jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Hi everyone! So I recently met this guy. Gorgeous man. You can totally tell he’s a lady’s man. When we first started talking I didn’t have intentions on just seeing him as a hook up but then he disclosed something to me that was a deal breaker and I knew that there was no way a relationship would happen. (He can’t have kids) so we decided to just have fun together (sexually) I was more than ok with this. So needless to say we hooked up and it was good. Not the greatest I’ve ever had but good. It was a little awkward and quick. So I tried reaching out to him twice for round 2 and he has completely ignored me! I’m kind of mad! Should I even bother reaching out to him again? Ive never had this happen before where it was strictly sexual and got ghosted.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 No, don’t contact him anymore. His silence after both your attempts to reach him are your cue that he’s not interested in another round. Stings, yes, but do you really need a third round of crickets? 2
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 You’re right... I guess I kind of just got my hopes up on having someone for sex with no pressure involved.
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, jess060191 said: So needless to say we hooked up and it was good. Not the greatest I’ve ever had but good. It was a little awkward and quick. This^ may be why. Can you expound on awkward and quick? He might feel ashamed or embarrassed. OR he might simply be a guy who only wanted a ONS. Hard to say which. Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 It took him awhile to get “up” and he “arrived” quickly. Not going to lie I was semi turn off and offended. So I think he was a little embarrassed not sure. But I’m willing to give it another shot lol! But apparently it’s not mutual.
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I could 1 minute ago, jess060191 said: It took him awhile to get “up” and he “arrived” quickly. Not going to lie I was semi turn off and offended. So I think he was a little embarrassed not sure. But I’m willing to give it another shot lol! But apparently it’s not mutual. I could be wrong, but it might be different for guys. Like they want to forget the night ever happened! Cuts straight to their masculine sexual core. Any guys want to confirm that? Or not? 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Maybe he senses you didn’t like it that much (or weren’t wowed) and his ego was bruised. Either way he doesn’t want to go for it again...I wouldn’t reach out. Why beg? Not to be cold but if it was just good/average then you can get better somewhere else.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, jess060191 said: It took him awhile to get “up” and he “arrived” quickly. Not going to lie I was semi turn off and offended. So I think he was a little embarrassed not sure. But I’m willing to give it another shot lol! But apparently it’s not mutual. Oh. I didn’t read this beforehand. Yes, he’s embarrassed and he’s not coming back for Round 2.
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 Such a shame but maybe one day he will get over it
rainbow12 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 If it was average and you was semi turned off by him taking a bit longer for him to eventually get it up then why want round 2? 1
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, rainbow12 said: If it was average and you was semi turned off by him taking a bit longer for him to eventually get it up then why want round 2? did i mention he was very attractive?
ExpatInItaly Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 hour ago, jess060191 said: It took him awhile to get “up” and he “arrived” quickly. Not going to lie I was semi turn off and offended. So I think he was a little embarrassed not sure. But I’m willing to give it another shot lol! But apparently it’s not mutual. Did you express that you were turned off and offended? 2
rainbow12 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 minute ago, jess060191 said: did i mention he was very attractive? Yeah, but still looks alone doesn't do anything. If the sex isn't that wow or anything good, why bother? 1 1
rainbow12 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I mean it's not like you're having a relationship with him, it's just a one night stand. Move on. 1 1
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 11 minutes ago, jess060191 said: did i mention he was very attractive? Oh God that makes it worse! He must feel totally emasculated.
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Oh God that makes it worse! He must feel totally emasculated. Oops...
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Just now, jess060191 said: Oops... Not your fault! My guess would be he was extremely nervous, but still. Again just speculating as I'm not a man, but I would imagine it would be very difficult coming back from that.
healing light Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Yeah, I think he's avoiding the embarrassment. Likely just wants to block it out and move on rather than risk another repeat of the same lackluster performance.
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 You are right. Such a bummer though! Could of been the start of something fun, after we weaved out all the iffy moments lol.
salparadise Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 hour ago, poppyfields said: I could be wrong, but it might be different for guys. Like they want to forget the night ever happened! Cuts straight to their masculine sexual core. Any guys want to confirm that? Or not? I wouldn't say that's a universal truth or anything. Some may, others may not. It's also possible that the chemistry/attraction wasn't there for him. First-time sex can be awkward, anxiety-producing, and is often less than optimal. It takes two to tango. If all you have to do is lay on your back and spread your legs, it makes it easy to judge and criticize. 1 hour ago, CaliforniaGirl said: Not to be cold but if it was just good/average then you can get better somewhere else. You say "not to be cold," and then proceed to be exactly that. Perhaps OP doesn't consider every dick to be interchangeable with every other... or the particular carbon unit it's attached to. As far as the reason he ghosted, only he actually knows. If the genders were reversed y'all would be telling the guy "suck it up buster, you weren't good enough"... and in this case the guy ghosts and it's a pity party and "he wasn't good enough." She said he's really attractive. Consider the possibility that he has lots of options. 2 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 No, this was NEVER going to be the start of something fun. Are you kidding me?!!! Once he disclosed and you told him that not being able to have kids disqualified him as a serious partner, no way was he going to hang out with you. Someone in his position spends a good amount of energy working to NOT feeling bad about himself, to not feel inferior or less than. Most likely, painful trial and error has taught him to disclose his situation early--so as to screen out people who can't deal with his situation. He was NEVER gonna see you again. Why would seeing you at all be good for him? Casual sex with you (knowing you didn't consider him seriously) would only aggravate his self-consciousness about his situation. And yes, he seems to have had some performance anxiety. But if he wants casual sex, he could go with someone with whom a serious relationship was never on the table. Hanging with you ... not good for his wellbeing at all. His ghosting you was totally predictable--not in the least bit surprising. 4
salparadise Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Years ago I sort of hooked up (it was a first date) with an attractive young woman, and we ended up in bed. It was good, real good in fact. I hate to admit it but I ghosted her, and I know it hurt her. The reason was that I was planning to get the hell out of that God forsaken town, and I knew if we kept going at it like that I'd end up falling for her. IOW, I wasn't ready to allow myself to be vulnerable. It had nothing to do with her or my confidence or ego. That wasn't the only time I slipped away due to not feeling like I was ready for more... and I knew that sex was a powerful potion that could do a real number on me. I just think it's too complex to speculate on this guy. OP just needs to accept it and not blame anyone. 2
Author jess060191 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 20 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: No, this was NEVER going to be the start of something fun. Are you kidding me?!!! Once he disclosed and you told him that not being able to have kids disqualified him as a serious partner, no way was he going to hang out with you. Someone in his position spends a good amount of energy working to NOT feeling bad about himself, to not feel inferior or less than. Most likely, painful trial and error has taught him to disclose his situation early--so as to screen out people who can't deal with his situation. He was NEVER gonna see you again. Why would seeing you at all be good for him? Casual sex with you (knowing you didn't consider him seriously) would only aggravate his self-consciousness about his situation. And yes, he seems to have had some performance anxiety. But if he wants casual sex, he could go with someone with whom a serious relationship was never on the table. Hanging with you ... not good for his wellbeing at all. His ghosting you was totally predictable--not in the least bit surprising. Hmmm never thought of looking it in this way.
Lotsgoingon Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 He probably tried to minimize his feeling of rejection with you in person. But it didn't take long to feel rejected for something he hasn't any control over. And once he struggled with getting aroused, he needed to not see you to protect his esteem. Not blaming you. You were honest.
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