Emilie Jolie Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: It hurts so much because she was my real true love. But I couldn't get over her inviting her colleague around for the night even if she claimed it was under platonic terms, that's a red flag to me. She always struck me as a mentally strong person but like you say these really tough times, do and have tested everyone's mental strength. Absolutely. A red line is a red line. I'm sorry, Hollywood-Tourist. Edited June 22, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 7 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Not sure what you got from my post, but I wasn't advocating cheating? I quoted the part. You said to not be too harsh on her she must have missed him a lot. Yes it did, to me, as if you were using mental health to excuse her behavior 2
Emilie Jolie Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: I quoted the part. You said to not be too harsh on her she must have missed him a lot. Yes it did, to me, as if you were using mental health to excuse her behavior Not to excuse, to explain. I didn't condone the actions but I'm sympathetic to the state of mind. Devil's Advocate, as I said. He's right to break up with her; it's probably not fair to assume she didn't love him enough, though. Edited June 22, 2020 by Emilie Jolie 1
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 7 hours ago, Juha said: The virus is not very serious to be honest unless you have underlying health issues. 8.6 million cases leaving almost 1/2 a million people dead -- so what is "very serious" in your book Juha if not that? You are being a science denier. 7 hours ago, Juha said: I agree with this also, you should not block her. Two year relationship and you are going to block them without even talking? That is immature in my book. I am not defending her at all here but to tell her off,the hang up on her, and block them is immature. Just think a two year relationship should have a proper burial. Not good to make enemies or treat people like that. He didn't just block her as in ghost her. He talked to her before she did this. He told her he did not want her spending this night with her 30 year old work subordinate & throwing away her sobriety. He called her that night & she played more games, not answering the phone. Then he called her the next day & formally broke up with her. She made an enemy of him by trying to make a fool of him & playing him for a patsy. He acted with dignity. Just how many more times do think he should have let her lie to him? Do you think he would have done enough to prove his love by getting arrested trying to cross an international border between countries to go see her? Do you think he should have quit his job that he had to be there for -- not tele-work -- to go live with her & be broke? Or would it have been enough if he got Covid, gave it to her & they both ended up on ventilators? To chastise the OP for following the law, make the best decision for his own health & well being then refuse to tolerate her playing him for a fool does not make any of this his fault. 2 4
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 22, 2020 Author Posted June 22, 2020 9 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: 8.6 million cases leaving almost 1/2 a million people dead -- so what is "very serious" in your book Juha if not that? You are being a science denier. He didn't just block her as in ghost her. He talked to her before she did this. He told her he did not want her spending this night with her 30 year old work subordinate & throwing away her sobriety. He called her that night & she played more games, not answering the phone. Then he called her the next day & formally broke up with her. She made an enemy of him by trying to make a fool of him & playing him for a patsy. He acted with dignity. Just how many more times do think he should have let her lie to him? Do you think he would have done enough to prove his love by getting arrested trying to cross an international border between countries to go see her? Do you think he should have quit his job that he had to be there for -- not tele-work -- to go live with her & be broke? Or would it have been enough if he got Covid, gave it to her & they both ended up on ventilators? To chastise the OP for following the law, make the best decision for his own health & well being then refuse to tolerate her playing him for a fool does not make any of this his fault. With the figures that d0nnivain has quoted which seem roughly accurate, I would put back to you Juha, why does this not make the virus serious? The whole world has been affected, peoples everyday life and livelihood have all been compromised and changed forever because of this. So I think this makes the situation pretty damn serious. She played games by winding me up by not answering when I tried to call her and even then the next day when I managed to speak to her, claimed that 'nothing happened because he's just a good friend'. As d0nnivain quite rightly says, it would make no difference if I intended to drive down to see her because there are road blocks in place and I would likely just be turned around/and or fined. Any sensible and non impatient person wouldn't even compromise on this, they would agree that it is daft to travel unnecessarily and that if we continue to keep safe, then everything will be better in the long run rather than cutting corners because impatience got the better of us. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 H-T I'm not excusing your EXs behavior in anyway. In her shoes not being able to see the man I love I'd probably be a wreck . . . crying on the phone, not functioning. I probably would have fallen off the wagon too. I have friends who have been doing 1-2 zoom AA meeting a day to cope. I don't think I would have played the dangerous game she played -- inviting a young male subordinate over. You learned she has poor coping skills. That should have been forgivable; but then when she started st1t-testing you because that is what this was, game playing in an attempt to manipulate you, she left you no choice. 1
kendahke Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: I think a lot of people underestimate the severity of the virus Pride goes before destruction...
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 22 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: In her shoes not being able to see the man I love I'd probably be a wreck . . . crying on the phone, not functioning. I probably would have fallen off the wagon too. That makes sense. Her behavior doesn't. And when I fall off the wagon I don't invite younger man over for the night, I eat cookie-dough ice cream with brownies. 2 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 22, 2020 Author Posted June 22, 2020 Just now, Gaeta said: That makes sense. Her behavior doesn't. And when I fall off the wagon I don't invite younger man over for the night, I eat cookie-dough ice cream with brownies. It's almost as if it was premeditated as a form of punishment. Yes she certainly got the reaction from me that she expected but maybe didn't bank on my ultimate response to her actions. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 8 minutes ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: It's almost as if it was premeditated as a form of punishment. Yes she certainly got the reaction from me that she expected but maybe didn't bank on my ultimate response to her actions. Are you feeling a little guilty for breaking up with her? If so, don't. You can have sympathy for her and want to put a line in the sand at the same time. Breakups suck at the best of times; having to break up with someone you really love when you've not seen them in 3 months under crazy circumstances must be really, really hard. You'll be alright, though. 2
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 22, 2020 Author Posted June 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, Emilie Jolie said: Are you feeling a little guilty for breaking up with her? If so, don't. You can have sympathy for her and want to put a line in the sand at the same time. Breakups suck at the best of times; having to break up with someone you really love when you've not seen them in 3 months under crazy circumstances must be really, really hard. You'll be alright, though. Thank you. You've pretty much nailed it on the head, I really do love her as I've said before she's the love of my life. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, it feels like turning off someone's life support machine, that's how bad and sad I feel right now. My sides are physically aching as if someone has stabbed me. 1
Emilie Jolie Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 1 minute ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: Thank you. You've pretty much nailed it on the head, I really do love her as I've said before she's the love of my life. This is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, it feels like turning off someone's life support machine, that's how bad and sad I feel right now. My sides are physically aching as if someone has stabbed me. I'm so sorry, H-T. Lots of virtual hugs for you 1
Roswell91 Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: It hurts so much because she was my real true love. But I couldn't get over her inviting her colleague around for the night even if she claimed it was under platonic terms, that's a red flag to me. She always struck me as a mentally strong person but like you say these really tough times, do and have tested everyone's mental strength. Or it may have been an excuse. Throwing out another possibility. Why couldn't she have met another female co worker or female friend? Why does it have to be a man, half her age. Who is young enough to be her son. Strange is all it is. Edited June 22, 2020 by Roswell91 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 22, 2020 Author Posted June 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, Roswell91 said: Or it may have been an excuse. Throwing out another possibility. Why couldn't she have met another female co worker or female friend? Why does it have to be a man, half her age. Who is young enough to be her son. Strange is all it is. I'm unsure what you mean that it could possibly an excuse for? I guess we'll never know now why she couldn't have met her female friends instead, maybe she's just doing it to make me jealous and spark a reaction? I feel a lot better when you say he is young enough to be her son (which he is) but as you've said it is very strange, I genuinely cannot get my head around it.
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 (edited) 50 minutes ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: I really do love her as I've said before she's the love of my life. You need to deprogram yourself from thinking she was the love of your life. First you were long distance, that means each time you saw each other it was a celebration. Long distance relationships are part real (when you spend time with each other) and part dream (the longning, missing, dreaming). Correct me if I am wrong but you did not share the burden of a daily routine together day in and day out, the type of routine that allows you to get to know a partner inside out. Long distance relationships often abort once the distance is elimated as full reality doesn't meet couple's expectations. When people claim someone is the love of their life I expect that couple to have a long history together, to have surmounted challenges together, to have supported each other through difficult times. Something substential enough to justify that statement. Edited June 22, 2020 by Gaeta 1
kendahke Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: It's almost as if it was premeditated as a form of punishment. Yes she certainly got the reaction from me that she expected but maybe didn't bank on my ultimate response to her actions. she was playing the manipulative "I"m going to make you jealous by inviting a subordinate male worker over to make you come running" games. She didn't expect for her game to backfire in her face. She expected you to play along and prove yourself. That's how slenderly she truly esteemed you. Games are for children. 3
Roswell91 Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 22 minutes ago, Hollywood-Tourist said: I'm unsure what you mean that it could possibly an excuse for? I guess we'll never know now why she couldn't have met her female friends instead, maybe she's just doing it to make me jealous and spark a reaction? I feel a lot better when you say he is young enough to be her son (which he is) but as you've said it is very strange, I genuinely cannot get my head around it. The excuse is the isolation is getting to her and she needs company. So you then think oh its ok, she's feeling bad due to the quarantine etc and she must need company. Its an excuse to hang out with someone much younger ( possibly attractive) and get away with it. Its strange as in i can't imagine a young guy wanting to spend one whole evening and night with a woman of her age ( no offence). As someone said earlier what would they have in common? Really. But again i could be totally wrong, its all a possibility. 1
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 On 6/19/2020 at 9:55 AM, Hollywood-Tourist said: Yes she does have female friends , but in the last 6 months she's become a bit closer to this male colleague of hers (again I trust her so didn't think too much of it.) Maybe it was a jealousy game but then again maybe it wasn't... Women get enamoured with co workers all the time. The OW forum is full of examples. "We met at work, we were just good friends and then we got closer and closer..." 3
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 (edited) 5 minutes ago, Roswell91 said: Its strange as in i can't imagine a young guy wanting to spend one whole evening and night with a woman of her age ( no offence). As someone said earlier what would they have in common? Really. The OP is 10 years her junior. 49 is not 89. On 6/19/2020 at 8:15 AM, Hollywood-Tourist said: 'hanging out', ordering a takeaway, drink a bottle of wine, play X-Box games and watch films. Edited June 22, 2020 by elaine567
Roswell91 Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 1 minute ago, elaine567 said: The OP is 10 years her junior. 49 is not 89. Her work colleague is even younger though. 22 years younger is a big age gap. Personally i don't imagine a young guy his age wanting to hang out with a woman much older, unless hes in to older women and fancies her or something. The whole thing is odd. 1
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 22, 2020 Author Posted June 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, elaine567 said: The OP is 10 years her junior. 49 is not 89. That's correct, I am 10yrs younger than her. I think Roswell meant that they couldn't imagine her colleague who is 22yrs younger than her wanting to spend the night with someone her age. 1
Gaeta Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 Just now, Roswell91 said: Her work colleague is even younger though. 22 years younger is a big age gap. Personally i don't imagine a young guy his age wanting to hang out with a woman much older, unless hes in to older women and fancies her or something. There are sexy older ladies out there that look better than women late 20s.
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 1 minute ago, Roswell91 said: Her work colleague is even younger though. 22 years younger is a big age gap. Personally i don't imagine a young guy his age wanting to hang out with a woman much older, unless hes in to older women and fancies her or something. The whole thing is odd. Would you be suggesting a 27yo woman would not want to spend time with a 49yo man or is that somehow OK???...
Author Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 22, 2020 Author Posted June 22, 2020 10 minutes ago, Roswell91 said: The excuse is the isolation is getting to her and she needs company. So you then think oh its ok, she's feeling bad due to the quarantine etc and she must need company. Its an excuse to hang out with someone much younger ( possibly attractive) and get away with it. Its strange as in i can't imagine a young guy wanting to spend one whole evening and night with a woman of her age ( no offence). As someone said earlier what would they have in common? Really. But again i could be totally wrong, its all a possibility. In all fairness the isolation is getting to everyone, plus she has female friends that she could have chosen to be her social bubble instead of him (her colleague.) I know what you mean, she's said in the past that she thinks of him like a little brother, but then when she invites him over for the night and all it's goings, it just does not make sense nor is it normal or morally right.
Roswell91 Posted June 22, 2020 Posted June 22, 2020 1 minute ago, Gaeta said: There are sexy older ladies out there that look better than women late 20s. Which is why i said maybe he has a crush on her. Its not a competition about who looks better. I simply said in theory a 27 year old man and a 49 year old woman wouldnt necessarily have a lot in common
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