Feels Like a breakup

[Lea2020]

Hey! So I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

I have a guy friend whom I met on Bumble. From the beginning he told me his side and why he can't be in a relationship and that we can only be friends. At that moment in my life last year, I thought that is fine. I didn't really know what I wanted and I was still dealing with my break up that happened maybe 6 months prior. Also, the first time we talked on the phone it just felt so natural. We spoke for hours and never ran out of things. I felt like I had known him for years. It was just this click and we just fit together so well.

Well for some months I was fine with the friendship thing. I continued to figure out what I wanted and went on some dates. But soon the feelings started to form for him. I tried hard to stop it but it just grew more and more. Also, his actions didn't help. He never said but he acted very much that he had feelings. He would kiss my forehead. kiss my hand. hold my hand. All this stuff. So I got in my head and thought maybe he will change his mind.

And I know. Stupid girl thought. Why did I think this or expect anything?? I have no clue.

Anyways, finally he said it, he said those words that from day one he had feelings for me. but still we can't be together. Which is so hard to hear right??

Well I tried to cut him out of my life. But I find it so hard because he is that support and rock I have never had in my life. And we always come back together.

Then just a month ago I had seen him. He lives a few hours away so we don't see each other much. But that night we laid together crying in his bed about not being able to be together. Even he was crying. Maybe he is just a great actor though. But even he admitted that what we have is natural. We just have a natural love and care for each other. We see beyond all the flaws and we just click.

But after this moment, I know I need to let him go but its so hard. I have tried. I have tried to date others and meet others. My heart misses him so much but my heart hurts so much to stay in his life.

It feels like this break up when we didn't even date. I have my low days and my high days. Some days I tell myself that he doesn't deserve me. Then Some days I am heartbroken and wonder why I am not enough for him.

Has anyone else had a love like this? What did you do to get over it? I know I need to cut him from my life. This I really know. But I find it so hard. Does that make sense? I know its simple to say delete him from everything and move on. But putting the actions to the words isn't easy. I guess I find it hard because he has been my best friend for over a year. He is the first I call when something great happens and the first I call when I need to cry. He just has been this emotional and stable support to me. He calms me down and he pushes me to be the best I can. So Its not easy to lose a person like that. But I know I need to do it because I am missing out on people that could be great for me and also I can't keep having these low days where I talk down to myself and be heartbroken over a guy that can't man up.

But would love to just hear how others got over this type of situation. Thanks

Edited June 24, 2020 by Lea2020

[Stevnx3]

2 hours ago, Lea2020 said:

Hey! So I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

I have a guy friend whom I met on Bumble. From the beginning he told me his side and why he can't be in a relationship and that we can only be friends. At that moment in my life last year, I thought that is fine. I didn't really know what I wanted and I was still dealing with my break up that happened maybe 6 months prior. Also, the first time we talked on the phone it just felt so natural. We spoke for hours and never ran out of things. I felt like I had known him for years. It was just this click and we just fit together so well.

Well for some months I was fine with the friendship thing. I continued to figure out what I wanted and went on some dates. But soon the feelings started to form for him. I tried hard to stop it but it just grew more and more. Also, his actions didn't help. He never said but he acted very much that he had feelings. He would kiss my forehead. kiss my hand. hold my hand. All this stuff. So I got in my head and thought maybe he will change his mind.

And I know. Stupid girl thought. Why did I think this or expect anything?? I have no clue.

Anyways, finally he said it, he said those words that from day one he had feelings for me. but still we can't be together. Which is so hard to hear right??

Well I tried to cut him out of my life. But I find it so hard because he is that support and rock I have never had in my life. And we always come back together.

Then just a month ago I had seen him. He lives a few hours away so we don't see each other much. But that night we laid together crying in his bed about not being able to be together. Even he was crying. Maybe he is just a great actor though. But even he admitted that what we have is natural. We just have a natural love and care for each other. We see beyond all the flaws and we just click.

But after this moment, I know I need to let him go but its so hard. I have tried. I have tried to date others and meet others. My heart misses him so much but my heart hurts so much to stay in his life.

It feels like this break up when we didn't even date. I have my low days and my high days. Some days I tell myself that he doesn't deserve me. Then Some days I am heartbroken and wonder why I am not enough for him.

Has anyone else had a love like this? What did you do to get over it? I know I need to cut him from my life. This I really know. But I find it so hard. Does that make sense? I know its simple to say delete him from everything and move on. But putting the actions to the words isn't easy. I guess I find it hard because he has been my best friend for over a year. He is the first I call when something great happens and the first I call when I need to cry. He just has been this emotional and stable support to me. He calms me down and he pushes me to be the best I can. So Its not easy to lose a person like that. But I know I need to do it because I am missing out on people that could be great for me and also I can't keep having these low days where I talk down to myself and be heartbroken over a guy that can't man up.

But would love to just hear how others got over this type of situation. Thanks

May I inquire as to why exactly he cannot be with you, despite sharing feelings?

[Lea2020]

4 hours ago, Stevnx3 said:

May I inquire as to why exactly he cannot be with you, despite sharing feelings?

So basically he can't be with me because we aren't the same culture. But I know him and I know his back story. And I 100% believe that he could fight for us and we could be together. But he is chosing not to try. Which makes me question his true feelings. 

[Stevnx3]

54 minutes ago, Lea2020 said:

So basically he can't be with me because we aren't the same culture. But I know him and I know his back story. And I 100% believe that he could fight for us and we could be together. But he is chosing not to try. Which makes me question his true feelings. 

Lea, that alone gives you the answer about his true feelings..

Those who want are those who get, are those who go after what they want. He is not bothering a single moment with you. Culture? Well, regardless, if he cared for you he would try. 

 

[Lea2020]

14 minutes ago, Stevnx3 said:

Lea, that alone gives you the answer about his true feelings..

Those who want are those who get, are those who go after what they want. He is not bothering a single moment with you. Culture? Well, regardless, if he cared for you he would try. 

 

I think what's hard is that his actions show different. There are things you don't do if your intent in just friendship. You know?

But I know the answer. I'm just having a hard time letting go and moving on. I've know for months to just let go. But then we meet and the crying thing last month just broke my heart even more.

So I was just looking for others that maybe had these experiences and what they did to get over it

[Uptown182]

22 hours ago, Lea2020 said:

I think what's hard is that his actions show different. There are things you don't do if your intent in just friendship. You know?

But I know the answer. I'm just having a hard time letting go and moving on. I've know for months to just let go. But then we meet and the crying thing last month just broke my heart even more.

So I was just looking for others that maybe had these experiences and what they did to get over it

Whatever the reason is, you can’t be together, so put in the effort to try to move on.  It’s not easy and you will have days where you miss him but as time goes by you will have less and less of those days.

Cut all contact and don’t see him, otherwise it will keep setting you back.

Edited June 26, 2020 by Uptown182

[ShyViolet]

This guy has been playing games with you and stringing you along.  It's not fair to you.  Your only choice is to stop contact with him completely.  Of course it will be difficult for a while but over time you'll get over him.  Every time you see him or talk to him, it will set you back, so don't give in to the temptation to reach out to him.

[d0nnivain]

You need to recognize that he's actually being mean to you & using you.  This cultural thing is an excuse.   He had free will but won't exercise it to pick you.  In essence your "best friend" is rejecting you on a daily basis.  He soaks up the love & attention you lavish on him as well as the benefit of having you in his bed but he's not willing to act to make that a reality.  Even if there is real family or society pressure due to some cultural issue why would you want to be with a man too weak to stand up to those external factors. 

The only way you will get over this is time & distance.  If you keep calling him, talking to him & emotionally treating him like a BF, you will deprive yourself of the opportunity to meet somebody who could actually be your BF.  You need a new guy & he sees the pathetic dynamic of you pining for this guy, that other guy will drop you like a hot potato because you are not emotionally available to date him.  

Give yourself some tough love.  Chose yourself & your happiness.  Both are down a path separate from this guy.  He's poison to you.