ladybug2021 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) I met a guy a few days ago on a dating app. We start chatting on WhatsApp and things were going well and he invited me to meet up tomorrow Sunday. But this morning we were texting and he started saying he looks at my photos and feels like he wants to cuddle me and that he likes to cuddle in the morning when he wakes up, before the shower and after the shower... and then sent some of these emojis: So I got it that the "cuddle" was basically sex. I told him that those are too much details and especially intimate details when we haven't even met and I don't really like it. He apologised to me but after that has barely talked again and I don't know if he still wants to meet tomorrow or not, but I am losing interest. Was he really making sexual innuendos and was I wrong for feeling it was too much too soon? I want to feel that a guy wants to know me before we even get to that part, and especially meet in person first. What he said just makes me feel like he sees me as an object that he wants to use for his pleasure. Edited June 13, 2020 by ladybug2021
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: I met a guy a few days ago on a dating app. We start chatting on WhatsApp and things were going well and he invited me to meet up tomorrow Sunday. But this morning we were texting and he started saying he looks at my photos and feels like he wants to cuddle me and that he likes to cuddle in the morning when he wakes up, before the shower and after the shower... and then sent some of these emojis: So I got it that the "cuddle" was basically sex. I told him that those are too much details and especially intimate details when we haven't even met and I don't really like it. He apologised to me but after that has barely talked again and I don't know if he still wants to meet tomorrow or not, but I am losing interest. Was he really making sexual innuendos and was I wrong for feeling it was too much too soon? I want to feel that a guy wants to know me before we even get to that part, and especially meet in person first. What he said just makes me feel like he sees me as an object that he wants to use for his pleasure. Sounds like he was just trying to get laid, yeah. When you told him it wasn't going to happen immediately he cooled off. So yeah. Any adult will expect sex to happen at some point but to come in strong like that, then get chilly when it isn't reciprocated as a "yes, right now" thing is really a tell. 1
Blind-Sided Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I think you are reading too much into it. He may have actually meant "Cuddle". Not to mention... it wasn't a graphic kind of comment. Just meet the guy, and go from there.
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Dude. A bunch of grinning devil.face emojis while going into detail about cuddling before and after a shower mean sex. These two haven't even met yet. 5 2
BaileyB Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) Nothing turns me off faster than sexual innuendo from a stranger... From the man I love, said in the right way and at the right moment... There is a time and place for this kind of stuff. All in good time. Why men think it’s appropriate to make intimate comments before even meeting in person, I will never understand. Some say they want to know the woman is interested and sexual... I say it’s socially inappropriate. It’s clearly a “test” of your boundaries to see how far he will get and it shows a real lack of respect, in my humble opinion. Edited June 13, 2020 by BaileyB 6 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Yes, he clearly was testing you for a quick bang. When you reacted badly to it, he pulled back because now he know you're not easy and he's moving on to the next target. Bullet dodged. If it were me, I'd block him so he has no chance of catching me in a future weak moment. 3 1 1
LuckyM Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Cuddle means sex yeah. Few guys are interested in only cuddling. I have never met even one. Besides it is not really safe because of the covid virus and you don't know him. I advise going slow for now. He is too fast! And this is from a guy who rushed girls into it. I think you knew the answer 2 1
poppyfields Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) Agree with CG and others, but no matter what his intention, any man who uses the word "cuddle" is not a man I wish to date, period! Even my bf of two years would never say "cuddle" it just sounds so juvenile, high schoolish. Lol And yes it means sex! So men who use it aren't kidding anyone and well, they just sound silly. Just a peeve of mine that's all. Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields 2 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) Thanks everyone that responded! Yes I think he was testing my boundaries to see if sex would happen easily and fast. He was also already mentioning spending weekends together somewhere and cuddling together on the sofa watching movies. I don't know if this guy was just looking for sex or a quick relationship, or what. He said that me saying I didn't like what he said was a "slap in the face" to him, that's how he took it. Well I think it was too much too soon, and if he was serious first of all wouldn't have said that, or second, would apologise and move on and continue talking to me. He didn't, so I can't be bothered too. Edited June 13, 2020 by ladybug2021 2
Ruby Slippers Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 A lot of men on dating sites shoot themselves in the foot by thinking only about what they want - SEX - and very little about what the woman wants - to feel a sense of care, safety, and connection with a man before they even go there. A good man with half a brain isn't going to approach you with this kind of sexual desperation. You're doing the right thing. 4
elaine567 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said: ...cuddle in the morning when he wakes up, before the shower and after the shower... and then sent some of these emojis: = sex Uncouth. He doesn't know her and they haven't even met...
d0nnivain Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Him telling you that your justified annoyance at his innuendos was a "slap in the face" definitely tells me you will be wasting your time meeting him tomorrow. Call it off. 2
mark clemson Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 My guess is he was trying to flirt. Probably hoping that would lead something, but hey - he's male, so what do you expect? From what I read it's tricky with text messages + there are some women who I think react more positively. I think some women out there might think he's a bit of a dud for not starting up with some messages like that sooner or later. What's a guy to do? He took a shot, but it backfired - too soon in your case... 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 14 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Him telling you that your justified annoyance at his innuendos was a "slap in the face" definitely tells me you will be wasting your time meeting him tomorrow. Call it off. There’s nothing to call it off. We were supposed to decide today where to meet tomorrow and what time but he stopped messaging after this, so off it is.
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, mark clemson said: My guess is he was trying to flirt. Probably hoping that would lead something, but hey - he's male, so what do you expect? From what I read it's tricky with text messages + there are some women who I think react more positively. I think some women out there might think he's a bit of a dud for not starting up with some messages like that sooner or later. What's a guy to do? He took a shot, but it backfired - too soon in your case... He’s male so what to expect?? To behave like a proper gentleman and have some respect. Would you find it normal if a woman starts talking about marriage and babies and buying a house together before you even met?? After all, ‘she’s a female so what to expect’? Talking about sex before we even met is the same. Too much too soon. And it feels like setting up the stage for something to happen fast. Good, I hope he meets one of those women. And I want to meet a man who has a brain and manners. Edited June 13, 2020 by ladybug2021 7
mark clemson Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 You seem to have misinterpreted my post to take a negative tone. It wasn't intended that way, but c'est la vie. Good luck in the dating pool...
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 (edited) 6 minutes ago, mark clemson said: You seem to have misinterpreted my post to take a negative tone. It wasn't intended that way, but c'est la vie. Good luck in the dating pool... I did understand your post, but I think the only women who like that are the ones who want it as quickly as possible too. I actually told this guy when we started talking that I am quite slow in these dating things, because he said he falls in love too fast. So when he started the cuddle talk today, he basically didn’t give a s*** to what I said before about liking to take things slow. Anyway thank you. Edited June 13, 2020 by ladybug2021 1
Ruby Slippers Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Hinting about sex before you even meet is one step away from propositioning you as some kind of hooker. There are sites and services for setting up those kind of encounters. This guy is trash, period. 1 1
Lotsgoingon Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Anything that feels odd or strange or the slightest bit uncomfortable before a meeting--red flag. Stop in your tracks. Go no further. 3 1
Watercolors Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, ladybug2021 said: I did understand your post, but I think the only women who like that are the ones who want it as quickly as possible too. I actually told this guy when we started talking that I am quite slow in these dating things, because he said he falls in love too fast. So when he started the cuddle talk today, he basically didn’t give a s*** to what I said before. Anyway thank you. Good for you for having self-respect enough to question his icky motives. This is why I stopped online dating years ago. Men think that once they get your phone number, they can sext you and string you along digitally without making any real effort to meet you offline and start a real face to face connection. This is why I abhor apps and online dating. When I was in my 20s, everything was done in person. There were no dating apps or cell phones or email, and online dating didn't exist. Much easier to see each other face to face and even rule out the creeps via a quick phone screen prior to meeting. But now? Men think they can sex you up via text and create a delusional fantasy not so they can actually meet the woman but so they can indulge themselves in a fantasy and boost their own ego. Am I bitter? Nah. Just not into that online dating game. Next time, just stop texting any guy who tries to hook you into sext talk. Men who do that are immature and not interested anything real or substantial. 1
Author ladybug2021 Posted June 13, 2020 Author Posted June 13, 2020 4 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Hinting about sex before you even meet is one step away from propositioning you as some kind of hooker. There are sites and services for setting up those kind of encounters. This guy is trash, period. Exactly. 1 1
Ruby Slippers Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 minute ago, Lotsgoingon said: Anything that feels odd or strange or the slightest bit uncomfortable before a meeting--red flag. Stop in your tracks. Go no further. This applies to the first 3 dates as well. I just ended a volatile 6-month relationship. He was too sexually forward on date 1. I take some responsibility because I did spend the whole day with him and let the kissing at the end get too heated. Still, the next day I told him I had a bad feeling and was moving on, blocked him on my phone. A couple of weeks later he messaged me on the site (forgot to block him there), apologized, and I was naive enough to give him another chance. Well, guess what? He was always preoccupied with his sexual needs, he was never really a gentleman, and now I wish I'd heeded my intuition on day 1. Your intuition never lies, and if you ignore it, you do so at your own peril. This guy isn't worth another moment of your time. 2 1
Watercolors Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said: Hinting about sex before you even meet is one step away from propositioning you as some kind of hooker. There are sites and services for setting up those kind of encounters. This guy is trash, period. 4 minutes ago, Lotsgoingon said: Anything that feels odd or strange or the slightest bit uncomfortable before a meeting--red flag. Stop in your tracks. Go no further. Best advice in this thread. Just don't even bother to respond. Like they said, these sites and services are set up for casual sex encounters. That guy was fishing for casual sex with you. Glad you didn't take the bait. And always trust your gut. If you receive a text that puts you off even in the slightest way, take it as a red flag. Delete the text and don't respond. These men are complete strangers with you. They don't even know you in person yet. Trust has to be earned before its given. 2
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 1 hour ago, ladybug2021 said: He’s male so what to expect?? To behave like a proper gentleman and have some respect. Would you find it normal if a woman starts talking about marriage and babies and buying a house together before you even met?? After all, ‘she’s a female so what to expect’? Talking about sex before we even met is the same. Too much too soon. And it feels like setting up the stage for something to happen fast. Good, I hope he meets one of those women. And I want to meet a man who has a brain and manners. What a great point. (The marriage, babies thing.)
Alexa 95 Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 2 hours ago, mark clemson said: My guess is he was trying to flirt. Probably hoping that would lead something, but hey - he's male, so what do you expect? From what I read it's tricky with text messages + there are some women who I think react more positively. I think some women out there might think he's a bit of a dud for not starting up with some messages like that sooner or later. What's a guy to do? He took a shot, but it backfired - too soon in your case... Some males need to reel it in. 2
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