ThatKindOf Posted June 23, 2020 Posted June 23, 2020 Hello guys I am writing because I am really in need of help, because I feel like I have gotten myself into a circle. One year ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. He was my best friend, he felt like home, we shared a deep and rare connection, we were 4 years together. I would have never pictured my life without him. He said that he was in some kind of depression and that was the reason for the breakup. He soon started going out with a girl he met one week before he broke up with me. And this is where my life changed completely. They were on and off constantly, fighting ( we were rarely fighting ), she is a complete opposite of me, 4 years older than us, she talked trash about me to him and to everyone around, she is into astrology so she was posting on social media how their horoscopes are perfectly aligned, how she met her soulmate, how his ex (me) is ugly and obsessed and she is now the right for him.. We were communicating now and then, he said that she was never anything serious to him, that he wanted an adventure, but he was returning to her all the time. Even when he would send me screenshots that they are done, they would have blocked each other but a month later – they would reunite again and she would start with the trash about me and the soulmates quotes on social medias. My problem started after the breakup, I was going to psychiatrist and it turned out the breakup has brought up some family issues on the surface. I had suicide thought, I still do.. I took antidepressants, which I do not anymore but I think I will once again start because there is no improvement in my mental health. I am constantly comparing myself to her, both physically and character wise. I know she is prettier than me, she looks more fun, flirtatious, direct, with a lot of self-confidence… I am so scared of her, and the way she talks about me. She talks I am ugly and boring and dramatic and obsessed. I do not know why she talks and thinks like this and I don’t know why It hurts. And plus, I feel like he is falling in love with her and that she is showing him world that I couldn’t, and that he misses her and that he realised that that is what kind of relationship he likes, not me. I feel soo boring… when I talk with him now, I feel so boring, I feel like I don’t have subjects to talk about with him, or when we do I feel like my stated opinion has to be interesting and fun and I spend minutes trying to make the perfect joke, or sentence or I don’t know.. I am not spontaneous anymore. And I have also noticed that that is affecting my friendships too. He told me that he thinks I am a bit childish ( he used to love me being childish ) and sometimes when I make a joke he laughs like ,, you again with your.. childish humour,, , he doesn’t laugh like its funny or something.. He also started pointing out some stuffs that thinks shouldn’t be okay for me to do, like sending funny pictures or I don’t know.. And I feel like he is sculpting me into looking more like her. He never compliments me, I never get compliments anymore, I feel invisible. I feel like I don’t matter to anyone.. I still have suicidal thoughts; I don’t feel myself. I feel so ashamed that I can’t get out of this situation almost a year and I feel ashamed because I was never this type of person. I don’t love myself, when I have panic attacks, I hurt myself because I cant stand myself and my thoughts and my ugliness and boringness. I feel like I love him deeply but that I am not enough for her, and that she is. They are not communicating now but she posted a picture that said,, I will never give up, I will fight everyone who gets on our way,,. I feel like I am scared of her will power... There is nothing attractive in me, I can sleep all day, I started avoiding social gatherings. There are days when I can go on 2-3 days without eating anything, and there are days when I overeat. I am so scared…
ExpatInItaly Posted June 23, 2020 Posted June 23, 2020 You have to stop talking to him, and go No Contact for good. That includes social media - his and hers. This is all so ridiculously toxic. Does your doctor know you've had suicidal thoughts? Please inform them, and a trust friend or family member. You're worth so much more than these two immature weasels.
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2020 Posted June 23, 2020 You are way too intertwined in his life still. Stop talking to him. Disconnect from them both on social media. Tell your mental health professional that you have been in contact with them all this time & now you are severing those unhealthy links. I do not understand why your doctor wasn't encouraging you to take this step before. Now you have to resent your mind. This homewrecker may think you are ugly but so what? When did she get to be the arbiter of your life? Her opinion is just that hers. It's meaningless. Stop letting it define you. Now take your life in a different direction. Other than him, what used to make you happy? What kinds of things did you enjoy? Take them up again. Also purge. You have to get all the things in your life that remind you of him out of your life. Box 'em all up & throw them out. If you can't bring yourself to do that, at least download all the photos onto a flash drive. Put that in the box along with very trinket, every memento, everything he ever gave you. Now tape that box up . . .I mean really tape it up so it's a p.i.t.a. to reopen & stuff it in your parents' attic, out of your house. If that is not possible your attic, or the deepest closet way in the back Get movement & sunshine into your life. When you want to lay on the couch, get up & go for a walk. Make sure you eat every day. Once you full disconnect you will start to feel better because your EX & this astrology chick won't be there to prick your wounded heart every day.
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