Can a woman initiate kiss

[Alexa 95]

8 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I wouldn't initiate a kiss because I see other red flags here. 

First, he mentions that he hasn't dated for six years on account of a woman breaking his heart. Am I right about that? 

Red flag. We all get our hearts broken in love and dating at some point.  Was he a victim of intimate-partner violence? Was he battered and left with PTSD? I don't mind someone who simply says hey, just haven't met anyone to date seriously in a while ... or I've been going to night school and taking care of my aging parents or whatever. But not dating for heartbreak usually means the person isn't healed and isn't even on the path of healing.  We all have heartbreak and couples get to each other's heartbreak stories in due time. But that's a no-no for first date.

When people out that "I was hurt" energy on a first date, that's a problem--because you will be tempted to try to reassure him. No, he a big boy. He has to reassure himself. Trying to reassure others is a fool's errand. The relationship becomes imbalanced from the start--because the person reassuring will tend to neglect their own desires in order to make the other person feel secure.

Another red flag: you felt ready for a kiss and positioned yourself to signal for him to kiss and he missed it.  Also, he didn't compliment you?Well, did he make clear through his smile and energy that he was having a blast with you? If the answer is anything other than a loud 150 percent yes, then you want to back off. He needs to step up and show interest. 

Reading between the lines here, you might have signaled interest without getting a sign of interest from him. When you're connecting with someone on a good level, moving close and all of that will naturally happen. A woman doesn't have to purposely signal things. The fact that you consciously signaled for him to kiss tells me this date wasn't all that good in the first place. 

I agree about the heartbreak

And 6 years is a huge amount of time to not be with anyone. Must be a sensitive guy.

I also agree that usually a man shouldnt need a signal if he wants to get closer he would automatically.

[datingvirgin]

8 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

You also have to think Covid might be holding him back.  Swapping spit with  a new person sounds very risky right now, no matter the attraction.  

I was thinking the same ...arghh I hate this pandemic more now!

[datingvirgin]

8 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I wouldn't initiate a kiss because I see other red flags here. 

First, he mentions that he hasn't dated for six years on account of a woman breaking his heart. Am I right about that? 

Red flag. We all get our hearts broken in love and dating at some point.  Was he a victim of intimate-partner violence? Was he battered and left with PTSD? I don't mind someone who simply says hey, just haven't met anyone to date seriously in a while ... or I've been going to night school and taking care of my aging parents or whatever. But not dating for heartbreak usually means the person isn't healed and isn't even on the path of healing.  We all have heartbreak and couples get to each other's heartbreak stories in due time. But that's a no-no for first date.

When people out that "I was hurt" energy on a first date, that's a problem--because you will be tempted to try to reassure him. No, he a big boy. He has to reassure himself. Trying to reassure others is a fool's errand. The relationship becomes imbalanced from the start--because the person reassuring will tend to neglect their own desires in order to make the other person feel secure.

Another red flag: you felt ready for a kiss and positioned yourself to signal for him to kiss and he missed it.  Also, he didn't compliment you?Well, did he make clear through his smile and energy that he was having a blast with you? If the answer is anything other than a loud 150 percent yes, then you want to back off. He needs to step up and show interest. 

Reading between the lines here, you might have signaled interest without getting a sign of interest from him. When you're connecting with someone on a good level, moving close and all of that will naturally happen. A woman doesn't have to purposely signal things. The fact that you consciously signaled for him to kiss tells me this date wasn't all that good in the first place. 

I asked him about dating during these 6 years. He said he did but didn't find anyone interesting enough for a relationship.

He is reserved type though which is why it is so difficult to get a read on him. He was so thoughtful by getting cookies for my kid's future birthday which I MELTED MY HEART TO BE HONEST.  

I agree I dont have to signal purposefully, they should get the energy. But I thought with the fact that we both work for the same company and covid, he might need a nudge. I went back to his texts after the date and he was making sure I came back home etc . I believe he called me few days later to say that he would like to go to another restaurant close to my place which is why I thought still likes me, who knows!

I was trying to ask him out for this Sunday but I will back off now...Not sure if this is worth my time.

 

[datingvirgin]

21 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said:

I agree about the heartbreak

And 6 years is a huge amount of time to not be with anyone. Must be a sensitive guy.

I also agree that usually a man shouldnt need a signal if he wants to get closer he would automatically.

Yep I even asked him if he was the shy type and he said no, he more reserved than shy.

He might even be a bit traditional in the sense, maybe I'm a bit too modern for him. So during covid, I wanted to meet him outside in a park around 10 ishh for a drink. He later told me that it was pretty bold move for a first date. He said that he told his friends where he was going...just to be safe.. So I think he is cautious guy

[datingvirgin]

10 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Say something like right now would be the perfect time for you to kiss me. 

This is great also heard another one if he stares at you, you could say something like " if you continue to stare at me like that I will have to kiss you"

[datingvirgin]

6 hours ago, RecentChange said:

Sure women can make the first move for a kiss.

Once I said "if there weren't so many people around I would kiss you" he whispered "you can kiss me" and it was on.

I initiated the first kiss with my husband. It was the end of the night, we were sitting on a bench and I could tell he really wanted to (but honestly I think a bit intimidated), so I leaned in for the kiss.

Honestly it has never crossed my mind that because I am a female, that I couldn't do what felt right at the time. 

ooo this is genius! 

I think it was gut feeling that stopped me from initiating I think..maybe related to the fact that I wasn't understanding why he didn't get my signals.

Either he doesn't like me that way and just want to be friends or he is super duper shy guy. Both of which aren't good for me.

Edited June 14, 2020 by datingvirgin
forgot

[Alexa 95]

32 minutes ago, datingvirgin said:

Yep I even asked him if he was the shy type and he said no, he more reserved than shy.

He might even be a bit traditional in the sense, maybe I'm a bit too modern for him. So during covid, I wanted to meet him outside in a park around 10 ishh for a drink. He later told me that it was pretty bold move for a first date. He said that he told his friends where he was going...just to be safe.. So I think he is cautious guy

Sounds it. Like you're the rebel and he's  the sensible one

[Alexa 95]

53 minutes ago, datingvirgin said:

I was thinking the same ...arghh I hate this pandemic more now!

Pandemic could go on another year. 

[Lotsgoingon]

So did he seem excited during the date? Did you feel excitement? I'm getting fun time, pleasant time. I'm not getting the fire of a starting romance.

So he checked on you arriving home. Did he include in that text that he had a fantastic time and definitely wanted to see you again? Any time I as a guy hesitated in saying I had a fantastic time, usually my heart wasn't in it. He waited three days or so to follow up? That's a long time, it seems to me. 

I like what RecentChange said, that she realized her husband wanted to kiss but was hesitant. I say go for the kiss if you feel it and you sense he wants it. Otherwise chill ... not because you're a woman ... but because you want to kiss someone that you feel like kissing and who you also sense wants to kiss you. 

I hate long dates that don't go anywhere and I confess, I went on long dates with women I was hesitant about ... not sure what the point was ...It was a kind of insecurity and indecisiveness ... an, perhaps like this guy, an inability to read my own feelings and the other person's feelings. Now, I'd cut the time short or make clear I was merely interested in friendship. 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Lotsgoingon

[smackie9]

I grabbed and kissed my husband on our first date....the rest is history.

The Covid thing ya might be something to discuss indirectly about intimacy to get a feel for what you both expect. These times are a struggle for dating....sucks, when dating can suck real bad already.

Edited June 14, 2020 by smackie9

[datingvirgin]

On 6/13/2020 at 10:17 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

So did he seem excited during the date? Did you feel excitement? I'm getting fun time, pleasant time. I'm not getting the fire of a starting romance.

So he checked on you arriving home. Did he include in that text that he had a fantastic time and definitely wanted to see you again? Any time I as a guy hesitated in saying I had a fantastic time, usually my heart wasn't in it. He waited three days or so to follow up? That's a long time, it seems to me. 

I like what RecentChange said, that she realized her husband wanted to kiss but was hesitant. I say go for the kiss if you feel it and you sense he wants it. Otherwise chill ... not because you're a woman ... but because you want to kiss someone that you feel like kissing and who you also sense wants to kiss you. 

I hate long dates that don't go anywhere and I confess, I went on long dates with women I was hesitant about ... not sure what the point was ...It was a kind of insecurity and indecisiveness ... an, perhaps like this guy, an inability to read my own feelings and the other person's feelings. Now, I'd cut the time short or make clear I was merely interested in friendship. 

Thank you for pointing that minor detail that I missed. He didnt text that he had a good time, he asked me instead. Maybe he didnt feel the dinner date. He followed up by text but only called after few days which is what happens typically. Anyway I called him home yesterday for a dinner and movie. We had a decent time and this time I didnt want to signal anything. He got his dog and I had mine. It was busy with dealing with dogs.

Again no compliment not that he did that in our previous dates...

We were watching movie and he sat next to me. I was engrossed in the movie and quite scared so I didnt really do the eye thing or even telling him its okay to kiss, I panicked, I just thought if he wants to he will ask...

He never asked or made the move (if by move you mean moving his face on me lol). That was that. Didn't text back like he normally does and neither did I check whether he reached home safely. He did drive 40 mins to where I live.

The thing is many a times he would look at me talking about the movie and hold the gaze but I'm so shy that I would look at him for few secs, answer his question and turn my face. 

Is that telling him I'm not interested in kissing? Guys I have to say I act weird sometimes when I sense tension. I guess what I'm trying to understand is if he would have still asked me or made the move right? 

This s*** is so hard I tell you. I can become a rocket scientist in the time I spend thinking about past dates and what didnt work!!

 

Edited June 15, 2020 by datingvirgin

[datingvirgin]

20 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I grabbed and kissed my husband on our first date....the rest is history.

The Covid thing ya might be something to discuss indirectly about intimacy to get a feel for what you both expect. These times are a struggle for dating....sucks, when dating can suck real bad already.

But how do you know? Like I wanted to grab and kiss him many times but was too shy.

Even when he was home and we were watching a horror movie, he did sit close but then again he didnt touch me or whatever so I let him show me...is this not right strategy for reserved type guys?

Edited June 15, 2020 by datingvirgin
Add

[datingvirgin]

I'm so confused. I guess my lack of skills is messing with my dating life...

I think that if a guys wants me he will have to make the first move. Maybe I'm bad at signalling but damn I sent a drunk text of kissing so that enough of a hint right?

Edited June 15, 2020 by datingvirgin

[smackie9]

1 hour ago, datingvirgin said:

But how do you know? Like I wanted to grab and kiss him many times but was too shy.

Even when he was home and we were watching a horror movie, he did sit close but then again he didnt touch me or whatever so I let him show me...is this not right strategy for reserved type guys?

How do I know what? That he was interested? Because he asked me for another date, and I wanted to kiss him. I'm just that way...when I want it I go after it.

[Fox Sake]

I wouldn’t have kissed you in the middle of the restaurant either. Even if I wanted to. As for afterwards at the car.. if I really liked you I might probably try for one after looking for any vague signals like prolonged eye contact - it is pretty hard to miss when you know they aren’t listening to you and just thinking about kissing you. 
sometimes guys can’t read any signs until she literally throws herself at them.. you’ll miss all the chances you don’t take in life so just put your pride aside and go for it. You’re either friends which would be odd or he’s just waiting for you to show him. Just grab him midway through a conversation when he’s speaking and see what happens ! 

[Lotsgoingon]

Hold on, I missed the scary movie part of the date ... the same date that ended up at dinner with you having three drinks?

Scary movies are perfect time to touch a woman ... especially if the woman is reacting to the scary movie. It's so fun to be scared in a good movie. 

Relax, you're allowed to be shy ... No, turning your eyes wouldn't have communicated disinterest necessarily. I'm betting your body language throughout was that you were wanting to kiss. If that's what you felt, most likely that came through. Remember one way we communicate interest is oddly enough through our nervousness. This guy held your gaze in the movie and didn't do anything ... not even a hand-hold? or arm around the shoulder? ... 

Relax on being hard on yourself. You're fine ... just move on to the next guy ...  My only suggestion would be to tune more into how you feel when with someone. Do you feel great? With the right person, you'll feel really good! ... without a kiss.  So really, you can work less hard ... just keep going out ... you'll know when you've met someone who is really interested ... and that's the key, you're looking for someone REALLY interested, not mildly so ... and the same for your feelings ... someone who really excites you. On a great date, it's like you're transported to some alternate reality. 

You're doing fine. You're just fine-tuning your radio about how to detect if a guy is interested. And frankly, that is one of the very best steps you can take in dating. 

[datingvirgin]

4 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

Hold on, I missed the scary movie part of the date ... the same date that ended up at dinner with you having three drinks?

Scary movies are perfect time to touch a woman ... especially if the woman is reacting to the scary movie. It's so fun to be scared in a good movie. 

Relax, you're allowed to be shy ... No, turning your eyes wouldn't have communicated disinterest necessarily. I'm betting your body language throughout was that you were wanting to kiss. If that's what you felt, most likely that came through. Remember one way we communicate interest is oddly enough through our nervousness. This guy held your gaze in the movie and didn't do anything ... not even a hand-hold? or arm around the shoulder? ... 

Relax on being hard on yourself. You're fine ... just move on to the next guy ...  My only suggestion would be to tune more into how you feel when with someone. Do you feel great? With the right person, you'll feel really good! ... without a kiss.  So really, you can work less hard ... just keep going out ... you'll know when you've met someone who is really interested ... and that's the key, you're looking for someone REALLY interested, not mildly so ... and the same for your feelings ... someone who really excites you. On a great date, it's like you're transported to some alternate reality. 

You're doing fine. You're just fine-tuning your radio about how to detect if a guy is interested. And frankly, that is one of the very best steps you can take in dating. 

Not the same date. I gave him an option to meet somewhere for the next date(after the date with 3 drinks) or come to my place and he chose to come to mine. Literally yesterday night. 

Well I wouldn't say wanting to kiss necessarily because we had both of our dogs that day and it was a bit of chaos as my dog was constantly barking at his dog, so I didn't really give out that vibe like I was doing in the previous date but hey I did invite him home

Yeah he sat closer to me than his side of the sofa and did hold gaze.  I felt that he wanted to kiss but don't know what it is that was stopping him...

He was getting a lot of texts though and yes no hand holding or anything. Anyway, calling him today to find out if we are both on the same page. I bet you, he will say yes more of friends than anything else, at-least I was civil to call and settle things for once!

This community is great for people like me...again appreciate every single person that replied to me 

 

[datingvirgin]

Okay update, called him to confirm my understanding guess what, he said he is into me 

He said he wasn't allowed to date until 21 and only had ever dated 5 girls in his life and he is 36. That explains it a bit.

He said he was stupid and I can call him that..

 

 

[manfrombelow]

Why not, if that's what you want?

And if that's NOT what you want, then why bother asking?

The world is made to be more complicated than it should be because of this kind of mindset. 

Edited June 16, 2020 by manfrombelow

[Fletch Lives]

Although men usually make the first kiss move, women sometimes do. Especially when drunk, lol

Sometimes guys forget what to do when it comes to launching a new relationship. This guy claims he likes you but does not have much dating experience so that's the problem.

There is nothing wrong with the woman making the move. Signals might not work - many men don't get hints!  Tip: get him on the couch! Or the bed!

However, be aware that you open yourself up for rejection. If you wait for the man to do it, you always have the option of turning your head so he gets a mouthfull of hair - the dreaded hair-ball!

Another option is to wait a few dates and see if he does it. You can also multi-date.

By the way, him being single for 6 years is not a red flag - that's a long time, he should be over the last relationship by now.

If you are not kissing, you're just wishing!

[Hopeful30]

On 6/12/2020 at 10:19 PM, datingvirgin said:

Met him on a dating app, video call and met twice in a park casually. He started calling me almost 3 times a week recently and I like him too.

We went out to a fancy dinner place and he paid for the entire dinner. I found out that we work for the same company. He is in a junior position than I am. So I insisted on paying half the bill as my share but he paid he paid the entire bill. He was also very thoughtful and got cookies for my kids future birthday. Anyway I have 3 drinks and spent until 2 am at the restaurant. I did move close to his chair as the night passed by, thought he would get the hint to kiss? Nothing.... He dropped me where I parked and nothing again .....just a hug.  

Did I make him nervous when I offered to pay? He didn't really compliment me or anything. He did mention that it has been 6 years since he was in a relationship. He told me she broke his heart. or maybe he is being cautious!

So ladies and gentlemen, let me ask, we are going on another date again but damn if he doesn't kiss me again, what else can I do to strongly hint without having to actually grab him and kiss lol

I'm fully aware of how this sounds  like which is why I want to clarify I'm only interested in LTR.

 

 

First of all, you are a woman, which means you can damn well do anything you please! Sexual advances are not reserved for men only. After all, we have needs and desires too! I think it's sweet he didn't make advances!! He is respecting your space and boundaries. I have the opposite problem, men don't show restraint.

Second, paying depends on culture. In my culture (eastern european), it is very rude to offer to pay. It is part of being a man to pickup the tab and hold the door. If you offer to do it yourself, you're basically insulting his manhood and suggesting you are better off doing it yourself. So the answer to this question depends on the man's culture and how he was raised.

I would not tell bluntly that you ONLY want a LTR. Forgive me for what I'm about to say, but men are scared little boys inside. You can hint at a longterm relationship, but I would recommend allowing the chemistry and connection to evolve naturally so he can understand the suitability of being in a LTR with you first.