mortensorchid Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 I just got a new job teaching ESL online to people in China again, and I have another teaching job teaching ESL through another company online as well as face to face (now all online until we get the all clear for the virus). I am happy because I am working from home and I don't have to deal with people. It's been rather horrific in the last few years how others have ripped and picked and pulled apart me (don't turn your head one way that looks rude, etc.) to such a point I think it's ridiculous. And all the other horror stories - many that have been shared on this forum - has lead me to believe that probably my best bet is isolation. As you get older the want and need to socialize goes down for many reasons, you calm down, it's not all about rock and roll and partying, etc. Unfortunately this is quite a struggle not just for me but people in general. The only way that anyone dates is with OLDing or somehow communicating online. Does anyone go out at all? I don't know. What do others think?
Stevnx3 Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 Well, I actually agree with some forms of isolation. I like the peace it offers. Still, you should get out and enjoy some things, even on your own. I've been doing Antique hunting for themes around the house ( coffee bar, laundry room ). Very relaxing. Doesn't require anybody. As far as OLD dating; always a mixed bag. Don't let the horror stories get to you. Like with anything: Try the waters. Eventually you will catch a fish worth keeping. I'm rambling. So to tldr: Yes, I still go out, even on dates. Even if it is just to drive around. Antique shop.
alphamale Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 you need to get out and meet people mortensorchid. this is very important for your mental and emotional health 1
Versacehottie Posted June 13, 2020 Posted June 13, 2020 5 hours ago, mortensorchid said: I just got a new job teaching ESL online to people in China again, and I have another teaching job teaching ESL through another company online as well as face to face (now all online until we get the all clear for the virus). I am happy because I am working from home and I don't have to deal with people. It's been rather horrific in the last few years how others have ripped and picked and pulled apart me (don't turn your head one way that looks rude, etc.) to such a point I think it's ridiculous. And all the other horror stories - many that have been shared on this forum - has lead me to believe that probably my best bet is isolation. As you get older the want and need to socialize goes down for many reasons, you calm down, it's not all about rock and roll and partying, etc. Unfortunately this is quite a struggle not just for me but people in general. The only way that anyone dates is with OLDing or somehow communicating online. Does anyone go out at all? I don't know. What do others think? As I've said to you many times, your attitude and bolded above is a huge part of the reason you have a problem dating. It felt like you were trying there for a bit but then you give up all over again. At some point you have to ask yourself if you've worked on your outlook and attitude and turned it around far enough and stuck with "trying" for long enough to see success. I think you don't turn around your base mindset far enough. You are looking for a miracle outside of yourself, such as snagging a great guy, when you don't truly work on the one thing you can control: your mindset. A natural aversion to people and seeing the negative in so much is going to make it really hard to meet someone and have it blossom. A great guy most definitely is not going to just drop onto your couch. Even if you eventually get more lucky with online dating (which in your case I think you have done it so much that you are becoming slightly bitter toward it and fatigued by it) but it's easier than brightening up your total attitude and dealing with your loneliness in a comprehensive manner. I do think that covid makes this not a great time to socialize out and about but before covid and as things lift yeah people are out and about all the time. In the time of covid, people are doing home type fun things with small groups of friends, sharing things online. People that like people find a way to include people in their lives. It would also help you to socialize more because it gives you a well-rounded and full life that is part of the selling point of being with you. A person is going to have a harder time meeting someone if the vibe is that they really dislike people, struggle to be happy and just are trying to fill a slot to fill that up. No one wants be a slot filler--you have to provide value in return. Does that mean you have to turn into a total extrovert with a huge group of friends? No. If it's more natural to you to be introverted with a smaller group of friends and a focused hobby, do that. But you need to fall in love with the life you have and believe that there is value there to project that to others, which will make you more attractive to date. I know that you have had a lot of negative dating experiences. Without placing blame on the sh*tty guys you dated, can you honestly say that you changed your approach during this journey? Fall down 7, get up 8. I would suppose that you need to keep trying because you could find the right guy on the next one---with the VERY REAL caveat that you need to change what you are inputting, significantly not just in a minor way, surface way, if that. I know what I'm suggesting can be hard because it's about your thought processes. Bottom line, if you can work on those you might be happy with or without a guy so what do you have to lose? Right now you are unhappy with or without one and this approach--working on your inner processes--improves the quality of your life and gives you a better chance with what you want. I think you've been given advice similar a few years back and repeatedly by others beyond myself--what a bummer if you don't act on it, or at least consider it deeply, rather than be saying the same things here in a few years having still spent more time doing things the same and expecting a different result. Don't beat yourself up about it--change something today. Commit to it. Good luck 1
Miss Spider Posted June 14, 2020 Posted June 14, 2020 On 6/13/2020 at 5:30 AM, mortensorchid said: I just got a new job teaching ESL online to people in China again, and I have another teaching job teaching ESL through another company online as well as face to face (now all online until we get the all clear for the virus). I am happy because I am working from home and I don't have to deal with people. It's been rather horrific in the last few years how others have ripped and picked and pulled apart me (don't turn your head one way that looks rude, etc.) to such a point I think it's ridiculous. And all the other horror stories - many that have been shared on this forum - has lead me to believe that probably my best bet is isolation. As you get older the want and need to socialize goes down for many reasons, you calm down, it's not all about rock and roll and partying, etc. Unfortunately this is quite a struggle not just for me but people in general. The only way that anyone dates is with OLDing or somehow communicating online. Does anyone go out at all? I don't know. What do others think? I can completely understand the feeling of isolation. It takes me a long time to get there, but I eventually do. And when I do I noticed something. The feeling of isolation starts to make you think that you’re even more alone than you really are. Because you’re unhappy in the moment ( lonely), so you start to think you are unhappy because you can’t connect. it gets you on this wheel of thought that can really be detrimental. I don’t where you live, but where I’m at lots of people are starting to go out(there was a party last night to celebrate a friend of ours who died amidst all the protesting)... when things go back to normal, and they will, perhaps going back to meeting guys in the field would be a better strategy. Before all this I met just as many guys out and about. I actually like it better because online you can deal with a lot of BS. People thinking you are cat fishing, or people who are not who they say they are themselves, just a bunch of mess. Not to say that I think you should completely give up on 0LD either. I’m sorry that you feel that you were picked apart on some things. I think sometimes people critique others in a way to help them sincerely but it can be taken the wrong way or sometimes it can just be plain wrong 1
CaliforniaGirl Posted June 15, 2020 Posted June 15, 2020 People say that due to social media, nobody goes out anymore...and yet, when you go out...you see people. (Or pre-pandemic, and now as we reopen.) This is probably going to sound weird, but I think being more on SM makes you attract similar and makes your world smaller. Hope that made sense.
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