Non serious or serious?

[June2017]

We are in a relationship. She is Spanish and I'm from Germany but I'm part Israeli and Jewish. I was living in Spain hence we started dating as she is Spanish and helped me out when I went there. Though we were long distance as she was studying in UK at my former university.

I moved back to Newcastle from Spain to stay with her and our friends and we were together until we decided to fly to our own countries instead of staying together as we were due to college closing down due to coronavirus. She decided to go back to Italy and I flew back to Germany. Since end of March, we haven't seen each other except video calls where we do sexual stuff and talk.

Most couples have stayed together but in our case, both of us decided to go back to our own countries instead of staying with each other in Newcastle.

Would you consider it as a sign of a non serious relationship? In short our relationships main base was a large set of mutual friends, same social campaigning and sex. Our relationship has been quite sexual. I would like to add the previous points I mentioned in my older posts. 

Supports antisemitic leaders who have clearly been antisemitic in the past
Is friends with anti Israel activists
Has participated in anti israel demonstrations
Is very good friends with all palestinians and other people who are strongly pro Palestine
Supports BDS and boycotting Israel
Believes in destruction of Israel for Free Palestine agenda
Refuses to listen to both perspectives on Israeli-Palestinian issue and only believes the Palestinian side of the story

she is very good friends with girls who are again a BDS supporter, is an advocate for destroying Israel and my girlfriend was also campaigning for her throughout the college for this event.

Anyways she loves sex and is into BDSM and eroticism. But anyway, what do you think? Is it proven now its like really non serious? 

Edited June 24, 2020 by June2017

[lurker74]

It's non-serious. And it's also not likely to last since you have a fundamental disconnect. Being friends with Palestinians is fine - I have a very good Palestinian friend despite having a very Jewish name. But the other parts go against your make up assuming you don''t agree with her. Ultimately, however, people who really want to be together are together, even in the midst of a pandemic.

But hey...nothing wrong for a video chat eff buddy or, when you see each other again, a real life eff buddy. Just don't expect more and eventually you'll have to move on.

[June2017]

8 minutes ago, lurker74 said:

It's non-serious. And it's also not likely to last since you have a fundamental disconnect. Being friends with Palestinians is fine - I have a very good Palestinian friend despite having a very Jewish name. But the other parts go against your make up assuming you don''t agree with her. Ultimately, however, people who really want to be together are together, even in the midst of a pandemic.

But hey...nothing wrong for a video chat eff buddy or, when you see each other again, a real life eff buddy. Just don't expect more and eventually you'll have to move on.

I agree. I did feel like just because the college shut down, there was not excuse to head back to own countries as a couple? Or stay separate?

 

The main issue with all these anti Israel friends of mine and gf is that it should be destroyed and replaced by Palestine.

Edited June 24, 2020 by June2017

[d0nnivain]

Israel & people's views about it have been a major source of conflict in your relationship as long as you have been together.  It's time to make decisions:  accept it or drop the relationship. 

Until now when you were together, you have traded off you opposing view points for sex.  Now that you are apart & not getting sex, you are again focusing on the points of conflict.  Seriously you have to pick a body part:  brain / heart or lower & make your decision because so far you have been unsuccessful in reconciling her views with your enjoyment of the kinky sex she regularly offers you. Since that is now missing, what else if anything do you actually like / respect about her?  

As for the seriousness of the relationship, I think as college students, the desire to go home to family is allowed to override staying as an ex-Pat with no source of income.  

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, you've posted about this before, including your concerns about her anti-Israel sentiments and activities. 

What is it you want us to tell you that you haven't already heard? Why keep polling internet strangers to understand if you want to be in your relationship or not? We can't decide for you. 

[June2017]

17 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Israel & people's views about it have been a major source of conflict in your relationship as long as you have been together.  It's time to make decisions:  accept it or drop the relationship. 

Until now when you were together, you have traded off you opposing view points for sex.  Now that you are apart & not getting sex, you are again focusing on the points of conflict.  Seriously you have to pick a body part:  brain / heart or lower & make your decision because so far you have been unsuccessful in reconciling her views with your enjoyment of the kinky sex she regularly offers you. Since that is now missing, what else if anything do you actually like / respect about her?  

As for the seriousness of the relationship, I think as college students, the desire to go home to family is allowed to override staying as an ex-Pat with no source of income.  

She's quite rich. And I'm no longer a student. I graduated 4 years ago.

Edited June 24, 2020 by June2017

[d0nnivain]

Still doesn't change the fact that this has been an ongoing conflict throughout your relationship.  

[June2017]

7 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Still doesn't change the fact that this has been an ongoing conflict throughout your relationship.  

I keep quiet and don't associate with israel in front of them :/. I say I'm from Germany and I'm German. I keep my Israeli roots under wraps

 

Though what would you say about going separate ways?

[d0nnivain]

What I think is irrelevant.  It's your relationship. 

You need to think about why you are fighting so hard to keep a relationship where you lie by omission on a regular basis.  This has been going on for a long time.  You sit there silently & seethe.  Maybe biting your tongue was OK when you were getting laid & possibly getting her money, but now what are you getting?  

[June2017]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

What I think is irrelevant.  It's your relationship. 

You need to think about why you are fighting so hard to keep a relationship where you lie by omission on a regular basis.  This has been going on for a long time.  You sit there silently & seethe.  Maybe biting your tongue was OK when you were getting laid & possibly getting her money, but now what are you getting?  

It is relevant because I want to know your opinion too. To make a decision. I'm involved in a campaign with these friends and her and I don't have friends outside of this 

[June2017]

14 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

OP, you've posted about this before, including your concerns about her anti-Israel sentiments and activities. 

What is it you want us to tell you that you haven't already heard? Why keep polling internet strangers to understand if you want to be in your relationship or not? We can't decide for you. 

Opinions greatly help

[Grey40]

Really hard to tell you haven’t given enough info. Clearly there’s a lot of physical attraction here. But obviously how would this ever work out long term? You just posted an entire list of things that basically go against everything you believe and your entire ethnic background. How would you bring her to your family? When you have 100% completely different world views and conflicting political viewpoints its extremely difficult to ever have a peaceful happy relationship. Much better off finding someone who at the bare minimum doesn’t care about those issues or will at least be on your side some of the time. 

[June2017]

2 hours ago, Grey40 said:

Really hard to tell you haven’t given enough info. Clearly there’s a lot of physical attraction here. But obviously how would this ever work out long term? You just posted an entire list of things that basically go against everything you believe and your entire ethnic background. How would you bring her to your family? When you have 100% completely different world views and conflicting political viewpoints its extremely difficult to ever have a peaceful happy relationship. Much better off finding someone who at the bare minimum doesn’t care about those issues or will at least be on your side some of the time. 

I wouldn't even say a lot of physical attraction because I was never really interested in her when we met. We were not close nor good friends. I never found her attractive or hot. Just someone who liked wearing revealing clothes. 

 

I know its not possible. My brothers and friends visit Israel and go there often. I know my gf or friends will never go there and will start hating me if I even suggest so.

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, June2017 said:

Opinions greatly help

Do they really, though?

You get the same opinions on nearly every thread about this, and still nothing has changed for you. 

[June2017]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do they really, though?

You get the same opinions on nearly every thread about this, and still nothing has changed for you. 

It will now. I'm mostly asking for the decision to go separate than stay together. If you could shed light on this?

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, June2017 said:

It will now. I'm mostly asking for the decision to go separate than stay together. If you could shed light on this?

The same opinion as every other time you've asked: break up. 

[June2017]

33 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

The same opinion as every other time you've asked: break up. 

OK. Do you consider this non serious?

[d0nnivain]

June2017 

You can't make decisions about your relationship based on the opinions of strangers on the internet who don't know you or your GF. 

That said my opinion is you need to learn to keep your own counsel. 

In your shoes I never would have gotten involved with somebody I wasn't initially attracted to.  Once I did get involved even if the sex was great, the fact that my SO & my SOs friends all held beliefs that I felt offended by would have caused me to leave a long time ago.  I certainly would not have sat there in silence while these people insulted my heritage & made me feel voiceless.  You let this emasculate you.  

So yes, this is very serious.  It's a fundamental incompatibility which makes you hide parts of yourself.  Your relationship is a LIE.  End it already.  Geez. . .why is that so hard for you to grasp?  You are dating a woman who doesn't even know you because you fake parts of yourself around her & her friends.  

[June2017]

3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

June2017 

You can't make decisions about your relationship based on the opinions of strangers on the internet who don't know you or your GF. 

That said my opinion is you need to learn to keep your own counsel. 

In your shoes I never would have gotten involved with somebody I wasn't initially attracted to.  Once I did get involved even if the sex was great, the fact that my SO & my SOs friends all held beliefs that I felt offended by would have caused me to leave a long time ago.  I certainly would not have sat there in silence while these people insulted my heritage & made me feel voiceless.  You let this emasculate you.  

So yes, this is very serious.  It's a fundamental incompatibility which makes you hide parts of yourself.  Your relationship is a LIE.  End it already.  Geez. . .why is that so hard for you to grasp?  You are dating a woman who doesn't even know you because you fake parts of yourself around her & her friends.  

You are very right. I agree. I was young and felt the need to be accepted and validated and not abused. I was abused multiple times hence I adopted this facade. 

However would you think she loves me? She will use my photos on her phone and laptop wallpaper so it made me feel like she did? 

[d0nnivain]

Using photos as wallpaper is not love.  It's drivel. 

She might have feelings for façade guy but she can't love you because she doesn't KNOW you.  You have hidden your real self from her. 

I'm sorry you were abused but you probably need professional therapy to deal with the damage that did.  Until you fix what was broken you will never be a quality partner for somebody else.  You will continue your destructive, isolating pattern of deception.  That is no way to live.  

[smackie9]

Why not ask her...if she sees a future with you etc. We can't tell whether it is or not.

[June2017]

17 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Using photos as wallpaper is not love.  It's drivel. 

She might have feelings for façade guy but she can't love you because she doesn't KNOW you.  You have hidden your real self from her. 

I'm sorry you were abused but you probably need professional therapy to deal with the damage that did.  Until you fix what was broken you will never be a quality partner for somebody else.  You will continue your destructive, isolating pattern of deception.  That is no way to live.  

But why would you say she might love me?? If she loved me why still support haters and believe in one side?

Edited June 25, 2020 by June2017

[June2017]

7 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Why not ask her...if she sees a future with you etc. We can't tell whether it is or not.

We went to our own countries during covid 

[d0nnivain]

I did not say she might love you.  I told you it's not possible for her to love you because she doesn't know you.  You have been lying to her all this time.  You suppress big parts of yourself.  You cannot get a read on her feelings for you until you reveal your true self.  

[FMW]

Before asking her though, I would ask yourself - do you really want to be with someone who holds views and actively supports things that are so antithetical to who you are?

Her being rich and the two of you having great sex are bonuses, but if you don't have a solid basis (and how can you with such opposing positions on something with which you deeply identify), they are worth nothing in the long run.

Staying together or not during COVID isn't a great barometer of the seriousness of your relationship.  But I don't see how the relationship can be serious when you have ongoing doubts about her associations and support for causes that go against who YOU are.