Ruby Slippers Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 I've never experienced anything like that. I agree he was probably very anxious and was feeling more pressure than he could handle for some reason. I've never had a really bad experience from a dating site. The worst is we met for lunch and the guy had used old photos when he was in much better shape, lied significantly about his height. I couldn't manage to wiggle out of the lunch, so just had to get through it and then get out of there.
datingvirgin Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 Never had that happen to me as well. But I'm that shy/awkward type and sometimes I do panic. I do fantasize about leaving the place before I even get there. But once I meet someone I'm good and finish the date regardless. First dates are hard as f*** so I'm sure its all him and nothing about you. I know we women tend to think if what we did causes that but seriously though anyone that would flee like that isn't decent enough to date normally. Did he apologize later on a text? If not, move on lot of respectful nerds out there. Believe me because I have met them and they arent like this.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) Could he have had a panic attack? I used to get them and I don't care, I'd literally have to run. Edited June 16, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1 1
healing light Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 I think he misinterpreted the nervous laughter as laughing at him, and then you not wanting food as disinterest, and bailed in all of his social awkwardness. I wouldn't take it personally. I feel like the vast majority of people would at least put in 30min to an hour to be polite even if the chemistry was lacking. 2
Lotsgoingon Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 Serious case of social anxiety ... nothing to to with you ... he was so afraid he didn't feel comfortable to have a plan about what to do ... probably was disconnected from what to do ... Sounds like this date was pretty unstructured ... walking around, etc ... Well for certain people with serious social anxiety, anything unstructured like that ... is going to create maximum anxiety ... because they're not good at speaking in the moment. Nothing at all to do with you. Here's the challenge: interpret what happened with confidence. Guy was nervous and awkward ... cut out. It's him. Don't waste one second of time thinking this was something to do with you. It's easy to be forward online ... that's a formula ... and not in person ... 1
major_merrick Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 In your case, probably he's got social anxiety as others have said. But in terms of the general population, I'd say the most common reason for guys to bail is when the girl turns out to be "bigger than indicated by her pictures."
Miss Spider Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, simpycurious said: I think most things are NOW covid related even if they truly aren't.........it's a darn good excuse. Most guys have enough decency to NOT bail even if they are not into someone they at least "ride out" the date. I have never heard of a dude that would pass on a date or even straight swapping body fluids with a girl that he wanted to go on a date with on because of Covid, but I suppose anything is possible.... this is definitely a case of anxiety though. People who don’t have anxiety don’t do stuff like this typically Edited June 16, 2020 by Cookiesandough 4
simpycurious Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 ^^^Agreed..........I was being tongue-in-cheek with the Covid reference but anxiety does seem to be culprit here. I couldn't see myself getting SO ANXIOUS that I would bail in the middle of a date but again that's just me. I am like the above poster in that I would not want to hurt someone's feelings like that. Suck it up and get through it..........
Ellener Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 7 hours ago, Bluesky00 said: I had some nervous laughter, after that he ask me , “what?” I said nothing. From that point, he seemed nervous, he asked if I was hungry I told him no and hoped he would take the lead, he asked what I wanted to do, I said we can talk/hang out. I figured he would want to play the life size checkers game or sit somewhere privately and have a drink. Not sure what was wrong with him, but he said, “sorry, I’m leaving.” I’m like wth? You laughed at him and he was anxious. That's all. Whatever the analysis you can't change him or what happened, but putting people at ease is a good life skill. More these days than ever.
ShyViolet Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 It's impossible to say exactly what it was. Maybe you did something that he really didn't like.... or maybe he just wasn't into you once he met you in person.... or maybe it had nothing at all to do with you and it was his issue. Maybe it was due to his social anxiety, maybe he was having a panic attack, maybe he wasn't feeling well.
mark clemson Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 "What would make a guy bail during a first meeting?" Any number of things, a significant portion of which might have little or nothing to do with you. Agreeing with those who say to Next this guy and move on. Keep things simple.
smackie9 Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 This guy has horrible anxiety...he thought he is failing real bad with the date and the only way to cope is to run from the situation. You dodged a bullet.... this guy is a wing nut.
chillii Posted June 17, 2020 Posted June 17, 2020 (edited) On 6/16/2020 at 9:49 AM, poppyfields said: I'm wondering, could it not be the opposite? That he really really liked her, felt intimidated, started anxiously overthinking, racing thoughts, began to panic and that's why he bolted? I've heard of that happening too. Men (and women) who fear relationships and commitment will sometimes do this. It's anxiety.. Haaa yeah l thought of that possibility , but then l'd have to ask op if she was really really hot , and l didn't wanna do that haha. But if she is then yeah it could've easily have been. Edited June 17, 2020 by chillii
Phallacy Posted July 6, 2020 Posted July 6, 2020 I can’t for sure say why this guy left. I can tell you a few times I have left. Rudeness. Talking to someone else and not me. Insulting me. I typically go to the bathroom and don’t return.
salparadise Posted July 6, 2020 Posted July 6, 2020 I had a similar situation once. I met a woman on a dating site and asked to meet up. She declined and went on about being new and nervous, yada, yada. So I let it go. Then a few days later she messaged me and wanted to meet. I drove almost an hour to a restaurant she suggested near where she lived. We sat outdoors on a patio in the back. She was awkward and whiney, but what I also figured out was that she was a gold-digger, and not the least bit subtle. As we were sipping beers she asked a series of questions aimed at estimating my financial situation, which I mostly sidestepped. She also said things that made it clear that she wanted to quit working (bad job), and wasn't interested in updating skills. So after 10-15 minutes of chit-chat I asked if she was ready to order... and she said, "would you mind if I just bailed now?" I looked at her with a WTF expression. She whined, "I'm just not comfortable." So I said, "you invited me here, and I drove the better part of an hour to meet, and you can't even be gracious enough to have a salad and sit and talk for a bit?" She said, "you aren't going to be mad are you? I'll pay for your beer." So I stood up and said, "that's the least you could do." And as I was walking toward the front I noticed a gate on the side of the patio. It had a sign that said "EMERGENCY EXIT ONLY - ALARM WILL SOUND." I thought, this is perfect! So I walked through that gate and sure enough a loud, obnoxious alarm went off. My car was right there, so I got in and drove away with that alarm still blaring, and her sitting there alone waiting to pay for the beer, with everyone in the place looking at her. I bet she thinks twice before she pulls that number on the next guy.
Phallacy Posted July 6, 2020 Posted July 6, 2020 (edited) SAL, I learned the hard way to meet half way, UNLESS there’s a 1% chance of sex. So...if she lives alone, I might make the drive. If she does not live alone, that’s a 0% chance of sex, so no driving 1 hour for sure. I’m finding that to be the biggest puzzle to my dating strategy. How do I determine their living arrangements before we meet? Subtly? So yeah, until I figure that out, I’m meeting half way Edited July 6, 2020 by Phallacy Typo
lurker74 Posted July 6, 2020 Posted July 6, 2020 Like others said, it was probably social anxiety. But hey...look on the bright side. Maybe he just had diarrhea! I think the earliest I bailed was five minutes. It was clear we weren't vibing and she was pretty much hostile about it, like it was a personality flaw. I love first dates but I wasn't going to sit there listening to her complain about me so about 4 minutes in, I quietly handed the bartender my card while she was saying how rude I was to suggest that she like pumpkin spiced lattes and when the bill came back, I signed it, turned to her, and wished her a good night. She was surprised. "You're leaving?" "Yes," I said. "I just remembered I have an episode of Game of Thrones to watch." Having said that, I don't think that's what happened to you. Just an awkward guy.
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