What's with married guys in dating sites?

[Azincourt]

I'm pretty sure it takes a lot of effort, hard work, and a mind and body that ain't lazy to become an ENT surgeon.

[datingvirgin]

40 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

If he is couch surfing he obviously doesn't have his sh^t together. 
Is he actually working?
Does he have other issues?
Is he really an ENT surgeon?.

 

So he had done that in the past with his friends. Not sure why to be honest. Because of separation, have to ask more questions to figure this out later.

Currently though he is moving to my town(new job at a cancer place) and he has a place already. He called me to his place for dinner but I'm hesitant if this is a good idea for first real in person date. With covid on the rise, I cannot go to the restaurant either. So I'm thinking to either call him to my place (with clear instructions on no sex) or just meet at a dog park (as we both have dogs)... 

Edited June 21, 2020 by datingvirgin

[Azincourt]

29 minutes ago, datingvirgin said:

So he had done that in the past with his friends. Not sure why to be honest. Because of separation, have to ask more questions to figure this out later.

Currently though he is moving to my town(new job at a cancer place) and he has a place already. He called me to his place for dinner but I'm hesitant if this is a good idea for first real in person date. With covid on the rise, I cannot go to the restaurant either. So I'm thinking to either call him to my place (with clear instructions on no sex) or just meet at a dog park (as we both have dogs)... 

Are dog parks open? Might still be a dangerus place to meet with the virus situation.

[Trail Blazer]

On 6/21/2020 at 12:45 AM, preraph said:

Almost any man will cheat if they truly believe their woman won't find out.  So that's why married men cheat with escorts because they can't trust anyone else to not go around telling, although there have been plenty instances of an escort been blackmailing them to keep their mouth shut.

 

It's hard for women to respect a man who thinks having sex is more important than everything else to do with raising a family. 

You clearly have a very low opinion of men if you believe that almost any man would cheat if he thought they wouldn't get caught.

A decent, honest man who's happy in his relationship and who loves his woman would never cheat.  In fact, no decent, honest man, regardless of his happiness would cheat.  He'd leave.

As for your last paragraph, are you the kind of woman who takes sex off the table at will, and expects a man to just lump it?  If he has a problem with a lack of sex, is he all of a sudden viewing sex as more important than anything else?

I've been in that situation before.  Raising kids, sex dries up... and I'm supposed to never have an issue with it?  If I articulated that I wasn't happy about the lack of sex, then all the other things I did for the family was forgotten about and I'm thought of as just "sex obsessed."

On the flipside, it's hard for a man to respect a woman who's so black and white that she can't see past her own emotions and be able to empathize with her partner.

But hey, in my experience, women like that choose not to because emphasizing bestows a burden on one to change their behavior, and many women are too entitled to ever want to change.

*note; I said many women, but certainly not nearly all, because there are so many good women out there who don't behave like that.

 

[datingvirgin]

2 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Are dog parks open? Might still be a dangerus place to meet with the virus situation.

They are open here. If I cant meet at a park the only option is at home...arghhh any other thoughts?

Edited June 21, 2020 by datingvirgin

[Azincourt]

57 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

You clearly have a very low opinion of men if you believe that almost any man would cheat if he thought they wouldn't get caught.

A decent, honest man who's happy in his relationship and who loves his woman would never cheat.  In fact, no decent, honest man, regardless of his happiness would cheat.  He'd leave.

As for your last paragraph, are you the kind of woman who takes sex off the table at will, and expects a man to just lump it?  If he has a problem with a lack of sex, is he all of a sudden viewing sex as more important than anything else?

I've been in that situation before.  Raising kids, sex dries up... and I'm supposed to never have an issue with it?  If I articulated that I wasn't happy about the lack of sex, then all the other things I did for the family was forgotten about and I'm thought of as just "sex obsessed."

On the flipside, it's hard for a man to respect a woman who's so black and white that she can't see past her own emotions and be able to empathize with her partner.

But hey, in my experience, women like that choose not to because emphasizing bestows a burden on one to change their behavior, and many women are too entitled to ever want to change.

*note; I said many women, but certainly not nearly all, because there are so many good women out there who don't behave like that.

 

Depends on whether he believes in serial monogamy. Which is what most modern human beings practice due to socially enforced measures that have been in effect for the last 6 to 8 thousand years up until this point.

Before that, before the rise of civilization in the area that is now known as Iraq, for the 200,000 to 300,000 years we've existed as a species, homo sapiens sapiens, we have not been monogamous. The concept of fatherhood did not exist. It was a pretty sweet time. Sexual jealously, mate guarding, people being forced to only have one sexual partner for the duration of the relationship they were already in did not exist at all.

Women would get pregnant and guys wouldn't beat their chests wondering who is the father, is it me? is it John? Hector?  The community would raise the kid as their own.

A man can be very happy with the woman he's with and still have sex with another woman. Because it's not like I enter a relationship, I'm happy in it and suddenly my sex drive vanishes, or is concentrated only on the woman I'm with. I was fortunate enough to be born and raised in America's 80's.

What does that mean? It means I wasn't born in a Iran or India or China. I'm in a much better position to enjoy my life, unlike most men who've ever been alive on this earth of ours. Never in  the whole of human existence has the average woman looked this guy as she does now in California, Rome, Lisbon, Madrid, Paris, Cape Town and so on, and never in the history of Mankind have women be this free as they are now to experience and enjoy their sexuality, to meet guys, hook-up, have one-night-stands, friends with benefits, and long-term relationships.

All you have to do is shower daily, brush your teeth, shave your face, don't eat fast food, don't eat sugar or sodas, eat healthy and take a 30 minute walk every 3 days around the neigbhood, and there will be thousands of (attractive, young women) from all over the world who will be attracted to you. 

Which is why it would be rather silly of me to be presented with these opportunities that most men outside of Europe, South America, and North America dream of all of their lives about,  just because of some outdated notions created thousands of years ago by old men about what makes a ''good'' man a ''good man''.

Do you pay your taxes? You're a good man.

You're a law-abidding citizen? You're a good man.

Do you love dogs? You're a good man.

Do you sleep with other women while being in a romantic relationship/marriage?

You're a good man. Because you are true to yourself. You treat yourself right. You don't let yourself be blinded and  binded to an outdated religion that still permeates our society and tells men and women to behave a certain way(don't sleep with someone else's wife, don't sleep with other women when you're in a relationship) because it fits their agenda.

And honestly guys, it's much better to be disliked by women WHILE they still sleep with you, because they find you to be hot(hit the gym hard fellas) than it is to be considered a good man and either have sex only a few times per week, or sleeping with the same woman over and over and over again without any variety(other women) for decades until the relationship/marriage ends or until you die of natural causes.

Remember that up until very recently men in the western world expected women to remain as virginal as possible until marriage. Now we get married to strippers, escorts, porn stars and lawyers. So why can't bigamy become a legalized institution?

We've grown past our sexual insecurity. Shame so many women haven't figured out that sleeping with other women doesn't mean we don't love them. We do.  It's just that we're wired to want to have sex with as many different women as possible, many of us guys are at least. 

Edited June 22, 2020 by Azincourt

[Azincourt]

49 minutes ago, datingvirgin said:

They are open here. If I cant meet at a park the only option is at home...arghhh any other thoughts?

What about the library? Are the libraries open? Very few people would go to the library these days, but there's always the Librarian there.

[Trail Blazer]

33 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

Depends on whether he believes in serial monogamy. Which is what most modern human beings practice due to socially enforced measures that have been in effect for the last 6 to 8 thousand years up until this point.

Before that, before the rise of civilization in the area that is now known as Iraq, for the 200,000 to 300,000 years we've existed as a species, homo sapiens sapiens, we have not been monogamous. The concept of fatherhood did not exist. It was a pretty sweet time. Sexual jealously, mate guarding, people being forced to only have one sexual partner for the duration of the relationship they were already in did not exist at all.

Women would get pregnant and guys wouldn't beat their chests wondering who is the father, is it me? is it John? Hector?  The community would raise the kid as their own.

A man can be very happy with the woman he's with and still have sex with another woman. Because it's not like I enter a relationship, I'm happy in it and suddenly my sex drive vanishes, or is concentrated only on the woman I'm with. I was fortunate enough to be born and raised in America's 80's.

What does that mean? It means I wasn't born in a Iran or India or China. I'm in a much better position to enjoy my life, unlike most men who've ever been alive on this earth of ours. Never in  the whole of human existence has the average woman looked this guy as she does now in California, Rome, Lisbon, Madrid, Paris, Cape Town and so on, and never in the history of Mankind have women be this free as they are now to experience and enjoy their sexuality, to meet guys, hook-up, have one-night-stands, friends with benefits, and long-term relationships.

All you have to do is shower daily, brush your teeth, shave your face, don't eat fast food, don't eat sugar or sodas, eat healthy and take a 30 minute walk every 3 days around the neigbhood, and there will be thousands of (attractive, young women) from all over the world who will be attracted to you. 

Which is why it would be rather silly of me to be presented with these opportunities that most men outside of Europe, South America, and North America dream of all of their lives about,  just because of some outdated notions created thousands of years ago by old men about what makes a ''good'' man a ''good man''.

Do you pay your taxes? You're a good man.

You're a law-abidding citizen? You're a good man.

Do you love dogs? You're a good man.

Do you sleep with other women while being in a romantic relationship/marriage?

You're a good man. Because you are true to yourself. You treat yourself right. You don't let yourself be blinded and  binded to an outdated religion that still permeates our society and tells men and women to behave a certain way(don't sleep with someone else's wife, don't sleep with other women when you're in a relationship) because it fits their agenda.

And honestly guys, it's much better to be disliked by women WHILE they still sleep with you, because they find you to be hot(hit the gym hard fellas) than it is to be considered a good man and either have sex only a few times per week, or sleeping with the same woman over and over and over again without any variety(other women) for decades until the relationship/marriage ends or until you die of natural causes.

Remember that up until very recently men in the western world expected women to remain as virginal as possible until marriage. Now we get married to strippers, escorts, porn stars and lawyers. So why can't bigamy become a legalized institution?

We've grown past our sexual insecurity. Shame so many women haven't figured out that sleeping with other women doesn't mean we don't love them. We do.  It's just that we're wired to want to have sex with as many different women as possible, many of us guys are at least. 

I disagree with none of what you've said, when viewing it from a certain context.  However, in this context, almost everyone on LS lives in a western country and our relationship/societal expectations are somewhat aligned.

I did not enter my current relationship, or any relationship previously, with the notion that it's okay to sleep outside of the relationship because I'm biologically programmed to do so.

Unless the boundaries are clearly defined by both parties, with an open relationship agreed to, then it is simply not okay to sleep with women outside of the relationship. 

Understanding this context, and to deliberately circumvent such an agreement, would make someone a bad person.  My girlfriend's expectations are that I be faithful to her, and conversely, mine are to her, too.

 

[datingvirgin]

14 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Depends on whether he believes in serial monogamy. Which is what most modern human beings practice due to socially enforced measures that have been in effect for the last 6 to 8 thousand years up until this point.

Before that, before the rise of civilization in the area that is now known as Iraq, for the 200,000 to 300,000 years we've existed as a species, homo sapiens sapiens, we have not been monogamous. The concept of fatherhood did not exist. It was a pretty sweet time. Sexual jealously, mate guarding, people being forced to only have one sexual partner for the duration of the relationship they were already in did not exist at all.

Women would get pregnant and guys wouldn't beat their chests wondering who is the father, is it me? is it John? Hector?  The community would raise the kid as their own.

A man can be very happy with the woman he's with and still have sex with another woman. Because it's not like I enter a relationship, I'm happy in it and suddenly my sex drive vanishes, or is concentrated only on the woman I'm with. I was fortunate enough to be born and raised in America's 80's.

What does that mean? It means I wasn't born in a Iran or India or China. I'm in a much better position to enjoy my life, unlike most men who've ever been alive on this earth of ours. Never in  the whole of human existence has the average woman looked this guy as she does now in California, Rome, Lisbon, Madrid, Paris, Cape Town and so on, and never in the history of Mankind have women be this free as they are now to experience and enjoy their sexuality, to meet guys, hook-up, have one-night-stands, friends with benefits, and long-term relationships.

All you have to do is shower daily, brush your teeth, shave your face, don't eat fast food, don't eat sugar or sodas, eat healthy and take a 30 minute walk every 3 days around the neigbhood, and there will be thousands of (attractive, young women) from all over the world who will be attracted to you. 

Which is why it would be rather silly of me to be presented with these opportunities that most men outside of Europe, South America, and North America dream of all of their lives about,  just because of some outdated notions created thousands of years ago by old men about what makes a ''good'' man a ''good man''.

Do you pay your taxes? You're a good man.

You're a law-abidding citizen? You're a good man.

Do you love dogs? You're a good man.

Do you sleep with other women while being in a romantic relationship/marriage?

You're a good man. Because you are true to yourself. You treat yourself right. You don't let yourself be blinded and  binded to an outdated religion that still permeates our society and tells men and women to behave a certain way(don't sleep with someone else's wife, don't sleep with other women when you're in a relationship) because it fits their agenda.

And honestly guys, it's much better to be disliked by women WHILE they still sleep with you, because they find you to be hot(hit the gym hard fellas) than it is to be considered a good man and either have sex only a few times per week, or sleeping with the same woman over and over and over again without any variety(other women) for decades until the relationship/marriage ends or until you die of natural causes.

Remember that up until very recently men in the western world expected women to remain as virginal as possible until marriage. Now we get married to strippers, escorts, porn stars and lawyers. So why can't bigamy become a legalized institution?

We've grown past our sexual insecurity. Shame so many women haven't figured out that sleeping with other women doesn't mean we don't love them. We do.  It's just that we're wired to want to have sex with as many different women as possible, many of us guys are at least. 

Interesting!

Let me ask you this, would such a "good man" who sleeps with other women then be okay with his partner sleeping around as well?

Because, I'm sure women are wired to sleep with as many sexual partners back in the cavemen time when men were doing the same. She would choose who is the best and then have a kid and if someone else was better, a kid with him too. Why is that we speak of men as wired to have multiple sexual partners but not women?  

[Azincourt]

25 minutes ago, datingvirgin said:

Interesting!

Let me ask you this, would such a "good man" who sleeps with other women then be okay with his partner sleeping around as well?

Because, I'm sure women are wired to sleep with as many sexual partners back in the cavemen time when men were doing the same. She would choose who is the best and then have a kid and if someone else was better, a kid with him too. Why is that we speak of men as wired to have multiple sexual partners but not women?  

Yes. She wasn't a virgin when I met her, and it didn't bother me. There have been women I've met at the beach or at the dentist's who I' ve later got together with, and they revealed to me that they were camgirls/escorts/strippers and I was so chill about it, the women didn't even believe I could be so accepting of all of it.

Especially when, the truth is, there's billions of men who wouldn't want to date her because she was sexually active.  That's what I've been saying for a very long time.  Monogamy, sexual fidelity, those are social norms enforced by society  which ultimate goal is to control the sexuality of young, physically attractive women. And to control access to reproduction. That's why men get so mad when they find out the kid they are raising turns out to not be his.

Why? Who cares? What does it matter if the kid has the guy's genes or not? It's not like the dude's a Royal Prince or a millionaire. 

What is religion but the tool men have created to manipulate women into behaving just the way they want women to behave?

I tell the women I date that I understand if they want to sleep with other guys. And women, if they are into that. I don't own them,  and they don't own me.  I only wish we could go back to the time when marriage, ''boyfriend and girlfriend'' and all the expectations and demands and sadness and debt that comes with it, didn't exist, and people would just sleep with whoever and jealusly and envy and mate-guarding and sexual frustration and emotional frustration didn't exist.

I'll date anyone. I don't care about her past.

As long as she's not religious, and as long as she's not looking to have kids/marriage, and as long as she's not a virgin past the age of 20. I don't want to deal with that.

Edited June 22, 2020 by Azincourt

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 6/21/2020 at 12:39 PM, Azincourt said:

I'm pretty sure it takes a lot of effort, hard work, and a mind and body that ain't lazy to become an ENT surgeon.

Then why is he couch surfing?

[CaliforniaGirl]

23 hours ago, Azincourt said:

Depends on whether he believes in serial monogamy. Which is what most modern human beings practice due to socially enforced measures that have been in effect for the last 6 to 8 thousand years up until this point.

Before that, before the rise of civilization in the area that is now known as Iraq, for the 200,000 to 300,000 years we've existed as a species, homo sapiens sapiens, we have not been monogamous. The concept of fatherhood did not exist. It was a pretty sweet time. Sexual jealously, mate guarding, people being forced to only have one sexual partner for the duration of the relationship they were already in did not exist at all.

Women would get pregnant and guys wouldn't beat their chests wondering who is the father, is it me? is it John? Hector?  The community would raise the kid as their own.

A man can be very happy with the woman he's with and still have sex with another woman. Because it's not like I enter a relationship, I'm happy in it and suddenly my sex drive vanishes, or is concentrated only on the woman I'm with. I was fortunate enough to be born and raised in America's 80's.

What does that mean? It means I wasn't born in a Iran or India or China. I'm in a much better position to enjoy my life, unlike most men who've ever been alive on this earth of ours. Never in  the whole of human existence has the average woman looked this guy as she does now in California, Rome, Lisbon, Madrid, Paris, Cape Town and so on, and never in the history of Mankind have women be this free as they are now to experience and enjoy their sexuality, to meet guys, hook-up, have one-night-stands, friends with benefits, and long-term relationships.

All you have to do is shower daily, brush your teeth, shave your face, don't eat fast food, don't eat sugar or sodas, eat healthy and take a 30 minute walk every 3 days around the neigbhood, and there will be thousands of (attractive, young women) from all over the world who will be attracted to you. 

Which is why it would be rather silly of me to be presented with these opportunities that most men outside of Europe, South America, and North America dream of all of their lives about,  just because of some outdated notions created thousands of years ago by old men about what makes a ''good'' man a ''good man''.

Do you pay your taxes? You're a good man.

You're a law-abidding citizen? You're a good man.

Do you love dogs? You're a good man.

Do you sleep with other women while being in a romantic relationship/marriage?

You're a good man. Because you are true to yourself. You treat yourself right. You don't let yourself be blinded and  binded to an outdated religion that still permeates our society and tells men and women to behave a certain way(don't sleep with someone else's wife, don't sleep with other women when you're in a relationship) because it fits their agenda.

And honestly guys, it's much better to be disliked by women WHILE they still sleep with you, because they find you to be hot(hit the gym hard fellas) than it is to be considered a good man and either have sex only a few times per week, or sleeping with the same woman over and over and over again without any variety(other women) for decades until the relationship/marriage ends or until you die of natural causes.

Remember that up until very recently men in the western world expected women to remain as virginal as possible until marriage. Now we get married to strippers, escorts, porn stars and lawyers. So why can't bigamy become a legalized institution?

We've grown past our sexual insecurity. Shame so many women haven't figured out that sleeping with other women doesn't mean we don't love them. We do.  It's just that we're wired to want to have sex with as many different women as possible, many of us guys are at least. 

Re: prehistory: it is incredibly unlikely that there weren't social constructs and everybody was just doing everybody. Any species will have its sexual rules. If you look at primates currently not all get sex regulalrly. That's to say the very least about the subject. Early humans almost certainly had a ton of rules about sex just.like any other creature. And free sex with any female can often be the domain of a select few depend ing on the species. It doesn't have anything to do with knowing who the father is. It's about dominance and heirarchy. When sex IS allowed it can be a tool to keep the peace, or other reasons. Bonobos are off the charts with it and they're always dragged out as proof that early humans were exactly the same way. There's zero proof of that and they are unique among primates.

Social organization is a hallmark of many species, including humans, and the regulation of sex is almost always a part of that - only "victorious" competing males might be "allowed" to have sex, for example. It's as likely as not early human males didn't get sex at all unless they could prove themselves in specific ways or were the head of their own clan. There may easily have been males who were "picked" by females once a year if lucky. Or less than that. Like many other highly socially organized animals.

There was no nirvana when people were all screwing willy-nilly like nymphs.