Natalie386 Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks, after a month we had sex for the first time. The day after, he was leaving for a trip and he didn't write to me (I wrote to him in the evening, he answered, but didn't talk much). Then he started to initiate contact less and less... I had actually met him years ago when we were students: he was interested, he manifested it but was often clumsy about it and hot and cold. Back then, he was in a relationship that he was not so excited about anymore. But nothing happenned, we never confessed our mutual interest to each other. I was unexperienced I didn't know how to reciprocate and he never said "i like you". And he vanished, and we didn't talk for years. I had never completely forgotten about him. So when we saw each other again weeks ago, both being single, we wanted to see if something could happen today between us. I must admit I was excited about it. But I wasn't sure it could go somewhere or we'd be fit for one another (I sort of told him). Above all, the way he had vanished in the past had hurt and confused me, I am sensitive and I needed time to trust him and feel comfortable. He wouldn't really verbalize his interest for me, he said he wasn't comfortable with words and they didn't mean anything.. At the beginning, we discussed what had happenned years ago, he asked if I felt able to be comfortable with him today, I said I didn't know... I think I needed time, he had hurt me in the past and we hadn't seen each other for nearly 5 years. I was scared I was not his type of girl and vice versa (we are very different), and I told him... He seemed a bit annoyed and said it was too early to worry about that and I should trust my instinct. I went with it, I really wanted to try. But he was not very warm and not very talkative between dates. Sometimes I found him disagreable and a bit critical and sarcastic with me. Maybe it is his humour or his way to protect himself when he is uncomfortable, but it made me feel insecure. I needed to feel like he was taking me seriously and he would be more consistent this time. We were still really getting along, we only went on 5 dates, but we'd talk a lot and walk for hours. And the physical chemisty was great (for me at least). We'd kiss for 20 min straight. A week before he left, we had non-penetrative sex an evening, for 2 or 3 hours... He left at 3 or 4 am, didn't write to me the day after, it confused me. He had to work, I sent him a text saying I hoped he wasn't too exhausted, he said he was far from regretting what had happenned. And then, a week later, we have actual sex and then he seemed to pull away. I have stopped initiating contact now and he hasn't tired to contact me. It really hurts me and I am confused... I find it douchy. Why would he come back after years to disappear again like that ? Any opinion would be welcome
lurker74 Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 With some people (mostly guys but women too), when they chase something, the thrill they got in the chase is gone after they caught it. It sounds like he enjoyed the chase but doesn't want the actual relationship. I am sorry. 1 1
Roswell91 Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 4 hours ago, Natalie386 said: I have been seeing a guy for a few weeks, after a month we had sex for the first time. The day after, he was leaving for a trip and he didn't write to me (I wrote to him in the evening, he answered, but didn't talk much). Then he started to initiate contact less and less... I had actually met him years ago when we were students: he was interested, he manifested it but was often clumsy about it and hot and cold. Back then, he was in a relationship that he was not so excited about anymore. But nothing happenned, we never confessed our mutual interest to each other. I was unexperienced I didn't know how to reciprocate and he never said "i like you". And he vanished, and we didn't talk for years. I had never completely forgotten about him. So when we saw each other again weeks ago, both being single, we wanted to see if something could happen today between us. I must admit I was excited about it. But I wasn't sure it could go somewhere or we'd be fit for one another (I sort of told him). Above all, the way he had vanished in the past had hurt and confused me, I am sensitive and I needed time to trust him and feel comfortable. He wouldn't really verbalize his interest for me, he said he wasn't comfortable with words and they didn't mean anything.. At the beginning, we discussed what had happenned years ago, he asked if I felt able to be comfortable with him today, I said I didn't know... I think I needed time, he had hurt me in the past and we hadn't seen each other for nearly 5 years. I was scared I was not his type of girl and vice versa (we are very different), and I told him... He seemed a bit annoyed and said it was too early to worry about that and I should trust my instinct. I went with it, I really wanted to try. But he was not very warm and not very talkative between dates. Sometimes I found him disagreable and a bit critical and sarcastic with me. Maybe it is his humour or his way to protect himself when he is uncomfortable, but it made me feel insecure. I needed to feel like he was taking me seriously and he would be more consistent this time. We were still really getting along, we only went on 5 dates, but we'd talk a lot and walk for hours. And the physical chemisty was great (for me at least). We'd kiss for 20 min straight. A week before he left, we had non-penetrative sex an evening, for 2 or 3 hours... He left at 3 or 4 am, didn't write to me the day after, it confused me. He had to work, I sent him a text saying I hoped he wasn't too exhausted, he said he was far from regretting what had happenned. And then, a week later, we have actual sex and then he seemed to pull away. I have stopped initiating contact now and he hasn't tired to contact me. It really hurts me and I am confused... I find it douchy. Why would he come back after years to disappear again like that ? Any opinion would be welcome How long has it been since you both spoke now? It kind of sounds like he got what he wanted i.e the physical intimacy and then simply ghosted you. When you told him you're scared you're not his type and it wont work etc..and he got annoyed and said its too early to think about that stuff. To me that would have been a red flag. in the sense you're taking it way more seriously then he is. 1
chillii Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 Whenever anyone writes a post where every line is sex, sorry but no rocket science needed, same story every time. Sorry but even if you hear from him again there won't be much in it. 1
Roswell91 Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 8 hours ago, chillii said: Whenever anyone writes a post where every line is sex, sorry but no rocket science needed, same story every time. Sorry but even if you hear from him again there won't be much in it. that's what i think. But then i hear how some great long term relationships started that way lol. But in this case he was a standard guy
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