CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, salparadise said: I wouldn't say that's a universal truth or anything. Some may, others may not. It's also possible that the chemistry/attraction wasn't there for him. First-time sex can be awkward, anxiety-producing, and is often less than optimal. It takes two to tango. If all you have to do is lay on your back and spread your legs, it makes it easy to judge and criticize. You say "not to be cold," and then proceed to be exactly that. Perhaps OP doesn't consider every dick to be interchangeable with every other... or the particular carbon unit it's attached to. As far as the reason he ghosted, only he actually knows. If the genders were reversed y'all would be telling the guy "suck it up buster, you weren't good enough"... and in this case the guy ghosts and it's a pity party and "he wasn't good enough." She said he's really attractive. Consider the possibility that he has lots of options. She literally said she only wants him for sex. She DID just want a dick. If that's what she wants she's not getting it from him but it's not hard to find another. I'm sorry, but when it's FBs, or course one dick is interchangeable with another - as you put it, anyway. She liked his looks too but that's not enough to make sex good. As for not good enough, again, he had problems in that area. If it weren't just an FB situation, no, this wouldn't be the criteria, but it's literally just sex and he has trouble with that so...? He doesn't seem to have had that much fun either so yes, OP needs to find someone else. It is really unlikely that this guy will call again. If he does he does, we'll see what happens then, Edited June 13, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 57 minutes ago, Bluesky00 said: Where did you meet him? We are friends on fb... didn’t realize it until he messaged me in my dms. As of right now he’s still on all my social media. Which I know means nothing but still hoping he gets over it but I know chances are he won’t... oh well!
Calmandfocused Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 58 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: No, this was NEVER going to be the start of something fun. Are you kidding me?!!! Once he disclosed and you told him that not being able to have kids disqualified him as a serious partner, no way was he going to hang out with you. Someone in his position spends a good amount of energy working to NOT feeling bad about himself, to not feel inferior or less than. Most likely, painful trial and error has taught him to disclose his situation early--so as to screen out people who can't deal with his situation. He was NEVER gonna see you again. Why would seeing you at all be good for him? Casual sex with you (knowing you didn't consider him seriously) would only aggravate his self-consciousness about his situation. And yes, he seems to have had some performance anxiety. But if he wants casual sex, he could go with someone with whom a serious relationship was never on the table. Hanging with you ... not good for his wellbeing at all. His ghosting you was totally predictable--not in the least bit surprising. LGO I agree with you 100%. If the gender roles were reversed here, I’ve no doubt the lovershackers here would be telling the op what a pr**k they are. You didn’t treat this man well op and you didn’t respect him. I’m not in the slightest bit surprised that he didn’t want to see you again. Nor am I surprised he had performance issues. You made it clear he wasn’t “good enough” for you from the offset. That would affect any man’s confidence. If someone isn’t what you want you respectfully let them down gently and you go your separate ways. What you don’t do is offer them a FWB Booby Prize! 3
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: LGO I agree with you 100%. If the gender roles were reversed here, I’ve no doubt the lovershackers here would be telling the op what a pr**k they are. You didn’t treat this man well op and you didn’t respect him. I’m not in the slightest bit surprised that he didn’t want to see you again. Nor am I surprised he had performance issues. You made it clear he wasn’t “good enough” for you from the offset. That would affect any man’s confidence. If someone isn’t what you want you respectfully let them down gently and you go your separate ways. What you don’t do is offer them a FWB Booby Prize! Wait, how did she not treat him well??? Both of them just wanted sex. 2
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: LGO I agree with you 100%. If the gender roles were reversed here, I’ve no doubt the lovershackers here would be telling the op what a pr**k they are. You didn’t treat this man well op and you didn’t respect him. I’m not in the slightest bit surprised that he didn’t want to see you again. Nor am I surprised he had performance issues. You made it clear he wasn’t “good enough” for you from the offset. That would affect any man’s confidence. If someone isn’t what you want you respectfully let them down gently and you go your separate ways. What you don’t do is offer them a FWB Booby Prize! Did I just strike a nerve? Relax... we both mutually decided it was going to be just sexual. 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Wait, how did she not treat him well??? Both of them just wanted sex. Thank you lol!!! 1
Calmandfocused Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Just now, CaliforniaGirl said: Wait, how did she not treat him well??? Both of them just wanted sex. That’s not how I read it. She demoted him as a relationship prospect because he cannot have children
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 4 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said: That’s not how I read it. She demoted him as a relationship prospect because he cannot have children She didn't "demote" him, they weren't in a relationship in the first place. It appears he was happy enough to just have sex instead. She he didn't mislead him. They agreed on it. I'm not getting that she was the love of his life or something and she did him a dirty and hurt his feelings for suggesting they just have sex.
basil67 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I think there's something else at play. You wrote that upon his bedroom failings, you were semi turned off and offended. Now, I get that you might be turned off or disappointed. But it makes no sense for you to be offended. I mean, being offended is the feeling one has after a personal offront. It's the feeling after someone has called you a liar when you've been honest or tells you that you're stupid. In short, it's when someone deliberately hurts you - but his his bedroom dysfunction is far from being deliberately hurtful to you. Did something else happen which may better describe why you felt offended? If so, perhaps this is partly what has kept him away? 1
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 2 hours ago, jess060191 said: You are right. Such a bummer though! Could of been the start of something fun, after we weaved out all the iffy moments lol. I agree with rainbow. If youre looking for a hook up, plenty of desperate men around. And you reached out twice. Which was enough 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 58 minutes ago, basil67 said: I think there's something else at play. You wrote that upon his bedroom failings, you were semi turned off and offended. Now, I get that you might be turned off or disappointed. But it makes no sense for you to be offended. I mean, being offended is the feeling one has after a personal offront. It's the feeling after someone has called you a liar when you've been honest or tells you that you're stupid. In short, it's when someone deliberately hurts you - but his his bedroom dysfunction is far from being deliberately hurtful to you. Did something else happen which may better describe why you felt offended? If so, perhaps this is partly what has kept him away? I mean wouldn't you be offended if you were down on a man and he was soft? Edited June 14, 2020 by jess060191 1
basil67 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Of course not. If he was soft because he wasn't into me, that's not something I'd take personally - we can't all be into everyone. Alternately, if he was soft because of a physical issue, it's so NOT about me Either way, it's not something I'd be offended over. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, jess060191 said: I mean wouldn't you be offended if you were down on a man and he was soft? I wouldn't. I would think he had some issue. 1
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 1 hour ago, jess060191 said: Did I just strike a nerve? Relax... we both mutually decided it was going to be just sexual. I hate to tell you this but usually guys will jump at the second chance to prove themselves if there was a performance issue. I can't say exactly what the guy is thinking but maybe move on. It sounds hurtful and I'm sorry you had that happen to you. 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 Than 3 minutes ago, Realitysux said: I hate to tell you this but usually guys will jump at the second chance to prove themselves if there was a performance issue. I can't say exactly what the guy is thinking but maybe move on. It sounds hurtful and I'm sorry you had that happen to you. I'm not hurt I am more bummed and wanted some insight...but thats ok!
basil67 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Of course, it it was just sexual, there's nothing hurtful because it was supposed to exist on a level above emotional involvement. Easy come, easy go (pun not intended)
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 4 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said: I wouldn't. I would think he had some issue. Yes, I realize that now but at the time it was happening the thought of it being me came to my mind.
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 1 minute ago, jess060191 said: Yes, I realize that now but at the time it was happening the thought of it being me came to my mind. So this is about your ego being bruised Edited June 14, 2020 by Alexa 95
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: Of course not. If he was soft because he wasn't into me, that's not something I'd take personally - we can't all be into everyone. Alternately, if he was soft because of a physical issue, it's so NOT about me Either way, it's not something I'd be offended over. Well hey! this was my first time in hooking up with someone for purely just sex. I guess I shall take this as a learning curve lol. 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said: So this is about your ego being brusied You know what, I think you are right. Is that bad? Why is this so complicated now lol. Edited June 14, 2020 by jess060191 1
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Just now, jess060191 said: Than I'm not hurt I am more bummed and wanted some insight...but thats ok! Men don't respect women who just sleep with them. I've done that to a few guys knowing this and being able to look past that. If you can't look past that and you are posting on this forum then you shouldn't have went into a sexual relationship with a man with expectations. 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Just now, Alexa 95 said: So this is about your ego being brusied Huh? He's the one who ghosted. She was just as happy to try again.
Realitysux Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 Just now, jess060191 said: You know what, I think you are right. Is that bad? Why is this so complicated now lol. Dust yourself off and move on.
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 I dont even get what this post is about. Whats the big deal, hes just a random guy you hooked up with. You certainly aint the first or the last to be ghosted after that 2
Author jess060191 Posted June 14, 2020 Author Posted June 14, 2020 1 minute ago, Alexa 95 said: I dont even get what this post is about. Whats the big deal, hes just a random guy you hooked up with. You certainly aint the first or the last to be ghosted after that Yeah I am not sure how this got all soul searching lol... but I am liking the insights. 3
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