Broken85 Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 I have been with my husband 1 yr. We got married 6 months ago. He lives in the usa and im in canada. We had paperwork processing for me to finally be able to work in the usa. I would visit him monthly'.. for the month of may i was there all month everything seemed fine. Then he told me maybe its a good idea i go home and come back in a few weeks. I got multiple reasons why like my daughter is starting summer school i gotta get her on a schedule. Then he said he was a little scared because coming home and having me there everyday was reminding him of his baby moms and his relationship and that didnt end well. Ive had time off work due to covid so thought why not spend my extra time there.. he reassured me everything was ok.. i was home a week and i started noticing the texts become more one wordish. I had to pry it outta him he eventually told me he wants space and he needs to think about what hes feeling. He dosent feel as exciting about us ... i was blindsided because our relationship was sooo amazing. Perfect almost. He says he wants to figure out his feelings 100 percent because i dont deserve to get hurt. What the hell is going on? Its been a week and he really dosent want to talk.. i asked him if we are still a couple and he says he cannot answer that right now but thanks for my patience.. no he does get in moods easily i notice he gets mad easily as well. He def has some inner issues.... what do you think caused all this and do you think he will come around.... marriage was his idea why not fig out your feelings before? He also told me dont tell anyone whats going on.. he also still has all out pics plastered on instagram.. im just..so...confused!!!! I want to make my marriage work but dont understand whats happening or why. Today is the first day i didnt text him and i want to keep that up.. do u think it will help if he dosent hear from me? Any advice would be appreciated!!
Whodatdog Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 It sounds like he's met someone else that he's interested in.
Author Broken85 Posted June 24, 2020 Author Posted June 24, 2020 I was thinking that but i just really dont see it i was there for a month straight recently im sure it it was someone else she would of been asking him why they cant meet up and im still all over his social media but i guess anything is possible!!
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 2 hours ago, Broken85 said: I have been with my husband 1 yr. We got married 6 months ago. He lives in the usa and im in canada. We had paperwork processing for me to finally be able to work in the usa. I would visit him monthly'.. for the month of may i was there all month everything seemed fine. Then he told me maybe its a good idea i go home and come back in a few weeks. I got multiple reasons why like my daughter is starting summer school i gotta get her on a schedule. Then he said he was a little scared because coming home and having me there everyday was reminding him of his baby moms and his relationship and that didnt end well. Ive had time off work due to covid so thought why not spend my extra time there.. he reassured me everything was ok.. i was home a week and i started noticing the texts become more one wordish. I had to pry it outta him he eventually told me he wants space and he needs to think about what hes feeling. He dosent feel as exciting about us ... i was blindsided because our relationship was sooo amazing. Perfect almost. He says he wants to figure out his feelings 100 percent because i dont deserve to get hurt. What the hell is going on? Its been a week and he really dosent want to talk.. i asked him if we are still a couple and he says he cannot answer that right now but thanks for my patience.. no he does get in moods easily i notice he gets mad easily as well. He def has some inner issues.... what do you think caused all this and do you think he will come around.... marriage was his idea why not fig out your feelings before? He also told me dont tell anyone whats going on.. he also still has all out pics plastered on instagram.. im just..so...confused!!!! I want to make my marriage work but dont understand whats happening or why. Today is the first day i didnt text him and i want to keep that up.. do u think it will help if he dosent hear from me? Any advice would be appreciated!! Something is seriously off with him. He wants to get his feelings figured out? He married you! Surely there was time before this to figure his feelings out?! He worked with you on paperwork to work in the U.S. surely time to figure it out? You lived with him for a month - surely time to figure it out? Or did he figure that this isn't entirely the life he wanted, after trialing time with you? Did he honestly think you wouldn't be there, if married? Talk about cheap excuses! Kinda an ass thing to say "geeze. I don't know how I feel, but I do thank you for your patience." Very off, very bad flag there! Even if he isn't say cheating on you, something is greatly amiss here! He needs to work this out with you; cease what he is doing, if your relationship is to survive. Are you sure there is nothing else? Perhaps the distance and in his head made it easier to maintain the relationship, but now that it has come to bare...he is flaking out? Try to get him to open up to you. If he continues to refuse to work with you, signs may point to an ended relationship.
Author Broken85 Posted June 24, 2020 Author Posted June 24, 2020 Thank you for the response! Ive tried to communicate and he says " i guess you dont understand what space means" so he wants to be left completley alone! Its been about 3 weeks since ive been there and a week today since he told me... keep in mind when he told me it was a 1 min convo on the phone sayijf he dosent feel good..like hes not feeling excited about us and he dosent know why.. its taken a week of one word answers and the off paragraph from him to even get the info i did! Hes completley shut down! I have noticed he is a very moody person tho and even his mother said hes very hot and cold like wants something one day but not the next kinda things just didnt think it would include people! This is all so confusing i might not ever get answers but hes going to have to reach out 1 day all my stuff is still at his place and he would need to file the divorce papers
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 1 hour ago, Broken85 said: Thank you for the response! Ive tried to communicate and he says " i guess you dont understand what space means" so he wants to be left completley alone! Its been about 3 weeks since ive been there and a week today since he told me... keep in mind when he told me it was a 1 min convo on the phone sayijf he dosent feel good..like hes not feeling excited about us and he dosent know why.. its taken a week of one word answers and the off paragraph from him to even get the info i did! Hes completley shut down! I have noticed he is a very moody person tho and even his mother said hes very hot and cold like wants something one day but not the next kinda things just didnt think it would include people! This is all so confusing i might not ever get answers but hes going to have to reach out 1 day all my stuff is still at his place and he would need to file the divorce papers Sounds to me like he does not love you very much; sorry was driving home and had to also buy coolant. Your marriage is young it sounds to me like he wasn't as in love with you as he or even you believed. He may be hot and cold; but to do this unprovoked to his wife, is not right. If you have to beg him for this much, this early on, it is not a good sign my dear. Divorce might be the only remedy. Hopefully he snaps out of it. I hate saying divorce, but it is quickly leading there.
Author Broken85 Posted June 24, 2020 Author Posted June 24, 2020 Your so right i guess i just want some closure like if hes done why not just say hey u know what im done this isnt working and not give me a little bit of hope saying he needs his space and he will let me know whatever he decides then keeping pictures of us up on social media and tellijg me not to say anything to anyone.. it kinda sounds like he just wants this all to blow over so then he dosent look as much of a bad guy
Stevnx3 Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 1 minute ago, Broken85 said: Your so right i guess i just want some closure like if hes done why not just say hey u know what im done this isnt working and not give me a little bit of hope saying he needs his space and he will let me know whatever he decides then keeping pictures of us up on social media and tellijg me not to say anything to anyone.. it kinda sounds like he just wants this all to blow over so then he dosent look as much of a bad guy Nothing wrong with wanting closure. I truly do feel for you. I wish I could tell you all of his reasons. He has something bothering him, that only he knows about. He may snap out of it. What concerns me is you having to beg for the smallest of details. His anger over you reaching out to him. The length of your marriage. Is he big on his appearance? Like, does he like for others to believe all is well, type? Will he always do this to you, every time he gets upset over anything? Do you want this for your life?
Author Broken85 Posted June 24, 2020 Author Posted June 24, 2020 I think he just dosent want to look like the bad guy . I think he just wants this to all fizzle out with time in hopes i loose feelings then it will be easier on me. But im very cut and dry either someones in it or not.i dont beleive in much middle bulls***. U always lean more towards one side.always... i just wish he would have the balls to tell me its over. I mean yes sure i can tell myself its over but its still going to be hanging over me what hes thinking 1
Stevnx3 Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 1 hour ago, Broken85 said: I think he just dosent want to look like the bad guy . I think he just wants this to all fizzle out with time in hopes i loose feelings then it will be easier on me. But im very cut and dry either someones in it or not.i dont beleive in much middle bulls***. U always lean more towards one side.always... i just wish he would have the balls to tell me its over. I mean yes sure i can tell myself its over but its still going to be hanging over me what hes thinking I like your attitude! Very down to earth! I can tell, beyond wondering about what goes on in his head...You seem to have this figured out! Sadly, it seems he is missing his balls, and may not find them any time soon. So you should start making plans now for the eventual future. I can tell, with your mindset, that you are in it for better things than this man can offer you. I am impressed! Never give that cut and dry attitude up!
Redhead14 Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 If anyone tells me they want space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. If they take too long, they may not have a place to land their spacecraft. I don't put myself on hold for anyone. See a lawyer while he is enjoying his space and pre-empt the rest of his bullsh*t that is surely to follow. Good luck. Be strong, be tough. 1
ShyViolet Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 It sounds like you two got married when you didn't even have a solid relationship. Why did you marry someone who you had only been with for 6 months, and who you weren't even living in the same country with? What kind of marriage is this if you two are living in two different countries and you have to "visit" him to see him? This is a very strange situation. He rushed into marriage with you and now he's regretting it.
Author Broken85 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Posted June 25, 2020 I met him on vacation. We just happened to live in separate countries we tor married then decided to apply for paperwork for me to come live there and be with him.. its still processing but what a waste now. I agree it was quick but noone had a gun to his head it was mostly his idea so soon . So if he was s9 ready to jump in i feel he should be ready to put the effort in when times get tough.. its not always rainbows and butterflies
Author Broken85 Posted June 25, 2020 Author Posted June 25, 2020 2 hours ago, Redhead14 said: If anyone tells me they want space, I become NASA. They can contact Houston when they figure out what their problem is. If they take too long, they may not have a place to land their spacecraft. I don't put myself on hold for anyone. See a lawyer while he is enjoying his space and pre-empt the rest of his bullsh*t that is surely to follow. Good luck. Be strong, be tough. Thank you so much and i agree... i like the way you worded that lol 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 25, 2020 Posted June 25, 2020 22 hours ago, Broken85 said: I was thinking that but i just really dont see it i was there for a month straight recently im sure it it was someone else she would of been asking him why they cant meet up and im still all over his social media but i guess anything is possible!! How do you know she wasn't? It's painfully easy to hide these things, OP. He could have changed her contact in his phone to man's name, or told her he was away for work or personal issues and couldn't be in touch much. Social media posts are also very easy to filter, in terms of restricting specific people from seeing specific posts. Or perhaps a hypothetical new woman knew you were there and that he was going to eventually break it off. Just speculating, but I agree, it does sound awfully suspicious that he might have someone else on his radar. In any event, it appears you married someone you didn't know very well. I agree that nobody forced him, but it's our responsibility to take our time and get to know someone. The very fact that he is requesting space in a long-distance marriage in which he's already got plenty of space? He is not ready to be married. I'm sorry, I know it's disappointing. I would look into annulment. It's extremely unlikely that this will be your Happily Ever After. 1
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