Deaana Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 Hey guys! If you are with someone on a long distance relationship and he only has high school degree but gets paid really well, above avarage, how would you tell your parents about this relationship and about him? He probably will study in the future. He is also smart and learns fast. They will not accept that, firstly because of long distance and secondly about degree. How would you start the conversation and how would you convince them?
d0nnivain Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 I wouldn't. If you are over 18, there is no need to get your parents involved in your relationship until they can actually meet your new beau. At that point you introduce them & say this is [insert name]. You let the conversation go from there. If you need to give background talk up his successes & minimize the negatives.
Author Deaana Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 They might see me with him. I have to say something first, maybe not introduce them, but let them know that I'm in a relationship. There are almost two years dating him. I can't hide it anymore 1
Amanda141 Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 How old are you? Also, Is he doing a honest job? Have you ever met in person? If the question is yes and you feel it’s time to tell them, I would. i’d start the conversation saying that I’m really into this guy, that he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and, that he’s hardworking and loves me much. He doesn’t have a degree but it’s really passionate and expert in what he does. I am sure that they will understand good luck
Author Deaana Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 3 minutes ago, amanda141 said: How old are you? Also, Is he doing a honest job? Have you ever met in person? If the question is yes and you feel it’s time to tell them, I would. i’d start the conversation saying that I’m really into this guy, that he makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and, that he’s hardworking and loves me much. He doesn’t have a degree but it’s really passionate and expert in what he does. I am sure that they will understand good luck I'm 21. Yes, he is doing a honest job. My parents know him, they haven't met him in person but have heard about him because we have worked together and we used to hang out.
smackie9 Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 You are an adult, you do whatever you want. Your parents don't like it, too flippin bad. 1
Mystery4u Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 You are 21 not 12, why do you care so much if your parents approve of him or not? He is your boyfriend, that fact alone should mean they should trust your judgement on him and support you.
Author Deaana Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 51 minutes ago, jspice said: Where are you from? Macedonia
jspice Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 So I assume there’s a very traditional relationship between parents and children. The advice that you’re “an adult” and it’s not your parents’ concern might not be relevant. There’s no easy way to bring it up. If he really is good to you then make sure you say that. I’ve had to work introduce the topic a couple of times. “I met a really nice guy a few months ago. He’s a (his job) and we met in ( place). We’ve been spending a lot of time together and I’d like for you to get to know him. He’s really a great guy. Working to save money to go back to school, etc”. something like that might work. But you don’t say if your parents are open to you dating or what they expect.
schlumpy Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Does your BF know you are hiding the relationship from your parents?
Miss Spider Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Of course even if you an adult you want two of the most important people in your life to accept the other most important person in your life. Dealing with the same thing. I have a great rship with my bf parents he has tatts from his neck down and is not in a professional career and my parents are conservative professionals. My bf sent me home with a peace offering from him xD but the truth is that you will most likely have to accept that your parents might not accept him at first, possibly ever. Just lead with his ‘positive’ attributes and play to how happy he makes you. Also, be confident in your decision to choose him. A lot of times parents might bully him/you and if you aren’t sure, it can drive a wedge between you. I’m sure your parents only want the best for you and are picky for you out of concern. Ultimately, you are 21 and hopefully they will accept that your choice in partner is what makes you happiest. Good luck !! 1
Author Deaana Posted June 19, 2020 Author Posted June 19, 2020 7 hours ago, schlumpy said: Does your BF know you are hiding the relationship from your parents? Yes, and that's a big deal because he has told his family about me and they have met me personally. We always have arguments about this because he wants a normal relationship, and not one that we have "to hide" or go on places I wont't be seen. 1
contel3 Posted June 19, 2020 Posted June 19, 2020 Mmmh. To be honest I would just tell them. It could be worse. Most macedonians I know have some kind of issue with their parents because they're dating a foreigner or someone from another religion. They'll come around.
ShyViolet Posted June 20, 2020 Posted June 20, 2020 You are 21. You don't need their approval. You inform them that you have a boyfriend, you are dating this guy. Don't make a big deal out of it. If they start getting upset you very matter-of-factly tell them that you're sorry they feel that way, but you are dating this guy and that's the way it is. And just leave it at that.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 20, 2020 Posted June 20, 2020 13 hours ago, Deaana said: Yes, and that's a big deal because he has told his family about me and they have met me personally. We always have arguments about this because he wants a normal relationship, and not one that we have "to hide" or go on places I wont't be seen. I think there is something about your traditional world that we out here in LS land can't clearly interpret... which makes a difference in what we might say to someone who... lived in Chicago or Baltimore, vs. someone who lives in your area. We can't tell if this is just... any random person who, at age 21, just feels awkward largely because she hasn't been fawning over boys since age 13, and has evolved into a pattern of NOT...ever... needing to introduce an important guy to her family... OR whether this is a case of a traditional father who will absolutely BLOW-UP upon hearing that ANYone is making eyes at his adult daughter. And you also need to remember that, in a way, your parents will be 'reading' YOUR OWN hesitation about informing them about this guy in your life. So it's possible that you NEED to find the confidence beFORE you tell them... for the longer-term image OF your boyfriend in your parents' mind. 1
Miss Spider Posted June 20, 2020 Posted June 20, 2020 (edited) For some people, their parents approval and happiness matters to them...for example, my parents are a big part of my life... Edited June 20, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2
Gaeta Posted June 20, 2020 Posted June 20, 2020 Deaana: What is the worst that could happen? Your father will blow up, get mad, and then? What could be the consequences? Can you tell us so we fully understand why you are afraid.
Author Deaana Posted June 27, 2020 Author Posted June 27, 2020 On 6/20/2020 at 2:25 PM, Gaeta said: Deaana: What is the worst that could happen? Your father will blow up, get mad, and then? What could be the consequences? Can you tell us so we fully understand why you are afraid. Nothing. I just don't want them to not approve it and then keep saying "you can find better" "long-distance relationship are not worth it, it is immature, he might cheat on you" etc. And then everybody (I mean parents, grandparents) will be all the time talking about it and trying to tell me that he is not the one and make it a big deal. I really don't want to hear all these. Even if they tell me not to be with him, I still would so it would be more complicated.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 27, 2020 Posted June 27, 2020 OK, is ANY of this a mere function of YOU never before having needed to bring a guy home for approval ? Is there any chance that this is more because of your (just feeling so self-conscious about ANY prospect {cuz he can't be a doctor, a fireman, a professor, a scientist AND a lawyer all at the same time - he's only one individual } ) than of any unfairly-high standards that the whole family holds you to? Is this guy one of a few that you've brought around? Or is this basically the first one ever ?
Author Deaana Posted June 29, 2020 Author Posted June 29, 2020 On 6/27/2020 at 5:17 AM, SincereOnlineGuy said: OK, is ANY of this a mere function of YOU never before having needed to bring a guy home for approval ? Is there any chance that this is more because of your (just feeling so self-conscious about ANY prospect {cuz he can't be a doctor, a fireman, a professor, a scientist AND a lawyer all at the same time - he's only one individual } ) than of any unfairly-high standards that the whole family holds you to? Is this guy one of a few that you've brought around? Or is this basically the first one ever ? He is the first one ever (I mean real boyfriend). My mom knows that I was "dating" a guy I met online and she didn't agree. There was nothing serious with him though. She understood it from the way he used to speak to me and she said I could find better) I was 17 by the way
SincereOnlineGuy Posted June 29, 2020 Posted June 29, 2020 2 hours ago, Deaana said: He is the first one ever (I mean real boyfriend). My mom knows that I was "dating" a guy I met online and she didn't agree. There was nothing serious with him though. She understood it from the way he used to speak to me and she said I could find better) I was 17 by the way Some of what you're feeling is certainly because it is SO new to you to even feel/seem confident in yourself while introducing a guy who means so much to you, TO the family that has helped you to create whatever your normal routine has been for X number of years. And of course there is a stigma about people that you met online from far away. All of this is likely to combine to have you feeling less confident about yourself and your choices than would be ideal in this scenario.
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