Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Alexa 95 said: I dont even get what this post is about. Whats the big deal, hes just a random guy you hooked up with. You certainly aint the first or the last to be ghosted after that Validate her feelings. That's why the forum is here. The heart wants what the heart wants and she needs to be able to talk about it. No judgement here ! 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 2 minutes ago, jess060191 said: You know what, I think you are right. Is that bad? Why is this so complicated now lol. Dont worry about it. You'll find someone else. Just go online there will be plenty of guys up for some fun
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 Just now, Alexa 95 said: Dont worry about it. You'll find someone else. Just go online there will be plenty of guys up for some fun LOL thanks! Maybe I should cool it for now....
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Realitysux said: Validate her feelings. That's why the forum is here. The heart wants what the heart wants and she needs to be able to talk about it. No judgement here ! Thank you 2
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Realitysux said: Validate her feelings. That's why the forum is here. The heart wants what the heart wants and she needs to be able to talk about it. No judgement here ! Im not judging i was just confused because she hasn't got any emotional attachment to the guy. But i guess ghosting hurts no matter what.
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Just now, jess060191 said: LOL thanks! Maybe I should cool it for now.... I think because its your first time to engage in a fling and that happened..its probably not a nice feeling. So apologies for sounding abit harsh 2
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said: Im not judging i was just confused because she hasn't got any emotional attachment to the guy. But i guess ghosting hurts no matter what. Most men ghost when they don't want to hurt a women's feelings. Edited June 14, 2020 by Realitysux 1 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Realitysux said: Of course it does. It's a very low move on the man's part but most men don't want to hurt a women's feelings. They ghost because they think they are doing her a favor. It's rejection with or without words. In my opinion its the weak ones who ghost. If i wasn't feeling something with a guy i would always part with some kind of message and a good luck.
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said: In my opinion its the weak ones who ghost. If i wasn't feeling something with a guy i would always part with some kind of message and a good luck. Unfortunately it's an opinion. Some women would rather be ghosted and some men feel they aren't in a position to reject a women. Some men do it to respect her feelings. It's when they sit there looking at their phone and mocking women they ignore that shows weakness. That's typically not the case though. Edited June 14, 2020 by Realitysux
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Realitysux said: Unfortunately it's an opinion. Some women would rather be ghosted and some men feel they aren't in a position to reject a women. Some men do it to respect her feelings. It's when they sit there looking at their phone and mocking women they ignore that shows weakness. That's typically not the case though. I don't know anyone who likes being ghosted. Never heard of that Men ghost because they can't be bothered to give the person a reason or any respect. Its a bad move 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 11 minutes ago, Realitysux said: Most men ghost when they don't want to hurt a women's feelings. Isn't that usually when they know she wants more? Usually when people ghost it's because they don't want a relationship but I don't think this applies for FBs, does it? If it did there would be no FBs. It sounds like he had issues and was embarrassed and just wants to forget about what happened. 1
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 4 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said: I don't know anyone who likes being ghosted. Never heard of that Men ghost because they can't be bothered to give the person a reason or any respect. Its a bad move That's not true. I have spoken to several men who ghost and several women who would rather be ghosted then hear words of rejection. I personally don't care. If a guy doesn't message me first or back then point taken. If I was in a relationship with someone and they ghosted me then I'd be struggling with the ghost. 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Isn't that usually when they know she wants more? Usually when people ghost it's because they don't want a relationship but I don't think this applies for FBs, does it? If it did there would be no FBs. It sounds like he had issues and was embarrassed and just wants to forget about what happened. I agree. 1
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Isn't that usually when they know she wants more? Usually when people ghost it's because they don't want a relationship but I don't think this applies for FBs, does it? If it did there would be no FBs. It sounds like he had issues and was embarrassed and just wants to forget about what happened. It's personality. I wouldn't take ghosting personally and I work never chase someone who ghosts. It happens to the best of us. Edited June 14, 2020 by Realitysux
Bluesky00 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Well if you are still friends with him on social media then it’s not really ghosting.
chillii Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 He obviously thought you weren't the greatest either , case closed l'd say . 3 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, Realitysux said: That's not true. I have spoken to several men who ghost and several women who would rather be ghosted then hear words of rejection. I personally don't care. If a guy doesn't message me first or back then point taken. If I was in a relationship with someone and they ghosted me then I'd be struggling with the ghost. but at least with a message they might get some clarity as to why. A lot of women usually are left wondering what they did wrong. I guess everyone has a different opinion on it Edited June 14, 2020 by Alexa 95 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 27 minutes ago, chillii said: He obviously thought you weren't the greatest either , case closed l'd say . Lmao somebody had to say... but considering how quickly he climaxed, I would say that is debatable. 2
Watercolors Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Well you never know he may reach out to you for another go, since you two are still Facebook friends. If he doesn't, nothing lost since it wasn't that great anyway. 2
basil67 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 2 hours ago, jess060191 said: Lmao somebody had to say... but considering how quickly he climaxed, I would say that is debatable. Just as I wouldn't take it personally if he couldn't get an erection, I wouldn't assume it was because of me that he climaxed quickly. If chemistry is absent for one, then it's most likely absent for both. My guess is that the event was equally unmemorable. It won't be the first ordinary sex you've had and it won't be the last. But save yourself for someone who you really click with. Edited June 14, 2020 by basil67 1
Highndry Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 8 hours ago, jess060191 said: It took him awhile to get “up” and he “arrived” quickly. Not going to lie I was semi turn off and offended. So I think he was a little embarrassed not sure. But I’m willing to give it another shot lol! But apparently it’s not mutual. Interesting. So, imagine for a moment you're with a guy and you weren't wet enough so you had to use lube, and he was "turned off and offended." Or, you couldn't come from vaginal intercourse and he was "turned off and offended." "Turned off and offended" should not even be in the vernacular during sex. It should be light and fun. I'm not surprised you got ghosted. 2
healing light Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 35 minutes ago, Highndry said: Or, you couldn't come from vaginal intercourse and he was "turned off and offended." The vast majority of women can't come from vaginal intercourse so I don't think this is a comparable analogy, but I understand the sentiment. If there is one sure fire way to perpetuate performance anxiety in a man, then make a big deal/get offended/express displeasure when he has a failure to rise or doesn't last as long as you want him to. That mounts the pressure when it may not have had anything to do with the partner and then increases the chances that it will happen again. I had a roommate who pushed her boyfriend for sex. He was so nervous, he was shaking (this was disturbing to me at the time, as she had no concept that men may not be ready for sex). After the first few times, he started having difficulty achieving an erection and would come early because of his anxiety. She would go into hysterics over it and it got to the point where he couldn't get hard to her at all anymore even when making out or engaging in foreplay for prolonged periods of time. Eventually he moved on to another woman and now he's married with children. Anyway, men aren't machines, lots of factors may be involved. But I think the best way to deal with these troubles in the future is to act like it's a non-issue/don't personalize it, because it could be as simple as nerves from getting acclimated to a new partner. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 OP, you haven't answered my earlier question - did you somehow make it obvious to him that were turned off and offended? 1
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, Alexa 95 said: but at least with a message they might get some clarity as to why. A lot of women usually are left wondering what they did wrong. I guess everyone has a different opinion on it Everyone does have a different opinion on this. I personally would not want to know why at all. What am I going to do? change everything that turned this man off of me and try to win someone back that rejected you? The next guy you go out with may like the qualities that the other guy didn't. Unless I was physically in a relationship with someone and valued that person enough, I would not be working on myself for that person. If I was in a relationship with someone and I valued him, then I would work on things that bothered him about me. Edited June 14, 2020 by Realitysux
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Realitysux said: Everyone does have a different opinion on this. I personally would not want to know why at all. What am I going to do? change everything that turned this man off of me and try to win someone back that rejected you? The next guy you go out with may like the qualities that the other guy didn't. Unless I was physically in a relationship with someone and valued that person enough, I would not be working on myself for that person. If I was in a relationship with someone and I valued him, then I would work on things that bothered him about me. I didnt say after a message of clarity anyone should then go running after the person. It may help to know regardless.
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