d50kabd50kab Posted June 23, 2020 Posted June 23, 2020 Hey everyone, So I met a guy in November of last year, and we began seeing each other. At the beginning of January, be broke things off saying that something was missing in the relationship and that he wasn't in love. As he did so he was crying and saying he didn't want to lose me. About a week later, we met up, I stayed over at his and we got back together again. Then 2 days later, he said the same thing, but then was like stay over, and I did, and he have been together since. Throughout the relationship, we've been happy, although he has been distant on occasions and difficult to get to do things (he doesn't make plans with anyone and doesn't have many friends), although I've met all his friends, and we've seen each other almost every day. Then yesterday, he said come over, and we sat down, and he started crying uncontrollably, saying that the same thing was happening. That something is missing, and that he's not in love. He is 41 and I am 33. He was never had a partner (we're gay, by the way). He said that what he imagines love to be he doesn't feel with me. One of his messages today was "there are lots of types of love and we don't understand them all. Things will get better with time and you will always be in my heart". He was crying and crying saying he didn't want to lose me. Then I left, and that was it. We've texted a few times, and he's like I love you and will always be here for you. It's left me really sad because I thought we were on the right tracks. We have never argued and get on really well. I also love him. Do you guys think this could be an issue in his past (family - he came out at 36, has never had a partner, his father doesn't accept his sexuality and I've never met his parents, his outlook on life is generally quite gloomy on occasions I must admit, he has very few friends, also his sister is 42 and has also never had a partner)? As I say, when we text each other, al he says is, well we've tried, there are lots of types of love, I really love you, but this isn't the love I imagine it should be. I personally think love and relationships involve work, and I said that, and he just replied saying that it shouldn't be an effort. Since breaking up, we've been texting each other, often him initiating. This morning he wished me good morning and said he hasn't been able to sleep thinking about his decision. How could I get him back? What would give me the best chance of getting back with him? I really love him and would love to make it work. Thanks!
FMW Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 He seems like he has some heavy duty issues. You're probably right about the origins of his problems, but honestly it doesn't matter that much in the end as far as your relationship goes. He's yanking you around all over the place. It's really unlikely he's going to come to peace with whatever issues he has any time soon. Do you really want to live like this? Because staying with him means this is what you get - uncertainty, insecurity, unpredictable emotions. I think it's likely you will "get him back", just because he keeps bouncing in and out with you. But it will be intermittent at best. He needs to seek help through counseling and therapy. No matter how much you love him you can't fix his problems.
ShyViolet Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 He sounds really confused. He doesn't know if he wants to be with you or not. Whatever his issues are, do you want to stick around and be treated like a yo-yo, being tossed away when he decides he doesn't want to be with you and then pulled back in when he changes his mind? He has some issues to work through and only he can do that. Tell him that he needs to go to therapy and work on himself and maybe once he's more stable he can think about being in a relationship.
Recommended Posts