Horses634 Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 I was seeing a boy for a few months at university but ever since lockdown began we have not been in contact with each other. I really liked him and he’s the first guy I have developed actual feelings for since my last boyfriend. I’m talking to new guys now but I still think about him everyday and I just can’t help but think if we could have become something if this pandemic didn’t get in the way. I’m really not sure if he just saw me as casual fling or if he started to get feelings for me as well. All I know is he was talking about hanging out after the Easter holidays but of course that did not happen because of the lockdown. I would usually be able just to move on but I’m finding it really difficult because we never talked about being something more or feelings of any sort even though I really liked him. I just think we had a good connection and we could just spend hours just talking. And it’s not like he stopped seeing me because he didn’t like me anymore but because we were literally separated. So do you think it would be worth to send him a text? I haven’t messaged him since I have been at uni but then again he has not messaged me either. I’m thinking if he really did like me he would have sent me a message by now? That’s what is really holding me back from texting him because I don’t know want to make myself look stupid if he really did not see me as anything more than just fun. I honestly feel so scared to send him a message especially because it has been so long since we last talked. so what do you guys think? Am I just crazy for not being able to move on? He still looks at vme every single story and sometimes quickly as well.
stillafool Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 You've written about this guy several times and we encouraged you to go ahead and text him back in April. Why haven't you done it already? 4
Stevnx3 Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 8 minutes ago, stillafool said: You've written about this guy several times and we encouraged you to go ahead and text him back in April. Why haven't you done it already? Be brave and text him. It is either do this or move on; very limited options here. Better to know than not know. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 (edited) I missed your other questions about this guy on other threads, but yeah of course text him. No harm in making conversation. Keep the ratio 1 to 1 basically. Both in actual quantities of text and emotional content. Good luck oh and don't get all scared for nothing. Like you said, he liked you before. Don't over invest but have confidence. Live in the now. If you've been thinking about this since april but done nothing, you are attaching too much energy to one small part of your life. Just do it and see what happens, knowing you will be fine either way--there is nothing to "mess up". Good luck Edited June 15, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
smackie9 Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 A guy doesn't text you because they don't want to. It's now June and you haven't heard from him....that should be proof enough he's not that into you. If you text him, more than likely he'll have light chit chat with you and that will be the end of it. 1
Mystery4u Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 It's a text.. what is the worst that could happen? Stop being a scaredy cat.
Author Horses634 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Posted June 15, 2020 26 minutes ago, smackie9 said: A guy doesn't text you because they don't want to. It's now June and you haven't heard from him....that should be proof enough he's not that into you. If you text him, more than likely he'll have light chit chat with you and that will be the end of it. I mean I had a guy who ghosted me because of distance as well but hit me up 6 months later when we started uni to see if we were living closer together and wanting to start seeing each other again but fair enough
Author Horses634 Posted June 15, 2020 Author Posted June 15, 2020 15 minutes ago, Mystery4u said: It's a text.. what is the worst that could happen? Stop being a scaredy cat. Just feel like it’s pointless. Feel kind of dumb for liking a guy this much who doesn’t like me
Stevnx3 Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 14 minutes ago, Horses634 said: Just feel like it’s pointless. Feel kind of dumb for liking a guy this much who doesn’t like me You cannot help how you feel. Regardless of whether or not you feel dumb doing so, you still only have two options: Either text him or move on. You are doing yourself a mighty big disservice by locking yourself down to this. What's the worst that will happen? No? No answer? Then you know. Then you can begin to move forward with your life. 1 1
Fox Sake Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 4 hours ago, Horses634 said: Just feel like it’s pointless. Feel kind of dumb for liking a guy this much who doesn’t like me If you know he doesn’t like you then it’s his Loss. I think you’re in the right track to dealing with this well by feeling the way you do and being aware of how you’re treated. Now you’ve probably learned a few signs to look out for in the future to save yourself some heartache down the line. The next one is always better than the last if you want them to be...
manfrombelow Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) Why not? It's funny to hear from women all around the world how they want "eQuAlItY" but when it comes down to such a tiny and trivial stuff like who texts who first, women automatically assume it's always the guys' job. Edited June 16, 2020 by manfrombelow
manfrombelow Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 10 hours ago, Fox Sake said: If you know he doesn’t like you then it’s his Loss. Why and how is it his loss? It's not about whose "loss" in this kind of stuff. People either like each other or they don't. There's nothing in between. When a person doesn't like you romantically, all you need and have to do is to forget about that person, hold no grudge about that person and start dating other people. 1
Fox Sake Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, manfrombelow said: Why and how is it his loss? It's not about whose "loss" in this kind of stuff. People either like each other or they don't. There's nothing in between. When a person doesn't like you romantically, all you need and have to do is to forget about that person, hold no grudge about that person and start dating other people. I see we are from different schools of thought. the OP is dragging herself and asked how she can get over it or start to deal with it in her head. You’re asking her to basically just accept it and move on. She is clearly having trouble doing so. Therefor, the best course of action is to try and motivate her to motivate herself into a different way of thinking that will not make her feel worthless for falling for someone so flakey and uninterested It all starts with mindset and mentality. In time she can learn to forgive and not hold a grudge. It’s not even about holding a grudge anyways , it’s about accepting that you’re worth better treatment than that. I really don’t know how to say it more clearly Edit ....oh no... I think I wrote back With a different thread in mind. -face palm- But I guess some of what I said still stands true Edited June 16, 2020 by Fox Sake
Erik30 Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 20 hours ago, Horses634 said: I’m thinking if he really did like me he would have sent me a message by now? Yup, he would have. The only reason why I wouldn't text a girl I like is if my last message was a question she never replied to. (I don't double text) I wouldn't just suddenly stop all communication for months if I was into her... You can text him but he probably has low interest.
Author Horses634 Posted June 16, 2020 Author Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Erik30 said: Yup, he would have. The only reason why I wouldn't text a girl I like is if my last message was a question she never replied to. (I don't double text) I wouldn't just suddenly stop all communication for months if I was into her... You can text him but he probably has low interest. Idk it’s so weird because the last time we saw eachother he said see you soon and then a few days later the lockdown happpened and before you know it we wouldn’t return to university for 6 months. I’m thinking it may be better that we are not talking because what’s the point if we can see each other for so long, it would just drag it out. I just feel like this is such a weird situation. I mean, everything was fine until this lockdown happened. Even if he texted me now or I texted him, we wouldn’t be able to see eachother. I kind of just want to know if he will want to see me when uni starts again Edited June 16, 2020 by Horses634
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 I think you would be fine to toss off something casual like Hey, now that lock down is easing up I wanted to see how you & your family made it through. See whether he responds. Men are not mind readers. They have feelings & insecurities too, especially the young college guys. Yes he hasn't reached out to you but you are equally guilty. You didn't contact him either. He probably thinks you don't like him or you forgot about him. It's 2020 if you want equality you can't sit on your hands, pretend it's 1950 & lament that some boy didn't call you. You have fingers . . .use them.
Versacehottie Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Horses634 said: Idk it’s so weird because the last time we saw eachother he said see you soon and then a few days later the lockdown happpened and before you know it we wouldn’t return to university for 6 months. I’m thinking it may be better that we are not talking because what’s the point if we can see each other for so long, it would just drag it out. I just feel like this is such a weird situation. I mean, everything was fine until this lockdown happened. Even if he texted me now or I texted him, we wouldn’t be able to see eachother. I kind of just want to know if he will want to see me when uni starts again You can keep debating it in your head or do something about it. Generally, of course, if he was into you, you guys were far enough along in your dating and he was assertive, he would have contacted you. Is it the whole story? No, of course not. He could not be wanting a girlfriend so sees little reason to keep in touch; maybe he was more after a hookup in which case staying in touch over quarantine would make no sense to him and he'd have no incentive to do it; he could be totally unassertive.. That said, what a person wants can change (especially in your situation). There's no foregone conclusion, ie "he doesn't like you". All you can do is throw out a little something--have confidence in yourself that you matter and he'd be lucky to have you in his life, and that there is a basis for something between you two. It's a balance of going back and forth and see how he responds. While i wouldn't say he doesn't like you, the fact that before covid he was in touch every several days vs daily tells the story that he is probably not looking for anything serious--or at least wasn't at that time. It would probably take gathering of more information to see if that is specific to "with you" or just where he stands in his life right now or just that you guys hadn't gotten that far along yet. What's that saying: you lose 100% of the chances you don't take. Doing something won't change his side of it if he doesn't like you/doesn't want to pursue things but it will give you some idea of where you stand. Little side note, lots of times guys give a little something in order to keep you on the back burner and not be rude. It can be like they don't dislike you but aren't looking to get into a relationship with you. So you have to be discerning with how you interpret future contact with him. You really have nothing to lose and lots to gain. Even if it doesn't end up how you want it, you will gain experience and cross the threshold where sending a text to a guy you like is less of a big deal. Good luck Edited June 16, 2020 by Versacehottie 1
Mystery4u Posted June 16, 2020 Posted June 16, 2020 23 hours ago, Horses634 said: Just feel like it’s pointless. Feel kind of dumb for liking a guy this much who doesn’t like me One day when you build up some self confidence and more self worth you will realise that life is too short to have this sort of mindset. Instead, try thinking 'I am unsure whether he likes me or not. I have the power to find out, for MYSELF. If I reach out and it confirms he doesn't like me as much as I like him, then at least I know and I can move on and find someone else who appreciates me for me and deserves to get my love and attention.' When I was at uni I was also too scared to approach girls in case I got rejected. Now? I could not care less if I get rejected. I have moved to girls left, right and centre. If the feeling is not mutual I don't give it a second thought because I know I'm great and its their loss for not seeing that. 2
Author Horses634 Posted June 16, 2020 Author Posted June 16, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Versacehottie said: You can keep debating it in your head or do something about it. Generally, of course, if he was into you, you guys were far enough along in your dating and he was assertive, he would have contacted you. Is it the whole story? No, of course not. He could not be wanting a girlfriend so sees little reason to keep in touch; maybe he was more after a hookup in which case staying in touch over quarantine would make no sense to him and he'd have no incentive to do it; he could be totally unassertive.. That said, what a person wants can change (especially in your situation). There's no foregone conclusion, ie "he doesn't like you". All you can do is throw out a little something--have confidence in yourself that you matter and he'd be lucky to have you in his life, and that there is a basis for something between you two. It's a balance of going back and forth and see how he responds. While i wouldn't say he doesn't like you, the fact that before covid he was in touch every several days vs daily tells the story that he is probably not looking for anything serious--or at least wasn't at that time. It would probably take gathering of more information to see if that is specific to "with you" or just where he stands in his life right now or just that you guys hadn't gotten that far along yet. What's that saying: you lose 100% of the chances you don't take. Doing something won't change his side of it if he doesn't like you/doesn't want to pursue things but it will give you some idea of where you stand. Little side note, lots of times guys give a little something in order to keep you on the back burner and not be rude. It can be like they don't dislike you but aren't looking to get into a relationship with you. So you have to be discerning with how you interpret future contact with him. You really have nothing to lose and lots to gain. Even if it doesn't end up how you want it, you will gain experience and cross the threshold where sending a text to a guy you like is less of a big deal. Good luck I don’t think we were far along enough in our dating to become anything serious even if he wanted to be but he was definitely consistent with wanting to see me and he was actually texting me almost everyday until this whole thing happened. I definitely need more self confidence and have to stop blaming myself for all these daring failures because like you said it might not have anything to do with me but rather he was just not ready for anything serious. I think I put a lot of self value on whether boys like me or not which is really starting to affect my dating life. I rarely text boys first anymore and if I do decide to send a message I feel like I’m chasing them. I really got to stop overthinking because you are right, whatever I do now won’t change his mind on how feels about me and whether he wants something more so I guess sending a message would be harmless in that sense. It does seem that he might not want anything to do with me anymore because he hasn’t done anything to keep me on the ‘back burner’ except look at my stories if that even counts. Edited June 16, 2020 by Horses634 1
Versacehottie Posted June 17, 2020 Posted June 17, 2020 47 minutes ago, Horses634 said: I don’t think we were far along enough in our dating to become anything serious even if he wanted to be but he was definitely consistent with wanting to see me and he was actually texting me almost everyday until this whole thing happened. I definitely need more self confidence and have to stop blaming myself for all these daring failures because like you said it might not have anything to do with me but rather he was just not ready for anything serious. I think I put a lot of self value on whether boys like me or not which is really starting to affect my dating life. I rarely text boys first anymore and if I do decide to send a message I feel like I’m chasing them. I really got to stop overthinking because you are right, whatever I do now won’t change his mind on how feels about me and whether he wants something more so I guess sending a message would be harmless in that sense. It does seem that he might not want anything to do with me anymore because he hasn’t done anything to keep me on the ‘back burner’ except look at my stories if that even counts. Yeah this make sense to me (bolded), like most college guys, he's living in the moment. A big part of what you shared with him at that time is probably the physical side & the stuff that was going on at your college and day-to-day things of that environment. If he's not in that environment and can't be physical with you, keeping the connection going is less of a priority for him. Not necessarily in a bad way but he's living for the here and now which is very typical of guys in college. While it doesn't mean he does or doesn't like you, it probably means it's not a priority to him. There is a difference. It's a little odd if you were texting every day, it might mean he's insecure, or has someone he pursues back home or a variety of reasons. The important part is that you can't be all timid like you meant nothing to him if you do contact him--that's the trouble with letting it go on too long without speaking. But I still don't think it's a problem. Unfortunately, all the overthinking in the world won't have a positive impact on coming up with the perfect strategy. It could potentially just create new doubts in your mind with reasons he won't want to hear from you. That's why luck favors the bold, carpe diem, seize the day and all that stuff. There's good energy & momentum in doing that. When you do reach out, don't be timid or pussyfooting around--just act confident and energetic in whichever way was energetic for the two of you. You would want that good energy to radiate through a text message let's say. Act like you have every right etc to be in touch. He's looking at your stories in a way because you have got to be on his mind a little and perhaps he wonders if you are with someone (dating) while at home. You don't want to give him a pass for dropping contact, but he isn't the only one responsible for being in contact---once you initiate the first conversation then let him do the next one--that's a pretty good key of if someone wants you actively in their life. Good luck
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 17, 2020 Posted June 17, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, manfrombelow said: Why not? It's funny to hear from women all around the world how they want "eQuAlItY" but when it comes down to such a tiny and trivial stuff like who texts who first, women automatically assume it's always the guys' job. How do you know this poster wants "Equality" or however aggressively you spelled that out? and yeah, we want "equalLiTy." Equal * rights*. You know. Equal jobs and pay and ownership and stuff? You don't need to be hostile to the OP with your own agenda when you don't know the first thing about her. This is about texting or not texting someone. People have their preferences with dating. I'm sure you have yours but do you blame them on biolllllOgY? Take the red pill stuff elsewhere. On 6/15/2020 at 4:55 PM, Fresh_Start said: Edited June 17, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl
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