Hard to say goodbye

[enchanted771]

So I’ve been hanging out with my “friend”. I am really feeling the push/pull. He gives me more attention (including phone calls) during the winter months and during the pandemic. Now that things are reopening he has not been contacting me at all. I expressed this to him, but all he said was that we’re fine with no explanation as to why he doesn’t contact me. If I don’t text him I probably won’t hear from him at all. We have or had plans next week for my birthday but I am not going to bother confirming and I won’t be initiating contact. Like a stupid idiot, I took his bread crumbs of attention (he went as far as to say he loves me one night) he knows I haven’t dated or slept with anyone and he says whatever to keep me single and unattached. It’s like he doesn’t want me but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me either. It’s constant hot and cold..giving me attention, taking me out to eat, even helps me with things. It’s nice, but it’s not what I want and I want something consistent. I probably would have met someone who will give me what I deserve..now it’s summer and this guy is distant. He isn’t working and he has been partying. Sleeping until mid afternoon everyday..I can’t deal with that lifestyle anyways but I keep letting him weasel his way back into my life...I feel like a yo yo 

[FMW]

Find something - or someone - to distract yourself.  Get together with your friends if you can safely do so.  Spend more time on your hobbies or get new ones.  Take a class online.  

And stop reaching out to him and focus on his effort, or lack thereof, like you're already doing.  Make yourself pay attention and not just gloss over everything about him that you know is not good for you.  At some point you surely will get tired of dealing with it an move on.  

[preraph]

You've just got to date other people.  He doesn't want you.  It's common enough those type guys also don't seem to want anyone else to have you, but it's not because they love you.  It's because you wanting him is super great for his ego and that's the part he doesn't want to lose.  Drop him and date guys.

[enchanted771]

5 minutes ago, preraph said:

You've just got to date other people.  He doesn't want you.  It's common enough those type guys also don't seem to want anyone else to have you, but it's not because they love you.  It's because you wanting him is super great for his ego and that's the part he doesn't want to lose.  Drop him and date guys.

Thank you. I know it’s the right thing to do. He is who he is...I am his backup plan or someone he has on rotation when he tired of his other friends. 

[preraph]

You are just salve for his ego.  If he wanted you, he'd have done something about it way before now.  

[enchanted771]

5 hours ago, preraph said:

You are just salve for his ego.  If he wanted you, he'd have done something about it way before now.  

Thanks, I know I deserve someone who will make time for me. He wants to see me when it’s convenient for HIM. He told me we were going to do something for my bday and now he tells me that he will let me know because he doesn’t want to say yes and then something comes up. That told me right there now little I really mean to him. Even if wasn’t on my exact birthday, he could have made alternate plans. Then he tried to say Happy bday in advance. Wtf??!! What a total douche 

[preraph]

He just doesn't like you enough in the same way you want to like him.  That happens all too often.  You're certainly not alone.  Hugs.

[enchanted771]

21 minutes ago, preraph said:

He just doesn't like you enough in the same way you want to like him.  That happens all too often.  You're certainly not alone.  Hugs.

Thanks. He isn’t worth it. I thought there was something wrong with me, but there isn’t. He has a bad relationship track record, one of his cousins tried to warn me about him so I see he is nice when he needs something. It’s fake 

[preraph]

Next!

[enchanted771]

36 minutes ago, preraph said:

Next!

Yes! 

[Ellener]

12 hours ago, enchanted771 said:

I feel like a yo yo 

That's such a fun toy I think even a yo-yo enjoys itself! But the people who can have full command of a yo-yo ( anyone can do a few tricks ) are expert show-people.

There's a poem Desiderata: And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. 

Please don't automatically have to be hurtful in pain: As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

10 hours ago, preraph said:

salve for his ego

Or your ego @enchanted771 which basically= don't disparage someone in response for feeling disparaged! 

Laugh if possible is what prophets did.

*

I hope you are doing ok @preraph I read how bad it is for you and it's been fine here until the last few days reopening; that was part my instinct-response as yours too, I've only done one short work trial since reopening and despite every precaution my body/mind went into overload, there were just too many 'points of contact' despite all the restricted conditions.

Hopefully everything's going outdoors now! or online. 

We are surviving Covid very well here though, thanks to the front line workers who don't care about anything but caring so many times in this town! It's the cultural centre of the new world, I think you would love to see how much love there is here. Move down!

I am going to be driven to the border one day soon and see what happened to all the 'detention' kids there, there was already chaos for children at border control but I am guessing there are good people taking care of them and comforting them and preventing child abuse:

...everywhere life is full of heroism.

I hope so. I know so. Every single person is the centre of the universe simultaneously one day. Children need to feel a lot more of that than many of the world population do.

If a single child got hurt in the panic and chaos I don't know what it means or what the balance of nature/the universe/gods means.

I know it's all important. 

The gods are angry... it's a metaphor but I don't know what it means except poetry 'I sang in my chains like the sea'. 

I  poetry. Art. Science. Ideals. The changing world. People: engaging each other. It's not a competition to be more or less human! If we all do our bit and don't expect reward.

We're not all rats you know...

 

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Only you can keep yourself single an unattached for him, OP - he can't. 

You just have to stop putting yourself on hold for a guy whose actions are clearly indicating he doesn't feel the same way about you.  Time to distance yourself this person.