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Is he missing my hints? or does he expect me to chase?


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  • Author
Posted (edited)
3 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I don't think he is that interested, everything apart from that kiss attempt has been initiated by you.
How many "sexual advances" has he actually made?

We've only been on 1 date, so that was the only time he could (and did).

1 hour ago, Aus said:

you are already over-invested in this clearly under-investing man and trying to keep him in your life by any means

Is it really a downgrade when he never met the original requirements to begin with? This isn't about him, it's about me. This is about making the best of a situation, and honey, if you haven't had sex in 4 years, trust me girl, this downgrade is VERY welcome :D

10 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said:

OK... everyone says he's not interested... But... How old is he?   If we are talking about a mid 20's guy... he may just be clueless, and inexperienced.

But,  if you have already lost interest... then it's irrelevant.   

He is 35. I stopped initiating conversation and now he keeps messaging me, asking questions, keeping the conversation going. I'm just going with the flow at this point. No expectations.

Edited by Hopeful30
  • Like 1
Posted

So now he is making an effort , last stitch try to get you in the sack l'd say.

  • Author
Posted
5 minutes ago, chillii said:

So now he is making an effort , last stitch try to get you in the sack l'd say.

Sending a message is an effort? Lol that's cute. 

  • Like 1
Posted
1 hour ago, Hopeful30 said:

 I stopped initiating ,,,,now he keeps messaging me, asking questions, keeping the conversation going.

!!!!

  • Author
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, chillii said:

!!!!

What I meant was it's not difficult to lift your thumbs and touch a phone screen to type a few words. This, to me, is not effort. It's basic standard.

Edited by Hopeful30
Posted

Never underestimate how bad we are at missing hints 😂. Chances are, that's what it is - or he's picking up the hints but doesn't trust the hints enough to commit and take the risk. 

  • Like 3
Posted
On 6/17/2020 at 2:54 PM, ThaWholigan said:

Never underestimate how bad we are at missing hints 😂. Chances are, that's what it is - or he's picking up the hints but doesn't trust the hints enough to commit and take the risk. 

THIS!

STOP HINTING!  Just say what's on your mind.  If you want him to take you somewhere, say so.  Actually recommend a date to there.

Hints don't work, on anyone.

  • Like 1
Posted

Incompatible. You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. This guy is lame-O. You want a guy to take the lead because that says you have value to him, and he has confidence. Him just sitting there waiting for things to happen...boooring!

  • Like 2
  • Author
Posted
4 hours ago, rockstarva said:

THIS!

STOP HINTING!  Just say what's on your mind.  If you want him to take you somewhere, say so.  Actually recommend a date to there.

Hints don't work, on anyone.

I agree that being straightforward is helpful, but I also agree with the below...

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

You want a guy to take the lead because that says you have value to him

In my opinion, regardless if there are hints, a man who does not take initiative demonstrates to me that he does not have enough interest in me to do something about it. Even dumba$$ men who are clueless still go after what they want when they really want it...

 

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

Doesn’t sound interested enough or he would be initiating dates. 

Edited by Cookiesandough
  • Like 1
Posted

Why would he need to initiate anything when you already did it for him?

Stop initiating dates. That's a man's job.

  • Like 1
Posted (edited)
On 6/16/2020 at 8:20 PM, Hopeful30 said:

Long story short: met a guy online, went on a good date, regularly in contact since.

I initiated the date because I suggested we spend time outdoors. He agreed. I suggested a nice hiking area, he agreed. I recommended Skyping, he agreed. Even I liked his profile first, and he agreed (matched).

Now I'm making plenty of hints that i have never been here or there, and it would be nice to go here or there, and he agrees (yeah it's nice you will like it!). I jokingly messaged him and said "can you guess where I'm going with this?" He laughed it off, AND AGREED. Now that I think about it, he never initiates anything except sexual advances (went for a kiss on our first  and only date). 

I am confused if he expects me to chase him...or if he genuinely doesn't get the hints. OR, if he doesn't care and just wants sex (since he has no problems initiating there).

Either way, it's making me lose interest.

I would say its probably the last option. In which case you're better off anyway. I.e he wants to get laid but nothing further 

Edited by Roswell91
Posted
On 6/19/2020 at 1:34 AM, Hopeful30 said:

I agree that being straightforward is helpful, but I also agree with the below...

In my opinion, regardless if there are hints, a man who does not take initiative demonstrates to me that he does not have enough interest in me to do something about it. Even dumba$$ men who are clueless still go after what they want when they really want it...

 

Especially at the beginning stages, if the guy had an ample level of interest he would be initiating.

But lets say for arguments sake he is lazy or shy..at the very least with you initiating dates he would show some level of enthusiasm. But that isn't  there either. 

 

Posted
5 minutes ago, Roswell91 said:

I would say its probably the last option. In which case you're better off anyway. I.e he wants to get laid but nothing further

You may be right but his only "crime" is trying to kiss the OP on the first date.
She gave him the cheek and he didn't try again.

  • Like 1
Posted
8 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You may be right but his only "crime" is trying to kiss the OP on the first date.
She gave him the cheek and he didn't try again.

True. 

i think her planning dates should show him that she is still interested in him. But hes not really caring either way

  • Author
Posted (edited)
On 6/21/2020 at 2:59 AM, manfrombelow said:

Why would he need to initiate anything when you already did it for him?

Stop initiating dates. That's a man's job.

If men did what they are supposed to do, there would be plenty that I wouldn't be doing myself lol I would be married with children by now

Edited by Hopeful30
Posted

Getting the cheek would Definitley turn me off as a guy, and I’d assume the girl wasn’t interested. You didn’t have to make out or go further, but you could have at least kissed him. I hope you gave him a reason for the no kiss. 
 

I think he’s probably lost a lot of interest due to that, but he’s still wants to keep you there as a potential option why he finds something else. I certainly wouldn’t initiate again if I got the cheek on the first date, you could have did a quick kiss on the lips and said, “not on the first date” or something. 

Posted (edited)
On 6/24/2020 at 5:18 AM, Hopeful30 said:

If men did what they are supposed to do, there would be plenty that I wouldn't be doing myself lol I would be married with children by now

So it's the fault of men that you're unmarried?   

Edited by basil67
Posted
On 6/18/2020 at 7:08 PM, smackie9 said:

Incompatible. You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. This guy is lame-O. You want a guy to take the lead because that says you have value to him,

I bet it's hard to find a guy who demonstrates unbridled initiative with respect to arranging dates and pursuing with abandon... yet isn't interested in sex, will not try to kiss, and/or remains undaunted after a hard rejection. But yea, she should definitely expect that, since that's what she wants and therefore deserves, and anything less would not be befitting. Yes, incompatible. 

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