Willocdh Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 I went out on a great first date with a guy in March. Literally the next day the city shutdown due to covid so we have continued to text over the past couple of months. Last Sunday we finally got to meet again and he claimed he wanted to try to schedule something again. But when I proposed dinner, 24 hours later he responded saying his best friend died and completed ignored my question about meeting again. I offered my condolences and we chatted a bit further about the death. I was worried about him, so said I'd check in if I didn't hear from him for a couple of days. I did check in once, but now it has been a week and I haven't heard from him. At this point should I just leave him alone? I can't figure out whether the ball is in my court or if the message is pretty clear that he isn't interested any longer.
Realitysux Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 If a man wanted to reach out to you then he would so I would leave it and move on. 2
datingvirgin Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 8 minutes ago, Willocdh said: I went out on a great first date with a guy in March. Literally the next day the city shutdown due to covid so we have continued to text over the past couple of months. Last Sunday we finally got to meet again and he claimed he wanted to try to schedule something again. But when I proposed dinner, 24 hours later he responded saying his best friend died and completed ignored my question about meeting again. I offered my condolences and we chatted a bit further about the death. I was worried about him, so said I'd check in if I didn't hear from him for a couple of days. I did check in once, but now it has been a week and I haven't heard from him. At this point should I just leave him alone? I can't figure out whether the ball is in my court or if the message is pretty clear that he isn't interested any longer. Yes please move on from that. If they want something they will get it, unless he is shy.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 Yes, I'd leave it at that. These are trying times, and the death of a best friend is also tough. If it's meant to be, you'll hear from him again once he's gotten through this. 1
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 Ball is in his court to reach out...in the meantime date other men.
Author Willocdh Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 Well looks like I have a consensus. Thanks for the input!
Erik30 Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 I can understand if he's in no mood to be dating and texting if his best friend died a couple of days ago... if he's not lying, he probably hasn't lost any interest. It's just "bad timing" right now. I think it's fine to check in one more time again, since you've been texting all these months already. But certainly don't "wait" for him, date other guys if you want 1
Author Willocdh Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 Thanks Eric30. I understand everyone else’s assessment that he’s probably blowing me off, but it seems almost callous not to follow through on my end right now with one last check in.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Assuming he's telling the truth ... the death of a best friend ... would certainly throw someone for a loop. Deep grief is not the energy for starting a new relationship. He's needs to go off and mourn. But don't wait for him ... because had you spent more time with him, you might not have liked him. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) Assuming the best friend story is true, dating would be the last thing on his mind. Even if you express your condolences, it's not like he's back to normal and normal business. I honestly think if this is true (and you've really given no indication that it wouldn't be), give the poor guy a break. It's not a priority at all to go out with you, not right now. I hope you realize that. The ball is in his court because that's how life is. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's not interested because he's not pursuing you at this moment--that's just a too narrow focused and very self-centered one or insensitive TBH. Lastly, if he's dealing with this and somehow you got him to go out, either the mood of what he's going through will creep into the date or it will be weird for him or you or both if he's just living it up like nothing's wrong---which that weirdness can transfer to his or your or both of your opinions of the date/each person. You two don't have enough history or know each other well enough to bypass this IMO due to how long you've known each other and how few dates you've gone on so far, which are seemingly just due to bad timing really. IMO, you should hang tight a little. Keep dating other people because that is also life. If it's meant to be, you will hear from him (based on what you said so far-I see no reason why you wouldn't hear from him as long as you don't mismanaged this moment). Good luck Edited June 19, 2020 by Versacehottie
Author Willocdh Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 11 minutes ago, Versacehottie said: Assuming the best friend story is true, dating would be the last thing on his mind. Even if you express your condolences, it's not like he's back to normal and normal business. I honestly think if this is true (and you've really given no indication that it wouldn't be), give the poor guy a break. It's not a priority at all to go out with you, not right now. I hope you realize that. The ball is in his court because that's how life is. I wouldn't jump to the conclusion that he's not interested because he's not pursuing you at this moment--that's just a too narrow focused and very self-centered one or insensitive TBH. Lastly, if he's dealing with this and somehow you got him to go out, either the mood of what he's going through will creep into the date or it will be weird for him or you or both if he's just living it up like nothing's wrong---which that weirdness can transfer to his or your or both of your opinions of the date/each person. You two don't have enough history or know each other well enough to bypass this IMO due to how long you've known each other and how few dates you've gone on so far, which are seemingly just due to bad timing really. IMO, you should hang tight a little. Keep dating other people because that is also life. If it's meant to be, you will hear from him (based on what you said so far-I see no reason why you wouldn't hear from him as long as you don't mismanaged this moment). Good luck Thanks much—that’s a helpful perspective. Just want to clarify I certainly am not expecting him to want to meet again soon. I mainly just wanted to get a feel for whether I’d done enough to indicate I at least cared, and wasn’t abandoning him. I definitely wouldn’t want him to feel that way. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, Willocdh said: Thanks much—that’s a helpful perspective. Just want to clarify I certainly am not expecting him to want to meet again soon. I mainly just wanted to get a feel for whether I’d done enough to indicate I at least cared, and wasn’t abandoning him. I definitely wouldn’t want him to feel that way. oh good. I think guys often see it as a role to take on that they do lots of things for their girlfriends or a girl they are dating and will often put the girls' needs in front of their own. It's part of the reason some guys resist getting into a relationship when they just don't feel up to that personally---it doesn't matter that it may not be what the girl is demanding or needing or even asking for, it's just how some guys are in a relationship. Obviously I don't know how this specific guy is but I would err on the side of being careful and not adding pressure. I think if you are patient, it might really pay off if you guys have good chemistry because after going through his best friend passing away and covid quarantine, I would imagine he's probably going to be more introspective and perhaps really be wanting a relationship at this time, with more of a reason than normal to really appreciate one. I guess you could say or text him that you understand it's a tough time & something about you are there for him if he would like to talk or if not you understand--my wording is not good today--but something that lets him know he has the freedom to lean on you if he needs or disappear a bit if he needs. You may have already conveyed that or something similar in which case then you just let him have his space. If someone close to you dies, you often can't be your happy best self around others especially if it was someone you are new to dating and want to leave a good impression on. So even if you have a great connection normally, it's probably hard for him to be himself. Good luck Edited June 19, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
Watercolors Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 1 hour ago, Willocdh said: Thanks much—that’s a helpful perspective. Just want to clarify I certainly am not expecting him to want to meet again soon. I mainly just wanted to get a feel for whether I’d done enough to indicate I at least cared, and wasn’t abandoning him. I definitely wouldn’t want him to feel that way. Like everyone else said, if his story is true then dating would not be his priority. If it's not true, then he ghosted on you for only reasons he really knows. I'd let this one go and get back on the online dating saddle. 2
Ellener Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 It's a whole new world that's for sure. Be kind, loving, supportive whether or not you leave the door open for a relationship. No love is ever wasted.The universe rewards kindness! 2
ShyViolet Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Do you actually think this story is true, or do you get a feeling that it's made up? If it is true, then a week is nothing. The shock of this is still fresh, and dating might be the last thing on his mind right now. Give him more time. I would wait another couple of weeks, and then maybe send one text like "thinking about you, hope everything's ok." and if he doesn't reply to that, then forget him.
Author Willocdh Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 33 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Do you actually think this story is true, or do you get a feeling that it's made up? If it is true, then a week is nothing. The shock of this is still fresh, and dating might be the last thing on his mind right now. Give him more time. I would wait another couple of weeks, and then maybe send one text like "thinking about you, hope everything's ok." and if he doesn't reply to that, then forget him. I do think it’s true. The story has added up. I see what you’re saying with regards to it being so soon still. I can give it more time—also by then I will be more detached from the situation so whatever the response on his part is won’t matter as much to me.
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