Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 Is this the same guy from your other thread who was talking about """cuddling""" before you ever met?
Fox Sake Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 15 hours ago, ladybug2021 said: I met this other guy online and we started chatting on WhatsApp, did a video call and he said he was very attracted to me. We met yesterday for a coffee for the first time, and attraction was mutual, but I'm not sure about him. He mentioned to me he is very intense, and he shows that. He texts all the time every day, and wants me to text regularly as well. He said he wants to know me better, is not just something sexual, etc. But then all he talks about is how he feels about me. For example, when we met he said he writes a blog, and he does online courses about this and that. I said to him that's funny because I also have a blog and online courses, and he didn't even ask what do I write about or are my courses about... is the sort of thing that you pick up and it doesn't sound right. After all, if he is interested in knowing me and we have that in common, it would be normal to want to know about that, right? Not continue talking about other things after I mention that to him. Also, yesterday before we met he was texting me after lunch (we met at 6pm), and I told him I was tired and was going to take a nap, and he didn't want me to take a nap, wanted me to stay there texting and talking to him until the time we meet! So didn't really care I was tired, just wanted me to stay there and give him attention... So now he keeps texting me all the time about how he feels about me, the butterflies in the stomach, etc. That he's not in a hurry, he understands I want to take things slow, etc. But I don't know, I find his intensity too much and a possible red flag. It sounds like he is very needy and possibly co-dependant and I can't handle that. I want a partner who I don't have to text all the time, and can focus on my life and other things too. In the past I've had a relationship with someone who was also very intense and needy, things happened too fast and it was a rollercoaster that ended badly. Don't want to go down that road again, I want something calm and peaceful now. What do you think? Perhaps he is like that now only in the beginning and will calm down? Sorry I didn’t finish reading all the replies To your thread yet but I will afterwards so I don’t lose my train of thought. If it’s like this now , imagine what it will be like in a relationship of you can’t text him back immediately one day... He sounds like he’s infatuated with you, sees you as possibly the better of choices he’s had in the past , And probably wears his heart on his sleeve. I’m guilty of the latter too at times but this is a whole other level. If he’s not interested in talking about you and only himself then he is going to need reassurance down the line or his ego constantly boosted. Poor guy actually sounds like everything revolves around himself, you exceed his standards so he’s throwing himself at you and can’t control it, or doesn’t have the will to because he’s already told you that’s how he is and you accepted that. You teach people how to treat you
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 (edited) Thanks guys for your insights. I still talked to him again and he started to make even more sexual innuendos (like I mentioned before), and got to the point of sending me a text he wrote describing a sexual situation that included domination and bondage... I felt that he sent that to me to get a reaction, so I would get excited or what, but it got the opposite effect. I felt disgusted not only at the empty sex situation he described but for sending it to me just like that. He basically wanted me to know how he is and what he expects from me from that text and I am disgusted at the manipulation and lack of manners. He sounds like a narcissistic as***** that sees women as objects to his delight. I have blocked him and I’m out. Edited June 18, 2020 by ladybug2021 2
Fletch Lives Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 23 hours ago, ladybug2021 said: Perhaps he is like that now only in the beginning and will calm down? - Said millions of divorced people. This guy is crazy. Listen to your intuition and get out of there quick!
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 23 minutes ago, Fletch Lives said: - Said millions of divorced people. This guy is crazy. Listen to your intuition and get out of there quick! Just did. I told him what I think he is doing and that it's better to call it off now. His response to me? "Get lost". lol To which I replied: "with pleasure". Blocked and deleted. 1
ChatroomHero Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 I never understood women that date 'intense' guys. Those guys are always abrasive it seems and justify it by saying, "I'm intense' or 'passionate'. They always seem to be very controlling and a powder keg waiting to go off. They'd be in public and snap in an instant over stupid things and I'd see the women just sit there totally embarrassed, then later act like nothing happened. I'm a guy so I don't have to deal with it but I avoid 'intense' guys in social situations. They always seem to want to rile up or offend to get a reaction and then are ready to amplify it. To me it would be a red flag and exhausting. I've always seen intense as an excuse when they know they are over controlling and moody. This guy told you to "get lost" when he could have easily said, ok, no problem, take care. "Get lost" was his anger coming out. If you didn't block him, I'd expect he'd reach out to you down the road like he never said it. I don't have to deal with it but I have always seen those guys with women as a fight waiting to break out over nothing at any moment for any reason. If I am in a group with an 'intense' guy the mood is always dictated by that guy and usually people in the group after a little while are all like, "Geez, I gotta get away from this dude". To me it would be a huge red flag but to many women it seems like they think it's normal. Women always seem more forgiving and I think these type guys get away with it due to women's forgiving nature when they shouldn't.
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, ChatroomHero said: I never understood women that date 'intense' guys. Those guys are always abrasive it seems and justify it by saying, "I'm intense' or 'passionate'. They always seem to be very controlling and a powder keg waiting to go off. They'd be in public and snap in an instant over stupid things and I'd see the women just sit there totally embarrassed, then later act like nothing happened. I'm a guy so I don't have to deal with it but I avoid 'intense' guys in social situations. They always seem to want to rile up or offend to get a reaction and then are ready to amplify it. To me it would be a red flag and exhausting. I've always seen intense as an excuse when they know they are over controlling and moody. This guy told you to "get lost" when he could have easily said, ok, no problem, take care. "Get lost" was his anger coming out. If you didn't block him, I'd expect he'd reach out to you down the road like he never said it. I don't have to deal with it but I have always seen those guys with women as a fight waiting to break out over nothing at any moment for any reason. If I am in a group with an 'intense' guy the mood is always dictated by that guy and usually people in the group after a little while are all like, "Geez, I gotta get away from this dude". To me it would be a huge red flag but to many women it seems like they think it's normal. Women always seem more forgiving and I think these type guys get away with it due to women's forgiving nature when they shouldn't. No I do not think it is normal or like it or want it in my life, especially now. My life is full of good vibes and peace around me. I would never want an "intense" idiot to come and disturb it in any way. I worked hard to have the life I have and treasure it. Yes he was controlling. Even before I told him goodbye, he asked me what am I going to do now, and I said I have work to do. He responded saying he is going for a run in half an hour and in the meantime he'll stay with me texting... I asked him which part of am I going to work he didn't hear... so, yes controlling and abusive. It's all about him. I want a guy who basically is in the same energy as me: calm, peaceful, good vibes, mentally healthy and a good person. This guy clearly isn't that person. I blocked and deleted him already. Gone. Edited June 18, 2020 by ladybug2021
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 I'm just wondering why it took you so long to block him. He seems to have gone WAY past the point of anything resembling acceptable conversation before you did.
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 38 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: I'm just wondering why it took you so long to block him. He seems to have gone WAY past the point of anything resembling acceptable conversation before you did. To be honest I don't know. I guess there were some nice conversations in the middle that's it.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 18, 2020 Posted June 18, 2020 Well, just be careful. It never hurts to slow down and take your time getting to know someone. I haven't been great at this myself in the past, which is why I'm warning you. Learn from my mistakes 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 18, 2020 Author Posted June 18, 2020 17 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Well, just be careful. It never hurts to slow down and take your time getting to know someone. I haven't been great at this myself in the past, which is why I'm warning you. Learn from my mistakes But that’s exactly what I was doing, I was taking it slow and get to know him. We only had one date for like 1h coffee, nothing else. And when I got to know a side of him that I didn’t like, block and delete. 1
Hollywood-Tourist Posted June 23, 2020 Posted June 23, 2020 On 6/17/2020 at 10:38 PM, Calmandfocused said: Op This is Lovebombing- A behavioural pattern I know very well. Whilst it may feel good and amazing, it’s generally bad news. Be very careful! All love bombers ive had dealings with turned out to be narcissistic abusers. One could argue that lovebombing is the most dangerous part of the cycle. It’s gets the victim addicted, hooked and primed, ripe and ready to tolerate the next part of the cycle - abuse. You’ve definitely got my alarm bells ringing for sure. A couple of other points: “I like what you like” is called “mirroring”. The fact he prattles on until the cows come home is a strong indicator that he doesn’t give a rats behind what you do and don’t like at all. It’s all about him. Control is also coming into play here - “please do what I want you to do” Pass on this one op... and fast! Exactly what Calm has said is what I would say to the OP too. It might seem like he is in love with you and doing nice things for you, but really love-bombing is a manipulative way of keeping you hooked and on your toes in the relationship before he will ultimately try and control you in a way to his advantage.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 24, 2020 Posted June 24, 2020 On 6/17/2020 at 2:30 AM, ladybug2021 said: I met this other guy online and we started chatting on WhatsApp, did a video call and he said he was very attracted to me. We met yesterday for a coffee for the first time, and attraction was mutual, but I'm not sure about him. He mentioned to me he is very intense, and he shows that. He texts all the time every day, and wants me to text regularly as well. He said he wants to know me better, is not just something sexual, etc. But then all he talks about is how he feels about me. For example, when we met he said he writes a blog, and he does online courses about this and that. I said to him that's funny because I also have a blog and online courses, and he didn't even ask what do I write about or are my courses about... is the sort of thing that you pick up and it doesn't sound right. After all, if he is interested in knowing me and we have that in common, it would be normal to want to know about that, right? Not continue talking about other things after I mention that to him. Also, yesterday before we met he was texting me after lunch (we met at 6pm), and I told him I was tired and was going to take a nap, and he didn't want me to take a nap, wanted me to stay there texting and talking to him until the time we meet! So didn't really care I was tired, just wanted me to stay there and give him attention... So now he keeps texting me all the time about how he feels about me, the butterflies in the stomach, etc. That he's not in a hurry, he understands I want to take things slow, etc. But I don't know, I find his intensity too much and a possible red flag. It sounds like he is very needy and possibly co-dependant and I can't handle that. I want a partner who I don't have to text all the time, and can focus on my life and other things too. In the past I've had a relationship with someone who was also very intense and needy, things happened too fast and it was a rollercoaster that ended badly. Don't want to go down that road again, I want something calm and peaceful now. What do you think? Perhaps he is like that now only in the beginning and will calm down? I do think he's moving too fast with the love bombing and demands for your attention. I don't know if continuing this sounds like a good idea. I wouldn't have said intense based on your description. More like overbearing and kind of obsessive.
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