date. Many people, especially guys, don't want to have small talk through text, especially when they know they'll be spending time with you in person soon. Try to just accept him as he is and not expect him to fit your expectations from previous experiences. He's his own guy and it seems you find him very appealing. So try to roll with the flow and enjoy. 5
Fox Sake Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 3 minutes ago, FMW said: I don't think his not texting after you agreed to the date - for tomorrow - is a problem at all. Save your conversations for your date. Many people, especially guys, don't want to have small talk through text, especially when they know they'll be spending time with you in person soon. Try to just accept him as he is and not expect him to fit your expectations from previous experiences. He's his own guy and it seems you find him very appealing. So try to roll with the flow and enjoy. FMW with a sensible head as always 1
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 26, 2020 Author Posted June 26, 2020 I don’t mind doing some of the work and texting him and all that. I kind of like nerdy, shy guys. But when we were out drinking it SOUNDED like he had plenty of experience dating. He’s also fairly mature and incredibly intelligent. But, my worry is coming off too strong or pushy to someone who may NOT be THAT interested. I know he’s attracted to me but I don’t know where he’s at emotionally and mentally or whether he’s talking to other girls. even though we are confirmed to go on a date, he hasn’t texted much. Is it okay if I text him? Do you guys think I’d come off too strong if I’m the one initiating messages? Or is he that effing clueless that I’m basically going to have to do the work the majority of the time?
Ellener Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 1 hour ago, Confoosedgal said: we were out drinking I don't want to be a 'buzzkill' but isn't drinking way too much of the picture? and an explanation of the disconnect ( and the connection )? And I could get real maternal about safety issues ( I won't ) 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 5 hours ago, smackie9 said: OK here's the deal...he was in the bar before you getting liquid courage and even then that didn't work. To me at that point if he can't really react enough to a woman when she is flirting and trying to show her interest, you are going to be doing all the work for sure. If you are up for the challenge then go for it. Be prepared to have disappointments along the way. This. It's really simple. I get that it's disappointing, I hear you, but it's this simple. You'll be dragging him through this thing all the way (if he's interested; he doesn't really show that but let's just assume that for the sake of argument). You'll resent it fast, I promise you that.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 44 minutes ago, Confoosedgal said: I don’t mind doing some of the work and texting him and all that. I kind of like nerdy, shy guys. But when we were out drinking it SOUNDED like he had plenty of experience dating. He’s also fairly mature and incredibly intelligent. But, my worry is coming off too strong or pushy to someone who may NOT be THAT interested. I know he’s attracted to me but I don’t know where he’s at emotionally and mentally or whether he’s talking to other girls. even though we are confirmed to go on a date, he hasn’t texted much. Is it okay if I text him? Do you guys think I’d come off too strong if I’m the one initiating messages? Or is he that effing clueless that I’m basically going to have to do the work the majority of the time? How do you know he's attracted to you? He didn't show it and when you did try to flirt in that direction he shut it down fast. He sounded like he had a lot of experience dating because he wanted to sound like that. That's pretty common. Nobody wants to seem like he or she doesn't have much success in the dating world. Is it okay to text him - of course, but you need to know you can get past more disappointment if that happens, because based on what you said, the likelihood of that is really, really high. If he is clueless as you are wondering, that again just means you'd be doing all the work and resenting it...but I'm curious...how can you on the other hand believe he's experienced and successful with dating and on the other hand say maybe he's just clueless? It can't really be both. Text him if you want but be prepared for more of the same. What is it about this guy that has you falling so hard? He sounds like a drip (sorry). Just boring and blah and negative and not even a great friend, much less a great romance. What's drawing you?
Backinthesaddleagain Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 57 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: How do you know he's attracted to you? He didn't show it and when you did try to flirt in that direction he shut it down fast. He sounded like he had a lot of experience dating because he wanted to sound like that. That's pretty common. Nobody wants to seem like he or she doesn't have much success in the dating world. Is it okay to text him - of course, but you need to know you can get past more disappointment if that happens, because based on what you said, the likelihood of that is really, really high. If he is clueless as you are wondering, that again just means you'd be doing all the work and resenting it...but I'm curious...how can you on the other hand believe he's experienced and successful with dating and on the other hand say maybe he's just clueless? It can't really be both. Text him if you want but be prepared for more of the same. What is it about this guy that has you falling so hard? He sounds like a drip (sorry). Just boring and blah and negative and not even a great friend, much less a great romance. What's drawing you? My guess is that he is tall and good looking lol. I've known tons of guys that were boring and dumb but cute and tall- and they always had attractive girlfriends.
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 26, 2020 Author Posted June 26, 2020 Honestly at this point I think I’ve built him up to be more than he actually is. I do online dating so I am talking to other guys at the moment so it’s not like I’m dying. But, I have talked to this one particular guy who I will name AJ, for 4 weeks BEFORE meeting him in person whereas I’ve only started talking to other guys online 1 1/2 weeks ago. So obviously I’ve gotten a little more attached to him than the others. and yes obviously he’s attractive! Lol he’s only an inch taller than me though. But I like intelligent, ambitious guys and based on our zoom meetings, our texts, and our hangout thats what I gathered. I think my biggest concern, and what I find most interesting (and even challenging), is the fact that I can’t read him. Most guys, I know exactly how they feel, what they’re thinking, and sometimes (not always of course) what their intentions are. His text messages have been REALLY flirtatious but in person he seemed like a nervous best friend than a date. With all of the #metoo movement stuff, I’ve read other forums where guys say they’re too scared to make a move for fear the girl can accuse them of sexual assault. So I wanted to understand whether he was hella scared in person of being accused or not interested. But I think my game plan is to simply wait for him to confirm our plans tomorrow and then observe his personality while he’s sober instead of buzzed. All I can do is wait and observe... but I think you guys are right. I might end up despising and resenting him if I have to do everything.
Author Confoosedgal Posted June 26, 2020 Author Posted June 26, 2020 But again, this guy apparently wasn’t even sure whether I was single after 4-5 weeks of talking AND a Saturday night hangout. So, he’s a total moron when it comes to dating (and not as successful as he made it out to be) or maybe, as one person suggested, on the spectrum?
Roswell91 Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 3 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: I don’t mind doing some of the work and texting him and all that. I kind of like nerdy, shy guys. But when we were out drinking it SOUNDED like he had plenty of experience dating. He’s also fairly mature and incredibly intelligent. But, my worry is coming off too strong or pushy to someone who may NOT be THAT interested. I know he’s attracted to me but I don’t know where he’s at emotionally and mentally or whether he’s talking to other girls. even though we are confirmed to go on a date, he hasn’t texted much. Is it okay if I text him? Do you guys think I’d come off too strong if I’m the one initiating messages? Or is he that effing clueless that I’m basically going to have to do the work the majority of the time? If you want to text him then go ahead. But not too much. Since you said he likes you he shouldnt mind if you do. Personally if you're seeing him tomorrow i dont think there is a need for the texting though 1
Roswell91 Posted June 26, 2020 Posted June 26, 2020 49 minutes ago, Confoosedgal said: But again, this guy apparently wasn’t even sure whether I was single after 4-5 weeks of talking AND a Saturday night hangout. So, he’s a total moron when it comes to dating (and not as successful as he made it out to be) or maybe, as one person suggested, on the spectrum? How old is he? Younger guys tend to be laid back when it comes to dating etiquette. Or will lack it completely . He probably just doesn't know how to express himself in the dating sense. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 5 hours ago, Confoosedgal said: Thank you guys for your responses! So I know he was attracted to me cuz he literally told me he thought I was hot when he was a little more buzzed at the end. so he was for sure clueless. After texting for a day or two, he asked me if I had a boyfriend! I told him I wouldn’t have gone out with him if I did. Super weird and clueless!!!! But after I confirmed I was single he asked if I’d like to go out on a real date this Saturday (tomorrow). And he’s been pretty flirtatious through text. So I know he’s interested now... HOWEVER, he does seem a little clueless and dumb. After we confirmed our date, he pretty much stopped texting me completely. No hey how are you? What’s your favorite food? Whatever. so I don’t know. He’s also younger than me by 3 years so maybe that’s the problem? Do you really want to go through all this worrying and not knowing and hot/cold for however long this lasts?
Roswell91 Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Do you really want to go through all this worrying and not knowing and hot/cold for however long this lasts? A lot of women go through that when they like the guy i guess.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 2 minutes ago, Roswell91 said: A lot of women go through that when they like the guy i guess. Oh hell no. Not like this. To be blunt, each time this guy talks to you you're having to go ask a few hundred strangers what to do...or not do...or say, or should you not say anything...should you text or not? No, not everyone goes through this. It's your choice to be in this. So anyway, have fun on your date and I do hope everything works out the way you want it to.
Miss Spider Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 (edited) He’s just not that into you. You’ll be hard pressed to find a guy who will turn down a date with a woman he’s even the least bit interested in. He could just barely be into her, but he’s not gonna burn that bridge. Guys aren’t asked out as much as we are. If he’s a coworker that’s all the more reason he’s not gonna try Edited June 27, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 1
Roswell91 Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Oh hell no. Not like this. To be blunt, each time this guy talks to you you're having to go ask a few hundred strangers what to do...or not do...or say, or should you not say anything...should you text or not? No, not everyone goes through this. It's your choice to be in this. So anyway, have fun on your date and I do hope everything works out the way you want it to. Im not the OP. Im just highlighting the point that there are a lot of women who do go through the ringer for men they're really into. Ive witnessed it. And the man is always lukewarm at best Edited June 27, 2020 by Roswell91 1
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