We have a date set - I haven't heard back from her for a few days

[compcloud]

A couple weeks ago I met a girl on Tinder and we hit it off pretty fast. After chatting for a few days and finding we had a lot in common, I suggested we meet up for a hike- she agreed that we would probably get along well together. I gave her my number to make plans and she texted me about a day later. 

Since then, we had been sending each other a couple texts per day, and on Saturday we agreed to meet up next Saturday. We never planned an exact time to get together, so after she told me that Saturday worked, I said "for Saturday, are you down for a picnic?" (this was because we hadn't brought up the idea of a hike for about a week and I just wanted to make sure we would be on the same page about what we were doing). She never replied for about 2 whole days after I sent that, so after waiting for a while I sent her a gif saying "Hello" from her favorite movie yesterday as a light-hearted way to check in. Still nothing. 

What am I supposed to do now? Do I assume the date is off? It feels awful to think about sending another follow up the day of the date since I've already gotten no response two times. I'm really confused.  I've been ghosted before, but there was no "fizzle out" in our conversations and she frequently would keep our conversations engaging.

[Amanda141]

Either something bad really happened to her, or she ghosted... Maybe she was texting with other guys and you weren't his priority.

If I were you I wouldn't text her again. Probably the date is off: if she really wanted to meet you, she would have replied

[compcloud]

4 minutes ago, amanda141 said:

Either something bad really happened to her, or she ghosted... Maybe she was texting with other guys and you weren't his priority.

If I were you I wouldn't text her again. Probably the date is off: if she really wanted to meet you, she would have replied

Yeah. It just sucks. I don't see why sending a confirmation the day of would do any harm though, unless for whatever reason that would destroy any future chances I could have with her. If she ghosted, I won't get a reply anyways. 

[Mystery4u]

Texting as in SMS where you don't know whether she has even received/read your messages (please say no), or texting on an app such as WhatsApp where she has clearly received/read your messages and has chosen not to reply?

[Amanda141]

I think she was really rude and mean not to reply. Even if she had changed her mind, she should have told you, in order to be correct and honest. 

If you really want to text her, wait until Thursday/Friday. In your message, however, you should clearly write that disappearing without a reason is utterly bad-mannered and disrespectful. She is not a queen, she should treat you with respect, not like a crawling earthworm ! 

Good luck with her, but if she still won't reply I am sure you can find someone better  

[smackie9]

Hell with that....no reply, say bubbb bye!

Edited June 16, 2020 by smackie9

[compcloud]

15 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

Texting as in SMS where you don't know whether she has even received/read your messages (please say no), or texting on an app such as WhatsApp where she has clearly received/read your messages and has chosen not to reply?

I have my read receipts off, so I wouldn't know regardless. I've been incredibly relaxed about it over text though and the follow-up was innocent and funny. Imo it would be really shallow to make a decision on going on a date based on me sending a non-confrontational follow up text to make sure we are on two days after getting no reply...

Edited June 16, 2020 by compcloud
submit before finishing my thoughts

[rainbow12]

I'm sorry, that this has happened to you, but she is fickle, at least you haven't known her that long, that would of been worse. It's her loss that she never tried to find out the person you are in real life. 

[poppyfields]

I echo what amanda just posted ^ and you might want to ask yourself why you'd want to chase a girl (and texting multiple times after receiving no response is chasing) or even be interested in a girl as rude and dismissive as she is. 

This is your first meet, correct?

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but she's rude and a flake and if you continue to chase her, prepare yourself to be jerked around, flaked on and maybe even led on.  You've been warned. 

Think better of yourself than tolerating that BS, or even encouraging it by continuing to text, call -  chase.

Women who are interested don't play this game, trust me on that.  They reply to texts in timely manner and often initiate themselves. 

Unless she responds back within the next two days confirming your plans, I wouid not text her again and move on from it.

Apologies if that sounded harsh, but I really hate seeing men jerked around like this...

Just rude and would say the same thing to women if roles were reversed which they often are!  Sadly. 

Edited June 16, 2020 by poppyfields

[compcloud]

13 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I echo what amanda just posted ^ and you might want to ask yourself why you'd want to chase a girl (and texting multiple times after receiving no response is chasing) or even be interested in a girl as rude and dismissive as she is. 

This is your first meet, correct?

I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but she's rude and a flake and if you continue to chase her, prepare yourself to be jerked around, flaked on and maybe even led on.  You've been warned. 

Think better of yourself than tolerating that BS, or even encouraging it by continuing to text, call -  chase.

Women who are interested don't play this game, trust me on that.  They reply to texts in timely manner and often initiate themselves. 

Unless she responds back within the next two days confirming your plans, I wouid not text her again and move on from it.

Apologies if that sounded harsh, but I really hate seeing men jerked around like this...

Just rude and would say the same thing to women if roles were reversed which they often are!  Sadly. 

Don't worry about it! reality checks are important. most of my good friends have told me similar things when I talked to them about it last night.

The thing is, I'm from a town where chances like this are pretty rare and it honestly felt like finding a needle in a haystack when we hit it off so well. Everything was pointing towards her being interested: she actually texted me back after leaving her my number, she never replied dryly and always asked me questions about myself, she also double texted ME a couple times after I had gone a day without replying. Basically my friends and i were all pretty certain the date would happen. 

So yeah, I was really hoping it could work out, its a shame. At this point i guess ill just try to get it out of my mind.. if she ever chooses to spark a conversation again, - well , i'll be sure to figure out what happened.

Edited June 16, 2020 by compcloud

[compcloud]

34 minutes ago, amanda141 said:

I think she was really rude and mean not to reply. Even if she had changed her mind, she should have told you, in order to be correct and honest. 

If you really want to text her, wait until Thursday/Friday. In your message, however, you should clearly write that disappearing without a reason is utterly bad-mannered and disrespectful. She is not a queen, she should treat you with respect, not like a crawling earthworm ! 

Good luck with her, but if she still won't reply I am sure you can find someone better  

Sounds like a good idea. I'll see how I feel by then, and in the end I might just not text her back because i really dont have the energy to play games like this or "chase" her. 

[Ellener]

I think this might be exactly what happens when people are talking to multiple people online, I had a couple of nice conversations with a man which petered out, and I looked to see if he was still on the match website and he was online then.

It's just poor manners and poor communication skills to make plans then flake out but you don't really need to be around someone like that, well that's what I tell me anyway, I know it's disappointing. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Erik30]

This is what I hate about Tinder, a lot of people on it are flaky. My guess is she met someone else, or she just changed her mind about the date and hasn't got the "balls" to tell you. She probably would've unmatched you without warning if you didn't have her number already 

[compcloud]

19 minutes ago, Erik30 said:

This is what I hate about Tinder, a lot of people on it are flaky. My guess is she met someone else, or she just changed her mind about the date and hasn't got the "balls" to tell you. She probably would've unmatched you without warning if you didn't have her number already 

I checked tinder and we are still matched there, she also hasnt updated her profile in a while.. its weird. 

[Erik30]

2 minutes ago, compcloud said:

I checked tinder and we are still matched there, she also hasnt updated her profile in a while.. its weird. 

I see, well that's always a popular move unfortunately...  I would just "wait," if you don't hear from her before Saturday it's probably done and you should move on. And she has to have a good excuse if she does start texting you again 

[rjc149]

She was talking to another guy(s) or decided she wasn't all that interested in meeting you. There could be other reasons. 

Best not to set 1st dates as hikes, picnics, dinner at high-end restaurants, or anything that requires being alone with you for much of the day or evening without an easy exit. Plan a 1st date that is very laid-back, low-key, and low-commitment, and in a public venue. Like, a bar (preferred) or coffee or ice cream if you don't drink. Women can get cold feet about going on high-production or high-intensity 1st dates. Hiking especially -- proposing she go deep into the woods, alone with a man she doesn't know. Think about that. 

Even if she's not 100% interested, if the date sounds fun and easy, and gives her an exit if she doesn't like you, she'll be much more likely to agree to it and show up. 

No, do not text her. If she's interested, she'll follow up with you. More follow-up and confirmation texts are needy and low-value. Move on. And you have no reason to be butthurt, she's a stranger. You've never met. You have no idea what's going on -- met someone else, ex came back, she left the country on vacation, etc. This is how online dating works. Hate the game, not the player. 

 

 

[salparadise]

2 minutes ago, compcloud said:

I checked tinder and we are still matched there, she also hasnt updated her profile in a while.. its weird. 

Unmatch her now. This way you get the last word, show her that you have self-respect and that she isn't all that and a bag of chips. Yea, I know you're probably still hopeful, but what she did is unacceptable and you'd be a doormat to take this and then act like you're grateful that she finally bestowed you with another breadcrumb.

[Erik30]

8 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Unmatch her now. This way you get the last word, show her that you have self-respect and that she isn't all that and a bag of chips.

This is actually a good idea. If she's still interested, she'll notice that you unmatched her and be all worried that you might be gone because of her silence. If she doesn't care you'll never hear from her again.

And yeah, it's a bit petty but I always hate it when a girl beats me to unmatching when I put in some effort

Edited June 16, 2020 by Erik30

[rjc149]

I just think that emotionally reacting to her and taking measures to 'show her' and 'put her in her place' is kind of weak behavior. 

Just be indifferent. She didn't get back to you? Hmm. Shrug your shoulders. Whatever, no biggie. Back to the drawing board. Next. 

The less you care, the more they chase. 

[compcloud]

8 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

She was talking to another guy(s) or decided she wasn't all that interested in meeting you. There could be other reasons. 

Best not to set 1st dates as hikes, picnics, dinner at high-end restaurants, or anything that requires being alone with you for much of the day or evening without an easy exit. Plan a 1st date that is very laid-back, low-key, and low-commitment, and in a public venue. Like, a bar (preferred) or coffee or ice cream if you don't drink. Women can get cold feet about going on high-production or high-intensity 1st dates. Hiking especially -- proposing she go deep into the woods, alone with a man she doesn't know. Think about that. 

Even if she's not 100% interested, if the date sounds fun and easy, and gives her an exit if she doesn't like you, she'll be much more likely to agree to it and show up. 

No, do not text her. If she's interested, she'll follow up with you. More follow-up and confirmation texts are needy and low-value. Move on. And you have no reason to be butthurt, she's a stranger. You've never met. You have no idea what's going on -- met someone else, ex came back, she left the country on vacation, etc. This is how online dating works. Hate the game, not the player. 

 

 

I should make it clear that it's really not much of a hike. The only reason I suggested it is because I told her I lived near the hill (where tons of people "hike" every day) and she reiterated like three times how much she likes it. I just took it as an opening to ask her out. It's basically a treeless hill that gets kinda steep, takes no longer than 35 minutes to get up, and there's a cool view of the city from the top. 

And yeah, you make great points. I feel pretty bad about being so focused on this particular girl, I'm naturally pretty laid back about these kinds of things, but I'm also relatively new to online dating and this kind of stuff bothers me - obviously its just the nature of the game though. 

[compcloud]

Just now, rjc149 said:

I just think that emotionally reacting to her and taking measures to 'show her' and 'put her in her place' is kind of weak behavior. 

Just be indifferent. She didn't get back to you? Hmm. Shrug your shoulders. Whatever, no biggie. Back to the drawing board. Next. 

The less you care, the more they chase. 

Yeah, I was never originally planning on doing anything like that because in the end, as strangers, we don't owe each other anything really. I think letting it go is the best option, and if she decides to write me by Saturday, I'll go with it if I haven't made other plans by then 

[rjc149]

2 minutes ago, compcloud said:

I should make it clear that it's really not much of a hike. The only reason I suggested it is because I told her I lived near the hill (where tons of people "hike" every day) and she reiterated like three times how much she likes it. I just took it as an opening to ask her out. It's basically a treeless hill that gets kinda steep, takes no longer than 35 minutes to get up, and there's a cool view of the city from the top. 

And yeah, you make great points. I feel pretty bad about being so focused on this particular girl, I'm naturally pretty laid back about these kinds of things, but I'm also relatively new to online dating and this kind of stuff bothers me - obviously its just the nature of the game though. 

Generally speaking, 1st dates will have higher success rates if they take place in a venue where alcohol is served. It's easier to flirt, get her to open up, get her laughing, and escalate sexual tension into physical touch.  

[compcloud]

13 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Unmatch her now. This way you get the last word, show her that you have self-respect and that she isn't all that and a bag of chips. Yea, I know you're probably still hopeful, but what she did is unacceptable and you'd be a doormat to take this and then act like you're grateful that she finally bestowed you with another breadcrumb.

Yeah, that's actually a great idea. She has my number if she wants to get involved in my life again, but unmatching her there could be seen as some kind of statement from her end: that I don't have the energy to deal with texting games or whatever. Thanks. Gotta maintain my dignity lol

[rjc149]

7 minutes ago, compcloud said:

if she decides to write me by Saturday, I'll go with it if I haven't made other plans by then 

If she hits you up last minute, and you're free, have her meet you at a bar next to your apartment, or something that require the bare minimum time and effort investment from you. I would scrap the hike idea. My advice. Take her on hikes when she's your girlfriend. Personally, I recommend telling her you're busy, but that you'd like to see her, and reschedule a definite date in the coming week. Don't eagerly jump up and run out to meet her at a moment's notice. 

Edited June 16, 2020 by rjc149

[CaliforniaGirl]

You’ve texted her so many times. I’d just forget about her.