rippedguy Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 (edited) Hi, hope some of you can give me your thoughts and advise on the situation that I just had/have recently with a girl at my work place. So I've been known this girl for a 6 months. At the begging when I first saw her she catched my eyes but nothing more than that. We just had a few words here and there and that is all about it. I wasn't thinking of her or considering her. But in the last month we started to interact more often. Saying Hi to each other, smiling(and damn she has a smile-i guess this is what makes me like her), saying few stuff when we met/ few teases in a sense. So I started to hang around her a little more, speaking , building some narrative and getting more comfortable. Kinda "creating" some interactions and see how she would react. So it felt to me that she is not like super into me,seeking my time and approval but so far I was getting only positive reactions. Based on other girls reactions on me I can say that her reactions ware unusual. Meaning that with other girls I just have a few conversation and that's about it. No looks, no smiles, not playful comments. In that in mind I texted her :"If she had some plans for the weekend. She asked why and said am working. Obviously I ask her to go out and she started to make excuses that he was tired after work. I wanted to show her that it's just about something casual saying that I need to socialize and interact with people and being outside in nature is something awesome. Her reaction was I don't need that, sorry." I ended the chat with "liar liar pants on fire" knowing that this was a false excuse. First two days at work ware awkward she avoided me, did't say Hi and barely looked me in the eyes. I approached her and asked her if everything is alright, is she offended. She put a smile and assured me that everything is ok. The next day she acted more relax. I would appreciated any thoughts and advise. What I did wrong , how to go from here and how can I do better potentially next time . Edited June 15, 2020 by rippedguy
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 Oh dear. I'm sorry that you got hurt by this but there is so much you did wrong. # 1. Do not date people form work. Just don't. It makes everything awkward. This girl was being nice to somebody (you ) she has to spend the work day with. That friendly politeness is not the same thing as genuine romantic interest. 2. Avoid asking people out over text. In person is best. Voice is OK but text is bad. 3. If you ask what they are doing & they reply with a question, especially "why?" they are telegraphing that they already know you want to get together & hoping that you don't ask so they don't have to hurt your feelings. 4. when they give a lame excuse like "I'm tired' even though you know they are lying, let it go. It's the best thing they can come up with to avoid hurting your feelings. 5. Never call somebody out on an obvious lie included in the reason they are turning you down. When you react as you did by calling her a liar you came across like a grade school boy who doesn't understand the bounds of social convention. You made all her self protective antennas go up because she became afraid that you would make work awkward. Going forward leave her alone at work. Do not message or call her any more. Smile politely when you see her. Nod in acknowledgement but unless it is directly work related don't even talk to her. Act like it never happened & carry on as if she's basically a stranger. 1
Author rippedguy Posted June 16, 2020 Author Posted June 16, 2020 25 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Oh dear. I'm sorry that you got hurt by this but there is so much you did wrong. # 1. Do not date people form work. Just don't. It makes everything awkward. This girl was being nice to somebody (you ) she has to spend the work day with. That friendly politeness is not the same thing as genuine romantic interest. 2. Avoid asking people out over text. In person is best. Voice is OK but text is bad. 3. If you ask what they are doing & they reply with a question, especially "why?" they are telegraphing that they already know you want to get together & hoping that you don't ask so they don't have to hurt your feelings. 4. when they give a lame excuse like "I'm tired' even though you know they are lying, let it go. It's the best thing they can come up with to avoid hurting your feelings. 5. Never call somebody out on an obvious lie included in the reason they are turning you down. When you react as you did by calling her a liar you came across like a grade school boy who doesn't understand the bounds of social convention. You made all her self protective antennas go up because she became afraid that you would make work awkward. Going forward leave her alone at work. Do not message or call her any more. Smile politely when you see her. Nod in acknowledgement but unless it is directly work related don't even talk to her. Act like it never happened & carry on as if she's basically a stranger. Thanks for your input.
datingvirgin Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 Completely agree with @d0nnivain If someone says they are tired to hang out, that is literally means no interest! Think about it, if she was really tired but was interested she would have suggested another time/day. She is not that into you, move on please and DO NOT text her again. Just continue being nice only if you think you can control the flirting. If you think this is not possible for you, because we are human and sometimes we do weird stuff, don't even try to be nice just be straight and to the point. No body at work gets fired over not talking to a colleague so just ignore she ever existed. Move cubicles or move teams if that's possible.
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